When Love Is Not Enough, Chapter 5
Title: When Love Is Not Enough
Author: trieze0713
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Length: Chaptered
Genres: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Foul languages, child abuse
Rating: PG 13 - NC 17
A/N: Hello, I know it's been more than a month since I posted the last chapter. I tried to write but it's really hard when you have so many things in your head. My job will be quite hectic until the end of the year and I'll take a 11 days vacation to Korea next month, but I'll do my best to update. Another thing is that you'll be confused for some things in this chapter. I'm sure at least you'll have 1 question. It will be explained in the next chapters, mostly in flashbacks for a few chapters until we return to the current period. I hope you enjoy it. And thanks to those who still read this although I don't know if it's still worth writing / reading. Thank you!
Chapter 5
Jaejoong, age 24 - Today and the past
He used to think that the more he hurt Yunho, it would make the man realized just how unworthy Jaejoong was for him.
And then the man would be the one who leave him first.
He used to think that if Yunho found out that he’d been cheating behind his back he would let him go, that Yunho would admit that Jaejoong didn’t deserve him.
But he never thought that it would hurt himself so much to see Yunho walked away. He never felt pain as strong as the way Yunho turned his back on him, shoulders shaking whether it’s from anger of disappointment or maybe Jaejoong had really hurt him.
“Jae…” His manager put a hand on his thigh and he never thought that he would flinch at his touch. “Come on Jae, he’s not coming back. Just like you wanted…”
Jaejoong felt sick, he felt bile was rising at the back of his throat.
Then Yoochun tried to kiss him… and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He ran to the bathroom and vomited.
Yoochun ran after him, “Jae, what the-“
“Get out…” He whispered to him, full of disgust.
“What?”
“I said get out!” He seated himself next to the toilet bowl, breath heavy, sweat plastered his hair to his temple. He was only wearing boxer.
“No! Not when you’re finally free from your husband! We wanted this, Jae… I know you wanted me too!” And he tried to pull him up on his feet just to kiss him again.
This time Jaejoong pushed him harder, “I said no!! Get out, get away!! I don’t want you!! I don’t-“
“The f*ck you don’t want me! You seduced me from the first day that we met, you promised me that you’d leave your husband and be with me! Don’t play the innocent now! You got what you wanted and now I want to claim my rights over you!”
Yoochun dragged him back to bed and as much as his head said no, his body couldn’t lie and he felt the string of arousal from the Yoochun harshly tugged on his underwear.
Yunho had always been so gentle, so slow, and he hated it… He didn’t deserve any gentleness.
Yoochun’s kiss was demanding, sex with him had always been rough, fast and painful… but that’s what he was worthy of. Pain. And he couldn’t ask for anything more.
He moaned as the other guy nipped his earlobe, but then he said the word. One word that had haunted him since the day his mother’s husband tainted him.
“You’re mine, whore…”
Whore.
He’s just a whore to Yoochun. Just like was one to his stepfather.
And the teacher in the new town.
In a split second he could also hear the words that Yunho always told him when they were making love, ‘Hyung, you’re my precious… You’re my treasure…’
And something snapped inside him. Memories were flashing in his eyes.
He didn’t realize what’s happened but a few minutes later Yoochun was sitting on the floor with a shocked face and a bleeding forehead. And Jaejoong was holding the ashtray in his hand, which he threw away, almost hitting Yoochun for the second time.
And a few seconds later Yoochun was already on his feet and turned away, but not forgetting to tell him: “Fuck you! And fuck your Yunho! You’ll be begging me to come back, trust me!”
The room was left silent.
He wanted to scream but his tears wouldn’t stop. All he knew was that he wanted to see Yunho. He wanted someone to tell him that he’s precious. He wanted to feel like he meant something.
He wanted to hear that he won’t die lonely.
And that he wasn’t a whore. It wasn’t his fault.
Slowly he got up and went to the bathroom… He got into the tub and turned the tap… he let the cold water washed away the remnants of his infidelity but it wouldn’t wash away his shame.
Maybe it’s time to turn over a new leaf… If Yunho would still be with him. But maybe not.
