Roo'verse fic! Baby Deedee
Title: Baby Deedee
Author: Tzzzz
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: mpreg
Betas::dossier and sporangia
Parings: John/Cam, John/Rodney
Spoilers: SGA: Phantoms, Outcast. SG1: Stronghold.
Summary: Cam's side of the story. Follows Tables Turned, Once There Was a Man Named Holland, Not a Henry, The Kangaroos and the Bees, What Rodney Wants, Conception, The Good of the One and Transferred.
Baby Deedee
Cam had survived Iraq, Kosovo, far too many secret flights over North Korea, and now he was going to die an hour out of Palm Springs California. Irony was a cruel bitch.
Of all the stupid things, a fall down a hill on a survival training exercise in the desert was probably the stupidest one. Cam had managed to lose his pack in the fall on a steep crag, far too high above him to climb on a busted ankle. Henderson, his survival buddy, had landed on a ledge high above Cam. Cam had fallen trying to keep him from going over the edge.
Cam's radio had been in the pack and after two hours shouting himself hoarse, he was beginning to doubt Henderson was even alive to answer him. Cam's water was in the pack and they weren't due for their daily check-in for another twenty hours, but Cam was already feeling dizzy, nauseous, and he couldn't really tell if he had stopped sweating. He remembered vaguely that this could be heat stroke, but things were fuzzy. Maybe he'd hit his head.
He looked out towards the mountains beyond, marveling at the heat-haze that seemed draped across reality. Shadows didn't match the figures that cast them. The world seemed still, like it was waiting to exhale. Everything was far away. The landscape seemed impossibly harsh and the sky a strange shade of blue. This was his world. This was it. Cam struggled for memories, as though everything that had come before was a mere mirage and only this was real. Compared to this pure, desolate world Cam's life up until this point seemed like a joke.
Cam was still young, already a Major and a damn good pilot. He had a great family and a kind heart and good looks. Yet despite all this, he'd die in the desert, alone. His family would mourn him, but it had been a long time since Cam had anyone in his life - no partner, no children, no legacy at all, just another easily replaceable cog in the great military machine. Cam wanted to be more. He'd always assumed that if he just lived his life right the partner and the children and the picket fence would come, but maybe he had to work for them. He vowed that if given a chance, he would earn the life he'd always taken for granted.
Cam groaned, forcing himself to stand. The joshua trees and the dry, desiccated shrubs seemed to bob and wave around him, more than just from the mirage effect of the heat. He let out a choked cry as he put weight on his bum ankle, stumbling far enough to grab another dry twig to add to his meager fire. He could barely even build a stupid smoke signal.
"Fuck," he cursed himself, limping over to the one small patch of shade in sight, hating being alone here with his thoughts, completely powerless to aid in his own survival.
He drifted off wondering, praying that he would survive and vowing that he would do something great with his life if he had another chance - he'd try harder to push his relationships beyond simple companionship into something deeper, he'd find the one for him, and he'd do better by his mom and dad. He wanted to reach out and make something mean more than this harsh landscape where thoughts seemed almost manifest. He needed some greater purpose. He needed someone to come home to and if he survived this, he'd make it happen.
When Cam next opened gummy, sun-burned eyes it was to a vision of an angel above him, haloed in the light of the setting sun. The man looked down at Cam with an beatific smile on his handsome face, cupping Cam's cheek and telling him everything would be alright. "Pulse is thready!" the man shouted. "Come on guys, this is not a drill!" The man moved away, his dark, rakish hair and slim hips speaking of more temptation than Cam was ready to contemplate at the moment. Maybe this was the devil, come to make him a Faustian bargain instead. Cam whimpered, already missing his presence.
The angel-devil returned, patting Cam firmly on the shoulder. "You are one lucky SOB, Major. Or maybe unlucky, depending how you look at it. But don't worry, we'll have you back at base and drowning in the good stuff in no time." And then Cam was being lifted, crying out as the movement jarred his ankle.
"Careful!" the man shouted, hopping into the pilot's seat of a blackhawk as they move Cam to the back. Cam made an abortive move to reach for him, but before Cam knew it, they were already in the sky and away.
***
Cam woke up feeling pleasantly drugged. His nose itched from where his sunburn was peeling and when he pushed himself up enough he could see his whole foot bound in a cast.
Cam was surprised to be alive, but not as surprised as finding Ferguson dozing in the chair next to his bed.
"Hey," Cam croaked, his throat dry as the desert they'd just pulled him out of.
Ferguson seemed startled but greeted Cam with a wide smile. "Shaft, buddy, good to see you awake."
"Water?"
Ferguson rushed to pour a glass for him. "Seriously, Cam, you really know how to get up shit creek even without having a paddle to begin with."
"Happened?" The water felt heavenly on Cam's parched throat, but speaking still hurt.
"You and Henderson were doing that trapped behind enemy lines b.s. training run. Someone in ops wasn't paying attention when your g.p.s. stayed in the same place for half a day. You're just lucky they were running the medevac guys on evening training in the same area. They saw your fire and stopped. Someone would have gotten you when you missed check-in, but that would have been too late for Henderson. He'll recover, by the way."
Cam sighed in relief. He'd been really worried when Henderson didn't anwer.
"He hit his head," Ferguson elaborated. "Worse than you. But the docs got him up."
Now that was taken care of, Cam had license to wonder "Who came?"
Ferguson looked confused.
"You know: black hair, green eyes, skinny. Beautiful."
Ferguson shook his head. "Don't go crushing on that one, Shaft. You were brought in by Sheppard's team. I agree with you - the man is damn fine - but not only is he an imperial from a really important family, but he's also practically engaged to some Army pilot. Keeps a picture in his wallet and everything. G.I. Joe is one lucky bastard, though. I'll tell you, I wouldn't mind letting a hot piece of ass like Sheppard carry my kids."
Cam blushed, because Ferguson had read Cam's mind. Cam had thought his prayers had been answered out in that desert. He not only got to keep his worthless life, but he got the perfect opportunity to make that life matter. There had been something magical about that moment, fated in a way Cam would never forget.
"Not that. Want to thank him," he forced out, hoping that Ferguson would buy it. Cam wasn't about to give up on his destiny just because Ferguson thought Cam's dream-guy was out of his league.
Ferguson shrugged. "At least that wouldn't be unwelcome. He was here before you came to; said he didn't want you to wake up alone."
Cam had to smile a little at that. Sheppard wasn't just a pretty face. He actually cared. Most of the guys here treated Cam well - he was a buddy, a great guy for a pick-up game or to grab a beer with, but people came and went. Everyone was a friend and a stranger at once. But Sheppard treated even strangers like real friends. "Where'd he go?"
Ferguson chuckled. "Hold your horses. The docs haven't even released you yet."
Cam joked with Ferguson for another minute before the concussion pulled him back under.
***
A few days later Cam was hobbling down the base corridors. The break wasn't serious, so he'd only be out of commission for six weeks or so. The brass had offered him medical leave, but Cam elected to serve as a guest lecturer in one of the flight classes. He didn't really have a life outside of the Air Force. He might as well admit it.
He braced himself, prepared to meet whatever other instructor he'd been paired with for this class before awkwardly crutching his way in the door. And if Cam didn't already believe in God and fate, he'd believe now, because none other than John Sheppard was standing there, smiling at him.
"Fancy meeting you here," Sheppard joked, giving Cam a 100-mega-watt smile like he was genuinely glad to see him. "How's the ankle?"
Cam shrugged, wondering how he could possibly pull off cool and suave balanced precariously on crutches. "Broken. Six weeks of recovery, but I'm aiming to do it in five."
"Well, I'm happy to see you on your feet at least. When we found you, you were pretty out of it. I've never seen anything like that outside of a combat zone."
"I got lucky, though. You rescued me. You'll have to let me buy you a drink sometime."
"It was just a routine training mission. Anyone could have been piloting."
"I'd still like to buy you a drink, if that's okay with you." Cam knew he was pressing a little bit, but if this guy was the one for him, then he couldn't just lay back and expect things to work out. He had to make magic happen.
"Well, if you insist, I never say no to a free beer." They shared a conspiratorial smile.
Wary of letting the silence turn awkward, Cam said, "Thanks for visiting me in the infirmary, by the way."
Sheppard ducked his head, blushing a little. "Don't mention it. I fly a lot of rescue ops. I'm lucky if I get the opportunity to see someone I picked up recover." Cam didn't know if this was because Sheppard flew the kinds of missions that more often than not came back with body bags or if Sheppard simply never spent much time in any given combat theater.
