Till Death Do Us Part
Cherish The Moments
If not because of his son and brother in law, Jaejoong felt like he’s ready to break down anytime. The emotional toll was too hard to bear and his physical strength was declining as well. They’re already in their 40’s and though they’re working out regularly he didn’t do it for the past 20 months since Yunho got ill.
He didn’t think there was any improvement on their biweekly visit to see Dr. Lim, but it definitely made his husband felt better so he coped up with it. He would drive them both to the her cancer clinic instead of the hospital (too much people in the hospital made Yunho nauseous), and when Moonbin was able to catch up after his classes he would join them too. Sometimes they were able to have dinner together afterwards when Yunho was in better condition. He would only the porridge but he was still satisfied if he had some appetite.
Yunho had started to do strange things too… like one week ago. He was woken up at 2.30am in the morning after hearing some noise. He was sleeping with Yunho at the 1st floor’s bedroom but he couldn’t find his husband in there. He jumped off the bed and ran outside just to see Yunho limping badly trying to fix the kitchen’s cabinet’s broken door.
“Honey, what are you doing at this hour?” He hurriedly tried to get his husband back to bed.
“I- got- I gotta fix this…” He slurred his words while pushing him off, refused to be led back to bed.
“Baby, I’ll get Min to find someone to fix it later, okay… you need some sleep.”
“No! No- I-… I gotta fix this now… And the storeroom door too, it’s- it- it’s always got st- stuck when I tried to open it.” He tried to place the screw at the right place in frustration.
Jaejoong didn’t have the heart to stop him, and didn’t know how to. So he sat helplessly on one of the dining chairs, just watching him doing whatever he was trying to do.
He heard light footsteps and turned around to see Moonbin stood in confusion. “Daddy, what’s going on? What’s Dad’s doing?”
He replied with a sigh, “He said he wanted to fix the cabinet’s door.”
“At this hour? It’s 3am in the morning!”
“I know baby, but he wouldn’t listen.” The next 15 minutes was spent with his son together watching Yunho trembled while trying to hold the screw driver and the door until he slammed it on the floor in frustration. Only then Jaejoong dared to approach him and gently held his shoulder, “Shall we go back to bed?”
This time Yunho let him led back to the bedroom. And Jaejoong told Moonbin to go back to bed too since he has a morning class later on.
And then he called Changmin, Yoochun and Junsu to come over. They all came with a worried look and he asked them to help him get to their bedroom on the second floor.
“Brother, tell me what you need to get from up there, I’ll get them for you.”
“He’s right Yunho, you should just stay here, I’ll accompany you or get you anything you want.” Yoochun helped.
“Nooooo, I want you all upstairs, I ne- need… to be there…”
They all looked at each other and then at him for approval. I nodded to let them know it’s fine. “Junsu, can you please hold and support him from behind? I’ll work with his feet on the steps… Min, go up first and hold the door please.”
Everyone did as they were told but when they got up there he refused to sit down. Instead he opened the door to the walk-in closet and pulled a big box from inside.
“Min… you liked my …-ther- leather boots, right? Tak- take it…” He practically threw the box to his brother.
“What? But it’s expensive! And it’s your anniversary gift from Jae-hyung!” Everyone knew he loved the boots and didn’t even let Changmin borrow it before.
“I- I won’t wear it anymoooore…” He reached out for a suit hanging in there, “Chuuuun, you said I look se- se- sexy in th- this suit! Now y- you can get sexy too…” he laughed as he handed Yoochun the suit.
“Suuu, my pants won’t fit you, you’re too bbbig for them, bbbbut you can have my party shirts…” He said as he started to get his things out from the closet one by one. No one dared to refuse what’s given to them. Jaejoong didn’t say a word, he just sat watching on the bed. In the end, there were only 2 pairs of shoes left (the ones that he used to wear to church and his classes), a couple of suits and dress shirts. He kept the things that he wore daily in the drawer.
Another times he made a fuss at the restaurant where they ate after a visit to Dr. Lim’s clinic, just because Jaejoong wouldn’t let him order his favorite noodle. He couldn’t digest it well anymore, but he got mad and left his seat, dragging his weak feet across the room and outside the door while Moonbin asked for the bill and Jae busy leaving his credit card for Moonbin to pay. Jaejoong almost fainted when he saw that Yunho was already by the street ready to hail a taxi home. He threw a tantrum until Jaejoong relented and yelled at Moonbin to order the noodle that he wanted. To go.
