Everything Happens For a Reason, Chapter 10
~ Previous Chapters~
Chapter 10: The Talk
Other than the part where Changmin almost forgot to say his vow -- like he predicted, he’s too busy admiring his bride that he didn’t hear what the priest was saying -- the matrimony went well. Oh, there’s also a part where Moonbin refused to move from his place after giving the ring to Changmin. He said “Binnie wants to see MinMin gives JiHye Noona the pretty ring!” And Yunho had to pick up the boy by the waist from the altar as the priest tried to look serious but damn failed. The little monster was too cute for words, Jaejoong had to admit.
The reception moved to the Ballroom on the 5th floor. As expected, Jaejoong was seated in the family’s round table with the Jung parents, Yunho and Moonbin. They haven’t spoken further after the emotional meeting this morning but they maintained their composure and conversed when needed, like nothing had happened before them.
“Hey Jae, come dance with everyone! Let Yunho sit there in misery for missing his wife!” one of Yunho’s cousin joked with him and he saw that Yunho tensed on his seat.
“No thanks, I’m as stiff as a pole! Don’t want to embarrass myself out there.”
“And yet you manage the hottest boyband in Korea who dances like there’s no tomorrow!”
Everyone laughed at him, and he just raised his wine glass to the girl. “Later Na Young… “
Jaejoong glanced at Yunho who seemed like he’s somewhere else. “Hey, Yunho… why don’t you get to the dance floor with your family?”
He looked overwhelmed, like not ready to get any question from Jaejoong, “Nah, let Moonbin goes crazy out there… at least this way he’ll sleep like a log through the night.”
“Mmmh…” He sipped on his wine.
“Jae- mind if I ask you something?” suddenly he faced him straight.
He’s not sure if he wanted Yunho to ask him anything but he told him anyway, “Go ahead. Shoot.”
“Have you- are you… are you seeing anyone right now?” And instead of looking at Jae, he put his gazed on the floor.
Jaejoong simply replied, “No, I’m not.”
Yunho looked like he’s expecting to hear more from Jaejoong. But after a few minutes of slience he continued, “So did you ever date anyone at all? I mean, we were-“ he was lost for words and Jaejoong just waited, “we just broke up like that and I was just curious if you’re- well, seeing anyone… considering that you were-“
Yunho didn’t get to finish his sentences when Jaejoong suddenly turned around and stopped sipping on his wine but pierced him with his gaze instead, “Why do you want to know now? I thought JiHye always updated everything about me to your parents?”
“I-I- no special reason, I just felt guil-“
And something inside him snapped. He’d been watching Yunho closely after their little reunion in the make-up room, and he didn’t like the current Yunho at all, not a bit. The Yunho that he knew was strong, he was confident, he knew what he was doing and would take responsibility on his actions. But this Yunho in front of him had been timid, lost in his own little world in the middle of the celebration… and the worst part was that he’d been acting too careful around Jaejoong. Like he’s tiptoeing his way with words… this was not his expectation after he clearly declared that he had forgiven him.
Anger boiled in him quickly as he slammed his glass on the table, “Were you about to say that you felt guilty? Guilty of what?! Tell me!” he hissed at him.
The shock on Yunho’s face was indescribable. And some people seemed to notice the arising tension on the table.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you had another choice back then that you felt the need to feel guilty towards me.” He challenged the other guy, but Yunho kept diverting his eyes everywhere but at Jaejoong.
“You can’t even look at me Yunho. Cause you know the answer was no! There was no other way but for you to stay with Soon Mi!” Now more people were aware and stopped to look at them.
Jaejoong stood up and walked away, heading to the Ballroom’s balcony. He wasn’t supposed to attract any attention in this special day. Yunho ran after him and when they were both already out there and out of people’s hearing, Jae just let himself lose.
“I admitted that it hurt me so much when I had to leave your house in that cold winter night. It hurt when I heard the announcement of your wedding on TV, it was unexpected. It hurt when I opened a magazine and read the news of Moonbin’s birth, it was something that I always dreamed of but I could never had with you. But do you really know what hurt me most? Do you?” He stood so close to him now… Yunho was still silent as he shook his head.
