fic: misguided ghosts, traveling endlessly (1/2)
Title: Misguided Ghosts, Traveling Endlessly
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 12,488
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title from the song Misguided Ghosts by Paramore
Summary: This was a dream. A very very bad dream. A nightmare. He wanted to wake up and call Blaine and argue with Finn over who got to use the bathroom first and make plans with Mercedes and Rachel to go shopping and he just wanted to wake the hell up. Instead, he stood frozen in the middle of the room as his stepmother walked through him.
A/N: Based off of this prompt over on the Angst Meme. Not beta'd, so please excuse any mistakes.
Warnings: Not a death!fic. Swearing and angst. A lot of it. The reason it took me so long to get this out was because of how hard it was to write at times. Blaine is one angsty mofo in this.
A bajillion thank you's to Jackie for this amazing art for the story. (Bigger version found here)
Kurt woke up with a strangled gasp, shooting up straight in his bed.
huh, he thought to himself as he realized he slept above the covers and was in the same clothes he had on the previous night, must’ve fallen asleep early.
He tried to think back to last night, but it was all foggy, muddled thoughts rolling sluggishly through his brain. The harder he tried to remember, the more seemed to slip away.
He shook his head minutely before sitting on the edge of his bed and glancing over at his nightstand where his phone usually sat to text Blaine good morning.
Usually being the main word, since his cellphone was nowhere to be seen.
Probably just left it downstairs he thought to himself again before standing up and heading out of his room and across the hall to Finn’s to wake him up for school.
“Hey Finn, time to wa-” The words died on his lips and Kurt felt like he had just been punched in the gut when he opened the door to his stepbrother’s room.
Finn was totally dead to the world, bed sheet tangled around his feet, and his arms wrapped tightly around another person.
Blaine.
Blaine, his boyfriend.
Blaine wasn’t facing him like Finn was, but Kurt recognized the black, unruly curls, free of their usual gelled-hold. He was pushed up against Finn as tightly as he could be, legs tangled, one arm thrown around Finn’s waist, the other buried beneath both of their bodies, using one of Finn’s arms as a pillow.
Kurt thought he was going to be sick. Either that, or he was going to go into heart failure.
He decided he could pass out later, opting instead to verbally destroy the two in front of him.
“Hey, what the fuck is going on here?!” Kurt yelled, uncaring that it was only six am and his parents were probably still half-asleep.
When they didn’t even move, Kurt’s anger rose.
“I’m talking to you, you fucking assholes!” Kurt screamed as he decided cross the room and rip them apart.
He shoved angrily at Finn’s arm but nothing happened.
“What the…” Kurt breathed angrily, eyes still slanted in anger, chest rising and falling quickly with all of his emotions coursing through him in rapid succession.
“Finn! Blaine!” Kurt yelled, fear beginning to lace his anger-fueled yells.
“Blaine, Blaine!” Kurt yelled, reaching down to try and shake his boyfriend awake, but nothing happened.
“Finn, time to wake up.”
Kurt stumbled away from the two boys and spun on his heel to see Carole in the doorway, looking over sadly at the two on the bed.
“Carole, what’s going on?!” Kurt asked, anger leaving his body and being replaced with an all-consuming fear.
His step-mother didn’t answer him, didn’t even acknowledge him.
Like he wasn’t even there.
The two boys stirred awake, Finn removing his arm and Blaine rolling over, finally facing Kurt’s way as he opened his eyes.
If Kurt didn’t go into heart failure before, he was pretty sure he was about to now.
Blaine’s eyes red and puffy, purple circles under both of them. His hair was sticking up in a million directions on one side while the other was flattened down against his head. His face…his face hurt to even look at. Kurt never wanted to see that expression on Blaine’s face again.
Devastating was putting it lightly. Blaine looked like someone who had lost absolutely everything in his life, including himself. He looked…dead. His eyes were lifeless, and even though Kurt was sure he was just eating lunch with him yesterday, Blaine’s face looked gaunt, hollow, devoid of everything.
Kurt ripped his eyes away from Blaine to look over at his stepbrother who didn’t look much better off. His eyes were red and puffy also and he looked like he very well may just burst into tears at any given moment.
Kurt couldn’t take anymore.
This was a dream. A very very bad dream.
A nightmare.
He wanted to just wake up already.
He wanted to wake up and call Blaine and argue with Finn over who got to use the bathroom first and make plans with Mercedes and Rachel to go shopping and he just wanted to wake the fuck up.
Instead, he stood frozen in the middle of the room as his stepmother walked through him.
Carole sat at the foot of the bed, patting Blaine’s knee before placing her hand comfortingly on her son’s shin.
“How are you two holding up?”
When neither boy answered, Carole just nodded and sighed shakily, hand minutely tightening over Finn’s leg.
“Well um, visiting hours start in about an hour. Blaine sweetie, you can wear something of Finn’s, I’ll call the schools to let them know you both won’t be in.”
Kurt watched as Carole bit the side of her lip and stood quickly, heading to the door, “Be ready to leave soon.” She called out. Kurt didn’t miss the tears threatening to spill over onto her face.
His mind was racing, his heart was pounding and when the hell did his hands start shaking.
Oh, right, around the same time Carole mentioned the words ‘visiting hours’.
“Okay no, that’s enough of this. I-I need to wake up already.”
Kurt sucked in a breath and closed his eyes before reaching for his arm and pinching himself hard, biting off a curse as pain surged through his body.
He cracked an eye open and almost growled in frustration as he was still standing in the middle of his stepbrother’s room, his boyfriend still in bed with said stepbrother.
Finn was sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring out the window across the room, lost in his head. Blaine moved, however, and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, his arms dangling in between his legs, his head down.
“Thanks, Finn…I um…j-just thanks.”
Kurt stood transfixed, watching as Finn reached up and rested a hand against Blaine’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly.
Blaine reached up, grasping Finn’s hand in his own.
This can’t be fucking happening… Kurt cried in his mind, willing himself to look away and run out of the room, but instead he was stuck on the spot, eyes glued to two of the most important people of his life.
He watched as Blaine’s grip tightened on Finn’s hand before releasing it, standing abruptly.
“I um, I need a shirt, please, or-or just a hoodie, whatever. I don’t really care, I just need uh, I’d, I know your stuff is probably going to be big on me, but I just…I can’t go to Ku-” Blaine’s rambling was cut off as a sob ripped through his body. Kurt watched as Finn flew across the bed and stood, reaching over to turn Blaine around and hug him tightly. Blaine arms wrapped around him and clutched at Finn’s shoulders as his entire body shook violently with the force of his cries.
Kurt watched as Finn’s eyes slowly filled with tears, but he never cried, only held tightly to Blaine as he let the other boy cry onto his shoulder.
“It’s gunna be okay, Blaine, I swear…h-he’s going to be okay, alright, he is.”
Finn pulled away and held Blaine at arm’s length, staring him in the eye, “You need to listen to me. He’s going to be okay. He needs us to be strong. My mom a-and Burt? They need us to be strong.”
Blaine didn’t reply, he just ran his hand shakily through his hair before running it over his face, wiping away stray tears.
“H-how could this happen? I mean, yesterday…yesterday was so good and now… It’s all my f-”
Finn took in a shaky breath before pulling away entirely and cutting him off, “Hey, no, he’s gunna pull through.” Finn answered, opening a drawer in his dresser and pulling out the first two shirts he grabbed, handing one over to Blaine.
“And if he doesn’t?”
Finn pulled the clean shirt over his head, resolution etched into his face, “He will. Kurt’s strong, he’ll make it.”
It was the first time someone said his name, and it hit Kurt like a freight train.
The last thing he remembered was the edges of his vision ebbing away and then darkness.
**
Kurt woke up to the sound of beeping. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with stark white everywhere and the overwhelming scent of antiseptic.
He took in his surrounded and quickly realized that he was in a hospital. The beeping wasn’t coming from his side of the room, though; it was coming from the other side of the curtain.
Kurt looked down and realized he was still in the same clothes as yesterday and he was sleeping on top of the bed.
Confusion coursed through him before the memories of earlier that morning came rushing back to him and he sprang off the bed, walking the short distance between the bed and the half-closed curtain. He hesitated for a moment before crossing to the other side and he was once again frozen in place.
There were three chairs around the bed, two on the right, one on the left, closest to where he stood.
He looked at the bed and stopped breathing because it was him.
Or at least, he thought it was.
The person on the bed had various cuts and bruises all along their face, white gauze wrapped around their head, hair lying flat over the bandage.
Both of his arms were lying above the blankets, but the right one was covered in plaster, his left in some sort of brace. There were various tubes and wires sticking out every which way, one on the top of his right wrist, another in the juncture under his left elbow. There were wires coming out from under his gown on his chest, and a cannula was placed under his nose feeding him oxygen.
On the right, Burt and Carole were sitting. Burt held his wife’s hand tightly in his own, but his eyes were glued to his son’s face. Kurt took a good look at his father and realized that the man must not have slept at all, maybe might’ve even spent the entire night sitting in the exact same chair he was in right now.
Kurt looked to the left and saw Blaine slumped in the uncomfortable hospital chair, his hand holding onto Kurt’s tightly.
Kurt had never seen his boyfriend like this before. He was completely disheveled. He was wearing jeans and sneakers and an oversized hoodie, his curls were gel-free and were all over the place and he was wearing glasses (and since when did his boyfriend wear glasses). His face was covered in stubble and, if anything, he looked even more destroyed than Kurt had seen him earlier.
Finn walked in a minute later with a drink-tray full of coffees and a bag slung over his arm that he dropped on the foot of the bed, placing the drinks on the table near the wall before grabbing one and handing it to Burt.
“So…did the doctors say anything?” Finn asked as he handed out the other coffees, Blaine shaking his head at the offer, eyes never leaving Kurt’s hand wrapped tightly in his own.
Burt took a sip of his drink before setting it down on the bedside table, shaking his head at his stepson, “No, there’s…there’s no change.”
“But there has to be something-”
“It’s up to him,” Burt cut him off, tearing his gaze away from his son to face Finn. “It’s up to Kurt to get out of the coma on his own.”
Coma.
He…He was in a coma.
Kurt took a shaky step back and smacked against the wall, his hands scrabbling for purchase against the smooth surface as he slid to the floor.
His mind was racing again and his heart decided it wanted to run a marathon all of a sudden and okayokayokay he really needed to get his shit in order before he passed out again.
And seriously, since when could ghosts -holy fuck, please don’t let him be a ghost-pass out?
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before deciding enough was enough and he needed answers.
Okay so one, something happened to him. Something bad. Something bad enough to fucking make him comatose.
Two, there was nothing doctors were medically able to do for him to help him out of it, which, great, just awesome.
Three, the people around him were slowly crumbling and would soon fall apart if he didn’t wake up.
Kurt saw a clip board hanging outside of the room and he quickly went over to it, hoping maybe something was there that could help him.