He had to literally drag him back to the car and waited until their son returned with the noodle and the food that they ordered earlier.
And now they were finally back at Dr. Lim’s clinic. His son was helping his Dad to fix his clothes in the examination room while Dr. Lim seated herself back in front of him.
“How’s my husband doing, doc?” He asked something that he already knew the answer. But he didn’t expect the look on her face.
“Mr. Jung… I-… May I be honest with you?”
“Sure you can. We’d like to hear your honest opinion. You’ve done so since the first time we came to see you and we appreciated that. Yunho also preferred to hear the truth than sugar coated lies.”
She looked straight at him. “I think your husband doesn’t need to see me again. This should be his last session with me. There’s nothing more I can do since the he refused chemotherapy and to tell you the truth, the cancer has spread more.” She smiled gently at him, “Spend your precious time at home with him. Show him how much you love him. But should you feel that my help is needed, you can always call me anytime, I don’t mind. I believe that Dr. Park has given you my personal mobile number.”
Jaejoong knew what it meant. “Thank you very much, Dr. Lim. I really appreciate all that you have done for him. Do you mind to tell that directly to my son and my husband please? I’m sure he wants to hear it from you too.”
“If you think that’s the best, I don’t mind. But when he gets very sick, I advise you to bring him to the hospital right away. I’ll make sure that he’ll get a room. Though there isn’t much that we can do, at least there are nurses who can help you watch over him and I can give him something stronger to ease his pain, I know you’re very tired. I’m sorry I can’t help more.”
Yunho took what Dr. Lim told him very well… he thanked her too, but Moonbin didn’t. He kept asking for another option until Yunho stopped him himself. When they got home they were sitting together and Moonbin cried his heart out. He held onto him, afraid that he would be gone anytime. But Yunho stayed strong. And for the first time since he got ill he asked Jaejoong to call his Mother.
They weren’t in good terms but his mother in law had been in touch with him, Moonbin and also his step son, Changmin. She has moved to another town, 3 hours by flight so she couldn’t visit anytime.
Yunho talked to her calmly... told her that he missed her and thanked her for raising him up by herself after his father left him at the age of 5. He said that Changmin will take care of her when he’s gone, he loves her like his own dead mother since she always treated her kindly despite him being his father’s son from his second wife. She wanted to speak to Jaejoong so Yunho handed him the mobile phone and went out of the room while Moonbin helped him to bed.
He heard his mother in law was sobbing in the phone, “Jaejoong-ah, I can’t cry when I talked to him! I can’t cry… but it breaks my heart that my son is dying! It should be me who die first, he’s so young, Jaejoong-ah!”
He listened to the old woman crying her heart out, all the while he felt like crying too. But not when the others were weak, he must be the strong one.
“Mother, are you going fly here and stay with us until… I mean, as long as you want to?”
“I’m weak too Jae-ah… My heart won’t be able to take it, to see my baby suffered before me. There’s nothing harder for parents to see their children dying. They should live longer… he should live longer than this old woman… But thank you so much, thank you for taking care of my baby…”
They hung up after a few minutes with Yunho’s mother still sobbing and he felt like he’s dying inside. He called Changmin and told him about his step mother’s call. He promised to call her again.
When he got into the bedroom Yunho was already sleeping and Moonbin was rubbing his feet to keep him warm.
“Grandma was hysterics, wasn’t she?”
“You can’t blame her.” He laid down beside his husband and caressed his hair. “Your Grandma is sick too, I’m glad she decided not to come here. I don’t know who can take care of her if she’s here too.”
“Daddy… so what do we do now?”
“You heard what Dr. Lim said.” They both knew but too afraid to put it into words. “All we can do now is to love him… take care of him… and see what God has in store for us. Just love him, Bin…”
Jaejoong fell asleep next to his husband. And he never slept at the master bedroom upstairs again since then. Time is too precious, and he wants to spend every second of it touching and holding the love of his love… memorizing every line on his face till there’s no more tomorrow for him.
