Fic: A Sorta Fairytale | Part One | Addison/Callie
Title: A Sorta Fairytale (Part One)
Rating: Part one is PG-13…the rest are NC-17 or R.
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Addison/Callie
Spoilers: Takes place after the end of Season 3, so minor S3 spoilers…Addison's left for California, Callie's found out about Gizzie and their whole "business." I wrote this over the summer, so this was my take on the Private Practice characters, how Callie handles the affair, how Callie does her freakin' job, etc.
Disclaimer: You know, I think we Caddie fans should intervene and take over these characters since they are clearly not being used to their full potential. But, unfortunately, they belong to Shondaland and ABC Studios.
Summary: Addison realizes something's missing in her life now that she's starting over in California.
Notes: Finally, my epic is complete! Unfortunately, LiveJournal couldn't support all 27K words in one post, so I had to break this into five parts. I'm ridiculously proud of this fic and I hope that you all enjoy it. I happily dedicate this to Madame SnoopyThePooh, who has been filling my Caddie-loving heart with joy, and I hope to do the same for her. It's been a long wait, and I hope this is worth it.
Thank you, most importantly, to my McBoo, Nathan. You've been kind of a big deal to me, dear, and I thank you for proofing and for your support through everything. This is for you.
--
The clocked ticked mercilessly on the wall and despite the intense staring of powdery blue eyes, the damn hands refused to revolve around the face any faster. With a sigh and an incessant shaking of her leg, Addison Montgomery gave up hope that the remaining seven minutes would pass by quickly.
Ooh, yes. 8:54. Six minutes left. Finding this to be satisfactory, Addison grabbed the sleek black telephone from the charging base and, after wrapping her free hand around the stem of her wine glass, padded barefoot into her bedroom.
She set the phone and the wine on her nightstand, positioning the phone so that it would not knock into her Merlot when she bolted to answer its ring. In reality this had a very slim chance of happening, as the phone would more than likely end up resting in her hand several minutes before the scheduled time of the call.
Addison glanced around the room, focusing very hard on the view of the beach from her window in her attempt not to stare at the clock. It was pointless: her eyes darted to the digital clock. 8:56. Only four minutes to go and she felt her heartbeat quicken in anticipation. She turned on the lamps in the room and switched off the overhead light, skipping back to her bed.
Several steps before reaching the queen-sized bed she tripped and she paused for a moment to glance at the odd patch of hardwood floor to see what had caused her thoroughly uncool move, but alas, it was her clumsy, excited step that had interrupted her gait. Letting out a sigh of relief that no one had seen her, she climbed into bed, fluffing her pillow before settling her back against it and the headboard and placing the phone in her lap.
At exactly nine o'clock the familiar chirp of the telephone began to sound and she waited her usual two rings and gave the caller ID a check before pressing her thumb to the button and raising the phone to her ear. "Hey," she said, her voice warm and welcoming.
"Hey yourself!" responded Callie Torres. Addison's face broke into a warm flush and her smile widened as she heard her friend's voice.
"It's been way too long, Callie."
"Oh I know," Callie drawled exaggeratedly. "Two whole days."
"It's always too long," Addison said with a pout.
"Need I remind you that you were the one who decided to uproot her life and move to California?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe I should move back."
"You've only been there for a month. And besides, you love your job."
"I know. I'm beginning to wonder whether or not missing my best friend will trump the rewarding, high paying job."
"Best friend always trumps the job, but you should give it more than a month before you decide that I'm the reason you should rush back to Seattle for."
"Pssh, fine. You don't really want me. I understand…Yang is so much more appealing than Addison."
Callie laughed. "You're not still going on your jealous rants about Cristina, are you?"
"No." Addison paused, sipping her wine. "Yes, maybe a little. I just didn't think I would have been replaced so soon."
"It would take three Yangs to replace you, Addison. Now stop fishing. I have news."
"Oh?" Addison sat a little straighter against her pillow.
Callie sighed. "I got my period yesterday."
Addison released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and sipped her wine, rolling it around her tongue as she waited for Callie to continue. When she didn't, she said, "You're not pregnant."