In his anger, he couldn’t stop his tears from falling anymore. “What hurt me most was BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY DIDN’T KNOW ME AT ALL!!” He yelled at the other man from the top of his lungs while he pushed his chest with his finger. He didn’t care of other people can hear them, but he needed to tell Yunho NOW.
He didn’t spare a breath as he continued shouting at him, “You asked me if I dated anyone out there. Yunho, how many nights we spend together talking in bed after we had sex? How many times have I told you that I’ve given MY EVERYTHING TO YOU! There was nothing left for me to love someone like I loved you back then… you knew it! I didn’t hate you for your decision but I despise you now FOR NOT UNDERSTANDS ME AT ALL IN THOSE 3 YEARS THAT WE WERE TOGETHER!!”
Tears kept running down his cheeks and through his chin… falling like water drops… “Did I ask you to feel guilty for me? Did I ask you to pity me for staying single? It was my choice Yunho, cause I had nothing left to give to anybody else anymore. Not since I decided to take the risk of giving my whole heart to you. But I never regretted a single moment when we’re together. All because I thought you’re still the man that I knew.” He started to whisper as if his strength had left him completely.
“For more than 2 years I always thought that you led a happy life… that you could finally took the responsibility towards Soon Mi and now Moon Bin, and be the husband and father that you always wanted to be. That you accepted the fate that we weren’t meant to be. But Changmin told me everything Yunho… you were hurting all this time… you were sad… and you let Soon Mi drove you crazy! This was not my intention when I left.”
“I didn’t leave you to be miserable, cause then it would make the two of us. I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty. I came here to make amend with myself, that I really belong to your family not only as someone who was used to be. And I came because I want to see with my own eyes that Jung Yunho had moved on with his life and that he lives a good life. Because you know what, if I see you happy, then I knew that what had happened between was what should be. That my reason to live had matured and become a reason for someone else to live. But you crushed me once again and made me feel that the way we both lived our lives since we went separate ways were all in vain.”
Jaejoong turned around to get away from that place. But he stopped just right in front of the curtain. “Let me ask you this one last question. Did you even understand what I forgave you for this morning?”
Yunho wanted to lie but he knew he couldn’t. He honestly told him, “No, I didn’t.”
The other man spoke, “I forgave you for not contacting me at all for those 34 for months. I have left my heart with you in the hope that it would be your strength even when there was someone else beside you. But not even once you tried to call me just to let me know that you’ve been doing fine. I struggled to avoid every single event from our company or tried to find excuses to not attend any of your parent’s invitation. Cause maybe you’d try to find out about me.” The silence stretched as Jaejoong talked with his back on Yunho.
“But today I found out that you didn’t even remember me at all, that you didn’t’ even remember the heart that I left behind. Because if you really did know me well… you knew that I never blamed you for what had happened between us. It was fate and even now I couldn’t think of a better way. If you knew me like you told me years ago, you’d know that I’d never reject your call nor had the ability to hate you at all. After all, how can a person hate another who held possession of his heart?” And Jaejoong walked away.
Yunho felt his knees lost their strength as he fell to the floor. His mind went hazy, still striving to comprehend everything that he just heard from Jaejoong. He felt another presence stood where Jaejoong was standing just a couple of minutes ago. Park Yoochun, his agency’s CEO, looked at him pathetically.
He drew closer and pulled him off his feet before he spoke to him.
“Come on, let’s have a talk. It’s about time. Fortunately the party’s almost over now… tell you parents that you’ll be back for your boy later, they’re staying here for another night, aren’t they?”
Yunho only nodded helplessly.
“We’ll be at the lounge in case your boy is looking for you later. Let’s not waste another time shall we?” Yoochun walked back into the ballroom with Yunho behind him.
For Yunho, this has turned to be more than just his sister’s wedding, but also the time for him to fully understand why Jaejoong left almost 3 years ago. And he knew he would shed a lot more tears for causing a tremendous pain for someone who had loved him unconditionally.
* * * * *
Yoochun stole a glance at the man sitting beside him at the bar. He looked like a mess. The perfect suit that he was wearing didn’t hide the miserable look on his face, as if doomsday is coming so soon. Oh well, maybe for him it had.