He tried his hardest to read the illegible chicken scratch, but he all got out of it was his name, age, and time of admittance (So, okay, he was admitted in before 6pm…at least now he had a time frame).
He was about to walk back into the room when Finn walked out, cell phone clutched in his hand.
“Hey Rach.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow (because last he checked, Finn was with Quinn this month) and stood closer to his stepbrother, close enough to be able to hear the girl on the other side of the phone.
“Hey…h-how is he?”
Finn sighed and leaned against the wall, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.
“Not too good. The um, the car slammed into the passenger side, which is pretty much the only reason Kurt’s still alive, even if he is in a coma.”
“And his dad?”
“He’s…I honestly don’t know how long he’s gunna last, Rachel. We all know he’s not at 100% health anymore and he’s totally wearing himself down. Last night we all went home and he refused to even budge from his seat.”
Kurt glanced back into the room and at his father’s back, tears bringing to prickle at his eyes. He was so suddenly lost in his worried thoughts about his father that he missed some of Finn’s conversation.
“-He’s a total wreck, and he’s not talking. He’s just shutting down. I don’t even know how long he cried last night until he wore himself out and fell asleep. Mom said he could sleep in Kurt’s room, but he couldn’t even touch the doorknob. He just came to my room and before I could even speak, he lost it.”
Kurt felt his heart clench and drop at the same time as he looked over at Blaine, Blaine, his perfect, well-mannered, amazing boyfriend, and Kurt wanted to cry and punch himself all at the same time.
How the hell could he have ever thought that Blaine would cheat on him (with his stepbrother no less). Kurt hated himself. He needed to wake up, God, he needed to. He needed to wake up and let Blaine know that he loved him, that he wanted to be with him forever, no matter what.
He wanted Blaine to know that he was it for Kurt; he was the one that Kurt wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
“-He feels guilty Rachel.”
Kurt’s head whipped around, facing Finn once again.
“What? Why?”
“Because,” Finn sighed shakily, pinching the bridge of his nose before running the hand over his face, “He was on the phone with Blaine when it happened. It’s the reason Kurt didn’t see the car coming at him.”
**
The Day Before
Kurt was exhausted and was literally dreaming of his bed when his phone rang. He was luckily coming up to a red light so he fished it out of his pocket and his face instantly brightened when ‘Blaine’ lit up on the screen.
“Hey.” He answered, smiling sliding onto his face as he drummed absentmindedly on the steering wheel, waiting for the light to change.
“Hey yourself, what’re you doing?”
Kurt rolled his eyes, “I’m driving home, doofus. I’ve only been gone for about twenty minutes.”
Kurt heard Blaine adorably whine and laughed silently, glancing up at the light as it changed green, waiting the appropriate 5 seconds before driving.
“Why don’t you come with me tomorrow back to Lima? It’s Friday night, I’m sure we can find something to do.”
“Why Kurt Hummel, are you trying to seduce me?” Blaine asked through the phone. Kurt could practically see Blaine’s face as he tried to keep in his laughter.
“Why? Are you seducable?” Kurt replied back, pitching his voice ridiculously low, making them both crack up after a moment of silence.
“That may just be one of the gayest things you’ve ever said to me, and that’s including the time you wanted to bedazzle my tie.”
“Hey, you walked yourself into this one. You should know better than to say a line from a Nicholas Sparks movie to me.”
Blaine was quiet on the other side of the line for a moment, before speaking quietly into the phone, “I want all of you, forever. You and me, every day.”
Kurt knew it was partially Blaine joking around with him, but he couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat.
“Kurt?” Blaine asked after a while of nothing but silence.
“Y-yeah, I’m here. Sorry just…it’s not nice to whip out The Notebook references on me out of the blue.”
Blaine laughed quietly before sobering up, “Doesn’t mean it’s not true though.”
And yeah, okay, Kurt gave up on trying to control his sudden erratic heartbeats.
Did this…did this mean that Blaine loved him?
Sure, Kurt loved Blaine. He was in love with him from the moment he met him. It was solidified when they first sang together in December months ago.
But for Blaine to love him back? That’s something he never really expected.
“Hey Blaine?” Kurt asked shakily, grip tightening and loosening on the wheel over and over.
“Hmm?”
“I um…I wanna tell you something.”
“Yeah, sure, anything. What is it?” Blaine asked.
Kurt really never expected he’d be confessing his love for Blaine over the phone while he was in his car, (to be honest, he was thinking more along the lines of candles and a home-cooked meal and an optional Katy Perry soundtrack because hey, he was nothing if not romantic) but at that moment, he couldn’t think of a more appropriate time.
“It’s just that I um…I- shit-”
“Kurt, wha-”
Kurt cut him off with a terrified yell and Blaine instinctively pulled the phone away from his ear at the catastrophic sounds coming out of the other end for a moment before shoving it against his face.
He heard the angry sounds of glass shattering and metal groaning, a horn blaring in the background and faint screams and cries for help.
“Kurt? Kurt…Kurt! Kurt, oh my god, Kurt, please! Kurt?! Oh fuck. Kurt! Please. Please, please, please, oh my god, fuck, Kurt, answer me! Kurt!” Blaine continued screaming as the room started spinning, his legs giving out from under him and his body collapsing onto his hardwood floor. He clutched the phone in his hand so hard he was surprised it didn’t snap in two, screaming over and over into the phone.
Tears were streaming down his face and his heart was threatening to escape from his chest and holy god, when did he forget how to breathe?
This could not be happening.
The next three hours of Blaine Anderson’s life were a blur of phone calls, relentless tears and wishes in his mind that this was all just a nightmare. A really vivid nightmare.
He didn’t even remember getting into his car, yet he made it to Lima Memorial Hospital in record time.
When he got there, Carole was waiting for him, literally with open arms. He had only met Kurt’s step-mother a handful of times, but that didn’t stop him from collapsing into her embrace the moment he got into reaching distance.
Carole assured him that they would tell the doctors he was family so he would be allowed to stay before filling him in on all she knew on the way up to the ICU, Blaine not letting go of her hand the entire time, gripping it like it was the only thing keeping him together.
He tried to psych himself out the closer they go to Kurt’s room, but every step was worse than the last. His heart pounded, his hands were sweating and he was getting lightheaded.
Carole glanced up at him quickly before opening the door and ushering him inside the room where Burt and Finn were already sitting.
Blaine was glad the wall was behind him and Carole was next to him because he was pretty sure his legs were suddenly two seconds away from giving out.
After the initial shock, Blaine sat on the floor against the glass wall, clutching his knees to his chest and forcing himself to not start rocking back and forth.
He couldn’t take his eyes off of his boyfriend’s body on the hospital bed, surrounded by wires and machines with a dozen different colors and numbers and symbols that Blaine didn’t even want to think about. Kurt’s body was completely still, unmoving except for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest due to the tube shoved down his throat.
Blaine swallowed thickly, praying that he wouldn’t suddenly be sick as it hit him that this was his fault.
It was all his goddamned fault.
I shouldn’t be here…I shouldn’t be allowed to be here. Blaine thought angrily at himself, his hands clenching into fists.
He was arguing with himself on whether or not he should leave when Finn touched his shoulder, causing him to jump slightly.
“Hey man, we gotta go. It’s past visiting hours.” He told Blaine quietly, towering over him.
Blaine looked at him like he had no idea what Finn was saying, his words a jumbled mess in Blaine’s already fucked-over mind. It wasn’t until Carole held out her hand in front of him that he took it and stood up, realizing what was going on.
Finn and Carole said their goodbyes to Burt -who was staying in the hospital, rules be damned-before all walking out.
He knew he must have looked like a child, being led through the hospital corridors by a woman gripping his hand tightly, following obediently while looking down in a daze, but he didn’t care.
She told him that he was going to be staying in their house that night, and Blaine just nodded, wordlessly handing Finn his car keys so they could drive Blaine’s car to the Hummel-Hudson house.
Carole told Blaine he could stay in Kurt’s room once they got inside, but he couldn’t. He stood outside of the door for 10 minutes before walking down the hall and into Finn’s room.
They weren’t close, not really. They had hung out a few times when Blaine was in Lima with Kurt, but he didn’t really know if he could call Finn (well, the New Directions in general) his friends. But still, Finn was Kurt’s step-brother, someone whom he loved, and one look at each other was all it took for Blaine to breakdown. Finn held him while he cried and Blaine managed to get enough air into his lungs to chokingly confess to Finn that he was on the phone with Kurt when it all happened.
“I-it’s…it’s all my fault! He…he could die. He could die and it’s all my fucking fault!” Blaine screamed into his shoulder, hands shaking from the tight hold they had on Finn’s t-shirt.
Finn didn’t know what to say, but it seemed like Blaine didn’t need words, so he just held on tighter, squeezing his eyes shut against the burn of fresh tears. They both just needed someone to hold them together while their entire beings were begging to fall apart.
**
Kurt was sitting on the floor next to Blaine’s chair (Carole had convinced Burt to leave his vigil long enough to get something to eat), smiling sadly over the fact that even though Blaine was slumped in the uncomfortable hospital seat fast asleep, he still held onto Kurt’s hand on the bed.
“I don’t blame you, you know.” Kurt said quietly, even though he knew he could scream it at the top of his lungs and no one would bat an eye. “I…God, Blaine, I could never blame you for this. At all. I…I hate that you’re putting yourself through this, babe.”
Kurt repositioned himself so he was kneeling up next to Blaine’s chair, inches away from him, “Blaine…I love you. I love you so so much. I love you so much it terrifies me. I don’t even know exactly when it all happened, when my world decided to tilt itself off its axis and tether itself to you, revolving completely around you. But it did, and it does, and it hurts me to know you’re hurting…it hurts me to know I’m the reason you’re like this.” Kurt turned his head, staring at his pale and broken body on the bed.
“I’d give anything to wake up, just so you wouldn’t have to go through this anymore. You...a-and dad. And Carole, and Finn. This is all totally and completely my fault, so when I wake up you better believe I’m going to throttle you for thinking you were at fault for this.”
Kurt looked Blaine over carefully, committing every single bit of him to memory for the millionth time, every curl in his hair, every inch of stubble on his face. His glasses that were tilted over his cheek, his lips that were red and bitten from over worry.
“I have to admit though; I am kinda digging the hobo look on you. I guess it just goes to show that you really do look perfect no matter what.”
Kurt glanced over at Blaine’s hand gripping his body’s on the bed and hesitated a moment before shakily placing his hand over Blaine’s.
“I love you…and I swear I’m going to try everything I can to come back to you.” He whispered, desperately wanting to curl his fingers around Blaine’s.
Kurt jumped back in surprise when Blaine suddenly woke up and stared right at him. But then Blaine’s eyesight flew right back to the bed and Kurt tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.
**
Carole insisted on taking over night-watch this time, so Burt drove home with Finn and Blaine, all three men silent the entire drive home.