"Hey, don't trivialize it. I think it's sweet that you care that much about the people you bring in."
Sheppard stiffened, but he was good - Cam only barely sensed the falsity in his smile. "I guess we'd better get started coordinating our lesson plan if we want to be at all effective tomorrow."
Cam shrugged. "Hey, I thought you flew choppers, not fixed-wing."
"I'll fly anything that gets you in the air. Ride a dragon if they existed." They shared a laugh. "And we've got a section of chopper pilots looking to cross-train. You're the expert. I'm just helping with the translation."
"So you're pretty and a hopeful dragon rider, how could I resist?"
Despite his struggles with long-term relationships, Cam rarely failed to reel someone in, so he was surprised when Sheppard smiled brittlely and replied, "I'm flattered, Mitchell, but I'm already with someone and I don't want to complicate things."
Well, no one ever said it'd be easy. Cam forced a shrug, ignoring his disappointment. "I guess I had to try. I'm still looking forward to teaching with you and to grabbing that beer."
Sheppard, more naive than Cam was expecting, simply smiled at him, taking Cam's statement at face value. "Great. Now, do you want to split up the days or do joint lectures?"
Cam definitely didn't want to split up and lose his chance to get to know Sheppard, even if all that might ever come of it would be friendship. "Let's do it together."
***
Cam and John did grab that beer, and Cam found that on one hand he was even more attracted to John than he could have possibly imagined and on the other hand he might be happy just being Sheppard's friend. Compared to Sheppard, with the obvious pain in his eyes when he spoke about his past, his sly humor and intelligence, the passion he had for flying and for doing the right thing, no matter the cost, everyone else seemed fake, Cam included. So what if they collected medals and coins and talked about their families back home and their dreams and all the amazing things they had seen in the service? John was still more real somehow, three-dimensional Technicolor in a flat black and white world. Cam had never felt so alive as when he talked to John. They talked about anything and everything - comic books and aerodynamics and how it felt to be an imperial in the service.
They found a lot of things to compete over too. Right now, it was pool.
"Five bucks say you can't make that shot," Cam wagered. He considered himself to be a pretty good pool player, but he was nothing compared to Sheppard. The man was a shark but there were some shots you just couldn't make.
Sheppard gave him a cheeky grin before leaning over, exposing the neat line of his back and that perfect little ass before putting his last ball in the corner pocket and knocking a few of Cam's completely out of the way. "That was an easy five bucks," he remarked, grinning at Cam, taking another sip of beer and knocking the eight ball in without missing a beat. "That's game. I'll give you a pass on this one, for the ankle."
Cam could hardly believe his ankle was almost healed now. He wore just a sturdy brace and soon wouldn't even need crutches. He was looking forward to being able to kill Sheppard at sports when he was finally better. "Save it for when I hand you your ass at basketball."
Sheppard smirked, leaning on his pool cue seductively. "We'll see. C'mon, I want to go for a drive." Sheppard opened his wallet and threw down enough for their drinks. Cam had long since stopped questioning how he came up with the exact right amount.
Cam's car was still in storage because he'd expected to be shipped out only a week or so after training, but Sheppard drove a classic Porsche, so Cam didn't really mind. Taking the Ten out through the barren desert with the top down was a surreal experience, the sky exploding with stars above them. Cam wondered if Sheppard knew how romantic this was. Knowing him, he was probably completely oblivious.
They pulled off the road into a field of windmills, moving ominously in the night. John's wild hair flew back from his face with the wind and Cam wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss him, but he didn't.
"When the class is over I'm shipping out for about a month. Classified ops. Then I'll be in D.C. on leave. Leo is stationed at the Pentagon right now. But it probably won't be long before all of us get called up for this war."
Cam nodded. He understood, probably better than most, that a storm was brewing. "After my ankle's healed they'll probably ship me over there too. That was the plan before the situation went FUBAR."
"Hey," Sheppard voice was always gravely, but now it sounded strained. "You know you're always welcome, if you come to D.C. or wherever."
"And you're welcome wherever I am too. Hell, I'd love to teach another class with you if we could get the brass to do it."
"If I have to teach, sure. But don't tell me you're not aching for a little action right about now."
In more ways than one, Cam thought, looking over at Sheppard's wistful smile. "Yeah, I could do without these damn crutches, that's for sure. But these past weeks have been good. Thanks for that."
John didn't reply, just sighed, looking up at the sky.
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" Cam didn't know why he was such a masochist, asking questions he didn't want answered. It hadn't taken him long to figure out that John had serious repression issues and that what John needed even more than a boyfriend was someone to talk to.
John shrugged a little. "I guess. This is the longest we've been apart since we got together. I've never really, you know, had a long term thing before. I'm, um," listening to John trying to express himself was a little like those torture training sessions Cam had to undergo before his first special ops mission. "I'm really looking forward to seeing him."
"So, what does this guy have that makes you go all incoherent on me?" What did the famous Leo have that Cam didn't?
"I don't know. He's handsome?"
Cam rolled his eyes. "There's a lot of handsome guys in the world last I checked."
"He's funny. Smart, in his own sarcastic way. He's stubborn as hell, and so am I, but we find a way to compromise. He's a good man."
"Sounds great." Cam couldn't tell if he'd managed to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but John didn't seem to mind.
"Yeah, he's pretty great. Doesn't treat me different because I'm an imperial either."
"Do people really do that? I don't do that, do I?" Cam had to wonder, considering his borderline obsession with John Sheppard.
"You don't do that, Cam. You treat me like any one of your buddies."
"You're my friend. Why should I treat you differently?"
"Because I could get knocked up and cash out of the service any second? Because I'm supposedly only here to fulfill my family's military obligation? Because you'd always wanted to know how it feels to fuck a nobleman? Or maybe because you'd love to marry into a guild?"
"People really think those things? I find that hard to believe."
John sighed. "You are so naive sometimes, Mitchell. Leo would have a field day with you."
"Sorry," Cam replied, feeling like an idiot once again. Maybe noblemen really were that much more sophisticated. Maybe John had grown up the way they showed on TV. Cam had run into a few nobles during his time in the service, but they had been unapproachable and standoffish. Either they were the most formal of the tight-ass superior officers or they tended towards rear echelon jobs where they wouldn't be missed when they left the service to carry.
"Don't be. It's not your fault that people can be crueler than you imagine. Who knows, maybe I'm fooling myself and after Leo and I conceive, I'll want to go back to business and carrying and raising a family."
"So, you're going to get married?"
John shrugged. "In my family's guild we generally get engaged and once a child is conceived, we make it official. I know Leo wants to start trying soon, but sometimes it takes a while with pure plebeians. Something about secondary characteristics, I guess. Just waiting for Leo to pop the question."
"Why don't you ask him?" Cam wondered. So far as he could tell, John seemed the type to be dominant in a relationship.
"Tradition. Don't you think it's a little weird to ask someone if you could have the honor of carrying their children? Besides, Leo isn't exactly subtle. I can tell that he's gearing up for it even over the phone. I wouldn't want to ruin whatever he has planned."
"That's nice of you. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself, if I were really in love with someone."
John chuckled. "You're not facing waddling around with a pouch parasite for months and months. I'm pretty happy with where we are. I could go longer without throwing a baby in the mix."
"Makes sense." In fact, Cam felt a little bad for John. Maybe it was his so-called "pleb values," but he really thought that John should be allowed to marry without worrying about children for the moment. "You know, you don't have to if you don't want to."
"I want to be with Leo and I do want kids. Maybe now isn't the best time, but if I wait until I'm completely comfortable with the idea, it'll never happen."
"You'll make a great dad, John. I'm happy for you." Cam was surprised to find that he was. Maybe John Sheppard wasn't the one for him. He could have been if they'd met earlier, but at least Cam knew now that it was possible for him to want someone to the very core of his being. Maybe now that he knew what to look for, he'd find someone for himself, carrier or no.
"Thanks, Cam," John replied. "That means a lot. Now, what do you say we stop with the sharing and get back on the road. There's a casino not far from here. You can watch me make a killing at poker."
Cam didn't doubt it. "Yeah, people will be too busy staring at your pretty face to even look at their cards."
"Actually, they'll probably be more distracted by you losing spectacularly."
"That right? Wanna put your money where your mouth is?"
John laughed. "Fifty bucks says you don't break even."
"You are so on," Cam replied, laughing. Sure he didn't have John Sheppard, but life was good.
