Till Death Do Us Part
It’s Not Over
He skipped class early today as he promised Daddy to go with him for Dad’s doctor appointment. He finally finished his last radiation therapy 2 days ago. Since that night Daddy always went with Dad to each of his session. But he can’t say that things are getting better.
There were times when Dad would let Daddy took care of him, but there were also moments when he just shut himself completely from them. Especially when he’s in pain. Daddy’s bestfriend, Uncle Yoochun is a psychiatrist, Daddy called and talked to him when he just couldn’t stand it. He went out of Dad’s new bedroom (they finally decided that for the time being the guest room would be his bedroom) in frustration and started crying.
Uncle Chun said that it’s normal. He used to be the home maker, the one who provided, the one whom they leaned on. The more we wanted to help him, the more he felt helpless. Just let him be, that’s what they were told. And it’s a damn hard job! To pretend that things were normal and the way they always were.
He didn’t drive to college this morning since Daddy would drive with Dad. When he got to the waiting room his parents were already there. He kissed them both on the cheek and sat, waiting for Dad’s name to be called inside. He hated the waiting room… seeing people with worse condition than his Dad around, sitting like walking corpses waiting in line for their final sentence. Would I live? Would I die? The new patients were sitting stiffly and watched them nervously, probably thinking ‘Would I be like them?’
But the doctor was the one he hated most. Dr. Kang was recommended by Uncle Chun. He’s one of the best in his field. There was actually another one, but Uncle Chun didn’t know her personally, he’s more familiar with Dr. Kang. Dr. Kang wasn’t very communicative, seemed too reluctant to answer when he asked questions and preferred his patient to just follow what she said. Daddy never met him, so he didn’t know. But Moonbin had done his own research on his Dad’s illness, so he liked to ask questions.
When Dad’s name was called we entered Dr. Kang’s office together and there she was looking smile-less as always and got to business the moment they sat down. She seemed disagree to have the three of them inside the examination room. After a thorough 10 minutes checking she was back on her seat and Daddy was helping Dad got down from the exam table. Once they were seated she didn’t hesitate to give the verdict.
“I suggest that you’re continuing for another 10 sessions added with chemotherapy. I’m going to write down the reference letter and you can bring it to the radiation section as usual.”
Daddy was clueless and Dad looked hopeless.
“Wait wait! Are you saying that the radiation that didn’t have positive result? We want to know the result first before we decided to go on with the chemo.”
She looked at me impatiently. “Mr. Jung, The radiation was only the start of the medication. From the examination just now I really recommend for,” she nodded at Dad’s direction, “Mr. Jung to undergo additional radiation and add the chemo to make treatment more effective.”
“Yes, I understand that, but can’t you tell whether the cancer has shrunk a bit or not at all, or-“
“Mr. Jung, I’m an expert in my field and I’m trying to give your father the best medication for his recovery.”
“Bin…” Dad touched his arm as if telling him to stop arguing with the doctor. “I’m sorry doctor, but my son is just concern about his father.” Dad told Dr. Kang.
“I understand and believe me he’s not the first, but I very much appreciate if you trust my judgment.”
“I understand.”
Moonbin’s not going to back down. “But isn’t it also our rights as the patient’s family to find out the progress of the medication?”
“Moonbin!” Daddy’s firm voice shut him off and he continued talking to him, “So does the additional radiation and chemo would guarantee his recovery?”
She looked at him with pursed lips, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m a doctor and not God. I can only give you recommendations but I can’t promise you anything.”
The crushed look on Daddy’s face made him silently vow to talk to Uncle Chun once they’re out of there and get him to contact the other doctor even though he’s not well acquainted with her. And Dr. Kang can go to hell.
During the visit Dad didn’t say a thing and his face remained passive. And he remained the same when they were out of Dr. Kang’s exam room.
“Daddy, I’ll do the payment, you wait with Dad in the lobby. I’ll drive home too so you can sit at the back with Dad later, kay?”
“Okay.” Jaejoong handed him the car keys and helped his husband walk to the lobby.
Once the bill paid (much to his dismay, Dr. Kang didn’t deserve it with her attitude) he ran to the parking lot and drove the car to the lobby. He called Daddy earlier to wait for him in the drop off section. But both his parents didn’t have a happy face when they got onto the car. He’s too afraid to ask.
Halfway home he encouraged himself to speak to them. “Dad, Daddy, I really think that we should get a second opinion from another doctor. Shall I call Uncle Chun to get the number of the other doctor that he mentioned before?”
“Thank you baby, I’ll call Yoochun when we get home. You should help your Dad with lunch, Changmin is supposed to be home now, I’ve asked to him to buy some food for us since I didn’t have time to cook at all this morning.”
“Okay.”
“No chemo. No matter who the doctor is, I don’t want chemotherapy.” Suddenly Dad spoke for the first time.
Daddy sighed in exasperation. “Yun, can we talk about this again later?”
“You can call Yoochun and get him to recommend another doctor, but no chemo.”
Daddy didn’t reply to it, but he looked like he wanted to cry when I glanced into the rearview mirror. They must’ve talked about it when they were at the hospital lobby.
We all went this morning with the hope that there would be something to celebrate afterwards, but apparently it’s not the right time yet. We just conquered a mountain, but it seemed that a higher mountain was waiting for us. The battle’s not over.