Burt clapped both boys on the shoulder before heading to his room, feet dragging and body obviously exhausted. Blaine feared for the man’s health, knowing Kurt would have a meltdown over his father’s disregard for his own health, but Blaine didn’t say anything. It would be too hypocritical. He hadn’t eaten an actual meal in days and was sleeping in spurts. He decided Burt Hummel had every right in the world to act the way he was. They all did.
Blaine followed Finn to his room silently, watching at Finn left the room quickly and came back with a pair of jeans.
“I um…you’ve been wearing your pair for two days now, so I uh, figured you might like a change? I’d give you something of mine, but they wouldn’t fit. These are too big for him…so he doesn’t wear them, like, ever. Mom keeps all of our spare clothes in a closet, so you’re welcome to search through it for whatever.”
Blaine nodded, before pulling his Dalton hoodie up and off, dropping it at the foot of the bed.
He thought it would be awkward this time around, sleeping in the same bed with his boyfriend’s step-brother, but it wasn’t. They both faced the wall, Blaine curled up in himself in the fetal position, and Finn laid his hand gently on Blaine’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. “It’ll all be better soon, dude, I promise.”
Blaine just reached up and squeezed Finn’s hand in reply before closing his eyes and praying that his dreams had nothing to do with glass shards and colliding metal.
**
The next day was much of the same, the family all sitting around Kurt’s bed, Burt holding one hand, Blaine the other, Kurt sitting with his back against the wall next to Blaine, watching them all. Blaine hadn’t really spoken in days, not to anyone but Finn. He wasn’t sure if he could open his mouth without a sob or a scream bubbling up to the surface, or the truth ripping itself out of his throat, letting itself be known to the people in the room that this was all because of him.
A knock on the door made Blaine jump in his seat and Kurt spin his head around so fast he probably would have gotten whiplash if he were actually alive (and really, just what the hell was he? Alive? Dead? Casper the Flaming Ghost?) Suddenly Rachel Berry was standing in the doorway, staring down at the bed with eyes full of unshed tears. Blaine took in her appearance before returning his eyesight downwards.
“Hello, Rachel.” Carole greeted her, standing and offering the girl a small smile.
“Hi, Mrs. Hummel.” Rachel answered quietly, biting her lip, eyes not being to tear themselves away from the figure on the bed.
“Is everyone else here with you too?” Finn asked from his spot next to Burt, staring up at her.
“Um, no. They’re uh… they’re all coming by later today. We were supposed to all come together But I um…” she fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt, pulling them over her hands, fisting the material, but finally shifting her gaze.
“Blaine?” Blaine’s head shot up, unable to stop himself from quirking up an eyebrow in confusion.
“Blaine, can we talk? Please? It won’t take long, I swear.” Rachel asked him, voice shaking slightly.
In the short time Blaine had known Rachel, he had never seen her nervous. He didn’t know it was even possible for Rachel Berry to get nervous.
It took him a moment to run the words over in his tired mind, umjumbling them and figuring out what it was she was asking.
“Blaine?” She asked again.
He shook his head infinitesimally to clear his thoughts before slowly standing, glancing down at Kurt and squeezing his hand slightly before untangling their fingers and following Rachel out of the room, Kurt right behind.
“How’re you doing?”
Blaine’s mind supplied him with answers that ranged from fan-fucking-tastic, thanks for asking, to I don’t know how much longer I can survive this.
He opted instead for silence, lowering his gaze to the floor and crossing his arms over his chest as his fingers gripped his sides, literally trying to hold himself together.
“Right, bad question. Sorry.” She answered sheepishly, glancing behind him and through the glass wall to the bed, her attempt at a poker face threatening to crumble to pieces.
“Look I um…it’s just that I…well, uh…dammit, Blaine, this isn’t your fault!” she whispered angrily.
Blaine snapped his head up, eyes wide, wild, scared.
Kurt stared at Rachel because he thought he’d seen her entire spectrum of emotions, but never had he seen her with such…conviction.
“Finn…he told me what happened and just…you have to know this isn’t your fault.”
Blaine kept quiet still, stumbling backwards until his back slammed into the wall, lowering himself to the ground, his arms wrapping around his legs tightly, head bowed on his knees.
Kurt stood next to him, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder even though he knew it was pointless. It helped him stay grounded.
“What if he doesn’t wake up.” Blaine whispered quietly, not even sure if she heard him.
Next thing he knew he felt warmth pressed up against his side and a small hand was folding over his fist.
“He will. Trust me.”
“How do you know?” Blaine asked shakily, once again reverting to child-like actions.
“Because, I know Kurt. And I know he’s pretty much the most stubborn person on the planet.”
Blaine turned his head on his knees, staring at Rachel through squinted eyelids, “What does that have to do with anything?”
He was surprised to see that she actually smiled. “Because,” she told him, “He doesn’t want to be without you.”
It took just that one sentence for Blaine’s face to begin to crumple and he squeezed his eyes shut, yelling at himself in his mind to just keep it the fuck together.
“I need him to be okay, Rachel.” He whispered so quietly he wasn’t even sure if he said it aloud. He must’ve though, because next thing he knew, Rachel was wriggling her hand through the tiny gap between his arm and his leg and she held onto his arm tightly, leaning her head against his shoulder as she mirrored his position, their arms now linked together.
People walked by them in the hallway as they sat there, huddled close together on the floor, most likely thinking up hundreds of different scenarios as to why two teenagers were clinging to each other in a hospital corridor, but neither of them cared. Blaine clung to the moment like a lifeline, desperation seeping through him. He couldn’t hold himself together much longer, he knew that. It was all getting to be too much and he knew he was reaching his breaking point.
“I need him to wake up,” He mumbled, leaning his head back against the glass wall, his unfocused eyes staring up at the ceiling, “I don’t know what I’d do without him, Rach, I can’t even…I just need him to wake up and tell me it’ll all be okay…”
It all came out as a strangled whisper. He hadn’t spoken above a whisper in days, knew the Warblers were going to strangle him when they realized how badly he was probably fucking up his vocal chords with nothing but screaming and crying and whispering, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
If Kurt wasn’t okay, he doubted he’d even have the need to sing again.
“He loves you, you know.”
Kurt froze and Blaine’s entire body tensed up, because what.
“Rachel-”
“No, shut up, he totally does. And just…you’re good for him. So good. You saved him.” She shrugged when she said it, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Blaine resisted the urge to pull away because really, saved him? Last time he checked, saving someone didn’t imply landing them in a fucking coma.
Rachel continued on as if she didn’t notice the sudden tension coursing through him.
“You brought him back to life, Blaine. Without you…I don’t even know if we’d be here right now.”
Well you got that right. He thought bitterly to himself.
She smacked his leg and he jumped in surprise, hissing at the sharp pain, “What the hell-”
“I know exactly what’s going through your mind right now Blaine Anderson and it has to stop, you hear me?”
Blaine had heard from Kurt all about Rachel’s determination and how once she set her sights on something, it was impossible to stop her. He now fully understood what Kurt meant.
“If it weren’t for you, Kurt would’ve probably…just…God, you know exactly what I’m getting at here, Blaine!” She said angrily, the grip she had on his arm tightening.
Kurt was actually glad for once that he wasn’t really, well, alive, because he was pretty sure he stopped breathing.
“You brought him back to us! And because of that, we’re all thankful. We’re thankful for you, Blaine. Glee club is more than just singing to us. We’re a family. I honestly don’t think we could’ve survived if anything…if anything had happened to Kurt. So when you came along, it was like an answered prayer. A miracle.”
Blaine looked down at the scratched linoleum floor, patterns and colors swirling together as he let what she said sink in.
“Blaine?”
“I love him.”
He said it calmly, as if he was saying the time and not one of the most important things in the world. His world.
Kurt’s entire world stopped, tilting on its axis.
Blaine always thought it would be this huge deal, confessing his true feelings. But it was easy, effortless, like breathing or blinking. Something he didn’t even have to think about, an unconscious thing. Something that was always there and he always felt and he didn’t even fully realize it.
But saying it aloud, concreting the thought with words made him realize it. He loved him. He was in love with Kurt Hummel.
Blaine glanced over to see Rachel smiling at him. And for the first time in days, Blaine smiled back faintly.
“Come on,” She said, standing and turning, offering him her hand. “Let’s get back to your boy.”
**
Kurt stood in the hallway long after Blaine and Rachel returned to the room. He couldn’t figure out how to get his brain to tell his legs to move.
Blaine loved him.
Blaine was in love with him.
Blaine Anderson, the boy Kurt loved and admired and daydreamed about growing old with, loved him.
He wanted to cry. Maybe scream. Actually, no, scratch that.
He wanted to wake up.
He wanted to tell his dad how much he appreciated everything he was doing for him. He wanted to hug Carole and Finn for being the best family he could have ever asked for. He even wanted to thank Rachel for keeping his boyfriend together. Mostly, he wanted to open his eyes and tell Blaine he felt the exact same way.
Kurt finally moved and leaned against the wall, head tilted up towards the ceiling, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He whispered quietly to no one in particular, “Please. Please help me.”
Kurt sighed before pushing off the wall and going back into his hospital room with everyone else.
**
Kurt stood in the far corner of the room for the rest of the afternoon, watching as members of the New Directions came in, the girls all in various states of distress and the guys all ranging from sadness to rage.
Burt and Carole decided to leave the room for a while so all of the them could be together, opting to go out and talk to Mr. Schuester who decided to come along with his kids to the hospital.
“Hey dude, hang in there, okay?” Puck whispered, never realizing just how small Kurt was until then, staring at his unmoving form under the blankets.
“Yeah, just because you’re not with us anymore doesn’t mean you’re not still a part of us.” Artie chimed in quietly, arm rubbing up and down Brittany’s back as she sat on his lap, one arm wrapped around his shoulders, the other gripping Santana’s hand tightly.
“We know you don’t believe in God or anything, Kurt…but we’re all praying for you. In one way or another.” Quinn told him, unconsciously reaching up to toy with her crucifix necklace dangling around her neck.
“Has there been any improvement?” Tina asked Finn quietly, leaning back into Mike’s embrace as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on his neck as he took in Kurt’s appearance.
Finn shook his head, turning to face his friends, “No, not really…he-he still needs the tube to breath, and the coma he’s in is pretty deep but…the doctors think there could be a good chance he’d wake up.”
There were murmured agreements throughout the room before someone spoke up, “How’re you holding up, sweetie?”
Everyone looked over to see Mercedes standing next to Blaine, hand on his shoulder. Most of the people in the room didn’t even realize it was him at first, the boy sitting on the chair in front of them such a far cry from the man they had come to know as Blaine Anderson.
Where he usually had his hair gelled within an inch of its life, it was now messy, wild curls flying everywhere. The grey hoodie he was wearing was a size too big and engulfed him. He had a few days’ worth of facial hair and he was in glasses, the eyes behind the lenses tired and bloodshot, purple bruises underneath a clear sign that he hadn’t really slept.