"Nope. I guess it's a good thing, really. You know….for the best. It's a sign that I did the right thing in breaking things off when I did. A child would have just complicated things. It…it wasn't meant to be."
"You don't sound okay with this."
Callie sighed again and waited several moments before continuing. "I mean…I could have handled a baby on my own. It didn't have to be with George. After finding out about Izzie and him moving out…I got used to being alone, you know? But I kind of wondered 'what if?' What if I had been pregnant? I could have started over with this tiny life, this perfect little human that would have been such a positive gift to come out of something so painful and fucked up and damaged. But I know it would have made things even harder. We wouldn't have been able to make a clean break. It was hard enough, him coming around and begging me to take him back. Can you imagine him finding out that I was carrying his baby? He would have insisted that we give things another shot for the kid's sake, but I could have never lived with him or trusted him again. Every time I look at him I just get this sick feeling in my stomach that reminds me that I was never as good as his stacked little supermodel girlfriend."
"Wait, girlfriend? They're dating now?"
"No, but I suspect it'll happen. I mean, not that he'd have the balls to tell me, but I'll find out. The wife always does. Or, in my case, the soon-to-be-ex-wife. But, oh, I don't know. It's a relief to know that I've only got the divorce connecting me to him, but a baby would have been…well, it would have been, I guess."
"Oh Cal," Addison began. "I wish I could be there to give you a hug."
"I could really go for one right now."
"I know it must be hard to reacclimatize yourself to the reality that your almost-romantic on-call room sex didn't conceive a baby, but you're right. It wasn't meant to be. It's not the time. Perhaps in some cosmic, fucked up way, this is life's way of telling you that you have to come out of this George fiasco on your own. And really, you don't need a child connecting you to him for the rest of your life. He wouldn't be a terrible father, but you should be with someone who can parent a child with you, someone that you love and trust. You deserve that, Cal."
"It's so hard to feel like that's going to exist in my future at this point. George completely fucked up my self-esteem. I can't look at Izzie fucking Stevens without feeling self-conscious."
"Oh please, Callie, don't tell me that you'd let yourself feel inferior to her! You are a twenty and Stevens? Please. She's not even on the chart."
"You're just saying that."
"Would I lie to you?"
"Yes."
"Oh shut it, I would not. You are gorgeous and the rest of us pale in your shadow."
Callie snorted.
"Calliope Torres! You cannot sit there and tell me that you have allowed a man to make you question your own beauty! What kind of self-respecting woman are you to allow him to define your physical appearance? Don't make me whip out the middle name!"
Callie laughed. "I'm sorry, Miz Steinem. Far be it for me to be controlled by the white supremacist patriarchal paradigm."
Addison grinned and laughed. "That's my little bell hooks. I'm not kidding, Cal. Don't let some stupid, worthless man make you feel like you're not a catch. Because you are, and anyone will be lucky to even be considered by you when you are ready to get back into dating."
"That won't be happening for a while. Sex be damned; I could stand to be a little self-sufficient for a while. And I've got more than enough responsibility at work to keep me busy. But what about you, missy? Ever give in to your hippie co-worker there?"
Addison laughed, rolling her eyes at the mention of Pete. "As if!"
"Oh come on, Addie. You let the man kiss you in a stairwell and you knew him for like three days or whatever! You said yourself that it was a good kiss."
"Yeah, well, I also had sex with Karev only a week before that kiss, so I think it's safe to say that Addison's sanity may have taken a temporary leave of absence."
"And it's back now, is it?"
"Yes, thankyouverymuch. Pete's just…not my type. He's a bit too, I dunno, sleazy for me."
"Didn't you say he was a serial dater or something?"
"Yes, or so I hear. And I don't know, I was looking for the awkward elevator flirtation and the kiss to mean more than it actually did. I needed it to at the time."
"I'm glad you've come to your senses," Callie said, sounding as though she were speaking through a mouthful of something.
"Do you have enough to share with the rest of the class?" Addison asked.
"You mean, am I going to share my Ben & Jerry's with you?"