***
John was the last person Cam expected to hear from while he was headed home for the holidays. And he never would have believed that John would accept his invitation to join the Mitchell Clan for Thanksgiving. Now, Cam couldn't help but smile, watching John play with Cam's cousin's children on his father's side of the family. The Wilder kids were fun. Cam generally looked more like them than his mother. Looking at the smiling Wilder boys, Cam fondly remembered the days when his dad could still walk. He would chase Cam around the barnyard just like John was now, jumping off bales of hay and screaming with laughter, leaving boot tracks in the fine layer of snow that dusted the ground.
"He's quite the catch," Lindsey remarked, putting his Navy Seal training to good use sneaking up on Cam.
Cam retaliated by punching him in the arm. "Don't scare me like that, jackass."
"What else are brothers good for?" Lindsey laughed, rubbing his arm but still smiling. "I've never seen you so crazy about anybody."
"Crazy?" As far as Cam could tell, he hadn't acted any differently. In fact, his usual MO involved a lot more public displays of affection - cuddling on the couch or hand-holding or small stolen kisses when nobody was paying attention. Lindsey had complained endlessly about it when Cam had been dating Amy Vanderberg.
"Yeah, crazy. It's the way you look at him, like he's the most important thing in the world." Lindsey shrugged, probably having reached the depths of any wisdom he had to offer. Cam's brother wasn't exactly deep and his insights were usually limited to the most effective ways to blow various things up, but even a blind squirrel could find an acorn every once and a while.
"So what if I am?" Cam asked with a heavy sigh.
"Let Momma in on it. I can tell she's about to burst. She'd induct him into the family right now if you'd let her."
"Well, Momma's gonna have to wait, because John and I aren't together."
Lindsey raised his eyebrows. "You brought him home for the holidays."
"He's a friend," Cam insisted.
"I wish I had friends like that," Lindsey insisted, nodding towards where John's sweater rode up, exposing a tantalizing strip of skin on his lower back.
"Stop it, you perverted SOB."
"Hey, that's your Momma you're insulting too," Lindsey snickered. "You clearly have a thing for John. If you're not together now, what better a time to get together than Thanksgiving with the Mitchell-Wilders?"
"I can think of a lot of better places - where my parents couldn't hear us, for one. But it doesn't matter, anyway. John's engaged."
"I'm sorry," Lindsey replied. After a moment's pause to mourn what might've been, Lindsey grabbed Cam's winter hat and ran over towards John and the kids, laughing maniacally.
Cam ran after him, but before he knew it, Lindsey had tossed his hat to John who was sprinting around the side of the barn with it with a gleeful shout. Cam tore after him, really pushing it. He'd finished physio on his leg, but he wasn't at full speed yet, and John was fast.
Of course Cam hadn't anticipated that John would just stop in the middle of his mad dash and consequently went tumbling into him, knocking them both down onto the damp ground.
"Ow," John protested, but he was grinning madly up at Cam, the hat still grasped firmly in his hand.
"Ow is right, Shep. Why'd you stop?"
They were inches apart now. Cam could feel John's warm breath in contrast to the cold November air. It would have taken only the slightest movement to lean down and turn it into a kiss, but Cam pulled off, grabbing his hat back in the process.
"Leo isn't talking to me," John stated. John was known for various non sequiturs, but Cam hadn't been expecting a bomb like that.
"I'm sorry," Cam offered, secretly wishing he'd stolen that kiss. He put an arm around John, leaning back against the side of the barn and letting John lean with him. His pants were wet with mud and he was cold where he touched the frigid ground, but John's weight felt comfortable against his side.
"We were in D.C. It wasn't far to my brother's house in Maryland. Dad was there. They didn't treat him well. Of course they didn't treat him well. I was stupid to ever try to bring a pleb home." Cam was shocked by the use of the word 'pleb.' It wasn't exactly derogatory, but so far as Cam knew, John never particularly considered nobles to be different. But he had to. It was stupid for Cam to believe that John had been raised in that society without noting all the differences.
"Hey," Cam whispered, giving John a comforting squeeze, "You can't choose who you love." If people could then Cam never would have fallen for John. He wasn't that much of a masochist.
"Yeah, well if I'd listened to my father, I would have married as soon as they got my chromosome match like a good little imperial and let Dave do the military service."
"Don't say that. Then you and I never would have met."
John considered it for a moment before nodding. "That would have sucked."
Cam smiled. "It was probably just a shock to them. They're family. They'll get over it."
John shook his head. "Dave probably will, so long as my father's not around to pressure him. But my father is traditional. He told me never to bring a pleb back there, among other things. And Leo is so stupid. I knew he'd be mad, but I thought that would just make him even more determined to be with me. Being contrary is his favorite pastime, but he picks this one time to actually believe the shit my father spouts out his ass and suddenly decides I'll be better off with a nobleman."
Leo's loss was Cam's gain. But on the other hand, John didn't let things go easily. Cam couldn't be the rebound guy unless John was no longer pining over another man. He'd just have to bite the bullet and do it. "Look, he was probably just scared. We 'plebs' only really know about this noble stuff through movies and TV. Maybe he thought you couldn't be with him without your family's approval. Or maybe he didn't want to deprive you of the benefits of being a noble. I'd be pretty damned intimidated."
John looked thoughtful. "He should know that I don't care about that shit. I would've gotten out of the Air Force a long time ago if I wanted to be a good little imperial."
"Yeah, well it's one thing to duck arranged marriages by upholding a tradition of military service and another to be completely cut off from your family."
"My family is full of assholes. It's not like yours," John's voice broke on that. He wouldn't meet Cam's eyes.
"But they're your assholes, and nobody has the right to come between you and them unless you choose it. Maybe he's just giving you space." Cam didn't know why he was doing this. But once he chose a side on something, he couldn't help his desire to prove his point. "Leo obviously loves you or he wouldn't give you the out. I bet if you go to him, he won't be able to say no to you."
John sighed. "You're too good at this. What would I do without you, Cam?" John grinned wildly at him, still worried, but a weight seemed lifted.
Cam smirked. "I don't know." He grabbed a handful of muddy snow off the ground and dumped it down the back of John's shirt. "Be dry I guess."
John laughed, a maniacal glint in his eyes. Cam jumped up and sprinted away with John on his heels, waiting for his revenge. Cam had no idea if John and Leo would get back together, but he felt confident he'd done the right thing. He was John's friend first and hopefully God would reward his decision to give John honest advice instead of acting for himself.
***
Cam had once thought he'd put the John Sheppard thing behind him. John was unattainable and always had been. He'd been happy back with his fiance in Afghanistan and Cam had no doubt that they'd be getting married at the end of their next tour. Regret lingered, but then Cam had been recruited into the stargate program and his life stopped being about oil wars and stupid crushes and started being about saving the galaxy. Being a soldier hadn't been enough. He'd longed for the perfect partner and a legacy to give meaning to his life, but he was a space pilot and a galactic hero now. Somehow the one that got away didn't seem so important anymore.
Of course things could never be that simple. Cam had a great job, a wonderful team, a quest to save Earth from the Ori, and then John Sheppard stumbled back into his life. It had to be fate, didn't it? Of all the people to be named the military commander of the Atlantis expedition, it had to be John Sheppard. And though fate had been cruel, keeping Cam busy with almost a year of rehab, sending John on what appeared to be a one way trip to another galaxy, and then keeping him a galaxy away. Sure, they saw each other for evals, and Cam got the torture of nervously paging through Atlantis mission reports worrying about those three stupid letters: KIA.
But then the Ancients returned to Atlantis and John was back on Earth on what appeared to be a permanent basis. Sure, John missed Pegasus and he wasn't exactly the best company because of it. But he was also single and Cam wasn't going to miss this opportunity now that it finally presented itself.
He'd had John over a few times, as usual when John was back on Earth. They'd just hung out and Cam had established that they were just as good together as always. Now was the time to make his move.
He smirked, jutting his hips a little and sauntering into the locker room even though he really had no reason to be there. John was looking tired and well, a little orange, but ironically still smoking hot despite the bad-spray-tan-effect. "Well, look what the cat dragged in," Cam remarked.
After that it was easy. Cam might not have had too many meaningful relationships, but he knew how to charm someone and John had never really gotten the full treatment. It was too easy to offer John a ride in the car Cam knew he loved. It was even easier to get John back to his place.
The drinks weren't exactly necessary, with all the history between them, but John was wound tight and experience had taught Cam that alcohol was probably the best way to get John to relax. He hadn't really taken into account John's reduced tolerance from living offworld so long, but he'd been careful. He didn't want John too drunk to remember it in the morning. He certainly didn't want to take advantage of John, but Cam would take a little competitive edge if only to allow John to, for once, give in to what he needed.
