Ater the Body Swap, Part II
“So, your secret plan to stay in the closet until you move out of your parent’s house is meet up with a thirteen year old kid in the woods?” Jared, in Jensen’s body, said, coming through the trees.
He looked at himself with a scowl he was pretty sure he would never put on his face.
Jared was impressed.
“You have to tell me how you do that, that look is awesome,” Jared said.
He watched as his little self put his hands on his hips. “You eat enough for a large American city, probably one in the Midwest and you don’t have running shoes.”
Jensen looked down at the slightly pudgy body.
“So you think I’m fat,” Jared sulked. “And now I have to run.”
“I could care less about your frame,” Jensen shrugged. “You have to keep my body in shape so I don’t come back to a couch potato. You will run and I will make sure you do so. Maybe as a byproduct you’ll gain some pointers.”
“You’re a narcissistic asshole,” Jared informed him.
Jensen used Jared’s dimples to their maximum efficiency and looked as sweet and innocent.
“Language,” Jensen said in a perfect imitation of Jared’s mother.
“I’m going to kill you,” Jared said, taking off after his body as Jensen ran away.
~
Jensen lay on the grass, wheezing.
“You,” he managed. “Are. So. Out. Of. Shape.”
Jared danced around. “You are awesomely in shape.”
He stopped and looked down at Jensen, who was making his face turn a purple that he had never really seen in a person.
Jared was still thirteen, no matter his looks. He hadn’t even begun to learn tact or grow a filter. He went straight for the question that was plaguing him.
“So why guys?” Jared asked.
“Dear fucking Christ on a cracker,” Jensen rasped.
“We’re supposed to know each other,” Jared pointed out sweetly.
“I’m pretty sure letting you know where I keep my socks will come up a whole lot more than who I date,” Jensen panted.
“C’mon, why guys?” Jared asked.
Jensen closed his eyes, wheezing softly now. “Because I like them. I’m gay.”
“Hunh,” Jared said. “How’d you know?”
“How’d you know you‘re straight?” Jensen countered.
Jared shrugged. “I don’t. I’m thirteen. I’m not really sure about anything. I’ve never done anything with anybody.”
“Trust me kid, sometimes it is pretty apparent what turns you on,” Jensen said. “For me it’s guys.”
“I thought you were dating Danneel Harris,” Jared asked. “I think that’s half the reason my brother hated you.”
“Half?” Jensen said.
“Well the other part must be your charming personality,” Jared said haughtily. “So Danneel is just a beard?”
Jensen breathed deep.
“Danni knows,” he said quietly. “So does Chris. It isn’t really something I’m ashamed of; I just don’t want to come out in high school. It’s hard enough. I want to go to college, be away from my parents when I tell them. I just wanna wait until I’m a little more grown up.”
Jared thought about that for a moment.
“Well that’s stupid,” Jared informed him.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Jensen muttered tersely. “I bet it’s so easy to make judgments on someone else’s life. It’s how I’ve chosen to live my life and since you’re in my body I’d really like you to respect it.”
“I will,” Jared assured him. “I’m just curious why you only want to be part of who you are.”
Jensen looked at him, which was looking at what he saw in the mirror. It was impossible to lie to something so like himself.
“Because Jared, I have no idea who I am, even without this whole sexuality thing,” Jensen confessed.
Jared said down next to him.
They were quiet for a minute.
After a bit they started talking, talking about life, about how to pass for each other until they figured this out.
In the back of his mind, as Jared listed and spoke he had an odd thought. He was getting who Jensen was, complete and unfiltered.
And in return for that trust he gave Jensen the same courtesy.
Jared showed up thirty minutes early for work. He was a five-minutes-late kind of person.
Of course Chad showed up at the same time, being scheduled for work an hour ago.
“You’re early,” Chad said, peering over his Armani sunglasses. “Why are you early?”
Jensen chose that minute to walk in.
Jared swallowed his answer. He ignored the very exuberant Chad, something he had perfected over a lifetime of Chad.
He looked at Jensen. He had never done it, not full on and obvious, but he refused to cower one little bit. He put on his smile - he was charming, he was friendly, everyone said so. He tried to pull together whoever he was.
“Hi,” he said a little too brightly, but refusing to back down. “I’m Jared Padalecki. You must be the therapist intern.”
The look on Jensen’s face almost made Jared laugh. He was pretty sure that Jensen nearly swallowed his tongue. Jared kept his face blank, simply full of innocent friendliness.
Jensen’s face managed to swallow some of the shock and he tilted his head a little, looking for something in Jared.
Finally he nodded slowly reaching out a hand.
“Jensen Ackles,” he introduced.
“Cool,” Jared said, smile growing a little more. “Do you know anything about proper posture during sit ups? I mean I do them all the time, but I think I’m doing them wrong; I keep getting this sharp pain in my back.”
Jensen blinked repeatedly. He was well aware that Jared knew how to do proper sit ups. Jensen had taught Jared a whole series of reps that wouldn’t pull his back.
Jared kept his face smiling, looking a little at Jensen like he was a slow kid. Jensen in return was looking at Jared like he was a little slow.
Finally Jensen shook his head as if to clear it.
“Yeah, I know some exercises that will work out your core and won’t strain your back,” Jensen finally replied.
