i've been waiting all this time to be something i can't define

so let's cause a scene
clap our hands and stomp our feet
or something
yeah something

restricted from my home computer so i've been posting on the school computers because hell, i couldn't go a few days without updating the livejournal. what no? i've written a lot in notebooks to copy into here when i have computer access, but going a day or night after writing it thoughts change and so do opinions. i go hours being upset over ( Read more... )

a sip of peach snapple along with a gulp of screw ups, worthlessness and nothingness drips down my throat and throughout my body and i look down at my arm to see that it has turned my skin a light cornflower blue. exhaling energy when there hasn't been much to spare in the past several months at all. fears of the future have plunged downward along ( Read more... )

inside out, upside down, turn it all around. smile for the camera and cry when it's possible. try to remember what life felt like before the realization of being alive. being happy is never about being happy, and being for sad, there isn't always a reason. a thought or idea begins with one reason and ends off with a completely different one. the ( Read more... )

great weekend. no need to say more.

ever give up? ever get scared? i've lost all feeling in my legs and i'm ready to sprawl out on the floor of the school library and go to sleep without caring what anyone else thinks of me doing so because i don't feel like speaking or thinking or breathing or dreaming or caring for the rest of the day, or tomorrow. maybe friday i'll have some ( Read more... )

do you ever feel your eyes sparkling with excitement? hm, it's happening now.

a. i'm worthless
b. you're being like me, stop please
c. i didn't do it, thanks thanks
d. you lied
e. sorry for caring
f. slap me
g. i <3 brittany and sondra and brett and alex
h. i hid behind the locker in alex's basement yesterday for over an hour
i. i didn't have a reason
j. that tends to happen with me, not having reasons
k. today is my sister nicole's ( Read more... )

"when the world ends
collect your things
you're coming with me
when the world ends
you tuckle up yourself with me
watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
the day the world is over
we'll be lying in bed
i'm gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
we will rise as the building's crumble
float there and watch it all
amidst the burning, we'll be ( Read more... )

you must think befriending sharp objects is not only the easy way out of letting go of pain but an actual problem in itself. is self destruction a problem? tell me where the fault is. nothing more or less than a well covered up secret.

[Feb. 28th, 2004|1:13 pm] LISTEN KIDS - everyone probably misunderstood what the above meant and i think i gave ( Read more... )