“M’fine.” Blaine answered curtly, realizing a second after it was out of his mouth that he was, in fact, being a dick.
“Sorry, I just…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair and down his face, “I’m holding it together.”
She nodded and squeezed his shoulder in reassurance before leaning over the bed and kissing Kurt on the forehead. “You did good with picking this one, boo. But we all miss you and need you to come back to us. We love you.” She whispered into his ear, standing straight and pushing a few strands of hair away from Kurt’s face.
“We should get going, hospital was already pissed off enough at us since this many people aren’t allowed in.” Sam told them sadly, eyes darting to each member of the group.
“You’ll keep us all posted?” Rachel asked as everyone gathered their things.
“Yeah.” Blaine and Finn answered at the same time, making everyone in the room smile slightly, even the boy who stayed in the corner the entire time, hands still shaking slightly.
The guys all clapped shoulders and the girls all gave kisses to Finn, Blaine and Kurt, whispering words of encouragement to each of them.
It wasn’t until Mr. Schue had come in to get his own analysis of everything and promising to be back soon that Kurt let his legs give out and he dropped to the ground.
He didn’t realize just how much he apparently meant to all of them. Didn’t realize just how much they cared, even though he practically abandoned them.
He let his head fall back with a bang again the wall and shut his eyes, missing how Blaine’s eyes glanced to the corner for a moment, eyebrows scrunched before sighing and standing, deciding to try and eat something.
**
When Finn, Carole and Blaine all got ready to leave, Kurt hesitated for a moment before making up his mind and sitting back on the ground, deciding to stay behind with his dad.
When the door closed, Kurt looked over at Burt, watching as the man in front of him finally let his guard down. It was like watching him morph into a different person.
The Burt Hummel Kurt had seen the past few days was someone who was strong, holding it together for his family and letting nothing phase him.
The person Kurt was looking at now was the complete opposite. Burt slumped in the chair, shoulders sagging under an invisible weight. His face contorted into a mixture of grief and anxiety, his hands reaching across the bed to grab one of Kurt’s firmly in his grasp.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, kiddo, but…I need you to come back.” Burt’s voice cracked at the end and Kurt was up in an instant, rushing to his father’s side and wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around him.
“I-I, you know for years it’s only been us. And I love Carole and Finn, I do…but you’re mine, you’re all I have, Kurt…and I know you might want to give up and maybe be with your mom but…god, not yet, please? I need…I need to be selfish with you here, bud.”
Kurt watched as the hands that gripped his on the bed trembled, his father’s entire body shaking slightly.
“I can’t go through this again…please, please don’t put me through this again. He’s all I have…please.”
Kurt sat at Burt’s feet for the rest of the night as tears streamed down his face, leaning back against his father’s legs and hoping that somehow, he could feel Kurt with him.
**
When everyone came back the next day, Kurt could feel the change in the air.
Blaine, well, Blaine looked pissed. His jaw clenched, fists tight at his sides, but determination written all over his face. Carole looked like she was in full on momma-bear protection mode and Finn just looked lost, picking at the frayed hem of his Henley.
Kurt watched as Blaine made his way around the bed and dropped into the seat, shutting his eyes and breathing in deeply before opening them slowly and leaning over, kissing Kurt on the cheek.
“Hey babe.” He whispered quietly, pushing a strand of Kurt’s hair away from his face before reaching over to grab Kurt’s hand in his, twining their fingers together and squeezing gently, the tension in Blaine’s body slowly ebbing away.
Kurt glanced over to see Burt and Carole leaving the room and battled over leaving or staying. Eventually, his curiosity got the better of him, “I’ll be right back.” He said quietly (and even though he knew Blaine couldn’t hear him, it didn’t feel right leaving his side without saying the words) before leaving Blaine’s side and following his parents.
“What happened?” He heard his dad ask as he caught up to them at the end of the hallway.
Carole crossed her arms over her chest, “Blaine’s parents called him this morning worried sick over why he hadn’t been home in a few days and when he told them why, they flipped out.”
She sighed and Burt reached over, resting his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.
“They said that Kurt wasn’t important enough for him to be missing so much school and then accused Blaine of blowing Kurt’s condition out of proportion, trying to down play it as nothing more than their son’s crush just needing a few stitches, maybe a brace or two.”
Kurt watched as Carole bristled and couldn’t help but smile at how protective she had become over Blaine.
“I took the phone away from him and assured his parents that my son will not conflict with Blaine’s education before hanging up. It…it was rude of me, I know…but we’ve all been through enough. And that poor kid can’t take much more on his plate; he doesn’t need his parents putting this on him right now.”
Burt nodded, coming forward to hug Carole tightly to his chest.
“Come on, let’s get back to our son.”
**
After a while, days passed in a blur. Kurt alternated between staying at the hospital or going home with his family at night, but other than that, he was lost.
He also was beginning to feel weaker, and that terrified him.
After a week passed, Wes dropped by unexpectedly to not only visit, but to give Blaine a literal mountain of work.
“The Dean is sympathetic with the situation, Blaine, as are your teachers, but you really do need to go back.”
Kurt hated to even think it, but he agreed.
He was literally watching the boy he loved fall apart day by day. Mercedes, ever an angel, had gone to the Hummel-Hudson house early the morning before and demanded that Blaine “sit his skinny white-boy ass down” and let her take care of him. She helped him shave because really, while Blaine all scruffy was pretty hot, he couldn’t really rock the caveman look much longer, and she made sure that both Burt and Carole had come home for a few hours and cooked them all breakfast before leaving with Finn to go to school. Once they left Blaine just tugged on a pair of sneakers and told the remaining Hummels that he would be waiting in the car for them to leave.
Carole didn’t have the heart to tell him that she thought he should go to school that morning, so instead she grabbed Kurt’s phone and looked through it to find the name of one of the Warblers, sending out a quick text before heading out.
“Go Blaine, please. You…you can’t stay here forever. I can’t stay here forever.”
Blaine looked at the pile of books Wes dropped on the table next to him before sighing and closing his eyes.
“Wes, I-”
“Blaine, I’m serious. I’m not here just as a Warbler, I’m here as your friend…and Kurt’s. You know he wouldn’t want you moping around here-”
“Shut up!” Blaine said angrily, the first real bit of emotion Kurt had seen his boyfriend show in days.
Wes didn’t look phased, just stood his ground as Blaine jumped out of his seat, staring the other boy down.
“Mrs. Hummel is the one that asked me to come here, Blaine. She’s worried about you as well. She…just doesn’t want you to get in trouble because of all this.”
Kurt saw the tick in Blaine’s jaw as he stood silently, his arms crossed over his chest.
“We’re all here for you Blaine. Kurt’s one of us. We may not have the same…relationship with him as you do, but we’re all affected by this.”
Blaine stayed silent for a long time, and Wes made a move to leave before Blaine finally spoke.
“I’ll be there tomorrow.”
Wes nodded and reached over to squeeze Blaine’s shoulder. He glanced at Kurt sadly for a moment before turning to leave.
Blaine felt the anger deflate from him as he dropped back into his seat just as Carole walked in.
“Are you mad at me?” She asked quietly, walking over to stand next to him instead of sitting on the other side of the bed where the other chairs were.
After a moment Blaine shook his head, looking down and sighing through his nose.
“No…I just…Mrs. Hummel-”
“Carole.”
Blaine smiled slightly to himself before correcting himself, “Carole I just…what if something happens? And I’m at school? Westerville is two hours away. And if something happened, good or bad, I wouldn’t be able to get here quick enough and I…-”
“I know sweetie, but if Kurt were awake, what do you think he’d be saying right now?”
Blaine bit his lip as he looked over Kurt, “He’d yell at me for just sitting here day after day. He…he wouldn’t want me to do this.”
Carole nodded, placing a hand gently on his shoulder, “Look…there’s only two more days left in the work week, so go to school. You can come here straight after and do your homework. And if anything happens, I’ll let you know, okay?”
Blaine nodded again and Carole pulled away, grabbing the rolling table at the end of Kurt’s bed and rolling it over to him.
“Well then…looks like you have some work to catch up on, kid.”
Blaine smirked before reaching over and grabbing the first textbook from the pile.
**
When Blaine went back to school the next day, it was painfully obvious that everyone knew where he had been.
It was also obvious that he was hanging on by a thread.
When people thought of Blaine Anderson, they thought of the prim and proper young man. Every hair gelled into place and courteous to everyone.
That wasn’t the boy who was walking the halls right now. This Blaine didn’t bother with his hair and was starting to have stubble again. Tired eyes were behind a pair of glasses and his shoulders slumped under his bag’s weight as he went through the motions of going to his classes. Dozens of people gave him their condolences, but he barely spoke. He thought it he opened his mouth he would probably scream because ”Just shut the fuck up already, he’s not dead.” Instead he just continuously checked his cell phone and drummed his pen on the desks. He stopped attempting to take notes after 3rd period.
All in all, he was a mess.
The only time he showed any emotion was when the last bell rang for the day and he all but flew out of his classroom, not even bothering to stop at his locker as he ran out of the main entrance and was starting his car before anyone else even exited the building.
The two hour drive was made in about 75 minutes.
Carole said nothing when she walked back into the room after going to eat something and she saw Blaine sitting in his seat, his uniform tie loosened and his school bag unceremoniously dropped on the floor.
**
The next day was Friday, marking two weeks since Kurt was in the hospital and so far, there was no change.
“His vitals could be a bit better…but we do think that he should’ve been awake by now.”
Burt’s face scrunched in confusion as he took in the doctor’s words. “What do you mean, should have? Why isn’t he waking up?”
The doctor shrugged sadly as he put his clipboard under his right arm, “To be honest, Mr. Hummel…there is nothing more we can do for your son. It’s…it is entirely up to him now to wake up.”
Burt looked into the hospital room at his son’s form, looking for all the world like he could simply be sleeping. “What can we do?”
“Honestly? Nothing. But…I do feel like I should warn you-”
“Warn us of what?” Carole asked, folding his arms over her chest, feeling her heart rate speed up minutely.
“If he doesn’t wake up on his own soon…we…” the doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “We fear he may never wake up.”
Carole gasped and Burt put his arms around her, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. The doctor whispered his apologies before heading into the adjacent room to check on his other patients.
Kurt, who was standing next to his parents the entire time, clutched at his heart, tears welling in his eyes before he tore back into the room, staring down at his body.
“Goddammit, I have to wake up! I can’t…I will not fucking become a vegetable and lay here until they pull the fucking plug!” He yelled at himself, tears now pouring down his face as Kurt stood at the head of the bed, trying to grab at his shoulders but his hands falling right through the body.
“No! nonononono! I will not fucking die. I can’t. I can’t leave them. I can’t! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” He squeezed his eyes shut as he screamed himself hoarse, falling to his knees by the bed.
He didn’t notice the way the lights in the room flickered or the way the bed shook minutely when he collapsed next to it.