He’s a whore anyway… just like everyone said.
~o~o~
Changmin, age 17 - I’m going to kill him
He woke up once again; feeling like he’d been hit by a train and his mouth tasted like he just swallowed a dead rat… After he threw up he fell back on the bed and passed out for a couple of hours. It’s already dark inside and his parents should’ve been home by now. But why the house felt too quite? He can’t even hear Mina’s voice.
He got up and dragged himself out and stopped outside Mina’s room. He peeked inside and the little girl was sound asleep. So soon? A glance at the clock at her bedside and he was surprised. It’s already 9pm but no one cares to wake him up since the evening?
It looked like everyone was talking in the living room. He walked slowly… taking his time, when he heard his brother’s voice.
“I’m sorry Mom, Dad… but I need sometime before I can go home and face him again.”
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
A sigh… then, “I’m sorry too that it had to come like this… Oh Yunho.”
For the first time in his life he heard the sound of a muffled cry. Yunho was crying. His beloved brother was crying. And there’s only 1 person who could make him cry.
He wanted to come out and tell him that he’d be alright, but his brother’s cry pained him.
“Yunho, I don’t think he’s going to change, don’t you think it’s time to end it wi-“
“No!! Appa please, I’ll talk to him again, we’ll work it out, I’ll make him promise th-“
“YUNHO!” His father never shouted at him before. “I love Jaejoong too, but this isn’t healthy! He has to fix himself first, this way you both are hurting!”
“But Dad-“
“As much as I try to understand, I can’t tolerate this anymore! Not this time after what he’s done to you!”
What has Jaejoong done to his brother?
“Yun… please understand us…”
“I’m trying, but Jae… I-, I can’t leave him, not when he needs me, I-“
“Does he?” His father asked him gently? “Does he need you? Two years is not a short time, Yunho, but he’s taking you for granted. This is too much for us, it must be unbearable to you.”
“Yunho, listen to your Dad.”
“Mom… I-“ and he cried some more.
His mother spoke gently, “I don’t know that he’s hurt you that bad for 2 years… it hurt me too to hear about what you’ve been through. He didn’t have the right to-“ She stopped for a second, “He didn’t have the right to cheat on you! To hear it breaks my heart but you have to witness it… Can you please understand that we asked you to leave because we love you? Because it breaks my heart too to see you hurting this way.”
Then his mother started to cry as well.
The bastard cheated on Yunho? And Yunho saw his infidelity?
For a few seconds he couldn’t hear anything… like someone pushes a plug into his ears. By reflex he turned around and headed to the back door, not even knowing that when he slammed the door hard his family rushed to the kitchen, looked out the door and saw his back in a distance. He didn’t even know that his brother ran after him and yelled at him not to do anything stupid, that it’s his problem and it’s for him to solve. Yunho knew what he was going to do.
He ran and ran and ran, paid no heed to the shouts behind him nor the chilling weather. But right before he reached the bus stop, he met the one person that he’s looking for. Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong looked shocked to see him, or maybe it’s the look on his face. He didn’t care.
In a split second, Jaejoong tried to turn and ran away, but Changmin got to hold the back of his collar and turned him harshly to face him.
“I’m going to kill you!”
And as his fist met Jaejoong’s face and everything that he could get a hold of that man, it’s as if his mind went blank watching the bloody face in front of him.
He managed to say one sentence before something hit him hard at the back of his head, “You don’t deserve him, you bastard!” And then he fell to ground, losing consciousness.
~o~o~
His head hurt. His whole body hurt.
But maybe that’s the price that he has to pay for hurting someone he loved the most.
It’s really hard just to open his eyes, like they’re glued closed. As his eyelashes flutter he thought he must be dreaming because the face that’s leaning on him was the one that he’d been longing to see.
He tried to open his mouth to call out his name, but what came out were inarticulate sounds like a wind past his throat, “Hhhh, gghhh…”
“I’m here Jae, I’m here…”
‘Yunho, why are you here?’ That’s what he wanted to ask. But everything hurts.
“Stop trying to speak, you got some stitches on your lips.”
Stitches? Lips? But it’s not only his lips that hurt.
