Help-
the wave-
its pulling me under again

im suffocating under its inky black

im back from IAC. i didnt have a great time. i suffered one of my worst breakdowns yet. i just returned to milwaukee from up north and camp. i havent been home in 6 weeks. it feels weird here. maybe because everything is un-lived-in clean. maybe because lean isnt here. i feel like an intruder in my own home. it finally hit me today that lean is ( Read more... )

ahem.
i have an announcement.
sven officially looses as a boyfriend.
he twice told me im beautiful in the ten months we were dating.
he made me cry countless times.
for every good, romantic moment we had, there were 10 that were bad and insensitive.
he didnt and doesnt respect me.
he used me.
he is incapable of truely relating to another person.
thus, he ( Read more... )

the last post i deleted: emmy and sawyer, u were right. i was jumping to conclusions because i dont no what to call what i feel. i care but ive stopped myself short of complete comittment (sp?). its confusing. one second it'll be great and the next second, a cold good bye. wtf. i dont no what to think or do. i hate this. MUGH!

http://www.lukechueh. ( Read more... )

im happy. for the first time in months. like 6 months. i woke up happy, even. like this kinda happy: http://www2.shrani.si/thumbs/hug3444739.jpg . :)  :D

i feel so incredibly listless and apathetic right now. ultimately apathetic. i dont even really care if i wake up tomarrow or not. what the hell is wrong with me. where has that momentary self confidence and promise gone.

someday i'll grow wings ( Read more... )

tired. sick. my stomach hurts because i really freaked out about something yesterday. i didnt talk to stephen like i had meant to and i got pissed at myself and i think i gave myself an ulcer. heh. im only half kidding, it hurts my stomach to get up, walk, lie down flat.... ugh. im so behind in school work... GAH.

o

book club meeting tomarrow

sick. so sick. meh. yesterday: waves of nausea all day after i slept from 8:15am to 1:05pm. i dont take naps, much less 5 hours naps in complete daylight. today: still nautious (sp?) and i woke up this morning at 5am and didnt fall asleep again until 6:30am. sucky. i had race mind and all i could bloody think about was stephen and how this stephen ( Read more... )

I'm sick of pining away for the bastard. the guy i fell in love with is gone. someone else is in his place who looks just like him but i dont no who it is. my stephen was never this pervy or preppy. i dont think he even wears his schrodinger's cat shirt anymore. I'm having a successful time erasing everything between us from my mind. If I dont ( Read more... )