“Cool,” Jared said, inwardly kicking himself for sounding like that was the single most interesting piece of information in the entire universe.
“Do you-” Jensen paused, looking for words. “I mean do you want me to show you some time?”
“Yeah,” Jared said, his overly friendly tone dropping back to something more Jared, excited Jared, but still Jared.
“I get off at three, if you’re free,” Jared offered, hoping that it wasn’t too desperate, but he was playing this game and he had to do it quickly or he would freak and not be able to keep this up.
“I’m finishing up my last appointment at three thirty,” Jensen said.
Jared tried not to feel the ground sink beneath his feet.
“But if you don’t mind sticking around, we can go over things then,” Jensen continued, almost in a daze.
Jared grinned and this time it wasn’t forced; he was actually looking into Jensen’s eyes, looking at the green, looking at the freckles.
He could see Jensen.
It felt like falling. It felt like coming home.
“Okay,” Jared said with a smile. “We’ll meet after.”
For the first time Jensen smiled at him.
“See you then,” Jensen said as he left.
Jared didn’t want to think that maybe there was a little bit of gratefulness in his voice.
For a second Jared just basked in the glow.
He was so good at ignoring Chad that he nearly jumped a mile when he heard Chad’s voice.
“What the fuck just happed in this room?” Chad screeched.
**
“You do know that you asked out Jensen Ackles?” Chad said, thankfully in a t-shirt over his Speedo.
Jared really needed to speed Chad along quickly. It was only half an hour until Jensen was due to show up and he couldn’t have Jensen here while Chad was. It would be horribly embarrassing at the least.
“No I didn’t, this is the thirtieth time that you’ve said that but it doesn’t make it any more true,” Jared said, folding towels.
“But. You. Asked. Out. Jensen. Ackles,” Chad said.
“I asked him to show me how to do some sit ups,” Jared said evenly.
“And that is totally asking him to bang you,” Chad replied with absolute certainty.
Jared cocked his head. “I am really sure that isn’t what I actually said.”
Chad studied him for a long minute. “Tell me that you aren’t saying what I think you’re saying. I dare you.”
“I have no idea what you are saying right now,” Jared said, knowing exactly what Chad was getting at.
“Tell me you don’t want to bang him,” Chad demanded.
Jared looked back at him. The one thing that he had never really done was ever blatantly lie to Chad. There never seemed to be a point, but at this moment, to give Chad the tiny little power of being right seemed to be far too much.
Chad took his silence as assent and started whooping all over the exercise room. Chad was still dressed in only a t-shirt and a Speedo.
Jared just cocked his head, wishing this was the weirdest thing that he had ever seen Chad do.
And that was saying quite a bit
Then Chad came and leaned on the divider, putting his chin on his folded palms. “So tell me more of your master plan so I can help move it along. I will not take another whiny, slow as glaciers thing that you consider dating.”
“Chad, I’ll tell you my master plan, and it is grand, later,” Jared told him.
Chad’s eyes lit up and then he slunk again. “How much later?”
“I won’t keep him long,” a deep voice said.
Jared fought the urge to jump and to shudder at the same time. He just kind of did a spastic twitch.
“Sorry, my back is acting up,” Jared tried to cover. “You’re early.”
Jensen shrugged. “I got done with my last appointment earlier than I thought.”
Chad got that weird look on his face.
Jared knew that look. I meant that Chad thoughts were running through Chad’s little brain. It meant that Jared would most likely end up doing something he didn’t really want to do.
Chad then got what Chad thought of as his polite smile and the rest of the world kind of thought of as his ‘get your young daughter’s out of the room because this dude is creepy’ smile.
Jared knew that this was going to push his plan into fast forward.
“Wanna go to the bar with us tonight? A whole bunch of us are going,” Chad said, almost in a singsong voice. “You can come, maybe bring that pretty redhead friend of yours.”
Jensen looked taken aback and like he was going to run. As far as Chad plans went this one was actually manageable. He found himself wanting Chad’s plan.
Jared smiled warmly at Jensen. “You should come. It’s a dive, but it takes our IDs.”
Jared could always survive hurricane Chad.
Jared rushed on, not wanting to give Jensen a chance to say no. “But we can talk about that while you show me some reps.”
Jensen just nodded and turned to walk in the room.
“Find us friends to go out with,” Jared mouthed. “Or this friendship is over.”
Chad rolled his eyes as he waved his hand. Jared knew he would do it, because Chad did that kind of thing. People would show up, they always did. Chad was kind of a force of nature.
Jared turned towards Jensen. He had momentarily forgotten that this was JENSEN. Which he supposed was the point, but at the same time it made him miss a step and nearly go careening into a bench press.
A hand reached out and steadied him. Jared looked down at his hands.
“You stopped biting your nails,” Jared said, without thinking.
Jensen looked up at him.
Jared was two seconds from taking another runner, Chris’ plan be damned.
Jensen cleared his throat. “Come on, I’ll show you some things.”
Then Jensen looked at him, really looked at him. Head to toe and back again.
“You don’t look like you need much help,” Jensen offered.
Jared couldn’t figure out how to make this not awkward. Jensen was looking at him and was liking what he saw. It was making Jared want to jump out of his skin.
Jensen cleared his throat. “So… reps.”
For fifteen minutes they kept it focused on working out.