He felt Yunho’s hand on his but he couldn’t even squeezed it to tell him how sorry he was.
“You have a broken rib as well, try not to move. They gave painkiller through the drip, just relax Jae.”
Just when he thought he couldn’t do anything more to relay his feelings, he felt Yunho wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes gently.
“I understand… don’t cry. I’m sorry about Changmin, I’m sorry that he hurt you like this.”
But those words even made him want to cry harder. ‘What do you understand? You’re the one who don’t understand! I deserve it, don’t say sorry, I’m the one who’s sorry!’ But again, the sound that he produced sounded more like gurgles.
“Stop it Jae… you’re okay, I know it’s hurt, but I’m here… I’ll be here…”
He couldn’t stop crying but the hand that caressed him lulled him back to sleep, ‘Yunho is here, maybe I’m not that bad.’
~o~o~
The first thing that Changmin saw when he opened his eyes was iron bars.
He’s in a jail.
And he didn’t feel any remorse. Not until a police came walk to his door and said something.
“Oh, you wake up, Kid.” The man in the uniform sighed. “Whatever you think you were doing I hope you regret it enough ‘cause it really made me feel bad to see your Mother spending the night outside on the bench waiting for you to wake up and have some sense!”
Mom. He closed his eyes… Jaejoong be damned, but he hurt his parents again. But he couldn’t stop himself to ask just one question.
“Excuse me officer, but how’s the… you know- the other guy?”
“Oh, that guy that you almost killed?” Changmin’s eyes widened, he almost killed Jaejoong? “A broken rib, a face that could match Frankenstein, and I heard that he’s a model… but he’ll live. It’s just that he’s not going to be walking so fast nor are we going to see his face in a magazine soon.”
So it must be bad.
“I’m going to let you mother know that you’re okay, I knew I didn’t hit you that hard. But boy, you gave me some bruises.” And he left him alone and wondering.
He felt sorry for Jaejoong and his brother. But strangely, another that bother him in this state was something unrelated to Jaejoong or his brother at all.
‘Maybe I won’t be able to see Mina for a while.’
~o~o~
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Author: trieze0713
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Length: Chaptered
Genres: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Foul languages, child abuse
Rating: PG 13 - NC 17
A/N: Hello, I know it's been more than a month since I posted the last chapter. I tried to write but it's really hard when you have so many things in your head. My job will be quite hectic until the end of the year and I'll take a 11 days vacation to Korea next month, but I'll do my best to update. Another thing is that you'll be confused for some things in this chapter. I'm sure at least you'll have 1 question. It will be explained in the next chapters, mostly in flashbacks for a few chapters until we return to the current period. I hope you enjoy it. And thanks to those who still read this although I don't know if it's still worth writing / reading. Thank you!
Chapter 5
Jaejoong, age 24 - Today and the past
He used to think that the more he hurt Yunho, it would make the man realized just how unworthy Jaejoong was for him.
And then the man would be the one who leave him first.
He used to think that if Yunho found out that he’d been cheating behind his back he would let him go, that Yunho would admit that Jaejoong didn’t deserve him.
But he never thought that it would hurt himself so much to see Yunho walked away. He never felt pain as strong as the way Yunho turned his back on him, shoulders shaking whether it’s from anger of disappointment or maybe Jaejoong had really hurt him.
“Jae…” His manager put a hand on his thigh and he never thought that he would flinch at his touch. “Come on Jae, he’s not coming back. Just like you wanted…”
Jaejoong felt sick, he felt bile was rising at the back of his throat.
Then Yoochun tried to kiss him… and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He ran to the bathroom and vomited.
Yoochun ran after him, “Jae, what the-“
“Get out…” He whispered to him, full of disgust.
“What?”
“I said get out!” He seated himself next to the toilet bowl, breath heavy, sweat plastered his hair to his temple. He was only wearing boxer.
“No! Not when you’re finally free from your husband! We wanted this, Jae… I know you wanted me too!” And he tried to pull him up on his feet just to kiss him again.