~ o ~ o ~
Next
If not because of his son and brother in law, Jaejoong felt like he’s ready to break down anytime. The emotional toll was too hard to bear and his physical strength was declining as well. They’re already in their 40’s and though they’re working out regularly he didn’t do it for the past 20 months since Yunho got ill.
He didn’t think there was any improvement on their biweekly visit to see Dr. Lim, but it definitely made his husband felt better so he coped up with it. He would drive them both to the her cancer clinic instead of the hospital (too much people in the hospital made Yunho nauseous), and when Moonbin was able to catch up after his classes he would join them too. Sometimes they were able to have dinner together afterwards when Yunho was in better condition. He would only the porridge but he was still satisfied if he had some appetite.
Yunho had started to do strange things too… like one week ago. He was woken up at 2.30am in the morning after hearing some noise. He was sleeping with Yunho at the 1st floor’s bedroom but he couldn’t find his husband in there. He jumped off the bed and ran outside just to see Yunho limping badly trying to fix the kitchen’s cabinet’s broken door.
“Honey, what are you doing at this hour?” He hurriedly tried to get his husband back to bed.
“I- got- I gotta fix this…” He slurred his words while pushing him off, refused to be led back to bed.
“Baby, I’ll get Min to find someone to fix it later, okay… you need some sleep.”
“No! No- I-… I gotta fix this now… And the storeroom door too, it’s- it- it’s always got st- stuck when I tried to open it.” He tried to place the screw at the right place in frustration.
Jaejoong didn’t have the heart to stop him, and didn’t know how to. So he sat helplessly on one of the dining chairs, just watching him doing whatever he was trying to do.
He heard light footsteps and turned around to see Moonbin stood in confusion. “Daddy, what’s going on? What’s Dad’s doing?”
He replied with a sigh, “He said he wanted to fix the cabinet’s door.”
“At this hour? It’s 3am in the morning!”
“I know baby, but he wouldn’t listen.” The next 15 minutes was spent with his son together watching Yunho trembled while trying to hold the screw driver and the door until he slammed it on the floor in frustration. Only then Jaejoong dared to approach him and gently held his shoulder, “Shall we go back to bed?”
This time Yunho let him led back to the bedroom. And Jaejoong told Moonbin to go back to bed too since he has a morning class later on.
And then he called Changmin, Yoochun and Junsu to come over. They all came with a worried look and he asked them to help him get to their bedroom on the second floor.
“Brother, tell me what you need to get from up there, I’ll get them for you.”
“He’s right Yunho, you should just stay here, I’ll accompany you or get you anything you want.” Yoochun helped.
“Nooooo, I want you all upstairs, I ne- need… to be there…”
They all looked at each other and then at him for approval. I nodded to let them know it’s fine. “Junsu, can you please hold and support him from behind? I’ll work with his feet on the steps… Min, go up first and hold the door please.”
Everyone did as they were told but when they got up there he refused to sit down. Instead he opened the door to the walk-in closet and pulled a big box from inside.
“Min… you liked my …-ther- leather boots, right? Tak- take it…” He practically threw the box to his brother.
“What? But it’s expensive! And it’s your anniversary gift from Jae-hyung!” Everyone knew he loved the boots and didn’t even let Changmin borrow it before.
“I- I won’t wear it anymoooore…” He reached out for a suit hanging in there, “Chuuuun, you said I look se- se- sexy in th- this suit! Now y- you can get sexy too…” he laughed as he handed Yoochun the suit.
“Suuu, my pants won’t fit you, you’re too bbbig for them, bbbbut you can have my party shirts…” He said as he started to get his things out from the closet one by one. No one dared to refuse what’s given to them. Jaejoong didn’t say a word, he just sat watching on the bed. In the end, there were only 2 pairs of shoes left (the ones that he used to wear to church and his classes), a couple of suits and dress shirts. He kept the things that he wore daily in the drawer.
Another times he made a fuss at the restaurant where they ate after a visit to Dr. Lim’s clinic, just because Jaejoong wouldn’t let him order his favorite noodle. He couldn’t digest it well anymore, but he got mad and left his seat, dragging his weak feet across the room and outside the door while Moonbin asked for the bill and Jae busy leaving his credit card for Moonbin to pay. Jaejoong almost fainted when he saw that Yunho was already by the street ready to hail a taxi home. He threw a tantrum until Jaejoong relented and yelled at Moonbin to order the noodle that he wanted. To go.
