I'm spinning. So much work to do and no way to accomplish anything. I am shuffling around cleaning dishes and taking out trash. I am wide awake, high on energy, and useless. I hate this feeling of impotence. I want something, anything.. but this.

I've got all this energy and no outlet. I've been doing random things, trying to tire myself to no avail. So I'll type randomness and hope my mind stops spinning by the time it hits the pillow. I like a boy who is leaving for good in a month. How typical. I'm losing sleep over future plans. I feel all of the open space around me.. I see all ( Read more... )

The last few weeks have blended together into a blur, a montage of things I didn't do. I did what I do best--nothing. It's been relaxing, but I've run out of things to distract myself with. Most have left already.. it's an odd feeling seeing others go. I was always the one running off first, it's nice to be the one missing rather than the ( Read more... )

Right now I'm drifting. I'm thinking about life a year from now, five years, twenty-five. I did the right thing. I'm going to walk away, sometimes it's the best thing you can do. I will miss her, so much. She will always be my best friend, but we need to part ways for a while. She needs to catch up to me, and I can't expect things from her ( Read more... )

I sat with my eyes unfocused, drifting into uncertainty. The light refracted in long piercing rays that momentarily captured my attention through the clouded windshield. My fingers felt frozen as they tensed and relaxed. I tried not to think too deeply as to look troubled from the outside. I tried to remain blank, empty.. or at least as much as ( Read more... )

wow. i'm discussing the science of chemistry and its repercussions.. and i keep looking over to my buddy list. my eyes keep scrambling all of the letters to create his screen name. even as i try and blink my hallucination away, there he is--his shadow, starring back at me through memory. I am spinning right now in memory, fantasy.. delusion. ( Read more... )

Even the slightest glance is disarming. I feel jumpy, and really fired up. I think Jermone does that to me sometimes. He knows what to say to drive me crazy and incite all sorts of lunacy in me. Oh well, it happens.

My mind is swimming in all this nothingness. I am thoroughly drunk, but enlivened. We're watching a movie I've seen before, no surprises, though life through a cloudy lens is always non-familiar. I'm talking nonsense and I'm numb. It's taking me too much time to fix my typing errors. I am out of love, but with a full mind. I've had unusual ( Read more... )

The time has come again to settle old debts and finish yet another semester. I'm growing exhausted from the constant cycle. It's been an endless Saturday, my favorite kind.. but this headache is really getting on my nerves. Another Christmas without my old traditions. I miss my flawed holidays that mounted to everything I could ever want, but ( Read more... )

And just like that--I felt invisible. I was on such a high note only a few hours ago, I'm even feeling better about the final onslaught of work to do before semester's end so.. why? Can a person just disappear in their own context.. life even? I'm softening again, when I really need to keep my resolve. I'm becoming restless and I'm not sure how ( Read more... )