**
Part Two
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 12,488
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title from the song Misguided Ghosts by Paramore
Summary: This was a dream. A very very bad dream. A nightmare. He wanted to wake up and call Blaine and argue with Finn over who got to use the bathroom first and make plans with Mercedes and Rachel to go shopping and he just wanted to wake the hell up. Instead, he stood frozen in the middle of the room as his stepmother walked through him.
A/N: Based off of this prompt over on the Angst Meme. Not beta'd, so please excuse any mistakes.
Warnings: Not a death!fic. Swearing and angst. A lot of it. The reason it took me so long to get this out was because of how hard it was to write at times. Blaine is one angsty mofo in this.
A bajillion thank you's to Jackie for this amazing art for the story. (Bigger version found here)
Kurt woke up with a strangled gasp, shooting up straight in his bed.
huh, he thought to himself as he realized he slept above the covers and was in the same clothes he had on the previous night, must’ve fallen asleep early.
He tried to think back to last night, but it was all foggy, muddled thoughts rolling sluggishly through his brain. The harder he tried to remember, the more seemed to slip away.
He shook his head minutely before sitting on the edge of his bed and glancing over at his nightstand where his phone usually sat to text Blaine good morning.
Usually being the main word, since his cellphone was nowhere to be seen.
Probably just left it downstairs he thought to himself again before standing up and heading out of his room and across the hall to Finn’s to wake him up for school.
“Hey Finn, time to wa-” The words died on his lips and Kurt felt like he had just been punched in the gut when he opened the door to his stepbrother’s room.
Finn was totally dead to the world, bed sheet tangled around his feet, and his arms wrapped tightly around another person.
Blaine.
Blaine, his boyfriend.
Blaine wasn’t facing him like Finn was, but Kurt recognized the black, unruly curls, free of their usual gelled-hold. He was pushed up against Finn as tightly as he could be, legs tangled, one arm thrown around Finn’s waist, the other buried beneath both of their bodies, using one of Finn’s arms as a pillow.
Kurt thought he was going to be sick. Either that, or he was going to go into heart failure.
He decided he could pass out later, opting instead to verbally destroy the two in front of him.
“Hey, what the fuck is going on here?!” Kurt yelled, uncaring that it was only six am and his parents were probably still half-asleep.
When they didn’t even move, Kurt’s anger rose.
“I’m talking to you, you fucking assholes!” Kurt screamed as he decided cross the room and rip them apart.
He shoved angrily at Finn’s arm but nothing happened.
“What the…” Kurt breathed angrily, eyes still slanted in anger, chest rising and falling quickly with all of his emotions coursing through him in rapid succession.
“Finn! Blaine!” Kurt yelled, fear beginning to lace his anger-fueled yells.
“Blaine, Blaine!” Kurt yelled, reaching down to try and shake his boyfriend awake, but nothing happened.
“Finn, time to wake up.”
Kurt stumbled away from the two boys and spun on his heel to see Carole in the doorway, looking over sadly at the two on the bed.
“Carole, what’s going on?!” Kurt asked, anger leaving his body and being replaced with an all-consuming fear.
His step-mother didn’t answer him, didn’t even acknowledge him.
Like he wasn’t even there.
The two boys stirred awake, Finn removing his arm and Blaine rolling over, finally facing Kurt’s way as he opened his eyes.
If Kurt didn’t go into heart failure before, he was pretty sure he was about to now.
Blaine’s eyes red and puffy, purple circles under both of them. His hair was sticking up in a million directions on one side while the other was flattened down against his head. His face…his face hurt to even look at. Kurt never wanted to see that expression on Blaine’s face again.
Devastating was putting it lightly. Blaine looked like someone who had lost absolutely everything in his life, including himself. He looked…dead. His eyes were lifeless, and even though Kurt was sure he was just eating lunch with him yesterday, Blaine’s face looked gaunt, hollow, devoid of everything.
Kurt ripped his eyes away from Blaine to look over at his stepbrother who didn’t look much better off. His eyes were red and puffy also and he looked like he very well may just burst into tears at any given moment.
Kurt couldn’t take anymore.
This was a dream. A very very bad dream.
A nightmare.
He wanted to just wake up already.
He wanted to wake up and call Blaine and argue with Finn over who got to use the bathroom first and make plans with Mercedes and Rachel to go shopping and he just wanted to wake the fuck up.
Instead, he stood frozen in the middle of the room as his stepmother walked through him.
Carole sat at the foot of the bed, patting Blaine’s knee before placing her hand comfortingly on her son’s shin.
“How are you two holding up?”
When neither boy answered, Carole just nodded and sighed shakily, hand minutely tightening over Finn’s leg.
“Well um, visiting hours start in about an hour. Blaine sweetie, you can wear something of Finn’s, I’ll call the schools to let them know you both won’t be in.”
Kurt watched as Carole bit the side of her lip and stood quickly, heading to the door, “Be ready to leave soon.” She called out. Kurt didn’t miss the tears threatening to spill over onto her face.
His mind was racing, his heart was pounding and when the hell did his hands start shaking.
Oh, right, around the same time Carole mentioned the words ‘visiting hours’.
“Okay no, that’s enough of this. I-I need to wake up already.”
Kurt sucked in a breath and closed his eyes before reaching for his arm and pinching himself hard, biting off a curse as pain surged through his body.
He cracked an eye open and almost growled in frustration as he was still standing in the middle of his stepbrother’s room, his boyfriend still in bed with said stepbrother.
Finn was sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring out the window across the room, lost in his head. Blaine moved, however, and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, his arms dangling in between his legs, his head down.
“Thanks, Finn…I um…j-just thanks.”
Kurt stood transfixed, watching as Finn reached up and rested a hand against Blaine’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly.
Blaine reached up, grasping Finn’s hand in his own.
This can’t be fucking happening… Kurt cried in his mind, willing himself to look away and run out of the room, but instead he was stuck on the spot, eyes glued to two of the most important people of his life.
He watched as Blaine’s grip tightened on Finn’s hand before releasing it, standing abruptly.
“I um, I need a shirt, please, or-or just a hoodie, whatever. I don’t really care, I just need uh, I’d, I know your stuff is probably going to be big on me, but I just…I can’t go to Ku-” Blaine’s rambling was cut off as a sob ripped through his body. Kurt watched as Finn flew across the bed and stood, reaching over to turn Blaine around and hug him tightly. Blaine arms wrapped around him and clutched at Finn’s shoulders as his entire body shook violently with the force of his cries.
Kurt watched as Finn’s eyes slowly filled with tears, but he never cried, only held tightly to Blaine as he let the other boy cry onto his shoulder.
“It’s gunna be okay, Blaine, I swear…h-he’s going to be okay, alright, he is.”
Finn pulled away and held Blaine at arm’s length, staring him in the eye, “You need to listen to me. He’s going to be okay. He needs us to be strong. My mom a-and Burt? They need us to be strong.”
Blaine didn’t reply, he just ran his hand shakily through his hair before running it over his face, wiping away stray tears.
“H-how could this happen? I mean, yesterday…yesterday was so good and now… It’s all my f-”
Finn took in a shaky breath before pulling away entirely and cutting him off, “Hey, no, he’s gunna pull through.” Finn answered, opening a drawer in his dresser and pulling out the first two shirts he grabbed, handing one over to Blaine.
“And if he doesn’t?”
Finn pulled the clean shirt over his head, resolution etched into his face, “He will. Kurt’s strong, he’ll make it.”
It was the first time someone said his name, and it hit Kurt like a freight train.
The last thing he remembered was the edges of his vision ebbing away and then darkness.
**
Kurt woke up to the sound of beeping. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with stark white everywhere and the overwhelming scent of antiseptic.
He took in his surrounded and quickly realized that he was in a hospital. The beeping wasn’t coming from his side of the room, though; it was coming from the other side of the curtain.
Kurt looked down and realized he was still in the same clothes as yesterday and he was sleeping on top of the bed.
Confusion coursed through him before the memories of earlier that morning came rushing back to him and he sprang off the bed, walking the short distance between the bed and the half-closed curtain. He hesitated for a moment before crossing to the other side and he was once again frozen in place.
There were three chairs around the bed, two on the right, one on the left, closest to where he stood.
He looked at the bed and stopped breathing because it was him.
Or at least, he thought it was.
The person on the bed had various cuts and bruises all along their face, white gauze wrapped around their head, hair lying flat over the bandage.
Both of his arms were lying above the blankets, but the right one was covered in plaster, his left in some sort of brace. There were various tubes and wires sticking out every which way, one on the top of his right wrist, another in the juncture under his left elbow. There were wires coming out from under his gown on his chest, and a cannula was placed under his nose feeding him oxygen.
On the right, Burt and Carole were sitting. Burt held his wife’s hand tightly in his own, but his eyes were glued to his son’s face. Kurt took a good look at his father and realized that the man must not have slept at all, maybe might’ve even spent the entire night sitting in the exact same chair he was in right now.
Kurt looked to the left and saw Blaine slumped in the uncomfortable hospital chair, his hand holding onto Kurt’s tightly.
Kurt had never seen his boyfriend like this before. He was completely disheveled. He was wearing jeans and sneakers and an oversized hoodie, his curls were gel-free and were all over the place and he was wearing glasses (and since when did his boyfriend wear glasses). His face was covered in stubble and, if anything, he looked even more destroyed than Kurt had seen him earlier.
Finn walked in a minute later with a drink-tray full of coffees and a bag slung over his arm that he dropped on the foot of the bed, placing the drinks on the table near the wall before grabbing one and handing it to Burt.
“So…did the doctors say anything?” Finn asked as he handed out the other coffees, Blaine shaking his head at the offer, eyes never leaving Kurt’s hand wrapped tightly in his own.
Burt took a sip of his drink before setting it down on the bedside table, shaking his head at his stepson, “No, there’s…there’s no change.”
“But there has to be something-”
“It’s up to him,” Burt cut him off, tearing his gaze away from his son to face Finn. “It’s up to Kurt to get out of the coma on his own.”
Coma.
He…He was in a coma.
Kurt took a shaky step back and smacked against the wall, his hands scrabbling for purchase against the smooth surface as he slid to the floor.
His mind was racing again and his heart decided it wanted to run a marathon all of a sudden and okayokayokay he really needed to get his shit in order before he passed out again.
And seriously, since when could ghosts -holy fuck, please don’t let him be a ghost-pass out?
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before deciding enough was enough and he needed answers.
Okay so one, something happened to him. Something bad. Something bad enough to fucking make him comatose.
Two, there was nothing doctors were medically able to do for him to help him out of it, which, great, just awesome.
Three, the people around him were slowly crumbling and would soon fall apart if he didn’t wake up.
Kurt saw a clip board hanging outside of the room and he quickly went over to it, hoping maybe something was there that could help him.