This time Jaejoong pushed him harder, “I said no!! Get out, get away!! I don’t want you!! I don’t-“
“The f*ck you don’t want me! You seduced me from the first day that we met, you promised me that you’d leave your husband and be with me! Don’t play the innocent now! You got what you wanted and now I want to claim my rights over you!”
Yoochun dragged him back to bed and as much as his head said no, his body couldn’t lie and he felt the string of arousal from the Yoochun harshly tugged on his underwear.
Yunho had always been so gentle, so slow, and he hated it… He didn’t deserve any gentleness.
Yoochun’s kiss was demanding, sex with him had always been rough, fast and painful… but that’s what he was worthy of. Pain. And he couldn’t ask for anything more.
He moaned as the other guy nipped his earlobe, but then he said the word. One word that had haunted him since the day his mother’s husband tainted him.
“You’re mine, whore…”
Whore.
He’s just a whore to Yoochun. Just like was one to his stepfather.
And the teacher in the new town.
In a split second he could also hear the words that Yunho always told him when they were making love, ‘Hyung, you’re my precious… You’re my treasure…’
And something snapped inside him. Memories were flashing in his eyes.
He didn’t realize what’s happened but a few minutes later Yoochun was sitting on the floor with a shocked face and a bleeding forehead. And Jaejoong was holding the ashtray in his hand, which he threw away, almost hitting Yoochun for the second time.
And a few seconds later Yoochun was already on his feet and turned away, but not forgetting to tell him: “Fuck you! And fuck your Yunho! You’ll be begging me to come back, trust me!”
The room was left silent.
He wanted to scream but his tears wouldn’t stop. All he knew was that he wanted to see Yunho. He wanted someone to tell him that he’s precious. He wanted to feel like he meant something.
He wanted to hear that he won’t die lonely.
And that he wasn’t a whore. It wasn’t his fault.
Slowly he got up and went to the bathroom… He got into the tub and turned the tap… he let the cold water washed away the remnants of his infidelity but it wouldn’t wash away his shame.
Maybe it’s time to turn over a new leaf… If Yunho would still be with him. But maybe not.
He’s a whore anyway… just like everyone said.
~o~o~
Changmin, age 17 - I’m going to kill him
He woke up once again; feeling like he’d been hit by a train and his mouth tasted like he just swallowed a dead rat… After he threw up he fell back on the bed and passed out for a couple of hours. It’s already dark inside and his parents should’ve been home by now. But why the house felt too quite? He can’t even hear Mina’s voice.
He got up and dragged himself out and stopped outside Mina’s room. He peeked inside and the little girl was sound asleep. So soon? A glance at the clock at her bedside and he was surprised. It’s already 9pm but no one cares to wake him up since the evening?
It looked like everyone was talking in the living room. He walked slowly… taking his time, when he heard his brother’s voice.
“I’m sorry Mom, Dad… but I need sometime before I can go home and face him again.”
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
A sigh… then, “I’m sorry too that it had to come like this… Oh Yunho.”
For the first time in his life he heard the sound of a muffled cry. Yunho was crying. His beloved brother was crying. And there’s only 1 person who could make him cry.
He wanted to come out and tell him that he’d be alright, but his brother’s cry pained him.
“Yunho, I don’t think he’s going to change, don’t you think it’s time to end it wi-“
“No!! Appa please, I’ll talk to him again, we’ll work it out, I’ll make him promise th-“
“YUNHO!” His father never shouted at him before. “I love Jaejoong too, but this isn’t healthy! He has to fix himself first, this way you both are hurting!”
“But Dad-“
“As much as I try to understand, I can’t tolerate this anymore! Not this time after what he’s done to you!”
What has Jaejoong done to his brother?
“Yun… please understand us…”
“I’m trying, but Jae… I-, I can’t leave him, not when he needs me, I-“
“Does he?” His father asked him gently? “Does he need you? Two years is not a short time, Yunho, but he’s taking you for granted. This is too much for us, it must be unbearable to you.”
“Yunho, listen to your Dad.”
“Mom… I-“ and he cried some more.
