fic: misguided ghosts, traveling endlessly (2/2)
Back to Part One
Burt knew breaking the news about Kurt to Finn and Blaine would be hard, but he didn’t expect the way they reacted. He was prepared for Blaine to scream and cry and for Finn to go quiet. He wasn’t ready for the way Finn instantly turned to the other boy, crushing him tightly to him in a hug that Blaine instantly responded to, burying his face in Finn’s neck.
Burt didn’t realize just how close his step-son and his son’s boyfriend had become through all of this. He didn’t realize how mature they had both gotten. Neither of them screamed or cried in the way he was expecting (in the way he felt like acting himself when he found out). They just held each other silently before pulling apart, eyes rimmed red but their faces completely void of tears.
**
That night Carole and Burt both decided to stay, Finn riding home with Blaine to the Hummel-Hudson house silently. Kurt was waiting for them when they got home and noticed the way Finn was watching Blaine, as if he was waiting for Blaine to fall apart in front of his very eyes.
I guess it’s good…that Blaine will have someone to look after him. Kurt thought to himself before he could realize otherwise. He then wanted to smack himself for thinking that way, for thinking that Blaine would need someone there for him because Kurt wouldn’t be.
“Wanna just go to bed now, or?” Finn asked quietly, scratching the back of his head.
To both his and Kurt’s surprised, Blaine shook his head. “I um…actually…I’m kinda hungry?” He said it quietly like a question, as if he wasn’t sure or not if he wanted to eat. If he should eat.
“Oh, okay um…we kinda haven’t really gone shopping, so I’ll go and get…something. Pizza good?”
Blaine nodded, but he was obviously distracted.
Finn nodded to himself before checking his pocket for his wallet and grabbing his keys from the hook by the door.
“Will you be okay-”
“I’ll be fine, Finn. Just…go.” Blaine turned towards the other boy to smile reassuringly but Kurt saw right through it.
The second Finn closed the door Kurt could actually see the changes in Blaine’s posture. His body slumped and he ran a hand through his curly hair before trudging up the steps, Kurt right behind him. Kurt was ready for him to go into Finn’s room but was surprised when Blaine stopped in front of his room, hand shaking slightly as it reached for the knob.
He stood there for a moment before turning his hand and opening the door, reaching his other hand in to hit the light switch.
Blaine’s eyes took in the room as his grip tightened on the knob.
The room hadn’t been touched since Kurt had last been in it. The bed was still a mess, his pajamas strewn over the blankets and one pillow was on the floor. Various bottles were on the lined up along the table in the back corner of the room and his closet door was still slightly ajar.
What made Blaine react the most however was the overpowering scent of Kurt. He didn’t realize how muddled it was becoming in his mind, the smell of antiseptic never quite leaving him. But here in his room, it hit Blaine full force.
He closed the door behind him before stumbling over to the bed and sitting down, remembering a time months ago where he woke up in the very same spot, a night before a drunken blur.
Blaine reached over the side of the bed and picked up the pillow before kicking his shoes off and lying down, pulling the covers over him as he buried his head in the pillow.
“Please come back.” He whispered brokenly, fisting the duvet’s material in his grasp tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“Please. Please, I need you…please please please. Kurt…”
Kurt watched as Blaine literally fell apart in front of him, heart wrenching sobs tearing out of his throat as Blaine began to scream incoherently.
Kurt had heard from Finn how Blaine broke down the first night, and he had seen his boyfriend in the hospital room with red-rimmed eyes, even saw him cry silently a few times.
But Kurt had never seen this.
He had never seen Blaine completely lose it like he was right now.
Blaine was thrashing on the bed as everything from the last two weeks finally caught up to him. He clutched at his middle as he cried, as if he was literally holding himself together.
Kurt hated the situation at that very moment more than he had during the last two weeks. He hated just standing there and watching as Blaine broke down.
He couldn’t do this anymore.
You brought him back to us!
We’re a family.
You’re still a part of us.
We love you.
I need you.
I love him.
Kurt wrapped his arms around his middle and screamed, gasping on a sob before falling to the floor and flickering out of the room.
