let go
detach and withdraw
because you can't handle this
confused and floating on denial
of an uncomfortable situation
whisper death screams
and maybe you'll find your answer

Enable me to love
to feel that creeping tingling in the base of my stomach
replace frustration with admiration
I'm helpless
floating in a despair she doesn't understand
I long for someone to talk to

Haven't posted in a long time. I guess now is as good a time as any. Turned 25 yesterday. Leaving me nostalgic and longing for the past. I feel alone in this library at this school that never feels like I belong. Fit in more at treatment where I will probably be forever. My body progresses but my mind still lingers in ennui. And nobody here ( Read more... )

"I need to contaminate to alleviate this loneliness ( Read more... )

each movement
a softened power play of sorts
with boredom encroaching on every gesture
a thick film of disinterest
I'm tired
but sleep is an unknown luxury these days

I long for meaning
for purpose
for anything that could breathe life into
this mundane existence
instead I sit
pondering the overcast sky of my fate

it's fucking early and I can't sleep
i guess it's excitement and anxiety over the new job
yay humane society!
but I would really prefer to be sleeping at the moment
someone put me to sleep...
ughskefslkhienlsnk
i've been up since 3:15
being awake is getting very old
alright, I'm going to stop complaining now

you spent everything you had
wanted everything to stop that bad
--elliott smith

my mind is sore
from all its screaming
feeding me spoonfuls of self deprication
cigarettes are my closest friends
anything to break this blaring silence

I love will.

the one person who knows me best
says I'm like a cat
yeah, you know the kind of cat that you can't just pick up
and throw into your lap
no, the kind who doesn't mind being held
only when it's her idea
yeah, the kind that feels what she decides to feel
when she's good and ready to feel it

--ani difranco, "virtue"

I’ve found that life is easier when figures blend together

When a straight line and blurred curve

Represent the same image

Everything has become so sharply focused

Every voice in tune

In time

I’m drowning in this stark reality

Waiting for the room to spin

For a simple diversion

To wrench me from purgatorial inquisition

I long to be ( Read more... )

the worst company for a
tragically inclined depressed borderline basketcase heroin addict
is her own mind

stitches can't mend broken thoughts
as razor blades sketch a rough outline
of unending agitation

realization finds solace in the mundane
day-to-day blends into weeks
blends into amnesia daydream nightmare landscape
bleed out glory mine field