Prior to my stay in the xenochamber of krallak, i had created a dashing escape plan to unhinge the jaws of #1010001000. I hand crafted a blade made of two things... spacetime...and jerky. with this mighty blade, i cut a time vagina that lead directly to z00ess. unfortunately after i entered i was thrown sideways through another path that i had ( Read more... )

in a 1997 chevrolet impala i wake to find myself overlooking the city of rio. peaceful and beautiful. with the exception of the volcanic eruption and enormous yak peering at me from the side of a building near the bay. there was no-one in the world that could tell me why i was there. the only thing i could say was, "you gave me life... now.. ( Read more... )

i have materialized on the internet

i had traveled long and far. my jerky truck had taken me to the base of mount everest. in order to leave no mountain peak un-searched i climbed it. at the top of the mountain i found no sign of eternal rafftimus. but what i did find was that the mountain next to mount everest was actually taller than it. strange.. but true. i don't see how so ( Read more... )

after another event-less week of my quest, i stumbled upon the most exciting thing yet. in a town called New Jamerland, there was an annual Monster-Truck Slam being held. The point of the event was to see who could crush the most repossesed cars using a monster truck that didn't run on fossil fuels. Immediately i was interested and i rented a ( Read more... )

the snake's grip tightened around my body, and just as i took in my last gasp of air i got a brilliant idea! i could distract the snake using my remote control operated Jerky RC Car. It was contolled by a small controller i had in my pocket. and i could still reach it! i quickly drove the car in circles until the unresistable jerky scent reached ( Read more... )

continuing on my quest, i decided to take a break and have a snack. and what better snack to eat, than beef jerky strips. mmm were they tasty. i was just about done with my snack when all of the sudden i was rudely interrupted by an enormous south african bungle snake. it slithered around me and i tried to hold still. maybe if i played dead it ( Read more... )

when i last left my journal i was face to face with the robotic baby border police. yes this fight proved to be thrilling. the baby's heads opened up and large lazer cannon barrels extended from the openings. dodging the lazers took skill, and avoiding constant lazer fire drained me of the little energy i had remaining. but just then i had a ( Read more... )

quite frankly, after you have just gotten in a fight with cheeblers, you don't feel like doing anything else for a long time. sadly, i never got a chance to rest before the next exciting chapter in my quest for eternal rafftimus began. it all started when i was traveling through a slightly wooded area of oklahoma and i saw a small red light flash ( Read more... )

when i last wrote in my journal i was trapped in a vortex formed by the swift moving cheeblers. as near as i could tell this was the end. there was no way i could stop a swarm of cheeblers once they had gone into the vortex maneuver.. it was nearly impossible to slow them down. but just as i was preparing for the worst, i remembered, i still had ( Read more... )