Finally Jensen cleared his throat again and hesitantly asked. “So are you back from college?”
Jared paused, because that was a long story. It was the one that he was itching to tell Jensen, yet the one that he didn’t want to tell Jensen.
“I did my freshman year at Arizona State,” Jared said softly. “But I’m transferring this year.”
“The desert not everything that you thought?” Jensen asked. “Gonna come back here?”
“Yeah coming back,” Jared said. “More because I was on scholarship and I blew out my knee just before March Madness, and after that they canceled the scholarship. My family could probably afforded it, but I’d rather be closer to home.”
Jensen lifted an eyebrow. “You played Division One college basketball?”
Jared just shrugged.
They went on for a little bit.
“You were pretty good,” Jensen said and then looked up to clarify. “When you were starting out. When you were a kid. From the first time you touched a basketball you just took to it.”
Jared heard loud and clear that he had been pretty good in Jensen’s body, even though he had been pretty klutzy in his own body.
“I tried out my freshman year of high school and they kind of laughed, ‘cause I was still pretty short,” Jared said, wanting Jensen to know. “But I kind of grew into it and nobody could stop me.”
“But you can’t do it any more?” Jensen asked.
“Yeah, I can still run, but I can’t jump and pivot any more, so no more Division One basketball,” Jared sighed. “It was something I was good at once I figured it out.”
“You picked it up quickly,” Jensen said softly.
“I had a good teacher,” Jared replied just as quietly.
Jensen stopped and for a moment looked up at the ceiling.
“Are we going to do this?” Jensen finally asked. “Pretend that we’re strangers.”
Jared looked at him and stood up.
“Yes,” Jared said, without looking at him. “Because you walked away, Jensen. Because you never tried to talk to me afterwards.”
“You didn’t either,” Jensen said, standing up straight.
Jared balled his hands up by his side.
The thing he had never told Jensen played through his head. It was the one thing he hadn’t been able to tell Jensen that one night and never had the chance afterwards. It had been a long time since he had thought about it. It showed up occasionally for a nightmare or two, but just like he had grown into his body he had begun to grow into the memory and what had seemed unimaginable as a thirteen year old was a bit faded to a nineteen year old.
“I was right now,” Jared retorted softly because he wasn’t going to have this fight, he wasn’t going to go over this in the middle of the gym, in the middle of work.
He got up and left.
This time he didn’t run away. He walked calmly and surely away from Jensen.
“Look I have a jump shot!” Jared yelled, managing to make Jensen’s limbs throw the basketball and much to Jensen’s shock it arced beautifully, missing the basket by less than an inch.
“You’ve got something,” Jensen muttered, looking up at the basket. “You are really short.”
“Not now,” Jared said, dancing a bit.
Jensen turned to him. “You need to learn moves, so even when you don’t have my muscle you can do something with the ball.”
Jared pouted a little.
Jensen looked at his face, never realizing exactly what he looked like. “Well I get that now; the whole young adult romance novel thing that Danni always teases me about.”
“You so pretty,” Jared mocked, making model faces with Jensen’s face.
Jensen started laughing. “Seriously dude, stop. Please. I will never be able to look at myself the same way again.”
Jared stopped. “Like that’s gonna be possible at this point anyway.”
They just stood there for a moment, a bit uncomfortably.
“Do you want me to show you how to do it?” Jensen asked. “See what it’s like to be a foot closer to the hoop?”
Jared hopped from foot to foot. “I like being tall.”
“You’re gonna grow,” Jensen assured him.
“Some days it doesn’t feel like it,” Jared said pushing on either side of the ball in his hands. “Some days it feels like I don’t know what I’m good at, what I want to do. Like I’m always going to be small and unimportant all the time.”
“Me either,” Jensen admitted. “I’m going to college in the fall and I feel like everybody is asking me what I want to be and what I want to do. Everyone is so excited about all this potential and future that I have, but I don’t know what I wan to do. I mean I’m good at sports and science, but I have no idea what that means for the rest of my life.”
“So how do we do it?” Jared said. “I have so many questions about how to even find out the things I like. You’re lucky you like kissing boys and sports and science. That’s awesome.”
Jensen threw back at Jared’s head and laughed.
“I had never thought of it like that,” Jensen said after he could speak again.
“Maybe you should,” Jared told him.
“Okay,” Jensen said determinedly. “I will think about a appreciating my life more, but while I’m trying to change around my entire attitude I’ll show you some moves and you can tell me if you like them or not.”
Jared made a face. “Once again Jensen, if you wanna stay in the closet you’ve really gotta stop saying things like that to thirteen year old.”
“Hey you’re me right now,” Jensen said. “It kind of looks like little Jared is kind of a predator.”
“This is really too confusing,” Jared sighed.
“I can see that it makes insulting me so much more difficult,” Jensen agreed sarcastically. “Let’s stop with the quipping and get you some skills on the court.”
Jared sighed. “Fine, but I’m pretty sure that I’m going to suck.”
“We all have to start somewhere,” Jensen said. “First thing dribble the ball, and by that I mean bounce the thing.”
Jared glared. “Thanks so much.”
Jared grabbed his stuff and ran to his house. He took a long hot shower, the length was mostly due to the fact that he would zone out every once in awhile.