He had to literally drag him back to the car and waited until their son returned with the noodle and the food that they ordered earlier.
And now they were finally back at Dr. Lim’s clinic. His son was helping his Dad to fix his clothes in the examination room while Dr. Lim seated herself back in front of him.
“How’s my husband doing, doc?” He asked something that he already knew the answer. But he didn’t expect the look on her face.
“Mr. Jung… I-… May I be honest with you?”
“Sure you can. We’d like to hear your honest opinion. You’ve done so since the first time we came to see you and we appreciated that. Yunho also preferred to hear the truth than sugar coated lies.”
She looked straight at him. “I think your husband doesn’t need to see me again. This should be his last session with me. There’s nothing more I can do since the he refused chemotherapy and to tell you the truth, the cancer has spread more.” She smiled gently at him, “Spend your precious time at home with him. Show him how much you love him. But should you feel that my help is needed, you can always call me anytime, I don’t mind. I believe that Dr. Park has given you my personal mobile number.”
Jaejoong knew what it meant. “Thank you very much, Dr. Lim. I really appreciate all that you have done for him. Do you mind to tell that directly to my son and my husband please? I’m sure he wants to hear it from you too.”
“If you think that’s the best, I don’t mind. But when he gets very sick, I advise you to bring him to the hospital right away. I’ll make sure that he’ll get a room. Though there isn’t much that we can do, at least there are nurses who can help you watch over him and I can give him something stronger to ease his pain, I know you’re very tired. I’m sorry I can’t help more.”
Yunho took what Dr. Lim told him very well… he thanked her too, but Moonbin didn’t. He kept asking for another option until Yunho stopped him himself. When they got home they were sitting together and Moonbin cried his heart out. He held onto him, afraid that he would be gone anytime. But Yunho stayed strong. And for the first time since he got ill he asked Jaejoong to call his Mother.
They weren’t in good terms but his mother in law had been in touch with him, Moonbin and also his step son, Changmin. She has moved to another town, 3 hours by flight so she couldn’t visit anytime.
Yunho talked to her calmly... told her that he missed her and thanked her for raising him up by herself after his father left him at the age of 5. He said that Changmin will take care of her when he’s gone, he loves her like his own dead mother since she always treated her kindly despite him being his father’s son from his second wife. She wanted to speak to Jaejoong so Yunho handed him the mobile phone and went out of the room while Moonbin helped him to bed.
He heard his mother in law was sobbing in the phone, “Jaejoong-ah, I can’t cry when I talked to him! I can’t cry… but it breaks my heart that my son is dying! It should be me who die first, he’s so young, Jaejoong-ah!”
He listened to the old woman crying her heart out, all the while he felt like crying too. But not when the others were weak, he must be the strong one.
“Mother, are you going fly here and stay with us until… I mean, as long as you want to?”
“I’m weak too Jae-ah… My heart won’t be able to take it, to see my baby suffered before me. There’s nothing harder for parents to see their children dying. They should live longer… he should live longer than this old woman… But thank you so much, thank you for taking care of my baby…”
They hung up after a few minutes with Yunho’s mother still sobbing and he felt like he’s dying inside. He called Changmin and told him about his step mother’s call. He promised to call her again.
When he got into the bedroom Yunho was already sleeping and Moonbin was rubbing his feet to keep him warm.
“Grandma was hysterics, wasn’t she?”
“You can’t blame her.” He laid down beside his husband and caressed his hair. “Your Grandma is sick too, I’m glad she decided not to come here. I don’t know who can take care of her if she’s here too.”
“Daddy… so what do we do now?”
“You heard what Dr. Lim said.” They both knew but too afraid to put it into words. “All we can do now is to love him… take care of him… and see what God has in store for us. Just love him, Bin…”
Jaejoong fell asleep next to his husband. And he never slept at the master bedroom upstairs again since then. Time is too precious, and he wants to spend every second of it touching and holding the love of his love… memorizing every line on his face till there’s no more tomorrow for him.
~ o ~ o ~
Next