He slid the glass of whiskey that he ordered earlier in front of his once handsome and great actor, “Here, it’s obvious that you need some.”
The other one took the offered glass, “Thanks,” he told him faintly.
“So you two talked, eh?”
“Yes, we did.”
“And?” Yoochun raised his eyebrow.
“He said that I didn’t know him at all. He was disappointed at me.” Yunho was playing with the tip of his glass.
“Well, did you know what he was disappointed at?” he asked.
Yunho looked at him, “What are you saying?”
“What I’m saying, did you understand what he was saying to you up there in the balcony that sent him back to his apartment with a taxi and now left me with his overnight bag in Changmin’s room? Oh correct me, the newlywed’s room now.”
“He said he was expecting my call just to let him know that I was doing fine.”
Yoochun sighed, “You know, it wasn’t easy at all to make you two not meeting each other for more than 2 years. After all, you’re still working for me and he was your manager so it was a suspicious for the others. No one had the guts to actually ask him what had happened so we let him be.”
“When I asked him why he was still expecting a call from you even after your wedding and Moonbin’s birth, he gave me the same answer: ‘Because he has my heart. He knows that I”ll be happy to hear that he’s happy too.’”
Yunho raised his eyes, “Yoochun… what should I do now? I broke his heart twice now, I- I- don’t even know how to face him again, I’m helpless…” and he cried over the glass of whiskey in his hands.
“Yunho… you didn’t break his heart twice. You heard him, it wasn’t like that for him back then. But you broke his heart just an hour ago when you showed him how pathetic you have led you your life and how you have taken his heart for granted. You didn’t trust that he loved you that much by trying to forget him out of guilt!”
The other man sobbed, “I guess I am that pathetic, I don’t deserve to be his friend anymore…”
Yoochun couldn’t believe what he just heard. “You’re an idiot you know! Now even I think that you don’t deserve to know him at all! Listen Yunho, and listen well… If you really want to start a fresh relationship with him once again, as friends, then you’ll have to decide how you are going to do it right. Remember each word that Jaejoong had spoken to you earlier, try to see past the guilt, hurt or anything that you have related your relationship with him before you two talked this afternoon. Just remember the word TRUST. Until you could relate that word next to JAEJOONG, you could dream on that he would ever want to see your face again.”
He stood up at threw some money at the bar. He took a good look at Yunho before he said, “The drinks on me. And by the way, I’m not talking to you as your boss. I’m talking to you as someone who had been there for Jaejoong during his hardest moments. And I’m sad to say that I guess I know him better than you think you did.” And he walked away, leaving Yunho in all his misery, thinking about how wrong he had been. He was ashamed that he had looked down on Jaejoong’s unconditional love for him all this time.
He’s much worse than he thought he was.
* * * * *
He woke up thirsty and a little disoriented of where he was. Was he still in Changmin’s hotel room? No he’s not, he’s back in his own bedroom. The bedside digital clock showed that it’s already 11pm. Which meant that he’d been sleeping for about 4 hours. He left the party without saying goodbye to anyone, he should call Umma and Appa in the morning and apologize. He’s sure the newlyweds didn’t even realized that he left. Well, maybe until they’re checking out and Changmin saw that he left his overnight bag with him.
He didn’t want to get up even though his throat felt so dry and hot. He cried too much today. And now he began to remember his conversation with Yunho. The way he lost his temper at him and his disappointment towards the other guy. Yes, he was deeply disappointed but he’s also relieved.
All the tensions, all the things that had bothered him these past 34 months, he had eventually able to let the other party know. The tears that fell were not tears of hurt but more of desperation to make Yunho understand. He felt so content; he would move on and start anew. JiHye was right to make him come. He knows where he stands now. And he still wants to be part of the Jung family, he’ll always be.
As for his relationship with Yunho, it all depends on the other guy though. Whether he could overcome his own guilt and be the man that he used to be. Jaejoong really hope he will because that’s the only way for Yunho to mend his heart that he’s got a hold of.
Jaejoong didn’t feel thirsty anymore. He smiled as he laid himself on his bed… tonight he wouldn’t dream of Yunho again, he has settled with his past and he will dream of his future.
But Jaejoong never knew that his future will bring Yunho back to him once again.