He could remember going through his day as Jensen, what it was like in Jensen’s house, in Jensen’s life, in Jensen’s body.
He remembered Jensen looking at him, really really looking at him all grown up this afternoon.
He realized he hadn’t really looked at Jensen. He was pretending that Jensen was new, but he was still seeing the Jensen, he was seeing the Jensen he had lived in, the one that had spoken in his own pre-pubescent voice.
The one who he hadn’t been able to get out of his head in the last six years.
He didn’t know anything more about Jensen now than Jensen knew about him after that moment. Jared had changed so much, and he was pretty sure that Jensen had changed just as much.
He shook himself out of the feeling, out of the little piece of Jensen that still seemed to be kicking around in his head. The piece that had never really gone away.
“Do you like playing the games you play?” Jared had asked Jensen one night on the phone, Jared had been son to the Ackles, had gotten many partially obscene texts from the mysterious rebound man, and had palled around with Chris. He was a little exhausted playing Jensen, playing whoever Jensen was trying to be with those people.
Jensen was silent.
“I mean you have to remember who you are in so many situations,” Jared said sighing. “It’s seems so hard.”
“I know,” Jensen agreed. “Do me a favor Jared, don’t ever start playing games. Sometimes you just can’t stop.”
Jared got out of the shower. He couldn’t think himself out of the problem; it never had made any sense anyway. He also really wished that he hadn’t started playing games.
He toweled off and went to his room. He changed into clothes for the night. He did everything and only thought about what was in front of him.
He looked at the clock and went out the door.
He walked to the dive that Chad had commandeered along with horrendous fake IDs for their high school friends. Chad had said that even though they were in exile at their homes for the summer, they might as well have an escape.
As always, Chad’s plans seemed to have some legs, and after an hour they could seem downright logical.
Jared walked into the bar and was greeted by Genevieve and Sandy as they came bouncing toward him.
“Where is he?” they demanded almost in tandem.
“Chad said we had to come out tonight,” Sandy squealed. “There was a guy you wanted to impress.”
“Although I don’t know about bringing him here as any kind of way of impressing him,” Genevieve commented, looking around the dingy room.
“So…guy?” Sandy said, looking behind him as if Jared was hiding Jensen.
“Well I don’t think he’s going to come,” Jared said a little morosely.
The girls suddenly looked sad and sympathetic.
“Aww honey,” Sandy said. “What happened?”
“I’m getting shots,” Genevieve said. “Don’t start the story without me.”
**
Two hours later Jared had laid out his woes to the girls, joined by Alexis and Milo. He had imbibed quite a bit.
“My people,” Jared said spreading out his arms. “Here to celebrate my joy, staying to console me in my woe.”
Alexis snickered. Milo rolled his eyes. Sandy pulled the beer in front of him away. Chad put it back. Genevieve put a shot in his hand.
Chad suddenly sat up and looked behind Jared. He reached over the table and pulled the shot glass out of Jared’s hand, spilling tequila on Milo and Sandy.
“Dude what the fuck?” Milo said standing up.
“Yeah dude, what the fuck?” Jared slurred a little looking at the half filled shot glass.
“Behind you, dick breath,” Chad hissed. “And I mean that quite lit-tral-lly.”
Jared slowly turned around.
At the door was Jensen and Chris’ friend Steve.
“If you duck under the table you will look like an ass,” Chad growled in warning.
Jared turned and grinned at Chad. “You really are an awesome mind reading friend.”
Chad turned and glared at Genevieve. “This is your fault.”
“Jared said he wasn’t coming,” Genevieve defended.
Alexis peered at the door. “So that is the guy he’s scoping out? The green eyed Adonis? That dude is hot.”
She turned to Jared.
“Nice work Sequoia,” Alexis said. “Don’t fuck it up.”
Jared’s eyes were wide. “I am so wasted right now.”
“Hold it together big stuff,” Genevieve said, waving Jensen over.
Jared grabbed at Chad. “Dude, I’m soooo drunk.”
Chad grinned. “Have at it. I’ve always wanted to see you in action.”
Jensen and Steve walked over and Jared sat up far too straight, with a smile far too big.
“You came,” Jared said happily.
Jensen looked hesitant.
“I would like you to meet my friends,” Jared said throwing his arms around pointing in the general direction of the people at the table. “This is Sandy, she is very likable, everyone likes her.”
Sandy grinned.
“That is Milo, he likes to think that he is smarter than he is, but it’s really okay, because he’s really good at telling you that you are okay when things aren’t okay.”
Milo rolled his eyes.
“That’s Lexi,” Jared announced. “She’s a bitch, but a bitch for me. You should have had her when you came out. You have come out right?”
Jensen’s eyes nearly exploded out of his head. Steve started laughing uncontrollably. Alexis just looked at her carefully manicured nails.
“That is Genevieve. She likes to buy people shots,” Jared said happily, not really noticing the impact of his introductions.
“Apparently,” Jensen said, somewhat recovered.
“And that’s Chad. You’ll just have to get used to him, but you’ve already met him and I know you think he was a weird kid, but he didn’t know he met you then, but you did meet him at the gym so you know him, and did you bring Danneel?” Jared rambled.
“She can’t make it tonight,” Jensen said, shifting on his feet.
Sandy noticed this and immediately smiled warmly so Jensen wouldn’t do a runner. “Sit down guys. We’re glad that you could make it.”