It had been amazing, more than even Cam's wildest dreams. With John spread out before him like that, he knew this was right. This was how things were supposed to be. He was in love and even though a lot of people would laugh at the sentimentality of it all, Cam was happy. And he deserved it. He'd waited all this time and now John was his.
He'd been so swept up in the sensation and the alcohol that he'd forgotten the condom. But the next morning after John had given him an awkward kiss on the lips and thanked him for the ride, both in the Mustang and otherwise, Cam wondered if he should have been more careful, if maybe subconsciously he'd wanted the possibility of a child with John. John had been really drunk and Cam was supposed to be the responsible one. But then again, there was no use in crying over spilt milk. No morning after pills for carriers meant that all they could do was wait and see. Cam found he didn't mind so much.
It was only after John had already stolen a jumper, disobeyed a direct order and liberated his home base from the replicators that Cam wondered if they should have had that talk instead of making waffles and watching the game.
But fate had brought John back into his life. Fate would decided if he would finally stay.
***
Fate had obviously decided that they should be together, Cam was sure. It had been a long time since they'd really talked, but this was nice, just like sitting on the hood of John's Porsche, looking up at the sky. Now it was the vaguely metallic bas relief work on the Ancient designed ceiling and John's narrow bed beneath them.
Cam smiled, knowing that John wasn't looking and therefore wouldn't catch his proud grin. He was going to be a father. He was going to have a baby with the man he loved. He was finally going to get John and his happily ever after. He felt like all those Disney princes and princesses who received miracles to make up for their suffering.
"I guess you want me to come back with you," John offered.
Cam squirmed. Hell yes, he wanted John to come back with him, but he also knew that John needed Atlantis like he needed air. John was happy here, more than he had ever been, even with Leo. "You'd have to take leave, right?"
"Yeah. I have plenty stored up. But I automatically get light duty during the incubation and the four months after he emerges from the pouch."
"Do you want to take leave?" Cam asked. "You know I'd love to have you, but if you want to spend more time here, I understand."
John turned over to face Cam, smiling. "You know me too well, Shaft. I don't want to put the baby in danger, but I don't think I can just leave for months without a few weeks to transition things. I'll make it back as soon as I can."
"I'll be waiting."
The look of honest affection in John's eyes was intense. Cam couldn't resist leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to John's lips.
John responded, but didn't deepen the kiss. Instead he sighed, collapsing down against Cam's chest. "It was only one night, Cam."
Cam had been afraid of that. He'd suspected that the morning after, though of course they hadn't talked about it. He'd planned to woo John until he was ready to make it more, before John had gone back to Pegasus. "It doesn't have to be only one night."
John laughed, his sick, sad chuckle: the one that said, 'we're so fucked, but at least I can appreciate the irony.' "I screwed up."
Cam brought his arm up around John, pulling him close. "How?"
"I slept with Rodney."
"Oh," Cam replied. At least John didn't think Cam had been the screw up.
"I'm sleeping with Rodney. I thought I was going to bind. I thought it wouldn't be a problem."
Cam gulped. Surely John wouldn't have formed too much of an attachment to McKay of all people. The man was damned annoying. He was selfish and a coward and in no way deserving of someone like John. "You were having a tough time. I understand. It's natural to want to find comfort in the people around you."
"Like you and me?" John asked.
Cam stiffened. He knew that it had been a comfort thing, at least in part. But for Cam it had been more and he thought that John had felt that connection too - like they were the only people on Earth, like they could just make each other happy and that would be enough. "I wanted to comfort you, yes. But I thought--"
John reached down to squeeze Cam's hand. "I wasn't lying when I said thank you for that night. And if we hadn't gotten back here, it probably would have happened again. I like you a lot, Cam. But I'm with Rodney now. I can't just abandon him because I'm going to have this baby." Of course John wouldn't leave a man behind. He couldn't leave someone to whom he'd made promises. He hadn't made any promises to Cam, only that he'd have Cam's child.
"So after the baby's emerged are you and McKay going to raise him? Because I'd still help you with things even if you don't want me to be involved." It killed Cam to admit that, but it was true. He wanted to be part of John and the baby's lives no matter how he could. He was confident that with enough time alone, he could make John forget all about Rodney McKay.
John pushed up, meeting Cam's eyes. "Of course not. You're his donor and I want you to be a part of his life. You're going to be such a great parent. If there's one good in this whole mess it's that you'll be a deedee."
"And you'll just come back to Atlantis and leave the kid with me?" Cam asked, more hurt by that than he could imagine. John just wanted to drop the kid on Cam's doorstep and go back to his life in another galaxy.
"I don't know," John admitted. "I'm needed here. I don't think I could stay away completely. But if we do have a baby, I'm not going to abandon him. We'll figure something out."
That didn't sound like a plan to Cam, but then again, seat-of-his-pants decision-making had always worked for John and Cam supposed it was one of those decisions that needed time. Cam pulled John into a hug. "We'll figure something out."
***
Cam's hands shook as he dialed the number. This was a once-in-a-lifetime phone call and he wanted to savor every nervous moment of it.
"Mitchell-Wilder residence, may I help you?" His mom's warm voice came over the phone. Cam still missed her even though he hadn't lived at home in years.
"Cameron? It's so good to hear from you!" Cam smiled, it was good to hear from her too.
"I talked to you three days ago, Momma."
"I know and you've been out of the house for a long time, but I do still miss you."
"I miss you too. How are you and dad?"
"Oh, more of the same. I heard from your brother the other day. He's transferring again, but he'll be back in town for the holidays. You are coming for Christmas this year?"
"Assuming there's no major emergency, I'll be there." That was a pretty big assumption when you worked for the SGC. Cam had come to one Christmas dinner at 7pm with a spear-hole in his shoulder, but he'd managed to make all of them. "But, Momma, there's something I wanted to tell you."
"Yes, honey, what is it?"
Cam took a deep breath, trying to memorize everything about this moment, from the butterflies in his stomach to the anticipation in his mom's voice. "You're going to be a grandma." Remembering Lindsey's kids, he added, "Again."
"Oh, Cam! Really?"
"Really."
"I thought you'd never settle down. I'm so happy for you! Let me tell your father." Cam heard her in the background. "Frank, Frank, you'll never believe it! Cam's having a child! I don't know who with. Let me ask." His mother picked up the phone again and Cam could practically hear her biggest smile. "Who's the lucky woman?"
"Actually, it's not a lady."
"A nobleman? Cam, that's amazing. Do I know him?"
"Yes, Momma, you do. Do you remember John Sheppard? He came for Thanksgiving a while ago."
"Of course I remember him! That poor boy. I thought he was engaged to someone else. But I could tell you liked him even then."
Cam had to smile. Momma knew all. "I really did."
"I'm so happy for you, honey. I'm going to be the grandma of a carrier's child, and my baby boy is finally going to have a family. Does John need anything? You know that your father and I are always here for you, right? Can I speak with him? I want to make sure he knows that he's family now."
"Um," Cam knew he was going to have to break this to them eventually. "John's not here right now. He's stationed somewhere classified, but he's coming back for his labor and again for the last part of the incubation."
"He's still in a battle zone?! Cam, that's barbaric."
Cam sighed. "John comes from one of the old guild families. It's just the way they do things. Besides, what John does is really important. He's needed there."
"Then why aren't you there with him? The military makes transfers for married couples."
"We're not married. I'm not sure we'll get married," Cam added.
"Why not? He's having your child."
Cam had no idea how to tell his mother he and John had gotten drunk once and forgotten the condom. It really wasn't the image he wanted her to have of her son. "John was stationed here for a few months. One thing led to another and we got together, but there was an emergency and he transferred back right after. I think we can be a lot more to each other. I love him, and I know he cares about me, but the baby was an accident. I don't know how strong our relationship is right now."
"Oh, honey. I'm sorry. But a child is a blessing no matter what. And I have faith that if John is the one for you--"
"He is," Cam replied without hesitation.
"Then you'll be with him. You deserve to be happy, honey, and I can tell he makes you happy."
"Thanks, Momma." Wendy Mitchell had always taught Cam there was nothing he couldn't do. She'd given him determination and perseverance and kindness, but she couldn't give him John. Only John could decide to be with Cam and as much as Cam loved the man, he didn't know that he could trust John to love him back.
"You let me know when John gets back. I want to be there to take care of you two for the labor."
"Yes, Ma'am," Cam replied, trying to focus on happier things: he and John were going to have a baby. If that wasn't a miracle, Cam didn't know what was.
