I feel bad using you like this my dear, dear journal. Whenever I require your outlet I use you as I see fit, then I discard you to the side when I have no further desire for you. You are a pleasent mistress my dear journal for the very fact that you are always here when I need you.

It seems that nothing can ever be simple in my life. In the very ( Read more... )

I used to think I was taken seriously.

Now I see the need for a label.

I am not a toy.

The most absolutely maddening thing about doing the right thing or keeping your mouth shut: nobody ever knows.

Despite every fiber in your being telling you to scream, to yell, to strike... you resist... and what for? They have no idea... they are not put in their place, they are not reminded of the past... nothing. They go on thinking you had no ( Read more... )

I sit down knowing I want to write, but not knowing what it shall be about. The neat little trick around this, obviously, is simply to write about having nothing to write about.

I guess sometimes it just gets to the point where I have so much in my mind that I might as well have nothing. Singular thoughts are graspable, holdable. You can work with ( Read more... )

Life is a roller coaster: I understand this.

What I don't understand is why I seem to feel as if I am always at the bottom of the hill. I have been setting some things up lately to help secure the rest of my life. I officialy received my life insurance policy and designed my beneficiaries so that the people I care about will get the money to take ( Read more... )

I just can’t seem to fathom what other people are thinking or dealing with.

I try so hard to reach out, to make contact, to forge some sort of link, and it is completely disregarded. It’s not that it is even shut down, or blocked off, or I am told to go fuck myself. At least then it would be some sort of answer, some form of finality. Instead, and ( Read more... )

It occurred to me today that how people rate and value life is really… well… messed up I guess is the best way to put it. In a sudden epiphany like moments I realized: people don’t really connect to the world around them. Now, this isn’t to say that they don’t connect partially or in spots, but by and large we are all absolutely and completely ( Read more... )

I had the full intention of getting back to writing in this journal... I wanted a place to set my thoughts and feelings down... but alot of things going on recently seem like they may prevent me from starting again so soon. The intent is still there... the execution just needs to wait a bit until I can get my mind fully on track and in order again ( Read more... )

I feel like I am trapped in some repeating limbo right now. I have so many thoughts, feelings, and ideas within my mind, but I just can't seem to get them out. I think almost non-stop all day. Ideas for this, or that, or a story, or how to tell someone something. When it is all said and done, I come home from work, come home from doing nothing but ( Read more... )

Getting excited and looking foward to Deerfield. This weekend should be good. =)