Jensen looked hesitant, but Steve pushed Jensen down in an empty chair. Then he gave a Jared a long look.
“Hey,” Steve said, brow wrinkled in thought. “You’re Chris’ little brother from that Big Brother program.”
Both Jared and Jensen looked confused and a little startled.
Then Jared nodded in understanding. “That’s what he told you.”
Jensen still looked confused. “You know Chris?”
Jared pushed the half empty shot glass over to Jensen.
“You really aren’t supposed to know that,” he said. “You really should drink that instead of thinking.”
Jensen opened his mouth, but Jared barreled on speaking. “Really… don’t ruin things Jensen, just be here, please.”
Jensen thought for a moment and then reached out and took the shot glass, drank it down.
“I want to ask you things,” Jared said eagerly. “I have many questions about you.”
Next to him Chad groaned. “Not a cool game to play. You’re too eager.”
The entire table turned to look at him.
Chad made a face. “Oh, was that out loud. Oops.”
“I’ll buy a few pitchers for the table,” Jensen said. “Then maybe you can ask me all the questions that you want.”
Jared grinned and touched Jensen. A jolt of electricity went through him. He pulled his hand back. They looked at each other startled. Jared wanted to reach out again, but even being as drunk as he was he didn’t. Jensen just stared.
And licked his lips.
Jared turned to the bar and away from temptation.
**
Jared woke up with his head only slightly throbbing, but it was in a haze nonetheless.
It was swimming with facts about Jensen, both from the stories that Jensen had told him and from observations. He hadn’t touched Jensen again, but his hand tingled and wanted to reach out. He wanted to feel Jensen so badly his teeth hurt.
And stared quite a bit.
He kind of got lost a few times in Jensen’s freckles. Something that he wanted to blame on alcohol, but he hadn’t had another drink after Jensen walked in, instead he sobered up counting Jensen’s freckles and naming the colors in his eyes.
Jared couldn’t remember if anyone else even remotely existed outside of him and Jensen. They hadn’t talked about the past, but they didn’t avoid it. It wasn’t an elephant between them last night; it had just been a quirk of them.
There was one thing Jared was sure of though, and it was that if he had a puppy dog kiddie crush on Jensen when he was a teenager, it was dwarfed by the way that he felt as an almost grown up.
He had a crush on Jensen.
A mega one.
Somebody next to him stirred. Somebody on the other side of him kicked him in the shin.
“Mother fucker,” Jared said.
“Watch your language around the ladies, Jared Tristan Padalecki,” Jared heard his mother saying behind the closed bedroom door. She had a weird sixth sense about when he was doing anything wrong. He heard her feet on the stairs.
Jared opened his eyes carefully and found innocent dark eyes looking up at him, laughing all the way.
“Jared Tristan,” Genevieve tsked quietly.
Sandy twirled a dark strand of hair around her finger. “I still find it kind of odd that your mother finds this in anyway acceptable.”
The girls had been sleeping over since he hadn’t been allowed to bring a male date to his sophomore semi-formal. Sharon Padalecki had taken a look at her despondent son and worried about the statistics that she had read about depression-induced suicide in gay teenagers. So she allowed him to have his friends around him always, including mass sleepovers.
From the night that Jared hadn’t been able to go to the semi, Sharon had allowed them all to sleep over, in Jared’s bed or on his floor. Her logic was that he wasn’t going to touch the girls or Chad and she couldn’t exclude Milo from the slumber parties, although she had her suspicions about him.
“But seriously, Jared,” Genevieve said. “You guys clicked last night like nothing I’ve ever seen.”
Jared closed his eyes; they had sat there for hours, Jensen’s chin resting on his hand, smiling behind his fingers as Jared told stories.
But Jared also remembered to ask about Jensen. He was absolutely in adoration of Jensen’s voice.
“You are going to see him again right?” Sandy asked.
“Well, he is working on Monday,” Chad said from one side of the bed.
“Some of us are trying to sleep,” Alexis said from the other side of the bed.
“How can you sleep through Jared finding a really hot guy?!” Sandy pretty much squeaked.
A hand rose from Alexis’ side of the bed.
“Milo is going to ruin this moment,” Genevieve said.
“Yes Milo?” Jared said, looking at the ceiling, knowing what was coming.
“Your not-quite-boyfriend might object to you suddenly finding your soul mate,” came Milo’s muffled voice.
“And Milo ruins another perfect moment,” Sandy sighed.
“He could have brought it up last night. That would have been worse,” Chad said, his bedraggled head appearing from the edge of the bed. “You a playa, son.”
Sandy thwacked Chad on the side of the head. “Don’t say things like that. It makes you look like a douche bag.”
Genevieve rolled her eyes. “What doesn’t make him look like a douche bag? But back to real conversation. Seriously Jared. I don’t know what’s going on with Tom and you this week, but maybe you should end that massive drama and just focus on Jensen. We all know this thing with Tom is going nowhere.”
“I’ll take him if you don’t want him,” Alexis said appearing from her side of the bed.
“Tom?” Chad said making a face.
“Not so much,” Alexis said mimicking his face.
“Jensen doesn’t seem so confused on what kind of sex he digs,” Chad said. “Which makes him a good choice for Jared, not a good choice for you.”
