I want my future back.

Especially that part about transforming from Ugly Duckling to Beautiful Swan.

I miss that one.

Oh, and that whole Happiness thing.

I just took about 5 pictures of Marc curled in his trout boxers hugging his pink kitty pillow with all four cats surrounding him. Tomorrow, when he's awake and hopefully in a good mood, I'll have him upload them for me.

Until then, I'll post some of what he's taken... if photobucket doesn't annoy me too much..

It's hard to write with Marc here. If you don't know this yet..Marc would be my boyfriend. Ex-Fiancee if you read the marriage announcement. Current Fiancee when things are going well and I'm not too cynical and just lame enough to use the term "fiancee." I'd say more but well.. he reads this, I think. It's how he found me ( Read more... )

You didn't really think I had found happiness, did you? An end to my suffering? The rainbow after the storm? No, you didn't. I thought I had, though I also had my doubts.

Monday brought bad news in the form of a doctor's appointment and a promise of months of pain and sickness, maybe a lifetime.

Friday brought a reason to put up a fight.

Everything else was a blur of conversation and cats.

April 1rst we will be married.

If I can keep my cynicism silent.

Marc:

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I'm afraid of tomorrow. Everything could change, or remain the same.

Life - or death - at the Golden Gate
SURVIVOR: Jumper says barrier would have stopped him

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

By PAUL PAYNE
THE PRESS DEMOCRAT


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I talked to Erin yesterday for four hours. Most of the conversations I have seem to last for a minimum of 4 hours, even those intended to last only a few minutes like this one. She was tired and I had a house and yard to clean ( Read more... )

We have the same conversation
again and again
we never tire
we never resolve
I'm lonely
I'm cold
I'm horny
I'm drunk
I'm stoned
I'm stuck
I'm worried
I'm scared
I'm wasting away
I'm not made for this life.

this sad exchange
we never change
we couldn't if we tried.

The landlords came by today. I'll spare every detail. I'm a fuckup. There's the summary. They might be selling this house and they're going to be working on it a lot and just coming by more often. This.. makes me a nervous wreck. I've looked at other places but there's nothing that compares to this price-wise and it's not like I can afford to ( Read more... )