**
Blaine groggily woke up the next morning stiff and exhausted. He glanced over at the bedside table to the clock and gasped when he saw it was 1:30 in the afternoon. He threw the covers over before realizing where he was and the previous night crashing back to him. He rubbed at his eyes before running his hand through his hair.
Looks like I’m allowing myself one breakdown a week. Good job. he thought bitterly to himself before reaching down to pull on his shoes and leaving the room.
He went to the bathroom quickly and tried to make himself look a little less like death warmed over, but after brushing his teeth and splashing water over his face, he realized there wasn’t much he could do.
He quickly realized the house was empty (Finn probably wanted me to sleep in…) and he saw a half-eaten pizza still on the kitchen counter. He grabbed a slice and ate it cold before leaving the house and heading back to the hospital.
He didn’t realize he forgot his cell phone on the counter that had three text messages and six missed calls.
**
Blaine knew it was kind of sad that the receptionist at the hospital already knew who he was, but he didn’t comment on it, just passed by her and the visitor’s list and headed for the elevator, riding it up to the ICU.
He felt…different, for some reason. Like something was missing that had been with him for a while, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.
He didn’t feel the constant desperation that he had felt for the last two weeks, didn’t feel the anxiety deep in his bones that he had been carrying with him.
Maybe screaming his lungs out and over sleeping had done him some good and helped him clear his head a bit.
He didn’t notice the commotion up ahead of him until a nurse rushed past him, bumping into his elbow.
He lifted his head up and watched as the nurse ran down the hall…and into Kurt’s room.
All that feeling better from twenty seconds ago? Forget it. All of those emotions rushed into him times ten and he felt like the world was tilting again as he finally heard the raised voices coming from the room.
Oh shit. No. Nonononono.
“No…Kurt.” Blaine choked out before sprinting down the hall that suddenly seemed endless.
“Kurt! Kurt!” He kept yelling as he ran, his heart threatening to explode. He skidded to a stop in front of the hospital room, fingers clutching the frame tightly, tears threatening to spill over and his heart two seconds away from stopping all together.
He was prepared to see a white sheet being pulled over the boy’s body and doctors comforting a bereaved family.
What he didn’t expect to see was two doctors holding down a struggling Kurt as they tried to remove the tube from down his throat.
“Blaine!”
Blaine’s arms were shaking from how hard he was holding onto the doorframe and his head whipped to the corner when his name was called to see the Hummel-Hudson’s all standing there with tears in their eyes and …relief.
Blaine realized it was Burt that called his name and he staggered over to the family, immediately being pulled into an embrace by Carole as the doctors moved the tube aside and placed an oxygen mask over Kurt’s face. They were spewing out different numbers and vital signs that were pretty much pig Latin as far as Blaine was concerned because holy shit this was real.
Kurt was awake.
**
It took the doctors and nurses twenty minutes to get everything in order before they all filed out of the room, save for Kurt’s primary doctor.
The second they all moved, Burt rushed over to his son’s side, not caring about anyone in the room and he got on his knees besides his son’s bed.
“Hey kiddo,” he said quietly, running his hand through Kurt’s hair and squeezing his neck slightly.
Kurt was still too weak to talk but he smiled faintly, tilting his head slightly into his father’s hand.
“Thought we lost you there for a bit.” He said smiling, biting his lip to keep from crying. The doctor handed Burt a cup of ice chips and he slowly fed a few to Kurt, letting them melt in his mouth to swallow.
After a few spoonfuls, Kurt coughed to clear his throat and rasped out a ‘hi dad’, which almost made Burt lose it then and there.
The doctor removed the oxygen mask all together and replaced it with a nasal cannula, telling Burt he’d be back in an hour to check on Kurt again.
After Burt moved away to sit down, Carole made her way over and bent down to hug him gingerly, tears slowly falling down her face.
“I’m so glad you’re awake honey, we’ve missed you.”
Kurt smiled and squeezed her hand back weakly when she grasped his hand in hers.
Finn stood back with Blaine and when Carole moved out of the way, Kurt had a perfect view of both of them. It was hard to miss the way Kurt’s eyes lit up when they found Blaine’s. Finn was about to push Blaine forward when suddenly Blaine shook his head rapidly, breaths coming out in short spurts before he ran out of the room, ignoring Finn calling his name from behind.