“Well, balls,” Alexis sighed, disappearing again.
“Not for you,” Chad sing songed. “But maybe for Jared.”
“Witty,” Sandy said rolling her eyes.
“Guys,” Jared said in a small voice, hoping that none of them asked how he had this particular piece of information. “So Jensen and Tom might have done something like dating in high school.”
“Really?” Alexis said popping up again. “How do you know that?”
Jared stared up the ceiling. He knew because he had been there. He knew because Tom was the first person that he had kissed, back when he had been in Jensen’s body. He knew because that kiss had suggested some of the things that he would like as he grew up.
He knew because the only thing that Jensen had ever gotten angry at him aboug for back then, was for that kiss.
Jared didn’t want to tell Jensen that he had been dating Tom on and off since he was seventeen. It was just kind of weird, well it was down right creepy and in the situation it had not seemed so weird, but on paper it was just plain wrong.
“Not really the point,” Jared said. “Do you think that I can just call Tom and say that it’s all over? And avoid telling Jensen about my ex who also is his ex?”
Chad had his chin resting on his arms on his side of the bed, and Genevieve had moved closer to Jared and away from Chad. Chad took very little notice.
“And say you one day you bring him home and he sees that prom picture of you that your mother has on the kid wall of shame downstairs,” Chad said.
“The idiot shall speak the truths,” Milo piped up from his side of the bed.
“So just call Tom, call it off, take down the picture, and keep your mouth shut,” Genevieve suggested. “I don’t think that you’re currently in danger of being betrothed. This is summer fling thing. You are way over thinking things”
Jared stared at the cracks in the ceiling not quite sure how to stop over thinking things.
Pretty sure that he was under-thinking things.
“I kissed Tom last night,” Jared said quietly.
They were on the phone. It had been quite a week. Jared had never felt more alive and last night he had felt more alive than anything, and then the other thing had happened and Jared couldn’t stop reliving it. All of it, mostly the bad, but a bit of the really, really awesome. He was kind of a mass of emotions and wasn’t a good enough liar to cover everything that he was feeling.
Jensen had commented multiple times on the strangeness of his voice.
Jared just went for the easy answer. Went for the kiss aspect, because he didn’t know how to even begin to talk about the other thing.
He was pretty sure that he was never going to speak about the other incident from last night. Not even to Chris who had ferried him from that situation. He would talk about the kiss as a big distraction from the other thing.
The line was silent. Jared wasn’t expecting that reaction from something like a kiss. Then he realized that Jensen may not be happy about him kissing his ex boyfriend.
“Are you mad?” Jared asked. “I mean Chris took me to this party away from everything. He actually kidnapped me and fed me beers and I was all light headed and Tom came up. Chris had said that things were okay there, and so did Tom, nobody was going to tell. I didn’t know Tom was your ex at first. He was drunk too, he kept saying that he missed me, I mean you and were sitting there talking and his eyes were so blue and he leaned into kiss me so I kissed him back.”
Jared felt on the verge of tears by the end of the tale.
“I’m sorry,” Jared said in a small voice, sorry for a lot of that night, but mostly sorry for pissing Jensen off.
Jensen was still silent. Jared waited, because for once in his life he had no more words.
When Jensen finally spoke Jared heard his own voice sound really strangled and odd.
“You kissed Tom?” Jensen asked.
“He kissed me,” Jared weakly defended.
“Jared, you shouldn’t have done that,” Jensen said his voice coming out as strangled.
“Nobody saw it. It was safe, nobody was around to witness it, Tom even said so,” Jared said petulantly.
“I don’t fucking care what Tom thought,” Jensen said in a voice that made Jared want to sink into the ground and die. “You sound like a wreck. You shouldn’t be forced to kiss guys, you’re thirteen and this body swap is making you do things that are wrong for you. Who is doing this to us? I’m going to find them and wring their fucking necks.”
“I liked it,” Jared yelled back, because Jensen just wasn’t getting this.
There was a sharp intake of breath.
“You’re thirteen, Jared,” Jensen hissed. “No matter what body you are wearing.”
Images of the last night, after Tom, before he confessed to Chris flashed before his eyes.
“Jensen, I-I liked it,” Jared said, because that was more important to him. He was beginning to think that he could like guys. He liked Jensen’s body, had tried not to take advantage of that fact, but he liked it.
The kiss with Tom had made him think that maybe his appreciation of Jensen wasn’t just hero worship, but could be something a little more.
“Jared, you’re thirteen,” Jensen ground out. “You shouldn’t be kissing seventeen year old guys. You shouldn’t be kissing my exes, I don’t think that now is the time you should be figuring out if you like dudes or girls, and you should not be doing it in my body.”
“Why are you getting so mad at me?” Jared asked. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to screw with your life.”
“That isn’t it,” Jensen bit out.
“Then what is it?” Jared said, feeling the tears on his cheeks.
“Go to bed Jared,” Jensen said tiredly.
“I want to know Jensen,” Jared said, his voice almost in a little whine.
“Goodnight Jared,” Jensen responded.
The phone went dead.
When they woke up the next morning they had been returned to the bodies that they had been born into.
They saw each other that morning for a morning run, but Jensen had said that one sentence.
“I don’t think anyone noticed.”
