I want something else, to get me through this: A semi-charmed kind of life.

[twistedshot]

Haha, I can't really say I blame you anymore. I was so into you, it was ridiculous. I tripped over some reminiscance... and I realized; it must've felt so good to have me around your finger... but, I don't think I could parade that long. Nor do I think you can. It's all very confusing to me. But, my mind always races away, somewhere in Seville on a

Comments

[apothegma]

i never felt i had you wrapped around my finger. i honestly felt more distressed by the fact that neither you or jorge would go away-- which was good and bad. You're right, it probably is a fairy tale. I mean most high school relationships remain just that. Contained in their convenient circumstances. A master of facades? really? Implying that you believed any emotion i showed i feigned? I lost your trust by being unreliable-- which I am(was..) with most people. And because you felt led on-- undeniable albeit unintentional. And finally because you lost respect for me upon learning about things I'd done-- the only thing I actually completely regret. I probably wasn't love, but looking back I think it could've been something really good for us both. Better than what I wasted my time on and perhaps better than the shakey friendships/infatuations you always seemed to attract

[twistedshot]

No, I said in order. And they're all not love-- not at all. Not even a proper excuse for it. I mean, looking back, it was both really good, and really bad. It was necessary. But... you still manage to displace me entirely too much. It should be flattering to you, but the fact remains that it still bugs me that you bring up Jorge... and, in a sense, I get jealous. A part of me wishes you'd talk about me. That's unrealistic. I can't really forsee any sort of circumstance which would require my name drop-- I don't bring forth anything really applicable toward a normal conversation... other than maybe "HE SHREDS GUITAR (hero)!!!!"
Honestly... I have an internal schism; half of me wants to devote everything in you, and the other half wants me to despise you with my entire being.

[apothegma]

If we're talking about history fo relationships here I have to bring up jorge. He's just a fact, as much as you are. You know i resisted calliing you last night at 1 or 2 am because I wasn't sure if I could really expect you to be there for me given all the crap I've done. How do I displace you too much? At least give me some credit and say displacED. Do you know that I'm most likely here alive and well because of you? Instead of getting help somewhere or on some medication. I made a bad decision, and the timings were off, I chose to invest so much of myself in someone who didn't wanna give anything back to me. By the time I met you I was already chin deep in that bullshit that it was hard to get out-- even with your help. And so I ended up doing something similar to you. So imagine both of us sinking in crap, STILL giving up more of our selves to someone else then that probably deserved. I did take you for granted. So much. YOu think I haven't dropped your name bfore? You think you don't come up when I talk to people? You think I

[twistedshot]

No matter how divided I am, I'll always be here for you.