Next: Brothers and Sisters
Author: Tzzzz
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: mpreg
Betas::dossier and sporangia
Parings: John/Cam, John/Rodney
Spoilers: SGA: Phantoms, Outcast. SG1: Stronghold.
Summary: Cam's side of the story. Follows Tables Turned, Once There Was a Man Named Holland, Not a Henry, The Kangaroos and the Bees, What Rodney Wants, Conception, The Good of the One and Transferred.
Baby Deedee
Cam had survived Iraq, Kosovo, far too many secret flights over North Korea, and now he was going to die an hour out of Palm Springs California. Irony was a cruel bitch.
Of all the stupid things, a fall down a hill on a survival training exercise in the desert was probably the stupidest one. Cam had managed to lose his pack in the fall on a steep crag, far too high above him to climb on a busted ankle. Henderson, his survival buddy, had landed on a ledge high above Cam. Cam had fallen trying to keep him from going over the edge.
Cam's radio had been in the pack and after two hours shouting himself hoarse, he was beginning to doubt Henderson was even alive to answer him. Cam's water was in the pack and they weren't due for their daily check-in for another twenty hours, but Cam was already feeling dizzy, nauseous, and he couldn't really tell if he had stopped sweating. He remembered vaguely that this could be heat stroke, but things were fuzzy. Maybe he'd hit his head.
He looked out towards the mountains beyond, marveling at the heat-haze that seemed draped across reality. Shadows didn't match the figures that cast them. The world seemed still, like it was waiting to exhale. Everything was far away. The landscape seemed impossibly harsh and the sky a strange shade of blue. This was his world. This was it. Cam struggled for memories, as though everything that had come before was a mere mirage and only this was real. Compared to this pure, desolate world Cam's life up until this point seemed like a joke.
Cam was still young, already a Major and a damn good pilot. He had a great family and a kind heart and good looks. Yet despite all this, he'd die in the desert, alone. His family would mourn him, but it had been a long time since Cam had anyone in his life - no partner, no children, no legacy at all, just another easily replaceable cog in the great military machine. Cam wanted to be more. He'd always assumed that if he just lived his life right the partner and the children and the picket fence would come, but maybe he had to work for them. He vowed that if given a chance, he would earn the life he'd always taken for granted.
Cam groaned, forcing himself to stand. The joshua trees and the dry, desiccated shrubs seemed to bob and wave around him, more than just from the mirage effect of the heat. He let out a choked cry as he put weight on his bum ankle, stumbling far enough to grab another dry twig to add to his meager fire. He could barely even build a stupid smoke signal.
"Fuck," he cursed himself, limping over to the one small patch of shade in sight, hating being alone here with his thoughts, completely powerless to aid in his own survival.
He drifted off wondering, praying that he would survive and vowing that he would do something great with his life if he had another chance - he'd try harder to push his relationships beyond simple companionship into something deeper, he'd find the one for him, and he'd do better by his mom and dad. He wanted to reach out and make something mean more than this harsh landscape where thoughts seemed almost manifest. He needed some greater purpose. He needed someone to come home to and if he survived this, he'd make it happen.
When Cam next opened gummy, sun-burned eyes it was to a vision of an angel above him, haloed in the light of the setting sun. The man looked down at Cam with an beatific smile on his handsome face, cupping Cam's cheek and telling him everything would be alright. "Pulse is thready!" the man shouted. "Come on guys, this is not a drill!" The man moved away, his dark, rakish hair and slim hips speaking of more temptation than Cam was ready to contemplate at the moment. Maybe this was the devil, come to make him a Faustian bargain instead. Cam whimpered, already missing his presence.
The angel-devil returned, patting Cam firmly on the shoulder. "You are one lucky SOB, Major. Or maybe unlucky, depending how you look at it. But don't worry, we'll have you back at base and drowning in the good stuff in no time." And then Cam was being lifted, crying out as the movement jarred his ankle.
"Careful!" the man shouted, hopping into the pilot's seat of a blackhawk as they move Cam to the back. Cam made an abortive move to reach for him, but before Cam knew it, they were already in the sky and away.
***
Cam woke up feeling pleasantly drugged. His nose itched from where his sunburn was peeling and when he pushed himself up enough he could see his whole foot bound in a cast.
Cam was surprised to be alive, but not as surprised as finding Ferguson dozing in the chair next to his bed.
"Hey," Cam croaked, his throat dry as the desert they'd just pulled him out of.
Ferguson seemed startled but greeted Cam with a wide smile. "Shaft, buddy, good to see you awake."
"Water?"
Ferguson rushed to pour a glass for him. "Seriously, Cam, you really know how to get up shit creek even without having a paddle to begin with."
"Happened?" The water felt heavenly on Cam's parched throat, but speaking still hurt.
"You and Henderson were doing that trapped behind enemy lines b.s. training run. Someone in ops wasn't paying attention when your g.p.s. stayed in the same place for half a day. You're just lucky they were running the medevac guys on evening training in the same area. They saw your fire and stopped. Someone would have gotten you when you missed check-in, but that would have been too late for Henderson. He'll recover, by the way."
Cam sighed in relief. He'd been really worried when Henderson didn't anwer.
"He hit his head," Ferguson elaborated. "Worse than you. But the docs got him up."
Now that was taken care of, Cam had license to wonder "Who came?"
Ferguson looked confused.
"You know: black hair, green eyes, skinny. Beautiful."
Ferguson shook his head. "Don't go crushing on that one, Shaft. You were brought in by Sheppard's team. I agree with you - the man is damn fine - but not only is he an imperial from a really important family, but he's also practically engaged to some Army pilot. Keeps a picture in his wallet and everything. G.I. Joe is one lucky bastard, though. I'll tell you, I wouldn't mind letting a hot piece of ass like Sheppard carry my kids."
Cam blushed, because Ferguson had read Cam's mind. Cam had thought his prayers had been answered out in that desert. He not only got to keep his worthless life, but he got the perfect opportunity to make that life matter. There had been something magical about that moment, fated in a way Cam would never forget.
"Not that. Want to thank him," he forced out, hoping that Ferguson would buy it. Cam wasn't about to give up on his destiny just because Ferguson thought Cam's dream-guy was out of his league.
Ferguson shrugged. "At least that wouldn't be unwelcome. He was here before you came to; said he didn't want you to wake up alone."
Cam had to smile a little at that. Sheppard wasn't just a pretty face. He actually cared. Most of the guys here treated Cam well - he was a buddy, a great guy for a pick-up game or to grab a beer with, but people came and went. Everyone was a friend and a stranger at once. But Sheppard treated even strangers like real friends. "Where'd he go?"
Ferguson chuckled. "Hold your horses. The docs haven't even released you yet."
Cam joked with Ferguson for another minute before the concussion pulled him back under.
***
A few days later Cam was hobbling down the base corridors. The break wasn't serious, so he'd only be out of commission for six weeks or so. The brass had offered him medical leave, but Cam elected to serve as a guest lecturer in one of the flight classes. He didn't really have a life outside of the Air Force. He might as well admit it.
He braced himself, prepared to meet whatever other instructor he'd been paired with for this class before awkwardly crutching his way in the door. And if Cam didn't already believe in God and fate, he'd believe now, because none other than John Sheppard was standing there, smiling at him.
"Fancy meeting you here," Sheppard joked, giving Cam a 100-mega-watt smile like he was genuinely glad to see him. "How's the ankle?"
Cam shrugged, wondering how he could possibly pull off cool and suave balanced precariously on crutches. "Broken. Six weeks of recovery, but I'm aiming to do it in five."
"Well, I'm happy to see you on your feet at least. When we found you, you were pretty out of it. I've never seen anything like that outside of a combat zone."
"I got lucky, though. You rescued me. You'll have to let me buy you a drink sometime."
"It was just a routine training mission. Anyone could have been piloting."
"I'd still like to buy you a drink, if that's okay with you." Cam knew he was pressing a little bit, but if this guy was the one for him, then he couldn't just lay back and expect things to work out. He had to make magic happen.
"Well, if you insist, I never say no to a free beer." They shared a conspiratorial smile.
Wary of letting the silence turn awkward, Cam said, "Thanks for visiting me in the infirmary, by the way."
Sheppard ducked his head, blushing a little. "Don't mention it. I fly a lot of rescue ops. I'm lucky if I get the opportunity to see someone I picked up recover." Cam didn't know if this was because Sheppard flew the kinds of missions that more often than not came back with body bags or if Sheppard simply never spent much time in any given combat theater.