* * * * *
Chapter 11
Chapter 10: The Talk
Other than the part where Changmin almost forgot to say his vow -- like he predicted, he’s too busy admiring his bride that he didn’t hear what the priest was saying -- the matrimony went well. Oh, there’s also a part where Moonbin refused to move from his place after giving the ring to Changmin. He said “Binnie wants to see MinMin gives JiHye Noona the pretty ring!” And Yunho had to pick up the boy by the waist from the altar as the priest tried to look serious but damn failed. The little monster was too cute for words, Jaejoong had to admit.
The reception moved to the Ballroom on the 5th floor. As expected, Jaejoong was seated in the family’s round table with the Jung parents, Yunho and Moonbin. They haven’t spoken further after the emotional meeting this morning but they maintained their composure and conversed when needed, like nothing had happened before them.
“Hey Jae, come dance with everyone! Let Yunho sit there in misery for missing his wife!” one of Yunho’s cousin joked with him and he saw that Yunho tensed on his seat.
“No thanks, I’m as stiff as a pole! Don’t want to embarrass myself out there.”
“And yet you manage the hottest boyband in Korea who dances like there’s no tomorrow!”
Everyone laughed at him, and he just raised his wine glass to the girl. “Later Na Young… “
Jaejoong glanced at Yunho who seemed like he’s somewhere else. “Hey, Yunho… why don’t you get to the dance floor with your family?”
He looked overwhelmed, like not ready to get any question from Jaejoong, “Nah, let Moonbin goes crazy out there… at least this way he’ll sleep like a log through the night.”
“Mmmh…” He sipped on his wine.
“Jae- mind if I ask you something?” suddenly he faced him straight.
He’s not sure if he wanted Yunho to ask him anything but he told him anyway, “Go ahead. Shoot.”
“Have you- are you… are you seeing anyone right now?” And instead of looking at Jae, he put his gazed on the floor.
Jaejoong simply replied, “No, I’m not.”
Yunho looked like he’s expecting to hear more from Jaejoong. But after a few minutes of slience he continued, “So did you ever date anyone at all? I mean, we were-“ he was lost for words and Jaejoong just waited, “we just broke up like that and I was just curious if you’re- well, seeing anyone… considering that you were-“
Yunho didn’t get to finish his sentences when Jaejoong suddenly turned around and stopped sipping on his wine but pierced him with his gaze instead, “Why do you want to know now? I thought JiHye always updated everything about me to your parents?”
“I-I- no special reason, I just felt guil-“
And something inside him snapped. He’d been watching Yunho closely after their little reunion in the make-up room, and he didn’t like the current Yunho at all, not a bit. The Yunho that he knew was strong, he was confident, he knew what he was doing and would take responsibility on his actions. But this Yunho in front of him had been timid, lost in his own little world in the middle of the celebration… and the worst part was that he’d been acting too careful around Jaejoong. Like he’s tiptoeing his way with words… this was not his expectation after he clearly declared that he had forgiven him.
Anger boiled in him quickly as he slammed his glass on the table, “Were you about to say that you felt guilty? Guilty of what?! Tell me!” he hissed at him.
The shock on Yunho’s face was indescribable. And some people seemed to notice the arising tension on the table.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you had another choice back then that you felt the need to feel guilty towards me.” He challenged the other guy, but Yunho kept diverting his eyes everywhere but at Jaejoong.
“You can’t even look at me Yunho. Cause you know the answer was no! There was no other way but for you to stay with Soon Mi!” Now more people were aware and stopped to look at them.
Jaejoong stood up and walked away, heading to the Ballroom’s balcony. He wasn’t supposed to attract any attention in this special day. Yunho ran after him and when they were both already out there and out of people’s hearing, Jae just let himself lose.
“I admitted that it hurt me so much when I had to leave your house in that cold winter night. It hurt when I heard the announcement of your wedding on TV, it was unexpected. It hurt when I opened a magazine and read the news of Moonbin’s birth, it was something that I always dreamed of but I could never had with you. But do you really know what hurt me most? Do you?” He stood so close to him now… Yunho was still silent as he shook his head.
