I want a Guardian Phallus. You know, a giant wang to watch over me while I sleep, whisper sweet nothings into my ear, and spooge on me when I'm feeling bad. Oh, wait, I have John Yurkow for that (Booty Call, 11:00 baby!!). If you don't know John, I feel sorry for you, because chances are he owns your soul. And he's King Asshole. But that's a ( Read more... )

I've decided that it's just not enough to tweak out my car (nonexistant), but, alas, if I'm to TRULY live it up, 1970s-pimp style, I have no option but to CHROME OUT MY HOUSE. THAT'S RIGHT. I'm gonna fucking get HYDRAULICS FOR MY BED...though that could actually make for some...*ahem*..."interesting encounters." OH YES, BIOTCH. I WILL TINT ( Read more... )

I REALLY have to pee right now, but I'm too lazy to get up, so I have a feeling I'm going to sit here until I give my chair a thorough soaking, which is bad, because it won't fit in the washing machine, so I'll have to clean it with Windex, because Windex cleans everything, because Windex is GOD, okay ( Read more... )

See above. I used the infamous Korean "^_^" smiley face. This means I am going to start playing Starcraft obsessively, using only the much-despised "ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE" strategy. (PWNED ( Read more... )

That's right. See the title. Trashcan got (LOL OMG PWNED n00b!) DESTROYED. Chris and I were walking back to the dorm from TDU (Taylor Down Under - a sort of pool hall/cafe to all you non-JMU folks) when we saw this...this...ABOMINATION standing in the middle of our soccer field. It just wasn't RIGHT...so DEFIANT...the lone obstacle on an ( Read more... )

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Alex. Alex went to college. Alex did not do his statistics work. Alex went..."OH FUCK...I'M FAILING?!?!?" The moral of this story is: Don't sleep with gnomes. They'll bite your ankles and give you crabs. Or was that the scummy toilet seat? *shrug ( Read more... )

So...this weekend WUZ TEH ROXXOR. Nonstop, back-to-back visiting of friends... (Tracy...we said hi and then you disappeared! WHAT HAPPEN?!?) I had so much fun, I exploded like a cow stepping on a land mine ( Read more... )

I've decided it is time to mindfuck everyone on my Friends Page again...THAT MEANS YOU, KIDDIES ( Read more... )

SWEET! A triple-post.
/sarcasm

My GOD internet explorer is fucked sideways.

YO YO YO. The Animatrix rocks...I don't know WHY I'm telling you people this, because I saw it several weeks ago. I JUST HAVE SUPREMELY DELAYED REACTION TIME. Damn, I should go into the military. I could get shot in the face and I'd die a dozen days later. o.O ( Read more... )