"Hey, don't trivialize it. I think it's sweet that you care that much about the people you bring in."
Sheppard stiffened, but he was good - Cam only barely sensed the falsity in his smile. "I guess we'd better get started coordinating our lesson plan if we want to be at all effective tomorrow."
Cam shrugged. "Hey, I thought you flew choppers, not fixed-wing."
"I'll fly anything that gets you in the air. Ride a dragon if they existed." They shared a laugh. "And we've got a section of chopper pilots looking to cross-train. You're the expert. I'm just helping with the translation."
"So you're pretty and a hopeful dragon rider, how could I resist?"
Despite his struggles with long-term relationships, Cam rarely failed to reel someone in, so he was surprised when Sheppard smiled brittlely and replied, "I'm flattered, Mitchell, but I'm already with someone and I don't want to complicate things."
Well, no one ever said it'd be easy. Cam forced a shrug, ignoring his disappointment. "I guess I had to try. I'm still looking forward to teaching with you and to grabbing that beer."
Sheppard, more naive than Cam was expecting, simply smiled at him, taking Cam's statement at face value. "Great. Now, do you want to split up the days or do joint lectures?"
Cam definitely didn't want to split up and lose his chance to get to know Sheppard, even if all that might ever come of it would be friendship. "Let's do it together."
***
Cam and John did grab that beer, and Cam found that on one hand he was even more attracted to John than he could have possibly imagined and on the other hand he might be happy just being Sheppard's friend. Compared to Sheppard, with the obvious pain in his eyes when he spoke about his past, his sly humor and intelligence, the passion he had for flying and for doing the right thing, no matter the cost, everyone else seemed fake, Cam included. So what if they collected medals and coins and talked about their families back home and their dreams and all the amazing things they had seen in the service? John was still more real somehow, three-dimensional Technicolor in a flat black and white world. Cam had never felt so alive as when he talked to John. They talked about anything and everything - comic books and aerodynamics and how it felt to be an imperial in the service.
They found a lot of things to compete over too. Right now, it was pool.
"Five bucks say you can't make that shot," Cam wagered. He considered himself to be a pretty good pool player, but he was nothing compared to Sheppard. The man was a shark but there were some shots you just couldn't make.
Sheppard gave him a cheeky grin before leaning over, exposing the neat line of his back and that perfect little ass before putting his last ball in the corner pocket and knocking a few of Cam's completely out of the way. "That was an easy five bucks," he remarked, grinning at Cam, taking another sip of beer and knocking the eight ball in without missing a beat. "That's game. I'll give you a pass on this one, for the ankle."
Cam could hardly believe his ankle was almost healed now. He wore just a sturdy brace and soon wouldn't even need crutches. He was looking forward to being able to kill Sheppard at sports when he was finally better. "Save it for when I hand you your ass at basketball."
Sheppard smirked, leaning on his pool cue seductively. "We'll see. C'mon, I want to go for a drive." Sheppard opened his wallet and threw down enough for their drinks. Cam had long since stopped questioning how he came up with the exact right amount.
Cam's car was still in storage because he'd expected to be shipped out only a week or so after training, but Sheppard drove a classic Porsche, so Cam didn't really mind. Taking the Ten out through the barren desert with the top down was a surreal experience, the sky exploding with stars above them. Cam wondered if Sheppard knew how romantic this was. Knowing him, he was probably completely oblivious.
They pulled off the road into a field of windmills, moving ominously in the night. John's wild hair flew back from his face with the wind and Cam wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss him, but he didn't.
"When the class is over I'm shipping out for about a month. Classified ops. Then I'll be in D.C. on leave. Leo is stationed at the Pentagon right now. But it probably won't be long before all of us get called up for this war."
Cam nodded. He understood, probably better than most, that a storm was brewing. "After my ankle's healed they'll probably ship me over there too. That was the plan before the situation went FUBAR."
"Hey," Sheppard voice was always gravely, but now it sounded strained. "You know you're always welcome, if you come to D.C. or wherever."
"And you're welcome wherever I am too. Hell, I'd love to teach another class with you if we could get the brass to do it."
"If I have to teach, sure. But don't tell me you're not aching for a little action right about now."
In more ways than one, Cam thought, looking over at Sheppard's wistful smile. "Yeah, I could do without these damn crutches, that's for sure. But these past weeks have been good. Thanks for that."
John didn't reply, just sighed, looking up at the sky.
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" Cam didn't know why he was such a masochist, asking questions he didn't want answered. It hadn't taken him long to figure out that John had serious repression issues and that what John needed even more than a boyfriend was someone to talk to.
John shrugged a little. "I guess. This is the longest we've been apart since we got together. I've never really, you know, had a long term thing before. I'm, um," listening to John trying to express himself was a little like those torture training sessions Cam had to undergo before his first special ops mission. "I'm really looking forward to seeing him."
"So, what does this guy have that makes you go all incoherent on me?" What did the famous Leo have that Cam didn't?
"I don't know. He's handsome?"
Cam rolled his eyes. "There's a lot of handsome guys in the world last I checked."
"He's funny. Smart, in his own sarcastic way. He's stubborn as hell, and so am I, but we find a way to compromise. He's a good man."
"Sounds great." Cam couldn't tell if he'd managed to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but John didn't seem to mind.
"Yeah, he's pretty great. Doesn't treat me different because I'm an imperial either."
"Do people really do that? I don't do that, do I?" Cam had to wonder, considering his borderline obsession with John Sheppard.
"You don't do that, Cam. You treat me like any one of your buddies."
"You're my friend. Why should I treat you differently?"
"Because I could get knocked up and cash out of the service any second? Because I'm supposedly only here to fulfill my family's military obligation? Because you'd always wanted to know how it feels to fuck a nobleman? Or maybe because you'd love to marry into a guild?"
"People really think those things? I find that hard to believe."
John sighed. "You are so naive sometimes, Mitchell. Leo would have a field day with you."
"Sorry," Cam replied, feeling like an idiot once again. Maybe noblemen really were that much more sophisticated. Maybe John had grown up the way they showed on TV. Cam had run into a few nobles during his time in the service, but they had been unapproachable and standoffish. Either they were the most formal of the tight-ass superior officers or they tended towards rear echelon jobs where they wouldn't be missed when they left the service to carry.
"Don't be. It's not your fault that people can be crueler than you imagine. Who knows, maybe I'm fooling myself and after Leo and I conceive, I'll want to go back to business and carrying and raising a family."
"So, you're going to get married?"
John shrugged. "In my family's guild we generally get engaged and once a child is conceived, we make it official. I know Leo wants to start trying soon, but sometimes it takes a while with pure plebeians. Something about secondary characteristics, I guess. Just waiting for Leo to pop the question."
"Why don't you ask him?" Cam wondered. So far as he could tell, John seemed the type to be dominant in a relationship.
"Tradition. Don't you think it's a little weird to ask someone if you could have the honor of carrying their children? Besides, Leo isn't exactly subtle. I can tell that he's gearing up for it even over the phone. I wouldn't want to ruin whatever he has planned."
"That's nice of you. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself, if I were really in love with someone."
John chuckled. "You're not facing waddling around with a pouch parasite for months and months. I'm pretty happy with where we are. I could go longer without throwing a baby in the mix."
"Makes sense." In fact, Cam felt a little bad for John. Maybe it was his so-called "pleb values," but he really thought that John should be allowed to marry without worrying about children for the moment. "You know, you don't have to if you don't want to."
"I want to be with Leo and I do want kids. Maybe now isn't the best time, but if I wait until I'm completely comfortable with the idea, it'll never happen."
"You'll make a great dad, John. I'm happy for you." Cam was surprised to find that he was. Maybe John Sheppard wasn't the one for him. He could have been if they'd met earlier, but at least Cam knew now that it was possible for him to want someone to the very core of his being. Maybe now that he knew what to look for, he'd find someone for himself, carrier or no.
"Thanks, Cam," John replied. "That means a lot. Now, what do you say we stop with the sharing and get back on the road. There's a casino not far from here. You can watch me make a killing at poker."
Cam didn't doubt it. "Yeah, people will be too busy staring at your pretty face to even look at their cards."
"Actually, they'll probably be more distracted by you losing spectacularly."
"That right? Wanna put your money where your mouth is?"
John laughed. "Fifty bucks says you don't break even."
"You are so on," Cam replied, laughing. Sure he didn't have John Sheppard, but life was good.