In his anger, he couldn’t stop his tears from falling anymore. “What hurt me most was BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY DIDN’T KNOW ME AT ALL!!” He yelled at the other man from the top of his lungs while he pushed his chest with his finger. He didn’t care of other people can hear them, but he needed to tell Yunho NOW.
He didn’t spare a breath as he continued shouting at him, “You asked me if I dated anyone out there. Yunho, how many nights we spend together talking in bed after we had sex? How many times have I told you that I’ve given MY EVERYTHING TO YOU! There was nothing left for me to love someone like I loved you back then… you knew it! I didn’t hate you for your decision but I despise you now FOR NOT UNDERSTANDS ME AT ALL IN THOSE 3 YEARS THAT WE WERE TOGETHER!!”
Tears kept running down his cheeks and through his chin… falling like water drops… “Did I ask you to feel guilty for me? Did I ask you to pity me for staying single? It was my choice Yunho, cause I had nothing left to give to anybody else anymore. Not since I decided to take the risk of giving my whole heart to you. But I never regretted a single moment when we’re together. All because I thought you’re still the man that I knew.” He started to whisper as if his strength had left him completely.
“For more than 2 years I always thought that you led a happy life… that you could finally took the responsibility towards Soon Mi and now Moon Bin, and be the husband and father that you always wanted to be. That you accepted the fate that we weren’t meant to be. But Changmin told me everything Yunho… you were hurting all this time… you were sad… and you let Soon Mi drove you crazy! This was not my intention when I left.”
“I didn’t leave you to be miserable, cause then it would make the two of us. I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty. I came here to make amend with myself, that I really belong to your family not only as someone who was used to be. And I came because I want to see with my own eyes that Jung Yunho had moved on with his life and that he lives a good life. Because you know what, if I see you happy, then I knew that what had happened between was what should be. That my reason to live had matured and become a reason for someone else to live. But you crushed me once again and made me feel that the way we both lived our lives since we went separate ways were all in vain.”
Jaejoong turned around to get away from that place. But he stopped just right in front of the curtain. “Let me ask you this one last question. Did you even understand what I forgave you for this morning?”
Yunho wanted to lie but he knew he couldn’t. He honestly told him, “No, I didn’t.”
The other man spoke, “I forgave you for not contacting me at all for those 34 for months. I have left my heart with you in the hope that it would be your strength even when there was someone else beside you. But not even once you tried to call me just to let me know that you’ve been doing fine. I struggled to avoid every single event from our company or tried to find excuses to not attend any of your parent’s invitation. Cause maybe you’d try to find out about me.” The silence stretched as Jaejoong talked with his back on Yunho.
“But today I found out that you didn’t even remember me at all, that you didn’t’ even remember the heart that I left behind. Because if you really did know me well… you knew that I never blamed you for what had happened between us. It was fate and even now I couldn’t think of a better way. If you knew me like you told me years ago, you’d know that I’d never reject your call nor had the ability to hate you at all. After all, how can a person hate another who held possession of his heart?” And Jaejoong walked away.
Yunho felt his knees lost their strength as he fell to the floor. His mind went hazy, still striving to comprehend everything that he just heard from Jaejoong. He felt another presence stood where Jaejoong was standing just a couple of minutes ago. Park Yoochun, his agency’s CEO, looked at him pathetically.
He drew closer and pulled him off his feet before he spoke to him.
“Come on, let’s have a talk. It’s about time. Fortunately the party’s almost over now… tell you parents that you’ll be back for your boy later, they’re staying here for another night, aren’t they?”
Yunho only nodded helplessly.
“We’ll be at the lounge in case your boy is looking for you later. Let’s not waste another time shall we?” Yoochun walked back into the ballroom with Yunho behind him.
For Yunho, this has turned to be more than just his sister’s wedding, but also the time for him to fully understand why Jaejoong left almost 3 years ago. And he knew he would shed a lot more tears for causing a tremendous pain for someone who had loved him unconditionally.
* * * * *
Yoochun stole a glance at the man sitting beside him at the bar. He looked like a mess. The perfect suit that he was wearing didn’t hide the miserable look on his face, as if doomsday is coming so soon. Oh well, maybe for him it had.
He slid the glass of whiskey that he ordered earlier in front of his once handsome and great actor, “Here, it’s obvious that you need some.”