"Naturally."
"As long as you share whatever wine you've got over there."
"Of course. So, your place or mine?"
"Yours, definitely. I need the vacation."
"When do you have vacation time, anyway? I want you to come see me and my big, gorgeous flat overlooking the ocean."
"In like a month or something, I think. God, I'd love to get away though. You'd better get to work on that guest room or make sure there's room in your bed for me because my ass is not sleeping on the sofa."
"As if I'd make your spoiled, rich girl ass sleep on my awful $1500 sofa!" Addison said, eyeing up the width of her bed. There was more than enough room for the two women to sleep side by side comfortably and Addison took a large swallow of wine to distract herself from thinking about Callie Torres sleeping beside her.
"Good, as long as you have your priorities straight," Callie said, teeth scraping against the metal of her spoon.
Addison pictured the resident lying on her stomach in the middle of her bed at The Archfield, eating her ice cream slowly and cleaning her spoon after each small mouthful. Smiling at the thought, she was momentarily caught up in mentally dressing Callie in a tank top and boyshorts and was therefore slightly startled when her phone began to beep.
"Hang on," Addison said, holding the phone away from her ear to glance at the caller ID screen. Naomi was calling in. She shrugged and brought the phone back to her ear. "Sorry about that."
"You have a beep, don't you?"
"It's only Naomi."
"Your friends are all gonna hate me, Addie."
"Never! They love you."
"How can they love me when they don't know me?"
"They may have heard a thing or two about you."
Callie paused for a moment and Addison wondered whether or not she were blushing. "I'm serious though - Naomi always calls you and you never answer because you're always on the phone with me. She'll think I'm hogging you."
Addison brushed it off. "I see Naomi every day at work. She's just…looking for me to distract her, what with Sam and Dell and everything."
"Has she hooked up with the surfer dude yet?"
"Surprisingly no. It'll happen, but she's determined to do her own self-sufficient thing, hence why she calls me."
"Well, you are the ultimate go-to gal when one needs cheering up."
She smiled at the compliment. "I try."
"You don't have to try very hard."
"I've got great friends who bring it out in me."
"Oooh my God, I can't believe I forgot to tell you!" Callie shrieked.
Addison laughed and replied, "Well, don't waste time with the dramatic effect and just tell me!"
Callie chuckled. "One of Karev's interns totally asked me out today."
The confession caught Addison off guard, a white-hot burning sensation churning within her stomach. "Oh really?"
"Mmhmm. His name's Mateo. I was assigning a group of interns and the guy comes out of nowhere, practically slithers over to me at the nurse's station, and asks if I want to get a drink with him at Joe's when we get off work."
Addison forced a laugh, attempting to ignore the sinking of her cheerful mood. "What did you say to him?"
"I'm here, aren't I?" Callie asked with a laugh. "I told him that as his boss, it was highly inappropriate for him to be asking me out, to which he snarkily responded that I married an intern."
"Sounds like a real winner."
"Uh, yea, to say the least. The guy wouldn't take the hint until I stuck him on scut; that wiped the shit-eatin' grin off his face. But honestly, Ad, do people really think that three weeks after finding out that my husband cheated on me and kicking him out that I'd actually be ready or interested to date?"
"You can't honestly be surprised, Callie. You're a catch."
"A jaded, bitter catch with trust issues. Ugh, I have no respect for people who just move on in right when they hear someone's single."
"So this Mateo…is he cute?"
"You're terrible!"
"I'm just…curious. Who knows, this guy may be persistent enough and cute enough to stick around till you're ready to date."
"I would never, and will never, date some creep who knows nothing about me who tries to move in the way he did. You should know me better than that, Addison Montgomery!"
"Well I'm very proud of you for resisting his charms. Hopefully when you're ready to date again, the jerks will stay home and only those who are worthy enough will be lining around the block. You know what? I'll even pre-screen them for you. I'll make up an application and interview applicants before they can even ask you out."
Callie laughed heartily and Addison's heart swelled once more. "And what would be on this application?"