***
John was the last person Cam expected to hear from while he was headed home for the holidays. And he never would have believed that John would accept his invitation to join the Mitchell Clan for Thanksgiving. Now, Cam couldn't help but smile, watching John play with Cam's cousin's children on his father's side of the family. The Wilder kids were fun. Cam generally looked more like them than his mother. Looking at the smiling Wilder boys, Cam fondly remembered the days when his dad could still walk. He would chase Cam around the barnyard just like John was now, jumping off bales of hay and screaming with laughter, leaving boot tracks in the fine layer of snow that dusted the ground.
"He's quite the catch," Lindsey remarked, putting his Navy Seal training to good use sneaking up on Cam.
Cam retaliated by punching him in the arm. "Don't scare me like that, jackass."
"What else are brothers good for?" Lindsey laughed, rubbing his arm but still smiling. "I've never seen you so crazy about anybody."
"Crazy?" As far as Cam could tell, he hadn't acted any differently. In fact, his usual MO involved a lot more public displays of affection - cuddling on the couch or hand-holding or small stolen kisses when nobody was paying attention. Lindsey had complained endlessly about it when Cam had been dating Amy Vanderberg.
"Yeah, crazy. It's the way you look at him, like he's the most important thing in the world." Lindsey shrugged, probably having reached the depths of any wisdom he had to offer. Cam's brother wasn't exactly deep and his insights were usually limited to the most effective ways to blow various things up, but even a blind squirrel could find an acorn every once and a while.
"So what if I am?" Cam asked with a heavy sigh.
"Let Momma in on it. I can tell she's about to burst. She'd induct him into the family right now if you'd let her."
"Well, Momma's gonna have to wait, because John and I aren't together."
Lindsey raised his eyebrows. "You brought him home for the holidays."
"He's a friend," Cam insisted.
"I wish I had friends like that," Lindsey insisted, nodding towards where John's sweater rode up, exposing a tantalizing strip of skin on his lower back.
"Stop it, you perverted SOB."
"Hey, that's your Momma you're insulting too," Lindsey snickered. "You clearly have a thing for John. If you're not together now, what better a time to get together than Thanksgiving with the Mitchell-Wilders?"
"I can think of a lot of better places - where my parents couldn't hear us, for one. But it doesn't matter, anyway. John's engaged."
"I'm sorry," Lindsey replied. After a moment's pause to mourn what might've been, Lindsey grabbed Cam's winter hat and ran over towards John and the kids, laughing maniacally.
Cam ran after him, but before he knew it, Lindsey had tossed his hat to John who was sprinting around the side of the barn with it with a gleeful shout. Cam tore after him, really pushing it. He'd finished physio on his leg, but he wasn't at full speed yet, and John was fast.
Of course Cam hadn't anticipated that John would just stop in the middle of his mad dash and consequently went tumbling into him, knocking them both down onto the damp ground.
"Ow," John protested, but he was grinning madly up at Cam, the hat still grasped firmly in his hand.
"Ow is right, Shep. Why'd you stop?"
They were inches apart now. Cam could feel John's warm breath in contrast to the cold November air. It would have taken only the slightest movement to lean down and turn it into a kiss, but Cam pulled off, grabbing his hat back in the process.
"Leo isn't talking to me," John stated. John was known for various non sequiturs, but Cam hadn't been expecting a bomb like that.
"I'm sorry," Cam offered, secretly wishing he'd stolen that kiss. He put an arm around John, leaning back against the side of the barn and letting John lean with him. His pants were wet with mud and he was cold where he touched the frigid ground, but John's weight felt comfortable against his side.
"We were in D.C. It wasn't far to my brother's house in Maryland. Dad was there. They didn't treat him well. Of course they didn't treat him well. I was stupid to ever try to bring a pleb home." Cam was shocked by the use of the word 'pleb.' It wasn't exactly derogatory, but so far as Cam knew, John never particularly considered nobles to be different. But he had to. It was stupid for Cam to believe that John had been raised in that society without noting all the differences.
"Hey," Cam whispered, giving John a comforting squeeze, "You can't choose who you love." If people could then Cam never would have fallen for John. He wasn't that much of a masochist.
"Yeah, well if I'd listened to my father, I would have married as soon as they got my chromosome match like a good little imperial and let Dave do the military service."
"Don't say that. Then you and I never would have met."
John considered it for a moment before nodding. "That would have sucked."
Cam smiled. "It was probably just a shock to them. They're family. They'll get over it."
John shook his head. "Dave probably will, so long as my father's not around to pressure him. But my father is traditional. He told me never to bring a pleb back there, among other things. And Leo is so stupid. I knew he'd be mad, but I thought that would just make him even more determined to be with me. Being contrary is his favorite pastime, but he picks this one time to actually believe the shit my father spouts out his ass and suddenly decides I'll be better off with a nobleman."
Leo's loss was Cam's gain. But on the other hand, John didn't let things go easily. Cam couldn't be the rebound guy unless John was no longer pining over another man. He'd just have to bite the bullet and do it. "Look, he was probably just scared. We 'plebs' only really know about this noble stuff through movies and TV. Maybe he thought you couldn't be with him without your family's approval. Or maybe he didn't want to deprive you of the benefits of being a noble. I'd be pretty damned intimidated."
John looked thoughtful. "He should know that I don't care about that shit. I would've gotten out of the Air Force a long time ago if I wanted to be a good little imperial."
"Yeah, well it's one thing to duck arranged marriages by upholding a tradition of military service and another to be completely cut off from your family."
"My family is full of assholes. It's not like yours," John's voice broke on that. He wouldn't meet Cam's eyes.
"But they're your assholes, and nobody has the right to come between you and them unless you choose it. Maybe he's just giving you space." Cam didn't know why he was doing this. But once he chose a side on something, he couldn't help his desire to prove his point. "Leo obviously loves you or he wouldn't give you the out. I bet if you go to him, he won't be able to say no to you."
John sighed. "You're too good at this. What would I do without you, Cam?" John grinned wildly at him, still worried, but a weight seemed lifted.
Cam smirked. "I don't know." He grabbed a handful of muddy snow off the ground and dumped it down the back of John's shirt. "Be dry I guess."
John laughed, a maniacal glint in his eyes. Cam jumped up and sprinted away with John on his heels, waiting for his revenge. Cam had no idea if John and Leo would get back together, but he felt confident he'd done the right thing. He was John's friend first and hopefully God would reward his decision to give John honest advice instead of acting for himself.
***
Cam had once thought he'd put the John Sheppard thing behind him. John was unattainable and always had been. He'd been happy back with his fiance in Afghanistan and Cam had no doubt that they'd be getting married at the end of their next tour. Regret lingered, but then Cam had been recruited into the stargate program and his life stopped being about oil wars and stupid crushes and started being about saving the galaxy. Being a soldier hadn't been enough. He'd longed for the perfect partner and a legacy to give meaning to his life, but he was a space pilot and a galactic hero now. Somehow the one that got away didn't seem so important anymore.
Of course things could never be that simple. Cam had a great job, a wonderful team, a quest to save Earth from the Ori, and then John Sheppard stumbled back into his life. It had to be fate, didn't it? Of all the people to be named the military commander of the Atlantis expedition, it had to be John Sheppard. And though fate had been cruel, keeping Cam busy with almost a year of rehab, sending John on what appeared to be a one way trip to another galaxy, and then keeping him a galaxy away. Sure, they saw each other for evals, and Cam got the torture of nervously paging through Atlantis mission reports worrying about those three stupid letters: KIA.
But then the Ancients returned to Atlantis and John was back on Earth on what appeared to be a permanent basis. Sure, John missed Pegasus and he wasn't exactly the best company because of it. But he was also single and Cam wasn't going to miss this opportunity now that it finally presented itself.
He'd had John over a few times, as usual when John was back on Earth. They'd just hung out and Cam had established that they were just as good together as always. Now was the time to make his move.
He smirked, jutting his hips a little and sauntering into the locker room even though he really had no reason to be there. John was looking tired and well, a little orange, but ironically still smoking hot despite the bad-spray-tan-effect. "Well, look what the cat dragged in," Cam remarked.
After that it was easy. Cam might not have had too many meaningful relationships, but he knew how to charm someone and John had never really gotten the full treatment. It was too easy to offer John a ride in the car Cam knew he loved. It was even easier to get John back to his place.
The drinks weren't exactly necessary, with all the history between them, but John was wound tight and experience had taught Cam that alcohol was probably the best way to get John to relax. He hadn't really taken into account John's reduced tolerance from living offworld so long, but he'd been careful. He didn't want John too drunk to remember it in the morning. He certainly didn't want to take advantage of John, but Cam would take a little competitive edge if only to allow John to, for once, give in to what he needed.
