I fucking hate most people and their liking for vapid, mass-consumerist garbage. It's like people have forgotten how to converse and how to be weird with one another. It's all pretension and social media acceptance with all these attention-seeking fucks. I would delete all my social media accounts right now if not for trying to promote my bands and ( Read more... )

I feel the walls closing in on me, encasing me in a concrete tomb. I'm unable to get out of this prison. A black mass of poison festers away in my mind, spreading like a cancer. I feel disconnected and purposeless, like there is no meaning in my life to live for. I know it's just the depression kicking in, with touches of childhood schizophrenia ( Read more... )

 Getting older. I feel the years of physical abuse kicking in. Too much smoke and too much alcohol. Visions smashed left, right and centre. I feel ill. I have been ill for the past three days. I shouted to my neighbour through my window to shut up as they were talking too loud. They have five fucking noisy kids. Buildings on fire. Cars honking in ( Read more... )

 The evening glare of yellowed plastic. Smoke trails up the windowsills of houses filled with dull, dull people. Cyclic slaves. They feel wretched with purposeless living. I extend my hand only to be scratched by claws. These nights fill me with dread, hollows out my mental state and drains me dry. Memories of former lovers stain the sheets while ( Read more... )

The weather has been kind enough to let me sleep for hours and hours. Too many hours, too many minutes. This lasted for a few days. I don't know why I sleep so much; perhaps it's the burnout from last week, doing graphic projects and running the store ( Read more... )

The wind chills the body but the mind remains in a constant flux. I do not want stillness but I do want a constant motion in ignorant euphoria. Eyes backward and the heart exposed. Blades cut and delve into the scarlet and I am left awkward and dangling with my eyes to the sky. All senses gone, all memories erased, eroded from existence.

I ( Read more... )

In a few months, I'll be turning 26. Time sure flutters by when you're busy. I went through some of my past entries, and I realize now that many of them were rather immature in certain ways. At least they help me remember what I forgot over the months and years that have been distilled with alcohol and tribulations ( Read more... )

Your eyes seek conclusion in all this confusion of mine
Though you and I both know it's only the warm glow of wine
That's got you to feeling this way, but I don't care, I want you to stay
And hold me and tell me you'll be here to love me today

Children are dancin', the gamblers are chancin' their all
The window's accusing the door of abusing the wall
But ( Read more... )

In three days I will be a quarter of a century old. Funny how time flies by these days ( Read more... )

Stomach hurts. My head is numb and my nose runs. I need a drink to calm my nerves although they aren't really going all the way out right now. Tension builds day by day. My bank account is being milked dry. Thanks dad. You're a fat load of help. I don't feel much use for many things these days. In fact, I'm selling off alot of my stuff. Material ( Read more... )