"Well, sexual history, of course. No disease-infested creeps or manwhores for my best friend. And, let's see…I'd ask if they know any former underwear models. If yes, they'll immediately meet my shredder."
"You don't have a guest bedroom but you have a shredder?"
"The room also functions as an office. You're the only potential guest I've got in the near future and you've already said you'd shack up in my comfy bed with me, so I'm in no rush."
"Ooh, does that mean we'll be staying up all night watching movies, drinking wine, and gabbing about boys?"
"Don't forget doing each other's hair."
Callie sighed wistfully. "I miss you, Addison."
"I miss you too, Cal. Hurry up and visit me."
"I'm workin' on it." She sighed again and for a moment Addison could almost feel it against her ear. "I hate to do this, but I'd better get going."
Addison frowned. "Are you kidding me? We only just started talking!"
"I know, I'm such a downer, aren't I? I've got to shower and get to bed. I've got an early laminectomy, rounds, and back-to-back surgeries for the rest of the day. And to make the whole day even more wonderful, I think I'm stuck with George as an intern."
"How dare your job interfere with best friend time!" Addison pouted. "Will you be okay, working with George?"
"I'll have to be, won't I? But then again, I'm one of the most professional women you'll meet. I don't let things like asshole husbands interfere with my dedication to the job."
"That's my girl!"
Callie laughed. "I live to make you proud, Ad. Thanks for listening, you know, about the baby stuff."
"Of course, Cal. It'll happen when the time is right. I just wish I could be there to really give you a shoulder."
"But, alas, you turned your back on me for sunnier climates."
"Hush, you. Let me know if that schmuck gives you any more trouble."
"You'll take care of him will you?"
"You may be able to break bones and stare someone back into diapers, but I fight dirty. I'll kick him in the shins."
Callie laughed. "The man's doomed if he even breathes in my direction."
"As long as we're on the same page. You'll help me hide the body, right?"
"I've already got the shovels in my car."
"Great. I knew there was a reason that I bought the double pack of duct tape at the store the other day."
"We'll be all set then."
Addison smiled. Despite the thousand-odd miles between Los Angeles and Seattle, she could hear Callie smiling.
"Okay. You can't distract me anymore, Addie. I've really got to go. I'm turning on the shower as we speak."
"You can't see this, but I'm pouting. Fine, I suppose I'll let you go without a fight -- tonight, anyway. Tomorrow night?"
"Same bat time."
"Have a good day tomorrow, Cal. Miss you."
"I miss you too, Addison. Sleep well."
"Right back at you, hun. Good night."
"'Night."
Addison waited until she heard the dial tone and placed the phone on the nightstand after turning it off. She drained the few remaining sips of her Merlot and placed the empty glass beside the telephone. She slid down her pillow, resting her head in the cradle her body had created. With a smile she recounted the conversation, breathing deeply as she filled herself completely with Callie's voice. She pictured her face, her smile, and ached to remember the scent of her perfume. Time was taking its toll; it was fading.
She turned to her side, curling her knees up to her chest as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. With a heavy sigh her smile began to falter. She hated the distance, hated the all too short phone calls. She hated the thought that Callie would move on with her life. It wouldn't be happening tomorrow, but knowing it was in the future filled her stomach with cold concrete. Addison hated the thought of another man touching Callie, kissing her, loving her, being loved by her. The very thought made her feel infinitely fragile.
She loved her. She loved her so much that it hurt to breathe. Fat, hot tears began to roll down her cheeks and she sobbed in her lonely bed.
--
Addison tapped the frame of her glasses against her teeth, frowning and she surveyed the empty chair before her. Her 4:30 appointment, Jane Dalloway, had yet to arrive for her six-month checkup on the twins she was carrying. If there was one thing that Dr. Montgomery loathed about her job, it was the occasional occurrence of tardiness amongst her patients. Her last appointment of the day could have been utilized by someone who actually respected her services but, alas, Addison sat, wasting her time.
She glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes had passed. With an annoyed grunt, Addison stalked out of her office and made her way to the front desk where Dell sat, his eyes peering over his magazine towards the break room.