It had been amazing, more than even Cam's wildest dreams. With John spread out before him like that, he knew this was right. This was how things were supposed to be. He was in love and even though a lot of people would laugh at the sentimentality of it all, Cam was happy. And he deserved it. He'd waited all this time and now John was his.
He'd been so swept up in the sensation and the alcohol that he'd forgotten the condom. But the next morning after John had given him an awkward kiss on the lips and thanked him for the ride, both in the Mustang and otherwise, Cam wondered if he should have been more careful, if maybe subconsciously he'd wanted the possibility of a child with John. John had been really drunk and Cam was supposed to be the responsible one. But then again, there was no use in crying over spilt milk. No morning after pills for carriers meant that all they could do was wait and see. Cam found he didn't mind so much.
It was only after John had already stolen a jumper, disobeyed a direct order and liberated his home base from the replicators that Cam wondered if they should have had that talk instead of making waffles and watching the game.
But fate had brought John back into his life. Fate would decided if he would finally stay.
***
Fate had obviously decided that they should be together, Cam was sure. It had been a long time since they'd really talked, but this was nice, just like sitting on the hood of John's Porsche, looking up at the sky. Now it was the vaguely metallic bas relief work on the Ancient designed ceiling and John's narrow bed beneath them.
Cam smiled, knowing that John wasn't looking and therefore wouldn't catch his proud grin. He was going to be a father. He was going to have a baby with the man he loved. He was finally going to get John and his happily ever after. He felt like all those Disney princes and princesses who received miracles to make up for their suffering.
"I guess you want me to come back with you," John offered.
Cam squirmed. Hell yes, he wanted John to come back with him, but he also knew that John needed Atlantis like he needed air. John was happy here, more than he had ever been, even with Leo. "You'd have to take leave, right?"
"Yeah. I have plenty stored up. But I automatically get light duty during the incubation and the four months after he emerges from the pouch."
"Do you want to take leave?" Cam asked. "You know I'd love to have you, but if you want to spend more time here, I understand."
John turned over to face Cam, smiling. "You know me too well, Shaft. I don't want to put the baby in danger, but I don't think I can just leave for months without a few weeks to transition things. I'll make it back as soon as I can."
"I'll be waiting."
The look of honest affection in John's eyes was intense. Cam couldn't resist leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to John's lips.
John responded, but didn't deepen the kiss. Instead he sighed, collapsing down against Cam's chest. "It was only one night, Cam."
Cam had been afraid of that. He'd suspected that the morning after, though of course they hadn't talked about it. He'd planned to woo John until he was ready to make it more, before John had gone back to Pegasus. "It doesn't have to be only one night."
John laughed, his sick, sad chuckle: the one that said, 'we're so fucked, but at least I can appreciate the irony.' "I screwed up."
Cam brought his arm up around John, pulling him close. "How?"
"I slept with Rodney."
"Oh," Cam replied. At least John didn't think Cam had been the screw up.
"I'm sleeping with Rodney. I thought I was going to bind. I thought it wouldn't be a problem."
Cam gulped. Surely John wouldn't have formed too much of an attachment to McKay of all people. The man was damned annoying. He was selfish and a coward and in no way deserving of someone like John. "You were having a tough time. I understand. It's natural to want to find comfort in the people around you."
"Like you and me?" John asked.
Cam stiffened. He knew that it had been a comfort thing, at least in part. But for Cam it had been more and he thought that John had felt that connection too - like they were the only people on Earth, like they could just make each other happy and that would be enough. "I wanted to comfort you, yes. But I thought--"
John reached down to squeeze Cam's hand. "I wasn't lying when I said thank you for that night. And if we hadn't gotten back here, it probably would have happened again. I like you a lot, Cam. But I'm with Rodney now. I can't just abandon him because I'm going to have this baby." Of course John wouldn't leave a man behind. He couldn't leave someone to whom he'd made promises. He hadn't made any promises to Cam, only that he'd have Cam's child.
"So after the baby's emerged are you and McKay going to raise him? Because I'd still help you with things even if you don't want me to be involved." It killed Cam to admit that, but it was true. He wanted to be part of John and the baby's lives no matter how he could. He was confident that with enough time alone, he could make John forget all about Rodney McKay.
John pushed up, meeting Cam's eyes. "Of course not. You're his donor and I want you to be a part of his life. You're going to be such a great parent. If there's one good in this whole mess it's that you'll be a deedee."
"And you'll just come back to Atlantis and leave the kid with me?" Cam asked, more hurt by that than he could imagine. John just wanted to drop the kid on Cam's doorstep and go back to his life in another galaxy.
"I don't know," John admitted. "I'm needed here. I don't think I could stay away completely. But if we do have a baby, I'm not going to abandon him. We'll figure something out."
That didn't sound like a plan to Cam, but then again, seat-of-his-pants decision-making had always worked for John and Cam supposed it was one of those decisions that needed time. Cam pulled John into a hug. "We'll figure something out."
***
Cam's hands shook as he dialed the number. This was a once-in-a-lifetime phone call and he wanted to savor every nervous moment of it.
"Mitchell-Wilder residence, may I help you?" His mom's warm voice came over the phone. Cam still missed her even though he hadn't lived at home in years.
"Cameron? It's so good to hear from you!" Cam smiled, it was good to hear from her too.
"I talked to you three days ago, Momma."
"I know and you've been out of the house for a long time, but I do still miss you."
"I miss you too. How are you and dad?"
"Oh, more of the same. I heard from your brother the other day. He's transferring again, but he'll be back in town for the holidays. You are coming for Christmas this year?"
"Assuming there's no major emergency, I'll be there." That was a pretty big assumption when you worked for the SGC. Cam had come to one Christmas dinner at 7pm with a spear-hole in his shoulder, but he'd managed to make all of them. "But, Momma, there's something I wanted to tell you."
"Yes, honey, what is it?"
Cam took a deep breath, trying to memorize everything about this moment, from the butterflies in his stomach to the anticipation in his mom's voice. "You're going to be a grandma." Remembering Lindsey's kids, he added, "Again."
"Oh, Cam! Really?"
"Really."
"I thought you'd never settle down. I'm so happy for you! Let me tell your father." Cam heard her in the background. "Frank, Frank, you'll never believe it! Cam's having a child! I don't know who with. Let me ask." His mother picked up the phone again and Cam could practically hear her biggest smile. "Who's the lucky woman?"
"Actually, it's not a lady."
"A nobleman? Cam, that's amazing. Do I know him?"
"Yes, Momma, you do. Do you remember John Sheppard? He came for Thanksgiving a while ago."
"Of course I remember him! That poor boy. I thought he was engaged to someone else. But I could tell you liked him even then."
Cam had to smile. Momma knew all. "I really did."
"I'm so happy for you, honey. I'm going to be the grandma of a carrier's child, and my baby boy is finally going to have a family. Does John need anything? You know that your father and I are always here for you, right? Can I speak with him? I want to make sure he knows that he's family now."
"Um," Cam knew he was going to have to break this to them eventually. "John's not here right now. He's stationed somewhere classified, but he's coming back for his labor and again for the last part of the incubation."
"He's still in a battle zone?! Cam, that's barbaric."
Cam sighed. "John comes from one of the old guild families. It's just the way they do things. Besides, what John does is really important. He's needed there."
"Then why aren't you there with him? The military makes transfers for married couples."
"We're not married. I'm not sure we'll get married," Cam added.
"Why not? He's having your child."
Cam had no idea how to tell his mother he and John had gotten drunk once and forgotten the condom. It really wasn't the image he wanted her to have of her son. "John was stationed here for a few months. One thing led to another and we got together, but there was an emergency and he transferred back right after. I think we can be a lot more to each other. I love him, and I know he cares about me, but the baby was an accident. I don't know how strong our relationship is right now."
"Oh, honey. I'm sorry. But a child is a blessing no matter what. And I have faith that if John is the one for you--"
"He is," Cam replied without hesitation.
"Then you'll be with him. You deserve to be happy, honey, and I can tell he makes you happy."
"Thanks, Momma." Wendy Mitchell had always taught Cam there was nothing he couldn't do. She'd given him determination and perseverance and kindness, but she couldn't give him John. Only John could decide to be with Cam and as much as Cam loved the man, he didn't know that he could trust John to love him back.
"You let me know when John gets back. I want to be there to take care of you two for the labor."
"Yes, Ma'am," Cam replied, trying to focus on happier things: he and John were going to have a baby. If that wasn't a miracle, Cam didn't know what was.
Next: Brothers and Sisters