It left Jared with almost insurmountable questions to problems that he had to be ready now to have. It was fairly easy not to freak out about probably being gay, because for a long time nothing made sense or felt normal. He got used to it, it became normal.
He hated Jensen for a year or two, for not being there for the questions, but it was only later that he realized that even though Jensen had been in his body, Jensen couldn’t answer the questions in Jared’s head.
Jensen was the question in his head. Jensen remained the one thing that he couldn’t rationalize into normalcy.
“And I am here because why?” Chad said behind his obscene sunglasses. Chad was also carrying a cooler, an umbrella, and a chair.
Jared had a towel and normal person sunglasses. They were going to the river today, it was hot and sunny and they had spent summers on this river, lazily drifting on tubes. Jared had watched as Chad was rebuffed at this place over and over.
It really never ceased to amuse Jared and today he felt jittery and he needed that kind of amusement.
The answer to Chad’s question was that Jared was not ready to be alone with Jensen, too many uncomfortable questions. Also he had broken up, or whatever it was, with Tom’s voicemail this morning and he felt weird. Not about the break up or the voicemail, Tom had done it enough to him and once in texts, but this situation was uncomfortable. Chad was more uncomfortable most of the time and would distract from Jared’s uncomfortableness.
Jared looked at the people lounging along the river.
It wasn’t hard to find Chris and Jensen down by the edge a little ways away. Chris’ Stetson was a beacon.
“You should have brought the girls,” Chad sighed. “I don’t want to have to be there while you secretly ogle each other’s hot bodies.”
“You know I brought you so I wouldn’t have ogling competition,” Jared said, already getting started on the ogling. Then he turned startled. “Did you just say I was hot?”
Chad flapped his hand back and forth dismissively.
Jared just grinned.
“Don’t be such a spoil sport, remember what we agreed when I told you I was gay?” Jared said, beginning to walk in the direction of Chris and Jensen.
“I could have all the girls your splendid gayness attracts,” Chad said out of rote.
“I think you just added the splendid part,” Jared said dryly.
“Whatever, I get your gay dregs,” Chad said like a long-suffering saint.
“Hi,” Jensen said as they approached. “Great day.”
Chad groaned.
“Ignore him,” Jared said brightly. “We all do, he doesn’t find it rude, I think he finds it endearing.”
Chad was a little busy looking off at a group of giggling girls in bikinis.
“Jared,” Chris said in greeting with a touch to his brim.
Jensen looked between the two of them. Some how the static in the air made Chad snap back to look at Jared.
“Um, so something like major tension just happened here,” Chad said looking at the three of them.
“Chad,” Jared said with gritted teeth. “Hush.”
Chad pouted a little.
“So we didn’t talk about how the friendship blossomed between the two of you when we were at the bar last night,” Jensen said with a forced smile, looking at Chris and Jared.
Chad looked very curious, Jared felt a little withering.
“How did you become friends with Chris?” Chad asked. “I mean it always seems like you were running to the bar in high school.”
“And your stalking never stops being weird,” Jared told him.
“I’m a very curious person,” Chad informed him. “I feel no need to curb that. What if you were meeting some older guy for nefarious purposes? I could never have lived with myself if you were putting yourself in harm.”
“You’re nosy,” Jared told him. “And you didn’t know I was gay until I was sixteen and you thought I was joking for the first eight months.”
Jared looked at Jensen giving him a look that he hoped that Jared could read as ‘Chad doesn’t know.’
Jensen raised an eyebrow, and Jared shook his head slightly.
Chris decided to take it upon himself to move the conversation on and came and draped an arm around Jared, answering Jared’s question. “I’ve been like a mentor to young Jared here.”
Jensen reached out and took Chris’ arm from around Jared’s neck in a very pointed manner. “And yet you’ve turned out so nicely. Shows good things for your upbringing.”
Then Jensen turned towards Chad and gave his most charming smile. “Chad, you should go get us some tubes and we’ll take this to the water.”
Chad lit up. “Good idea. That’s where the babes are.”
He was off like a shot to get tubes for the water.
“You remember his shiny object distraction ADD,” Jared muttered.
“Yeah, from when I was you,” Jensen said. “And apparently when you told Chris, even though we promised never to tell anyone. I’ve hung out with him constantly for the last six years and he never mentioned it, yet you go talking to him on a weekly basis.”
Jared looked at him. “You made the rule. I needed to talk to someone and you were obviously not going to talk to me.”
Jensen looked back at him. “Is that going to be your retort after I remotely do anything you deem as wrong?”
“You need to stop freaking out about everything,” Jared countered.
“I just want to know how that happened,” Jensen said, on a knife’s edge from staying calm.
“I guessed,” Chris said smoothly, bending the truth to almost lying.
“You guessed that we swapped bodies?” Jensen said almost accusing.
“I guessed there was something off,” Chris said as smooth as honey. “I know you son, him in your body wasn’t right.”
Jensen inhaled and then nodded.
“And I didn’t tell you because our last conversation didn’t go all that well,” Jared said softly.
That made Jensen looked a little ashamed.
“This is very lovely,” Chris interrupted. “He told me and he’s been stopping by and e-mailing ever since. I was his guru as he went through a sexual identity crisis.”
“He was thirteen,” Jensen chastised Chris.
