Oh, Livejournal: Immortal tome of adolescent musings, chronicle of perfunctory self-gratification-- how I simultaneously loathe and thank you for documenting my failings and flailings in such (literally) excruciating detail. I view these entries as I would imagine an astronaut would view earth from space: something galling and overwhelming and ( Read more... )

God, I can't write.
Can somebody hand me a mirror?

It's very hard. I want to have a conversation with someone who understands where I'm coming from- but that person never existed, and never will. I make myself very available. Available to be used. I forget it and then it sneaks up on me and it hurts. It surprises me every fucking time. I meant everything I said. God dammit. I miss you.

God, I just want a friend. Why doesn't anybody love me?

Please, love me, that's all I ask.
Please. love me. that's all I ask,
but I've never stopped, but I was never enough,
was I?

How could you
when all I did was try?

Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck ( Read more... )

I don't know when I became a closed book ( Read more... )

My eyes were windows that
broke like a cold glass under warm water
They fogged like the hot, eager breath of a man on a cold,
dark pane

You know, you never do know, do you ( Read more... )

"Never work at a family-owned business." You told me he said this; you told me how you wished you would have heeded his advice and then passed it on to me. But it is too late. And it's no matter. I still haven't smoked ( Read more... )

I've done a little bit of reading on Buddhism and the path to enlightenment, not a lot, but a little, and I've often wondered how those who are "enlightened" identify with the rest of mankind. Do they really feel completely at ease and at peace with the world? Do they feel as though they are on the balcony in an auditorium as a witness to pain, ( Read more... )