He tried his hardest to read the illegible chicken scratch, but he all got out of it was his name, age, and time of admittance (So, okay, he was admitted in before 6pm…at least now he had a time frame).
He was about to walk back into the room when Finn walked out, cell phone clutched in his hand.
“Hey Rach.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow (because last he checked, Finn was with Quinn this month) and stood closer to his stepbrother, close enough to be able to hear the girl on the other side of the phone.
“Hey…h-how is he?”
Finn sighed and leaned against the wall, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.
“Not too good. The um, the car slammed into the passenger side, which is pretty much the only reason Kurt’s still alive, even if he is in a coma.”
“And his dad?”
“He’s…I honestly don’t know how long he’s gunna last, Rachel. We all know he’s not at 100% health anymore and he’s totally wearing himself down. Last night we all went home and he refused to even budge from his seat.”
Kurt glanced back into the room and at his father’s back, tears bringing to prickle at his eyes. He was so suddenly lost in his worried thoughts about his father that he missed some of Finn’s conversation.
“-He’s a total wreck, and he’s not talking. He’s just shutting down. I don’t even know how long he cried last night until he wore himself out and fell asleep. Mom said he could sleep in Kurt’s room, but he couldn’t even touch the doorknob. He just came to my room and before I could even speak, he lost it.”
Kurt felt his heart clench and drop at the same time as he looked over at Blaine, Blaine, his perfect, well-mannered, amazing boyfriend, and Kurt wanted to cry and punch himself all at the same time.
How the hell could he have ever thought that Blaine would cheat on him (with his stepbrother no less). Kurt hated himself. He needed to wake up, God, he needed to. He needed to wake up and let Blaine know that he loved him, that he wanted to be with him forever, no matter what.
He wanted Blaine to know that he was it for Kurt; he was the one that Kurt wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
“-He feels guilty Rachel.”
Kurt’s head whipped around, facing Finn once again.
“What? Why?”
“Because,” Finn sighed shakily, pinching the bridge of his nose before running the hand over his face, “He was on the phone with Blaine when it happened. It’s the reason Kurt didn’t see the car coming at him.”
**
The Day Before
Kurt was exhausted and was literally dreaming of his bed when his phone rang. He was luckily coming up to a red light so he fished it out of his pocket and his face instantly brightened when ‘Blaine’ lit up on the screen.
“Hey.” He answered, smiling sliding onto his face as he drummed absentmindedly on the steering wheel, waiting for the light to change.
“Hey yourself, what’re you doing?”
Kurt rolled his eyes, “I’m driving home, doofus. I’ve only been gone for about twenty minutes.”
Kurt heard Blaine adorably whine and laughed silently, glancing up at the light as it changed green, waiting the appropriate 5 seconds before driving.
“Why don’t you come with me tomorrow back to Lima? It’s Friday night, I’m sure we can find something to do.”
“Why Kurt Hummel, are you trying to seduce me?” Blaine asked through the phone. Kurt could practically see Blaine’s face as he tried to keep in his laughter.
“Why? Are you seducable?” Kurt replied back, pitching his voice ridiculously low, making them both crack up after a moment of silence.
“That may just be one of the gayest things you’ve ever said to me, and that’s including the time you wanted to bedazzle my tie.”
“Hey, you walked yourself into this one. You should know better than to say a line from a Nicholas Sparks movie to me.”
Blaine was quiet on the other side of the line for a moment, before speaking quietly into the phone, “I want all of you, forever. You and me, every day.”
Kurt knew it was partially Blaine joking around with him, but he couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat.
“Kurt?” Blaine asked after a while of nothing but silence.
“Y-yeah, I’m here. Sorry just…it’s not nice to whip out The Notebook references on me out of the blue.”
Blaine laughed quietly before sobering up, “Doesn’t mean it’s not true though.”
And yeah, okay, Kurt gave up on trying to control his sudden erratic heartbeats.
Did this…did this mean that Blaine loved him?
Sure, Kurt loved Blaine. He was in love with him from the moment he met him. It was solidified when they first sang together in December months ago.
But for Blaine to love him back? That’s something he never really expected.
“Hey Blaine?” Kurt asked shakily, grip tightening and loosening on the wheel over and over.
“Hmm?”
“I um…I wanna tell you something.”
“Yeah, sure, anything. What is it?” Blaine asked.
Kurt really never expected he’d be confessing his love for Blaine over the phone while he was in his car, (to be honest, he was thinking more along the lines of candles and a home-cooked meal and an optional Katy Perry soundtrack because hey, he was nothing if not romantic) but at that moment, he couldn’t think of a more appropriate time.
“It’s just that I um…I- shit-”
“Kurt, wha-”
Kurt cut him off with a terrified yell and Blaine instinctively pulled the phone away from his ear at the catastrophic sounds coming out of the other end for a moment before shoving it against his face.
He heard the angry sounds of glass shattering and metal groaning, a horn blaring in the background and faint screams and cries for help.
“Kurt? Kurt…Kurt! Kurt, oh my god, Kurt, please! Kurt?! Oh fuck. Kurt! Please. Please, please, please, oh my god, fuck, Kurt, answer me! Kurt!” Blaine continued screaming as the room started spinning, his legs giving out from under him and his body collapsing onto his hardwood floor. He clutched the phone in his hand so hard he was surprised it didn’t snap in two, screaming over and over into the phone.
Tears were streaming down his face and his heart was threatening to escape from his chest and holy god, when did he forget how to breathe?
This could not be happening.
The next three hours of Blaine Anderson’s life were a blur of phone calls, relentless tears and wishes in his mind that this was all just a nightmare. A really vivid nightmare.
He didn’t even remember getting into his car, yet he made it to Lima Memorial Hospital in record time.
When he got there, Carole was waiting for him, literally with open arms. He had only met Kurt’s step-mother a handful of times, but that didn’t stop him from collapsing into her embrace the moment he got into reaching distance.
Carole assured him that they would tell the doctors he was family so he would be allowed to stay before filling him in on all she knew on the way up to the ICU, Blaine not letting go of her hand the entire time, gripping it like it was the only thing keeping him together.
He tried to psych himself out the closer they go to Kurt’s room, but every step was worse than the last. His heart pounded, his hands were sweating and he was getting lightheaded.
Carole glanced up at him quickly before opening the door and ushering him inside the room where Burt and Finn were already sitting.
Blaine was glad the wall was behind him and Carole was next to him because he was pretty sure his legs were suddenly two seconds away from giving out.
After the initial shock, Blaine sat on the floor against the glass wall, clutching his knees to his chest and forcing himself to not start rocking back and forth.
He couldn’t take his eyes off of his boyfriend’s body on the hospital bed, surrounded by wires and machines with a dozen different colors and numbers and symbols that Blaine didn’t even want to think about. Kurt’s body was completely still, unmoving except for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest due to the tube shoved down his throat.
Blaine swallowed thickly, praying that he wouldn’t suddenly be sick as it hit him that this was his fault.
It was all his goddamned fault.
I shouldn’t be here…I shouldn’t be allowed to be here. Blaine thought angrily at himself, his hands clenching into fists.
He was arguing with himself on whether or not he should leave when Finn touched his shoulder, causing him to jump slightly.
“Hey man, we gotta go. It’s past visiting hours.” He told Blaine quietly, towering over him.
Blaine looked at him like he had no idea what Finn was saying, his words a jumbled mess in Blaine’s already fucked-over mind. It wasn’t until Carole held out her hand in front of him that he took it and stood up, realizing what was going on.
Finn and Carole said their goodbyes to Burt -who was staying in the hospital, rules be damned-before all walking out.
He knew he must have looked like a child, being led through the hospital corridors by a woman gripping his hand tightly, following obediently while looking down in a daze, but he didn’t care.
She told him that he was going to be staying in their house that night, and Blaine just nodded, wordlessly handing Finn his car keys so they could drive Blaine’s car to the Hummel-Hudson house.
Carole told Blaine he could stay in Kurt’s room once they got inside, but he couldn’t. He stood outside of the door for 10 minutes before walking down the hall and into Finn’s room.
They weren’t close, not really. They had hung out a few times when Blaine was in Lima with Kurt, but he didn’t really know if he could call Finn (well, the New Directions in general) his friends. But still, Finn was Kurt’s step-brother, someone whom he loved, and one look at each other was all it took for Blaine to breakdown. Finn held him while he cried and Blaine managed to get enough air into his lungs to chokingly confess to Finn that he was on the phone with Kurt when it all happened.
“I-it’s…it’s all my fault! He…he could die. He could die and it’s all my fucking fault!” Blaine screamed into his shoulder, hands shaking from the tight hold they had on Finn’s t-shirt.
Finn didn’t know what to say, but it seemed like Blaine didn’t need words, so he just held on tighter, squeezing his eyes shut against the burn of fresh tears. They both just needed someone to hold them together while their entire beings were begging to fall apart.
**
Kurt was sitting on the floor next to Blaine’s chair (Carole had convinced Burt to leave his vigil long enough to get something to eat), smiling sadly over the fact that even though Blaine was slumped in the uncomfortable hospital seat fast asleep, he still held onto Kurt’s hand on the bed.
“I don’t blame you, you know.” Kurt said quietly, even though he knew he could scream it at the top of his lungs and no one would bat an eye. “I…God, Blaine, I could never blame you for this. At all. I…I hate that you’re putting yourself through this, babe.”
Kurt repositioned himself so he was kneeling up next to Blaine’s chair, inches away from him, “Blaine…I love you. I love you so so much. I love you so much it terrifies me. I don’t even know exactly when it all happened, when my world decided to tilt itself off its axis and tether itself to you, revolving completely around you. But it did, and it does, and it hurts me to know you’re hurting…it hurts me to know I’m the reason you’re like this.” Kurt turned his head, staring at his pale and broken body on the bed.
“I’d give anything to wake up, just so you wouldn’t have to go through this anymore. You...a-and dad. And Carole, and Finn. This is all totally and completely my fault, so when I wake up you better believe I’m going to throttle you for thinking you were at fault for this.”
Kurt looked Blaine over carefully, committing every single bit of him to memory for the millionth time, every curl in his hair, every inch of stubble on his face. His glasses that were tilted over his cheek, his lips that were red and bitten from over worry.
“I have to admit though; I am kinda digging the hobo look on you. I guess it just goes to show that you really do look perfect no matter what.”
Kurt glanced over at Blaine’s hand gripping his body’s on the bed and hesitated a moment before shakily placing his hand over Blaine’s.
“I love you…and I swear I’m going to try everything I can to come back to you.” He whispered, desperately wanting to curl his fingers around Blaine’s.
Kurt jumped back in surprise when Blaine suddenly woke up and stared right at him. But then Blaine’s eyesight flew right back to the bed and Kurt tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.
**
Carole insisted on taking over night-watch this time, so Burt drove home with Finn and Blaine, all three men silent the entire drive home.
