1. The feeling that you get when riding a roller coaster ( Read more... )

I went out and bought a journal dedicated to my self help project. Not some self help crap from best selling books or from Oprah. I'm talking about self discovery, healing, and moving toward a better place within. I have know for a while that how I think and how I feel about me and life in general isn't "normal". I've been in a dark place for a ( Read more... )

So I got to thinking (some more) about friendships. I guess my track record isn't the best. I have a list of people from as far back as 5 that I've been friends with up until the point that they find someone better, or they get whisked away to another part of the country. So the question is, is it them or is it me? I'd like to blame the all the way ( Read more... )

Here I sit thinking (as dangerious as that may be) and I'm caught in a loop. I can't seem break out of it. I keep replaying things that are best left alone. Why? I guess I must enjoy torturing myself. I guess its alot of things, mostly I think it was something that happened yesterday (saturday) that really jogged the memories that I didn't want to ( Read more... )

So I got upset tonight and I wasn't really sure why. I just burst nto tears and hid in my room because my crying tends to piss Bart off. I'm not sure why it does that either. Anyway it didn't hit me until I was driving to work, fuming because I wasn't feeling right. My grandmother's birthday would have been this week. I guess part of my mind knew ( Read more... )

So here I am eating something that I KNOW isn't good for me and yet I'm still shoving it in my mouth. Why? Because I am worried and paraniod and a bunch of other things. I keep telling myself the biggest lies on why I am the way I am and it works. The truth is, I eat the wrong things, and I don't take care of myself. If I keep this up I will be a ( Read more... )

I don't know why, but I feel like hell. Ok I might know why, other people. The truth of the matter is that I'm tired of being in denial. I'm so used to lying to myself about my relationships with people. I feel adrift, nothing to anchor to, and freaking helpless this morning. Work was hell, and now that I'm home I don't feel like sleeping, even ( Read more... )

I hit the gym last night. My arms are sore and I'm probably going to need two days before working on them again. Good thing that I have the weekend coming. Tonight I'm going to the gym, 30 minutes of cardio and the lower body weight machines. I'm trying to be ernest in my pursuit of a balanced and healthy life. I pay for the gym membership, and I ( Read more... )

Someday's I wonder what it would be like, well what I'd be like if I didn't have this body image problem. Mostly I think that being fat has shaped me in more ways than just the negative. I know skinny people with body image problems, and that some how makes me feel not so bad. Today I had lunch with my sister, a salad with loaded potato soup and ( Read more... )

The semester is almost over and I feel like I don't have enough time to get what I need finished. I'll do it, because I have to. I didn't work last night, felt like hell and didn't really want to deal with people in the state I was in. I've almost perfected the I'm fine, nothing wrong with me act, which is just a bad all around deal. I'm working on ( Read more... )