His mother spoke gently, “I don’t know that he’s hurt you that bad for 2 years… it hurt me too to hear about what you’ve been through. He didn’t have the right to-“ She stopped for a second, “He didn’t have the right to cheat on you! To hear it breaks my heart but you have to witness it… Can you please understand that we asked you to leave because we love you? Because it breaks my heart too to see you hurting this way.”
Then his mother started to cry as well.
The bastard cheated on Yunho? And Yunho saw his infidelity?
For a few seconds he couldn’t hear anything… like someone pushes a plug into his ears. By reflex he turned around and headed to the back door, not even knowing that when he slammed the door hard his family rushed to the kitchen, looked out the door and saw his back in a distance. He didn’t even know that his brother ran after him and yelled at him not to do anything stupid, that it’s his problem and it’s for him to solve. Yunho knew what he was going to do.
He ran and ran and ran, paid no heed to the shouts behind him nor the chilling weather. But right before he reached the bus stop, he met the one person that he’s looking for. Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong looked shocked to see him, or maybe it’s the look on his face. He didn’t care.
In a split second, Jaejoong tried to turn and ran away, but Changmin got to hold the back of his collar and turned him harshly to face him.
“I’m going to kill you!”
And as his fist met Jaejoong’s face and everything that he could get a hold of that man, it’s as if his mind went blank watching the bloody face in front of him.
He managed to say one sentence before something hit him hard at the back of his head, “You don’t deserve him, you bastard!” And then he fell to ground, losing consciousness.
~o~o~
His head hurt. His whole body hurt.
But maybe that’s the price that he has to pay for hurting someone he loved the most.
It’s really hard just to open his eyes, like they’re glued closed. As his eyelashes flutter he thought he must be dreaming because the face that’s leaning on him was the one that he’d been longing to see.
He tried to open his mouth to call out his name, but what came out were inarticulate sounds like a wind past his throat, “Hhhh, gghhh…”
“I’m here Jae, I’m here…”
‘Yunho, why are you here?’ That’s what he wanted to ask. But everything hurts.
“Stop trying to speak, you got some stitches on your lips.”
Stitches? Lips? But it’s not only his lips that hurt.
He felt Yunho’s hand on his but he couldn’t even squeezed it to tell him how sorry he was.
“You have a broken rib as well, try not to move. They gave painkiller through the drip, just relax Jae.”
Just when he thought he couldn’t do anything more to relay his feelings, he felt Yunho wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes gently.
“I understand… don’t cry. I’m sorry about Changmin, I’m sorry that he hurt you like this.”
But those words even made him want to cry harder. ‘What do you understand? You’re the one who don’t understand! I deserve it, don’t say sorry, I’m the one who’s sorry!’ But again, the sound that he produced sounded more like gurgles.
“Stop it Jae… you’re okay, I know it’s hurt, but I’m here… I’ll be here…”
He couldn’t stop crying but the hand that caressed him lulled him back to sleep, ‘Yunho is here, maybe I’m not that bad.’
~o~o~
The first thing that Changmin saw when he opened his eyes was iron bars.
He’s in a jail.
And he didn’t feel any remorse. Not until a police came walk to his door and said something.
“Oh, you wake up, Kid.” The man in the uniform sighed. “Whatever you think you were doing I hope you regret it enough ‘cause it really made me feel bad to see your Mother spending the night outside on the bench waiting for you to wake up and have some sense!”
Mom. He closed his eyes… Jaejoong be damned, but he hurt his parents again. But he couldn’t stop himself to ask just one question.
“Excuse me officer, but how’s the… you know- the other guy?”
“Oh, that guy that you almost killed?” Changmin’s eyes widened, he almost killed Jaejoong? “A broken rib, a face that could match Frankenstein, and I heard that he’s a model… but he’ll live. It’s just that he’s not going to be walking so fast nor are we going to see his face in a magazine soon.”
So it must be bad.
“I’m going to let you mother know that you’re okay, I knew I didn’t hit you that hard. But boy, you gave me some bruises.” And he left him alone and wondering.
He felt sorry for Jaejoong and his brother. But strangely, another that bother him in this state was something unrelated to Jaejoong or his brother at all.
‘Maybe I won’t be able to see Mina for a while.’
~o~o~
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