The other one took the offered glass, “Thanks,” he told him faintly.
“So you two talked, eh?”
“Yes, we did.”
“And?” Yoochun raised his eyebrow.
“He said that I didn’t know him at all. He was disappointed at me.” Yunho was playing with the tip of his glass.
“Well, did you know what he was disappointed at?” he asked.
Yunho looked at him, “What are you saying?”
“What I’m saying, did you understand what he was saying to you up there in the balcony that sent him back to his apartment with a taxi and now left me with his overnight bag in Changmin’s room? Oh correct me, the newlywed’s room now.”
“He said he was expecting my call just to let him know that I was doing fine.”
Yoochun sighed, “You know, it wasn’t easy at all to make you two not meeting each other for more than 2 years. After all, you’re still working for me and he was your manager so it was a suspicious for the others. No one had the guts to actually ask him what had happened so we let him be.”
“When I asked him why he was still expecting a call from you even after your wedding and Moonbin’s birth, he gave me the same answer: ‘Because he has my heart. He knows that I”ll be happy to hear that he’s happy too.’”
Yunho raised his eyes, “Yoochun… what should I do now? I broke his heart twice now, I- I- don’t even know how to face him again, I’m helpless…” and he cried over the glass of whiskey in his hands.
“Yunho… you didn’t break his heart twice. You heard him, it wasn’t like that for him back then. But you broke his heart just an hour ago when you showed him how pathetic you have led you your life and how you have taken his heart for granted. You didn’t trust that he loved you that much by trying to forget him out of guilt!”
The other man sobbed, “I guess I am that pathetic, I don’t deserve to be his friend anymore…”
Yoochun couldn’t believe what he just heard. “You’re an idiot you know! Now even I think that you don’t deserve to know him at all! Listen Yunho, and listen well… If you really want to start a fresh relationship with him once again, as friends, then you’ll have to decide how you are going to do it right. Remember each word that Jaejoong had spoken to you earlier, try to see past the guilt, hurt or anything that you have related your relationship with him before you two talked this afternoon. Just remember the word TRUST. Until you could relate that word next to JAEJOONG, you could dream on that he would ever want to see your face again.”
He stood up at threw some money at the bar. He took a good look at Yunho before he said, “The drinks on me. And by the way, I’m not talking to you as your boss. I’m talking to you as someone who had been there for Jaejoong during his hardest moments. And I’m sad to say that I guess I know him better than you think you did.” And he walked away, leaving Yunho in all his misery, thinking about how wrong he had been. He was ashamed that he had looked down on Jaejoong’s unconditional love for him all this time.
He’s much worse than he thought he was.
* * * * *
He woke up thirsty and a little disoriented of where he was. Was he still in Changmin’s hotel room? No he’s not, he’s back in his own bedroom. The bedside digital clock showed that it’s already 11pm. Which meant that he’d been sleeping for about 4 hours. He left the party without saying goodbye to anyone, he should call Umma and Appa in the morning and apologize. He’s sure the newlyweds didn’t even realized that he left. Well, maybe until they’re checking out and Changmin saw that he left his overnight bag with him.
He didn’t want to get up even though his throat felt so dry and hot. He cried too much today. And now he began to remember his conversation with Yunho. The way he lost his temper at him and his disappointment towards the other guy. Yes, he was deeply disappointed but he’s also relieved.
All the tensions, all the things that had bothered him these past 34 months, he had eventually able to let the other party know. The tears that fell were not tears of hurt but more of desperation to make Yunho understand. He felt so content; he would move on and start anew. JiHye was right to make him come. He knows where he stands now. And he still wants to be part of the Jung family, he’ll always be.
As for his relationship with Yunho, it all depends on the other guy though. Whether he could overcome his own guilt and be the man that he used to be. Jaejoong really hope he will because that’s the only way for Yunho to mend his heart that he’s got a hold of.
Jaejoong didn’t feel thirsty anymore. He smiled as he laid himself on his bed… tonight he wouldn’t dream of Yunho again, he has settled with his past and he will dream of his future.
But Jaejoong never knew that his future will bring Yunho back to him once again.
* * * * *
Chapter 11