He ran. He didn’t bother with the elevator, just found the stairwell and bolted, taking the stairs two at a time. He had no idea where his feet were taking him until he reached a door that said ‘authorized personnel only’. He pushed it open and found himself on the roof of the hospital.
He stumbled over to a concrete slab a few yards away and collapsed on it, sitting with his head between his knees and his hands fisted tightly in his hair.
He shouldn’t get to be happy when this was all his fault anyways.
Kurt shouldn’t have looked at him that way. He should have looked at him with disgust and demanded that Blaine be thrown out and never allowed to see him again.
A few minutes later Blaine heard the door being opened, but he didn’t move, just squeezed his eyes closed tighter.
“Blaine? Blaine, what the hell is wrong with you?!” He heard being yelled out before he sensed someone crouching down in front of him and felt hands over his, trying to coax his grip on his hair to slacken.
“Dude, seriously…what the fuck gives? You just about gave everyone a heart attack, including Kurt, you moron.”
Blaine picked his head up and glared at Finn through red-rimmed eyes, his voice coming out hoarse, angry.
“He shouldn’t fucking look at me like that. Not ever. This is all my fault! He should never want to see me again, Finn! He should hate-”
“If you finish that sentence I swear I’m going to punch you, Anderson.”
Blaine breathed heavily through his nose, clenching his jaw tight to keep back the angry words he wanted to spew at the other boy.
“Kurt is my brother and he fucking loves you, you asshole. You could probably throw him into oncoming traffic and he’d still look at you like you were the second fucking coming.”
“Do you have any idea how many nights I sat with him while he cried over you? How long he wanted you before you pulled your head out of your ass and realized oh hey, you like him too? So how dare you say crap like this?”
Finn stood and raked a hand through his hair before taking a step back, “You better get your shit together, Blaine, and realize that this wasn’t your fault and he will always love you.”
Blaine watched with wide eyes as Finn stalked back across the roof and towards the door, wrenching it open and storming back down the stairs before it even fully closed.
Blaine breathed out shakily before lashing out and slamming his fist into the concrete next to him with a grunt, gritting his teeth against the pain as the skin broke on the side of his hand and he began to bleed.
**
Blaine didn’t know how long he stayed sitting on the concrete slab on the roof of Lima Memorial with his left hand bleeding and throbbing and his head spinning.
He just knew that Finn was right and he was a dick and it was time to fucking suck it up and get back downstairs.
He slowly got to his feet and clenched and unclenched his hand, hissing when pain shot through it.
You deserve it, dumb ass. He thought to himself as he slowly made his way over to the door and back down the stairwell.
He walked as slowly as he could but in no time he was standing in front of Kurt’s room, not daring to enter.
He glanced down the hall and saw Burt and Carole talking with Kurt’s head doctor again before looking back inside to see Finn staring at him. He spoke quietly to Kurt before standing up and making his way across the room and to the doorway.
“Well?” Finn asked, blocking the entrance, arms crossed over his chest.
“I’m sorry. I just-” Blaine sighed, clenching his fist again, the pain keeping his grounded. “I don’t have an excuse. I’m just sorry.” He looked Finn in the eyes, hoping to convey that he really was sorry and he knew he was being stupid and just please let me inside already.
Finn stared him down for a few more moments before stepping aside, “He’s pretty tired. So don’t get offended or anything if he nods off in the middle of a conversation.” Was all he said before walking down the hall.
Blaine steeled himself and took in a shaky breath before walking in, closing the door behind him. Kurt’s eyes were instantly on him but they were guarded, defensive.
“H-hi.” Blaine said quietly, standing a few feet away from the bed, clenching his fist again.
Kurt didn’t say anything, just took in his appearance, his eyes raking Blaine’s form slowly the same way Blaine had looked at him thousands of times over the last two weeks.
Blaine honestly thought he was going to go crazy if the room stayed silent any long.
“Blaine.” Kurt finally answered, his voice cracking and hoarse.
That one word was all it took for his composure to crack.
Blaine was across the room and sitting in his chair in a heartbeat, face slowly crumpling. He saw Kurt’s hand inching towards his on the side of the bed and almost lost it when Kurt’s fingers tangled with his own, finally, finally squeezing back gently.
