Brigits Flame - July Week 2

[turnaroundfic]

Second entry for Brigits Flame. I'm in a dour mood, I think. Beware. Also, this is the first piece I've ever written in second person, because while it can be completely riveting when done right, it comes off as totally pretentious when done wrong. But I like how the detached feel of it went with the subject matter. So.

It takes 120 pounds of

Comments

[ursulawade]

"120 pounds is a fat child, a thin woman, your old, overstuffed loveseat, or your small television dropped from the third story."
For some reason this is my favorite quote. Really nice work. You've created some really flawed,realistic characters.

[turnaroundfic]

Thanks, that was the idea.

[smz12231994]

I really liked this a lot. The second person is really well done. I felt like I was this man, getting beaten up my father, and beating my own son.

[turnaroundfic]

Thanks. I was trying to make him sympathetic, but not TOO sympathetic (because: hi, child abuser), and I think the second person helped.

[forallyouare]

it's one of the only incidences i can think of where choosing 2nd person yielded a huge payoff. great job taking risks with your story. i was conflicted throughout the whole reading. totally a standout entry this week, though i'm sure the votes will speak for themselves :)

[turnaroundfic]

Thanks! 2nd person can be so tricky, and it can be REALLY overused, so I'm glad it worked for you. Thanks for the nice feedback.

[wickedmommy]

This is very well done. It brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. Wonderfully done.

[turnaroundfic]

Thank you!

[csigeekfan]

You had me crying through this. I'm a foster parent. This story struck me to the core. Some parents work hard to get their kids back from foster care. Some don't. That said, I have a hard time believing that even bad parents wake up in the morning and say to themselves, "I want to hurt my kids."

We are what we've been taught. It's too common a story.

Thank you for writing it.

[turnaroundfic]

First of all, that's amazing that you're a foster parent. I can't imagine how hard that it.

Second of all - I agree with you. I don't think anyone, even the worst parent, has a good feeling about hurting their children, which is part of where this story came from. The shame of hurting someone you love is terrible, and I imagine it's even worse when it's your child.

[kay_brooke]

This is a very affecting story, and I enjoyed it. I think the second person works well.

[turnaroundfic]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.