~ o ~ o ~
Next
He skipped class early today as he promised Daddy to go with him for Dad’s doctor appointment. He finally finished his last radiation therapy 2 days ago. Since that night Daddy always went with Dad to each of his session. But he can’t say that things are getting better.
There were times when Dad would let Daddy took care of him, but there were also moments when he just shut himself completely from them. Especially when he’s in pain. Daddy’s bestfriend, Uncle Yoochun is a psychiatrist, Daddy called and talked to him when he just couldn’t stand it. He went out of Dad’s new bedroom (they finally decided that for the time being the guest room would be his bedroom) in frustration and started crying.
Uncle Chun said that it’s normal. He used to be the home maker, the one who provided, the one whom they leaned on. The more we wanted to help him, the more he felt helpless. Just let him be, that’s what they were told. And it’s a damn hard job! To pretend that things were normal and the way they always were.
He didn’t drive to college this morning since Daddy would drive with Dad. When he got to the waiting room his parents were already there. He kissed them both on the cheek and sat, waiting for Dad’s name to be called inside. He hated the waiting room… seeing people with worse condition than his Dad around, sitting like walking corpses waiting in line for their final sentence. Would I live? Would I die? The new patients were sitting stiffly and watched them nervously, probably thinking ‘Would I be like them?’
But the doctor was the one he hated most. Dr. Kang was recommended by Uncle Chun. He’s one of the best in his field. There was actually another one, but Uncle Chun didn’t know her personally, he’s more familiar with Dr. Kang. Dr. Kang wasn’t very communicative, seemed too reluctant to answer when he asked questions and preferred his patient to just follow what she said. Daddy never met him, so he didn’t know. But Moonbin had done his own research on his Dad’s illness, so he liked to ask questions.
When Dad’s name was called we entered Dr. Kang’s office together and there she was looking smile-less as always and got to business the moment they sat down. She seemed disagree to have the three of them inside the examination room. After a thorough 10 minutes checking she was back on her seat and Daddy was helping Dad got down from the exam table. Once they were seated she didn’t hesitate to give the verdict.
“I suggest that you’re continuing for another 10 sessions added with chemotherapy. I’m going to write down the reference letter and you can bring it to the radiation section as usual.”
Daddy was clueless and Dad looked hopeless.
“Wait wait! Are you saying that the radiation that didn’t have positive result? We want to know the result first before we decided to go on with the chemo.”
She looked at me impatiently. “Mr. Jung, The radiation was only the start of the medication. From the examination just now I really recommend for,” she nodded at Dad’s direction, “Mr. Jung to undergo additional radiation and add the chemo to make treatment more effective.”
“Yes, I understand that, but can’t you tell whether the cancer has shrunk a bit or not at all, or-“
“Mr. Jung, I’m an expert in my field and I’m trying to give your father the best medication for his recovery.”
“Bin…” Dad touched his arm as if telling him to stop arguing with the doctor. “I’m sorry doctor, but my son is just concern about his father.” Dad told Dr. Kang.
“I understand and believe me he’s not the first, but I very much appreciate if you trust my judgment.”
“I understand.”
Moonbin’s not going to back down. “But isn’t it also our rights as the patient’s family to find out the progress of the medication?”
“Moonbin!” Daddy’s firm voice shut him off and he continued talking to him, “So does the additional radiation and chemo would guarantee his recovery?”
She looked at him with pursed lips, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m a doctor and not God. I can only give you recommendations but I can’t promise you anything.”
The crushed look on Daddy’s face made him silently vow to talk to Uncle Chun once they’re out of there and get him to contact the other doctor even though he’s not well acquainted with her. And Dr. Kang can go to hell.
During the visit Dad didn’t say a thing and his face remained passive. And he remained the same when they were out of Dr. Kang’s exam room.
“Daddy, I’ll do the payment, you wait with Dad in the lobby. I’ll drive home too so you can sit at the back with Dad later, kay?”
“Okay.” Jaejoong handed him the car keys and helped his husband walk to the lobby.
Once the bill paid (much to his dismay, Dr. Kang didn’t deserve it with her attitude) he ran to the parking lot and drove the car to the lobby. He called Daddy earlier to wait for him in the drop off section. But both his parents didn’t have a happy face when they got onto the car. He’s too afraid to ask.
Halfway home he encouraged himself to speak to them. “Dad, Daddy, I really think that we should get a second opinion from another doctor. Shall I call Uncle Chun to get the number of the other doctor that he mentioned before?”
“Thank you baby, I’ll call Yoochun when we get home. You should help your Dad with lunch, Changmin is supposed to be home now, I’ve asked to him to buy some food for us since I didn’t have time to cook at all this morning.”
“Okay.”
“No chemo. No matter who the doctor is, I don’t want chemotherapy.” Suddenly Dad spoke for the first time.
Daddy sighed in exasperation. “Yun, can we talk about this again later?”
“You can call Yoochun and get him to recommend another doctor, but no chemo.”
Daddy didn’t reply to it, but he looked like he wanted to cry when I glanced into the rearview mirror. They must’ve talked about it when they were at the hospital lobby.
We all went this morning with the hope that there would be something to celebrate afterwards, but apparently it’s not the right time yet. We just conquered a mountain, but it seemed that a higher mountain was waiting for us. The battle’s not over.
~ o ~ o ~
Next