Chris shrugged. “And I never treated him like a thirteen year old. He was having feelings and he needed to talk about it. I didn’t tell him to go out and bang anything, I just petted him on the head, told him his feelings towards guys were okay, and gave him a soda.”
Jared was fairly sure he was very bright red.
“You and I are having words later,” Jensen said through clenched teeth.
“Don’t mind me,” Jared managed. “I’m am not part of this whatsoever.”
“Incoming,” Chris said.
They all looked up and saw Chad lugging five inner tubes towards them.
“We really should’ve helped him,” Jensen said, watching the progress, which was worthy of a ‘Three Stooges’ film.
Chad finally arrived, and set town the tires, his face full of pride.
“Ready bitches?” he asked.
Chris looked confused. “Why five?”
Chad looked at him as if Chris were an idiot. “One for the beer.”
Chris looked at him with a look of supreme approval. “You are a genius.”
Chad reached into his bag. “I brought rope to secure it, bitches.”
Chris’ face was glowing with elation of Chad’s brilliance.
Jensen leaned into Jared. “I’m pretty sure that Chris just fell in love.”
Jared threw his head back and laughed. “Looks like they’re going to make us double date all the time so they can spend more time together.”
Jensen stopped and looked over at him. He mouthed the word ‘date.’
Jared’s eyes went wide. “I mean if you, I think we should because it would be something, we never talked about that and if you want to be just friends I’m good with that, but I’m really hoping that you want…”
Jensen leaned in and brushed his lips over Jared’s, giving him a soft kiss. It was the barest of touches, just soft lips touching and Jensen’s tongue darted to barely touch the bottom of Jared’s lips.
In the grand scheme of kisses it was nothing, but Jared felt it in his toes. He felt the brush all the way through his body. He vibrated with the briefest of contact. Jared had been kissed before, but those didn’t even compare. He felt like something inside of him was activated.
When Jensen pulled back, Jared could hear the catcalls from Chris and Chad on his periphery, but it didn’t really register.
He just saw Jensen.
He really saw Jensen.
“No running away from me at work,” Jensen said. “We should date and let the past be the past.”
“Okay,” Jared answered. “Yes.”
The millions of things that were between them were still there, but at least this was perfect clear.
For the first time it was allowed, these things between them were going to be allowed to happen.
**
At the end of the day they exited the river. They were sunburnt and a little drunk, and all four of them had smiles on their faces.
Jensen had enough beers that he was currently fascinated with how bronzed Jared had gotten, but not enough that he was going to tell Jared that.
Jensen and Jared stood in the shade a little ways away from Chris and Chad who were getting numbers from girls.
“This is a bad idea,” Jared said. “They shouldn’t be friends.”
Jensen tugged on his arm. “Tell me the truth. You invited him so we wouldn’t have to bring up the thing.”
Jared lifted his sunglasses and looked at Jensen. “Yep. Also, if I brought the girls they would have asked you to rub sunscreen on them and I’m not really ready for that.”
Jensen just had a small smile on his lips.
Jared kind of cleared his throat. “So…I’d just like to point something out, you kissed me earlier.”
Jensen full on grinned, feeling lazy and sun burnt beneath his freckles.
Jared cocked his head. “You seem so relaxed. I remember you so high strung.”
“I’m still high strung,” Jensen said. He felt so relaxed. He usually didn’t, but there was something about the sun, about Jared walking back into his life. He had stolen little touches, light brushes during their languid river lounging. Each time was a sizzle that had nothing to do with the sun.
He felt free and young in a way that he hadn’t since he had figured out he liked guys. He felt like this thing with Jared was simple enough, despite everything.
There was something about having him here that made him feel relaxed. He didn’t know why, but there it was.
He had avoided Jared for so long he didn’t know that he would feel this draw.
Jensen was a little pissed about Chris knowing, but he was trying to suppress it. The alcohol helped, Jared shirtless and tan was better, and the blinding white smile made everything else disappear.
But Jared was here; he had grown up better than anything that Jensen had imagined. He was real and he was here.
“So we have one more day before we have to go to work,” Jensen said. “Let’s go home, shower, and do that real dinner out, just to make it official.”
Jared grinned and Jensen felt his stomach flop. “Wanna meet my parents?”
“Sure, but really meeting them feels a little like cheating,” Jensen replied.
“How so?” Jared asked.
“Oh I know, be super polite, take my shoes off, don’t talk with my mouth full,” Jensen said. “I already know how to charm your mother.”
“It will be totally cheating,” Jared said. “I like this plan. It’ll be nice to have my mother finally like the guy I’m seeing.”
Jensen raised an eyebrow.
“Let’s leave the exes for a little bit,” Jared said with an easy smile, he was going to tell his secrets, but he really didn’t want to ruin this moment. “We don’t have to go through all that right now, we’re gonna need something to talk about during dinner.”
“Agreed. So the date thing is official?” Jensen asked.
“Oh so official” Jared said with no doubt. “Where are we meeting.”
“How about I’ll pick you up,” Jensen said. “Mostly because my parents are only fine with the whole gay thing as long as I don’t do gay things like date a man in their presence.”
Jared made an overly absurd sexy face. “I’m a man baby.”
Jensen swatted at him. “Hardly, but enough. I’ll pick you up at eight?”
Jared winked at him. “Sure thing.”
Three