Burt clapped both boys on the shoulder before heading to his room, feet dragging and body obviously exhausted. Blaine feared for the man’s health, knowing Kurt would have a meltdown over his father’s disregard for his own health, but Blaine didn’t say anything. It would be too hypocritical. He hadn’t eaten an actual meal in days and was sleeping in spurts. He decided Burt Hummel had every right in the world to act the way he was. They all did.
Blaine followed Finn to his room silently, watching at Finn left the room quickly and came back with a pair of jeans.
“I um…you’ve been wearing your pair for two days now, so I uh, figured you might like a change? I’d give you something of mine, but they wouldn’t fit. These are too big for him…so he doesn’t wear them, like, ever. Mom keeps all of our spare clothes in a closet, so you’re welcome to search through it for whatever.”
Blaine nodded, before pulling his Dalton hoodie up and off, dropping it at the foot of the bed.
He thought it would be awkward this time around, sleeping in the same bed with his boyfriend’s step-brother, but it wasn’t. They both faced the wall, Blaine curled up in himself in the fetal position, and Finn laid his hand gently on Blaine’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. “It’ll all be better soon, dude, I promise.”
Blaine just reached up and squeezed Finn’s hand in reply before closing his eyes and praying that his dreams had nothing to do with glass shards and colliding metal.
**
The next day was much of the same, the family all sitting around Kurt’s bed, Burt holding one hand, Blaine the other, Kurt sitting with his back against the wall next to Blaine, watching them all. Blaine hadn’t really spoken in days, not to anyone but Finn. He wasn’t sure if he could open his mouth without a sob or a scream bubbling up to the surface, or the truth ripping itself out of his throat, letting itself be known to the people in the room that this was all because of him.
A knock on the door made Blaine jump in his seat and Kurt spin his head around so fast he probably would have gotten whiplash if he were actually alive (and really, just what the hell was he? Alive? Dead? Casper the Flaming Ghost?) Suddenly Rachel Berry was standing in the doorway, staring down at the bed with eyes full of unshed tears. Blaine took in her appearance before returning his eyesight downwards.
“Hello, Rachel.” Carole greeted her, standing and offering the girl a small smile.
“Hi, Mrs. Hummel.” Rachel answered quietly, biting her lip, eyes not being to tear themselves away from the figure on the bed.
“Is everyone else here with you too?” Finn asked from his spot next to Burt, staring up at her.
“Um, no. They’re uh… they’re all coming by later today. We were supposed to all come together But I um…” she fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt, pulling them over her hands, fisting the material, but finally shifting her gaze.
“Blaine?” Blaine’s head shot up, unable to stop himself from quirking up an eyebrow in confusion.
“Blaine, can we talk? Please? It won’t take long, I swear.” Rachel asked him, voice shaking slightly.
In the short time Blaine had known Rachel, he had never seen her nervous. He didn’t know it was even possible for Rachel Berry to get nervous.
It took him a moment to run the words over in his tired mind, umjumbling them and figuring out what it was she was asking.
“Blaine?” She asked again.
He shook his head infinitesimally to clear his thoughts before slowly standing, glancing down at Kurt and squeezing his hand slightly before untangling their fingers and following Rachel out of the room, Kurt right behind.
“How’re you doing?”
Blaine’s mind supplied him with answers that ranged from fan-fucking-tastic, thanks for asking, to I don’t know how much longer I can survive this.
He opted instead for silence, lowering his gaze to the floor and crossing his arms over his chest as his fingers gripped his sides, literally trying to hold himself together.
“Right, bad question. Sorry.” She answered sheepishly, glancing behind him and through the glass wall to the bed, her attempt at a poker face threatening to crumble to pieces.
“Look I um…it’s just that I…well, uh…dammit, Blaine, this isn’t your fault!” she whispered angrily.
Blaine snapped his head up, eyes wide, wild, scared.
Kurt stared at Rachel because he thought he’d seen her entire spectrum of emotions, but never had he seen her with such…conviction.
“Finn…he told me what happened and just…you have to know this isn’t your fault.”
Blaine kept quiet still, stumbling backwards until his back slammed into the wall, lowering himself to the ground, his arms wrapping around his legs tightly, head bowed on his knees.
Kurt stood next to him, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder even though he knew it was pointless. It helped him stay grounded.
“What if he doesn’t wake up.” Blaine whispered quietly, not even sure if she heard him.
Next thing he knew he felt warmth pressed up against his side and a small hand was folding over his fist.
“He will. Trust me.”
“How do you know?” Blaine asked shakily, once again reverting to child-like actions.
“Because, I know Kurt. And I know he’s pretty much the most stubborn person on the planet.”
Blaine turned his head on his knees, staring at Rachel through squinted eyelids, “What does that have to do with anything?”
He was surprised to see that she actually smiled. “Because,” she told him, “He doesn’t want to be without you.”
It took just that one sentence for Blaine’s face to begin to crumple and he squeezed his eyes shut, yelling at himself in his mind to just keep it the fuck together.
“I need him to be okay, Rachel.” He whispered so quietly he wasn’t even sure if he said it aloud. He must’ve though, because next thing he knew, Rachel was wriggling her hand through the tiny gap between his arm and his leg and she held onto his arm tightly, leaning her head against his shoulder as she mirrored his position, their arms now linked together.
People walked by them in the hallway as they sat there, huddled close together on the floor, most likely thinking up hundreds of different scenarios as to why two teenagers were clinging to each other in a hospital corridor, but neither of them cared. Blaine clung to the moment like a lifeline, desperation seeping through him. He couldn’t hold himself together much longer, he knew that. It was all getting to be too much and he knew he was reaching his breaking point.
“I need him to wake up,” He mumbled, leaning his head back against the glass wall, his unfocused eyes staring up at the ceiling, “I don’t know what I’d do without him, Rach, I can’t even…I just need him to wake up and tell me it’ll all be okay…”
It all came out as a strangled whisper. He hadn’t spoken above a whisper in days, knew the Warblers were going to strangle him when they realized how badly he was probably fucking up his vocal chords with nothing but screaming and crying and whispering, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
If Kurt wasn’t okay, he doubted he’d even have the need to sing again.
“He loves you, you know.”
Kurt froze and Blaine’s entire body tensed up, because what.
“Rachel-”
“No, shut up, he totally does. And just…you’re good for him. So good. You saved him.” She shrugged when she said it, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Blaine resisted the urge to pull away because really, saved him? Last time he checked, saving someone didn’t imply landing them in a fucking coma.
Rachel continued on as if she didn’t notice the sudden tension coursing through him.
“You brought him back to life, Blaine. Without you…I don’t even know if we’d be here right now.”
Well you got that right. He thought bitterly to himself.
She smacked his leg and he jumped in surprise, hissing at the sharp pain, “What the hell-”
“I know exactly what’s going through your mind right now Blaine Anderson and it has to stop, you hear me?”
Blaine had heard from Kurt all about Rachel’s determination and how once she set her sights on something, it was impossible to stop her. He now fully understood what Kurt meant.
“If it weren’t for you, Kurt would’ve probably…just…God, you know exactly what I’m getting at here, Blaine!” She said angrily, the grip she had on his arm tightening.
Kurt was actually glad for once that he wasn’t really, well, alive, because he was pretty sure he stopped breathing.
“You brought him back to us! And because of that, we’re all thankful. We’re thankful for you, Blaine. Glee club is more than just singing to us. We’re a family. I honestly don’t think we could’ve survived if anything…if anything had happened to Kurt. So when you came along, it was like an answered prayer. A miracle.”
Blaine looked down at the scratched linoleum floor, patterns and colors swirling together as he let what she said sink in.
“Blaine?”
“I love him.”
He said it calmly, as if he was saying the time and not one of the most important things in the world. His world.
Kurt’s entire world stopped, tilting on its axis.
Blaine always thought it would be this huge deal, confessing his true feelings. But it was easy, effortless, like breathing or blinking. Something he didn’t even have to think about, an unconscious thing. Something that was always there and he always felt and he didn’t even fully realize it.
But saying it aloud, concreting the thought with words made him realize it. He loved him. He was in love with Kurt Hummel.
Blaine glanced over to see Rachel smiling at him. And for the first time in days, Blaine smiled back faintly.
“Come on,” She said, standing and turning, offering him her hand. “Let’s get back to your boy.”
**
Kurt stood in the hallway long after Blaine and Rachel returned to the room. He couldn’t figure out how to get his brain to tell his legs to move.
Blaine loved him.
Blaine was in love with him.
Blaine Anderson, the boy Kurt loved and admired and daydreamed about growing old with, loved him.
He wanted to cry. Maybe scream. Actually, no, scratch that.
He wanted to wake up.
He wanted to tell his dad how much he appreciated everything he was doing for him. He wanted to hug Carole and Finn for being the best family he could have ever asked for. He even wanted to thank Rachel for keeping his boyfriend together. Mostly, he wanted to open his eyes and tell Blaine he felt the exact same way.
Kurt finally moved and leaned against the wall, head tilted up towards the ceiling, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He whispered quietly to no one in particular, “Please. Please help me.”
Kurt sighed before pushing off the wall and going back into his hospital room with everyone else.
**
Kurt stood in the far corner of the room for the rest of the afternoon, watching as members of the New Directions came in, the girls all in various states of distress and the guys all ranging from sadness to rage.
Burt and Carole decided to leave the room for a while so all of the them could be together, opting to go out and talk to Mr. Schuester who decided to come along with his kids to the hospital.
“Hey dude, hang in there, okay?” Puck whispered, never realizing just how small Kurt was until then, staring at his unmoving form under the blankets.
“Yeah, just because you’re not with us anymore doesn’t mean you’re not still a part of us.” Artie chimed in quietly, arm rubbing up and down Brittany’s back as she sat on his lap, one arm wrapped around his shoulders, the other gripping Santana’s hand tightly.
“We know you don’t believe in God or anything, Kurt…but we’re all praying for you. In one way or another.” Quinn told him, unconsciously reaching up to toy with her crucifix necklace dangling around her neck.
“Has there been any improvement?” Tina asked Finn quietly, leaning back into Mike’s embrace as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on his neck as he took in Kurt’s appearance.
Finn shook his head, turning to face his friends, “No, not really…he-he still needs the tube to breath, and the coma he’s in is pretty deep but…the doctors think there could be a good chance he’d wake up.”
There were murmured agreements throughout the room before someone spoke up, “How’re you holding up, sweetie?”
Everyone looked over to see Mercedes standing next to Blaine, hand on his shoulder. Most of the people in the room didn’t even realize it was him at first, the boy sitting on the chair in front of them such a far cry from the man they had come to know as Blaine Anderson.
Where he usually had his hair gelled within an inch of its life, it was now messy, wild curls flying everywhere. The grey hoodie he was wearing was a size too big and engulfed him. He had a few days’ worth of facial hair and he was in glasses, the eyes behind the lenses tired and bloodshot, purple bruises underneath a clear sign that he hadn’t really slept.