"Has Ms. Dalloway called?"
"Nope."
Addison pursed her lips. "Give her five more minutes. If she doesn't show, bill her for missing the appointment."
"You got it, Addison."
She ran her fingers through her hair and walked into the break room. As she expected, Naomi was standing by the sink, stirring a spoon around her cup of tea. Smiling weakly, Addison pulled open the refrigerator door and reached for a bottle of water amongst the package clearly marked with her name. She was down a few bottles and she rolled her eyes. She generally considered herself to be a people person, but the never-ending rudeness of some of the people around her never ceased to irritate her. As she considered purchasing a mini-fridge for her office to avoid intra-office theft, she glanced back to Naomi to find that she was being regarded wearily.
"I thought you had a 4:30?"
"So did I, but fate must have other plans. Is there something wrong with Californians that they believe they are above being on time? I've never had so many patients blow off appointments or show up late. Not even in fucking New York."
"Woah, Addison. What's with the negativity today?"
Addison sighed and took a large gulp of water. "I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. Didn't get much sleep."
"Yea…about that….you look like hell, Addison," Naomi said plainly, blowing into her cup before taking a small sip.
Addison glared. "Thanks."
"I say this because I love you, of course."
Addison let out an incredulous breath and Naomi set down her cup, looking thoroughly concerned.
"What's wrong, Addison?"
Addison stared down at her gray Manolo Blahniks. "I'm in love," she whispered, her voice betraying the fact that her eyes were now glistening with tears.
"Addie! Why haven't you told me? Who's the lucky--" Naomi's excited voice broke off when Addison looked up, a stray tear sliding down her cheek. "Okay, my house, one hour. No arguments, you're coming, and you're telling me everything. I think we are in need of a little med school stress therapy."
Despite her mood, Addison was unable to suppress a laugh. "Oh my God, I haven't done that since our last class together."
Naomi smiled, grabbing her tea as she motioned Addison towards the door. "I hadn't either, until the divorce. The only thing missing was you, of course." She smiled warmly at Addison. "Now get out of here and be at my place in an hour."
"Yes, ma'am." Addison watched Naomi disappear into her own office and took a deep, bracing breath. She wasn't sure if she was entirely ready to talk about it. The feelings had only recently surfaced and metamorphosed into what Addison knew undoubtedly to be love. Her only problem was not knowing what to do about it.
--
Addison parked her car outside of the Bennett home, sighing momentarily as she reconsidered her options. She could go inside, gorge on take out and the rest of their ritualistic remedies, and tell Naomi everything that had been stewing within her brain for the last two weeks, or she could go inside, gorge on take out, and clam up. As she walked up the stone pathway and knocked on the door, she instinctively knew that she needed to share with someone what she had been suppressing.
"It's open!" she heard the muffled voice yell, and Addison walked into the house, taking in the layout Naomi had prepared.
Spread on the coffee table was, as Addison predicted, an assortment of Thai food in little cardboard containers. Plates and silverware were set to the side, upon which there sat a pack of Marlboro Lights and a clearly unused lighter. Behind the food were two sets of three different drinks. One, Addison surmised given her memory of previous Stress Therapy sessions, was filled with Chianti. The second was a Margarita and the third, she guessed, was rum and Coke. She smiled and looked at Naomi, who was standing beside the table, her arms folded over her chest.
"Well?"
"It's perfect," Addison laughed, "Exactly as I remember it." She pursed her lips. "Only…something's missing…"
Naomi grinned and unfolded her arms. In her hand was a small remote. Within seconds the sounds of Cher's "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" filled the room. Addison clutched her chest as she laughed.
"Now it's perfect. It's not a Stress Therapy night without Cher!" She dropped her purse on a small table near the entrance to the living room and walked over. "You're too good to me," she said, giving Naomi a hug.
"Well, let's hope this soothes what ails you. Now, pick your poison and then tell me everything. Spare no details."
