it would currently be me.
License-less, love-less, alone-ness, FUCKED-ness.
Maybe I should just move back to Seattle. You don't need cars there.
I have no idea what I'm going to do except think about the flowers, think about the words, and think about how incredibly immobile I am going to be for the next month and a half. Help?

Gradution is over, all the events are up. I just drove fifteen hours straight, I feel hungover, like a car sitting type of hang over. I wanted to apologize, there's nothing to apologize for, though. A change of heart, a crushing of feelings, its all been done. It's been this way for a while, so I feel partial to everything, even a little bland. ( Read more... )

its my last day of college. weird.
gonna go drink some sparks on the beach after.
my tummy hurts though, as usual, i dont know the difference between right and wrong. sure does make things fun. i pulled down the pictures too. they are in a drawer, along with everything else. i avoid that drawer then go chug some water. yeah.

But I do have great faith in your ability to prevail -- especially if you strengthen yourself with this meditation from the book Less Than One, by Joseph Brodsky: "The surest defense against evil is extreme individualism, originality of thinking, whimsicality -- even if you will, eccentricity . . . Evil is a sucker for solidarity. It always goes ( Read more... )

its over again. its just beginning again.
i am not strong enough for us.
hardly strong enough for me.
i will find what i've been looking for for years, now. its all up to me.

i guess I'm always wanting something. or uncomfortable. or some stupid excuse. i want to make myself difficult, so i do. I'm difficult, welcome!

tomorrow is the big humanities presentation day. i'm still writing my speech, congratulations.
i'm ready to move, small towns might not be my thing, i haven't managed to operate too well so far.
my hands hurt.
i want to not be nervous, for one day of my life.
that day is probably not going to be tomorrow!
EEEEhhhhhh!

I enjoy beating myself up. There's this weird feeling of accomplishment I get in struggling. Maybe this isn't something to admit out loud, but I'm starting to think it's really true. I enjoy running until my body feels like its going to fall apart, I drink so that I feel bad in the morning, I eat until my guts hurt, I start fights sometimes for no ( Read more... )

It's one of those mornings where I've had a million weird dreams last night, and reality really sucks. dreams are so much more interesting. i'm really far behind in school, and i'm graduating. this is scary.

the most difficult part about fighting for me is feeling so insignificant. whether or not i'm winning or losing just a part of the battle i'm shrinking painfully inside. fighting is fun for some people. but my gag reflexes show, flashbacks return and i'm no bigger than a snail inside its shell ( Read more... )