“Kurt…”
He couldn’t speak. He had a million things he wanted to say, but all the words died on his tongue.
He didn’t need to speak, however, because he noticed Kurt was weakly tugging at his hand and his eyes kept shooting down towards Blaine’s lips.
Blaine nodded. This he could do. This was something he could give Kurt.
He sat up slowly and gently, ever so gently, he leaned over Kurt’s form on the bed and pressed his lips to the other boy’s, squeezing his eyes shut when he felt Kurt’s lips slowly move against his own, Kurt’s other hand reaching up to hold Blaine’s face.
When they pulled apart, Blaine kept his eyes shut, his forehead resting against Kurt’s.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered and he felt Kurt’s head shake against his own. The younger boy moved his face over and kissed Blaine’s cheek before pulling his head down, his lips against Blaine’s ear.
“I love you.”
Blaine’s eyes blinked open and he pulled back gently, hazel meeting blue and he wanted to cry and sing and laugh and scream because he never thought he’d get to hear that.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked quietly, fear beginning to edge its way into Kurt’s eyes.
Blaine shook his head minutely to himself before leaning down to kiss Kurt again.
“I love you. I love you I love you I love you.” Blaine answered before kissing Kurt again, pulling back when Kurt began to laugh quietly.
“What?”
Kurt reached up and rubbed his thumb against Blaine’s cheek.
“Scratchy.” Was all Kurt said, smiling fondly at the boy hovering over him.
Blaine bit his lip and huffed out a laugh, running his hand through his hair as he straightened up and sat back down, pulling his chair as close as he could to the bed, fingers of his left hand still twined with Kurt’s.
“Your hair…is a mess too.” Kurt said quietly before reaching out to grab at Blaine’s glasses, an eyebrow raised in question.
“Contacts…usually.” Blaine shrugged, putting his glasses back on and running his thumb back and forth over Kurt’s wrist.
Kurt looked down before pulling Blaine’s hand up to his face, his smile dropping as he noticed the dried blood and the obvious swelling.
Blaine looked down, embarrassed, but then Kurt pulled his hand up to his face and kissed it, making Blaine look up again.
“I missed you.” Blaine said suddenly, reaching over to grab Kurt’s other hand in his.
“I…I swear I sound like a fucking broken record right now, but I’m sorry Kurt…this is all-”
“If you say this was your fault…I’m going to smack you, Blaine.”
Blaine smiled despite himself because it was obvious that he and Finn had talked before.
“Do you…do you remember anything?” Blaine asked after a moment of silence.
Kurt’s face scrunched in concentration and Blaine smiled again because god, his boyfriend was adorable.
“Not…not really? Bits and pieces but um…I it’s like a dream?” Kurt answered quietly.
“A dream?”
“Mmm…mostly about you.”
Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hands in his, leaning forward in his chair and tilting his head to rest against the pillow next to Kurt’s, their voices now barely above a whisper.
“I dreamt about coming back to you…because you needed me.”
Blaine nodded, hand coming up to brush a strand of hair away from Kurt’s face.
“I'm sorry.” Blaine said quietly because really, he doubted he could ever say it enough.
“I know.” Kurt replied, picking up his hand and mimicking Blaine’s gesture of moving a piece of hair away.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” Blaine let his hand lay on Kurt’s cheek, thumb stroking over his jaw.
“Me too.” Kurt mimicked, resting his hand gently on Blaine’s cheek.
“Never leave me.” Blaine asked quietly after a beat of silence, so quiet Kurt thought maybe he imagined it. But he saw the look in Blaine’s eyes, the unadulterated need bubbling to the surface.
“I promise.” Kurt responded, sincerity pouring out from him.
“I love you.” Blaine moved forward and kissed Kurt gently.
“I love you.” Kurt copied Blaine again, leaning over to kiss him before sighing out slowly and smiling, his eyelids starting to flutter.
“Be here when I wake up?” Kurt mumbled, his eyes already closed.
“Always.” Blaine told him even though Kurt was already asleep. He closed his own eyes and breathed in deeply, all of his fear and anger and anxiety finally washing away as Kurt’s grip on Blaine’s fingers never loosened.
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