“M’fine.” Blaine answered curtly, realizing a second after it was out of his mouth that he was, in fact, being a dick.
“Sorry, I just…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair and down his face, “I’m holding it together.”
She nodded and squeezed his shoulder in reassurance before leaning over the bed and kissing Kurt on the forehead. “You did good with picking this one, boo. But we all miss you and need you to come back to us. We love you.” She whispered into his ear, standing straight and pushing a few strands of hair away from Kurt’s face.
“We should get going, hospital was already pissed off enough at us since this many people aren’t allowed in.” Sam told them sadly, eyes darting to each member of the group.
“You’ll keep us all posted?” Rachel asked as everyone gathered their things.
“Yeah.” Blaine and Finn answered at the same time, making everyone in the room smile slightly, even the boy who stayed in the corner the entire time, hands still shaking slightly.
The guys all clapped shoulders and the girls all gave kisses to Finn, Blaine and Kurt, whispering words of encouragement to each of them.
It wasn’t until Mr. Schue had come in to get his own analysis of everything and promising to be back soon that Kurt let his legs give out and he dropped to the ground.
He didn’t realize just how much he apparently meant to all of them. Didn’t realize just how much they cared, even though he practically abandoned them.
He let his head fall back with a bang again the wall and shut his eyes, missing how Blaine’s eyes glanced to the corner for a moment, eyebrows scrunched before sighing and standing, deciding to try and eat something.
**
When Finn, Carole and Blaine all got ready to leave, Kurt hesitated for a moment before making up his mind and sitting back on the ground, deciding to stay behind with his dad.
When the door closed, Kurt looked over at Burt, watching as the man in front of him finally let his guard down. It was like watching him morph into a different person.
The Burt Hummel Kurt had seen the past few days was someone who was strong, holding it together for his family and letting nothing phase him.
The person Kurt was looking at now was the complete opposite. Burt slumped in the chair, shoulders sagging under an invisible weight. His face contorted into a mixture of grief and anxiety, his hands reaching across the bed to grab one of Kurt’s firmly in his grasp.
“I don’t know if you can hear me, kiddo, but…I need you to come back.” Burt’s voice cracked at the end and Kurt was up in an instant, rushing to his father’s side and wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around him.
“I-I, you know for years it’s only been us. And I love Carole and Finn, I do…but you’re mine, you’re all I have, Kurt…and I know you might want to give up and maybe be with your mom but…god, not yet, please? I need…I need to be selfish with you here, bud.”
Kurt watched as the hands that gripped his on the bed trembled, his father’s entire body shaking slightly.
“I can’t go through this again…please, please don’t put me through this again. He’s all I have…please.”
Kurt sat at Burt’s feet for the rest of the night as tears streamed down his face, leaning back against his father’s legs and hoping that somehow, he could feel Kurt with him.
**
When everyone came back the next day, Kurt could feel the change in the air.
Blaine, well, Blaine looked pissed. His jaw clenched, fists tight at his sides, but determination written all over his face. Carole looked like she was in full on momma-bear protection mode and Finn just looked lost, picking at the frayed hem of his Henley.
Kurt watched as Blaine made his way around the bed and dropped into the seat, shutting his eyes and breathing in deeply before opening them slowly and leaning over, kissing Kurt on the cheek.
“Hey babe.” He whispered quietly, pushing a strand of Kurt’s hair away from his face before reaching over to grab Kurt’s hand in his, twining their fingers together and squeezing gently, the tension in Blaine’s body slowly ebbing away.
Kurt glanced over to see Burt and Carole leaving the room and battled over leaving or staying. Eventually, his curiosity got the better of him, “I’ll be right back.” He said quietly (and even though he knew Blaine couldn’t hear him, it didn’t feel right leaving his side without saying the words) before leaving Blaine’s side and following his parents.
“What happened?” He heard his dad ask as he caught up to them at the end of the hallway.
Carole crossed her arms over her chest, “Blaine’s parents called him this morning worried sick over why he hadn’t been home in a few days and when he told them why, they flipped out.”
She sighed and Burt reached over, resting his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.
“They said that Kurt wasn’t important enough for him to be missing so much school and then accused Blaine of blowing Kurt’s condition out of proportion, trying to down play it as nothing more than their son’s crush just needing a few stitches, maybe a brace or two.”
Kurt watched as Carole bristled and couldn’t help but smile at how protective she had become over Blaine.
“I took the phone away from him and assured his parents that my son will not conflict with Blaine’s education before hanging up. It…it was rude of me, I know…but we’ve all been through enough. And that poor kid can’t take much more on his plate; he doesn’t need his parents putting this on him right now.”
Burt nodded, coming forward to hug Carole tightly to his chest.
“Come on, let’s get back to our son.”
**
After a while, days passed in a blur. Kurt alternated between staying at the hospital or going home with his family at night, but other than that, he was lost.
He also was beginning to feel weaker, and that terrified him.
After a week passed, Wes dropped by unexpectedly to not only visit, but to give Blaine a literal mountain of work.
“The Dean is sympathetic with the situation, Blaine, as are your teachers, but you really do need to go back.”
Kurt hated to even think it, but he agreed.
He was literally watching the boy he loved fall apart day by day. Mercedes, ever an angel, had gone to the Hummel-Hudson house early the morning before and demanded that Blaine “sit his skinny white-boy ass down” and let her take care of him. She helped him shave because really, while Blaine all scruffy was pretty hot, he couldn’t really rock the caveman look much longer, and she made sure that both Burt and Carole had come home for a few hours and cooked them all breakfast before leaving with Finn to go to school. Once they left Blaine just tugged on a pair of sneakers and told the remaining Hummels that he would be waiting in the car for them to leave.
Carole didn’t have the heart to tell him that she thought he should go to school that morning, so instead she grabbed Kurt’s phone and looked through it to find the name of one of the Warblers, sending out a quick text before heading out.
“Go Blaine, please. You…you can’t stay here forever. I can’t stay here forever.”
Blaine looked at the pile of books Wes dropped on the table next to him before sighing and closing his eyes.
“Wes, I-”
“Blaine, I’m serious. I’m not here just as a Warbler, I’m here as your friend…and Kurt’s. You know he wouldn’t want you moping around here-”
“Shut up!” Blaine said angrily, the first real bit of emotion Kurt had seen his boyfriend show in days.
Wes didn’t look phased, just stood his ground as Blaine jumped out of his seat, staring the other boy down.
“Mrs. Hummel is the one that asked me to come here, Blaine. She’s worried about you as well. She…just doesn’t want you to get in trouble because of all this.”
Kurt saw the tick in Blaine’s jaw as he stood silently, his arms crossed over his chest.
“We’re all here for you Blaine. Kurt’s one of us. We may not have the same…relationship with him as you do, but we’re all affected by this.”
Blaine stayed silent for a long time, and Wes made a move to leave before Blaine finally spoke.
“I’ll be there tomorrow.”
Wes nodded and reached over to squeeze Blaine’s shoulder. He glanced at Kurt sadly for a moment before turning to leave.
Blaine felt the anger deflate from him as he dropped back into his seat just as Carole walked in.
“Are you mad at me?” She asked quietly, walking over to stand next to him instead of sitting on the other side of the bed where the other chairs were.
After a moment Blaine shook his head, looking down and sighing through his nose.
“No…I just…Mrs. Hummel-”
“Carole.”
Blaine smiled slightly to himself before correcting himself, “Carole I just…what if something happens? And I’m at school? Westerville is two hours away. And if something happened, good or bad, I wouldn’t be able to get here quick enough and I…-”
“I know sweetie, but if Kurt were awake, what do you think he’d be saying right now?”
Blaine bit his lip as he looked over Kurt, “He’d yell at me for just sitting here day after day. He…he wouldn’t want me to do this.”
Carole nodded, placing a hand gently on his shoulder, “Look…there’s only two more days left in the work week, so go to school. You can come here straight after and do your homework. And if anything happens, I’ll let you know, okay?”
Blaine nodded again and Carole pulled away, grabbing the rolling table at the end of Kurt’s bed and rolling it over to him.
“Well then…looks like you have some work to catch up on, kid.”
Blaine smirked before reaching over and grabbing the first textbook from the pile.
**
When Blaine went back to school the next day, it was painfully obvious that everyone knew where he had been.
It was also obvious that he was hanging on by a thread.
When people thought of Blaine Anderson, they thought of the prim and proper young man. Every hair gelled into place and courteous to everyone.
That wasn’t the boy who was walking the halls right now. This Blaine didn’t bother with his hair and was starting to have stubble again. Tired eyes were behind a pair of glasses and his shoulders slumped under his bag’s weight as he went through the motions of going to his classes. Dozens of people gave him their condolences, but he barely spoke. He thought it he opened his mouth he would probably scream because ”Just shut the fuck up already, he’s not dead.” Instead he just continuously checked his cell phone and drummed his pen on the desks. He stopped attempting to take notes after 3rd period.
All in all, he was a mess.
The only time he showed any emotion was when the last bell rang for the day and he all but flew out of his classroom, not even bothering to stop at his locker as he ran out of the main entrance and was starting his car before anyone else even exited the building.
The two hour drive was made in about 75 minutes.
Carole said nothing when she walked back into the room after going to eat something and she saw Blaine sitting in his seat, his uniform tie loosened and his school bag unceremoniously dropped on the floor.
**
The next day was Friday, marking two weeks since Kurt was in the hospital and so far, there was no change.
“His vitals could be a bit better…but we do think that he should’ve been awake by now.”
Burt’s face scrunched in confusion as he took in the doctor’s words. “What do you mean, should have? Why isn’t he waking up?”
The doctor shrugged sadly as he put his clipboard under his right arm, “To be honest, Mr. Hummel…there is nothing more we can do for your son. It’s…it is entirely up to him now to wake up.”
Burt looked into the hospital room at his son’s form, looking for all the world like he could simply be sleeping. “What can we do?”
“Honestly? Nothing. But…I do feel like I should warn you-”
“Warn us of what?” Carole asked, folding his arms over her chest, feeling her heart rate speed up minutely.
“If he doesn’t wake up on his own soon…we…” the doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “We fear he may never wake up.”
Carole gasped and Burt put his arms around her, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. The doctor whispered his apologies before heading into the adjacent room to check on his other patients.
Kurt, who was standing next to his parents the entire time, clutched at his heart, tears welling in his eyes before he tore back into the room, staring down at his body.
“Goddammit, I have to wake up! I can’t…I will not fucking become a vegetable and lay here until they pull the fucking plug!” He yelled at himself, tears now pouring down his face as Kurt stood at the head of the bed, trying to grab at his shoulders but his hands falling right through the body.
“No! nonononono! I will not fucking die. I can’t. I can’t leave them. I can’t! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” He squeezed his eyes shut as he screamed himself hoarse, falling to his knees by the bed.
He didn’t notice the way the lights in the room flickered or the way the bed shook minutely when he collapsed next to it.
**
Part Two