Lilian and I talked to basically let each other know that we need to talk. After all this ...2 and ¼ of a year of being together she breaks up with me. Then after the break up we're still together and all over each other like we're still dating. I'm scared and nervous and worried and freaking out and I feel so painfully effeminate. I'm dealing with ( Read more... )

I’m trying to get all this stuff off my mind while I have the nerve even though I’m nowhere near the person that I care about so dearly. Over the course of my stay out here in Denver I can’t get away from my old self. I can’t stop wanting to go goth and homicidal/suicidal. I keep desperately trying to find my sense of self over again - the brighter ( Read more... )

 
What in the heck could I have done so progressively wrong to make you look at me the way you do right now? Am I that awful of an individual? All I can say that I wanted was you, with me, at my side, most times. Then give me space then come back again to pick up where we left off. This doggone indecisiveness. This holding back and refraining from ( Read more... )

My heart feels like it's breaking. I haven't felt this absolutely horrible in 2 years. I recognize it for what it is. It's day 4 of this and I hurt so bad I feel like I could die. And for as much as I say it and think it I'm wondering how we can be allowed to feel like this and that not come to fruition. It's like I could die and it wouldn't matter ( Read more... )

 This is my life it would seem. Things don't get too much more awful than this. So I'm adding it to the list of social deficiencies and unwanted issues that I'm already plagued with. Things with Lilian aren't doing too great right now. I'd say it began in December with a steady decline because she was already working way too much and we never saw ( Read more... )

I guess this couldn't even hope to sum things up but I've give it the ol' college try and hope that will suffice to appease my overall unhappiness and discomfort in my own skin.  At the start of the year I was once again reminded that two of my friends were dead.  I got to see some old friends and make new ones.  I hurt myself and screwed up in ( Read more... )

I figured I could take a moment out of my busy day and actually update this thing. My most recent events revolving around my personal life and issues therein are as follows.  School sucks. I don't care how good or awful of a semester I may be forced to endure/bear witness to, it sucks. I spent my entire Spring semester working my butt off and ( Read more... )

I guess some of the things that have been plaguing me as of late are this ( Read more... )

As much as life takes its toll, it's twists and turns, soothing you and beating you some things just never change. For all the people that made some of the biggest differences in my life, they still remain the best part of my life when we all get together. The ones that fade off somewhere just because they have a significant other just need to be ( Read more... )

I'm not exactly sure what it is that I want to say here. I wish there were another venue/avenue for me to vent other than this. I wish I wasn't so completely miserable. I wish I wasn't able to see things so clearly, in part, because I can tell when people are fake and I'm just wasting my time. I'd really rather not waste my time. I'd rather find ( Read more... )