Two plates of food, half of Cher's Greatest Hits, half a Margarita, and one rum and Coke later, Addison found herself lighting her first cigarette in ten years. She took a drag and as she exhaled she grimaced. "Now I remember why I only smoke when I'm with you," Addison said, passing the cigarette to Naomi and elongating her body to fit on the small loveseat. Her legs draped over the arm of the couch and she kicked off her heels, settling comfortably into the couch as her shoes landed on the floor with a thud.
"You never have finished an entire cigarette," Naomi said with a laugh. She put the cigarette to her lips and flipped so that she was lying on her stomach on the adjacent couch, looking at Addison. "All right, Addie. We've talked about our co-workers, the practice, the weather, my daughter's education, and why you hate my hair. You need to just get it out."
Addison sighed. "This stays between us. I do not need everyone at the practice giving me a hard time about it. It's…it's not easy."
Naomi frowned. "You really are torn up over this, aren't you?"
Addison bit her lip, attempting to force back tears. "Yes." She took a deep breath. "Back in Seattle--"
Before Addison could tell Naomi exactly what was back in Seattle, the front door burst open and Mya catapulted herself into the living room. "Mom? I heard 'Half Breed' by the mailbox and ran as fast as I could!" The adolescent paused. "Something must have happened if you're listening to Cher and smoking."
"Addison's having a bad day," Naomi said, stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray. "I thought you were at your father's tonight?"
Mya opened her mouth to speak but it was a male voice that responded. "She is," Sam said, stepping through the door and standing behind Mya, his hands on her shoulders, "but this one here forgot the guidelines of her report and I can't very well make her diorama of an Egyptian pyramid without it, can I?"
"Mya, shouldn't you be taking a more proactive role in your projects?"
"I am, Mom," she groaned. "But Dad said he'd help."
"Go grab your sheet," Sam said, walking a few steps into the living room as Mya bounded off. "Stress Therapy?" he asked, folding his arms over his broad chest.
"Not that it's any of your business," Naomi stated, "but yes."
Addison shifted her head and looked at him. "Hey, Sam."
"What's the reason for this impromptu gathering? Why wasn't I invited?"
"Sorry, Sam. No men allowed."
Addison nodded, thinking of the confession that was stewing within her. "Most definitely no men."
"Aah, so it's about a man."
Addison huffed and laughed. "You men always think it's all about you."
"It usually is," Sam said, grinning.
Naomi huffed. "It's not always about men," she responded, glaring at Sam before shooting a significant look at Addison.
"Got it," Mya said, reappearing beside Sam. "Ready to go, Dad? We have to go if we want to make it to the store before it closes."
Addison laughed, her heart still pounding at Naomi's admonition. "I refuse to believe that you're fourteen, Mya."
Sam smiled. "That's my girl. Well, you two behave yourself and don't let the jerk get you down, whoever it is, Addison."
Naomi raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think that I don't have man troubles?"
Sam laughed. "Right. Okay. Good luck with the guy, Addison. I'm sure I'll be hearing about it through the grapevine tomorrow. Let's let these two turn back time, babygirl."
Mya gave her mother a hug, bade them farewell, and the two left the house.
Naomi sighed. "Don't worry, he won't be hearing about it unless you choose to tell someone else."
"Ha, I doubt that will be happening. I don't think I could stand Cooper and Pete getting on my case."
"So tell me about her."
Addison twisted to her side, silently cursing the fact that she was still wearing her pencil skirt and blouse. Spending the hour driving around seemed like a good idea at the time, but she wished now that she had changed into something more comfortable. Naomi was all decked out in dark green yoga pants and a t-shirt and she felt nothing but loathing for her uncomfortably stylish ensemble. "How did you know I'm talking about a woman?"
"Because I know you better than you know yourself, Addison. Now start talking."
"Okay." Addison inhaled deeply and upon exhaling, grabbed her Margarita and drained the remainder of the glass. "Okay. So. Callie Torres."
"Callie. She's the gorgeous Latina woman you worked with, right?"
The corners of her lips curled into a smile as she pictured Callie's face. "Mmhmm, that's the one. We became friends a few months ago and got really close. I had felt so alone after Derek and I failed to make it work and Callie came along and she was just everything that I needed and wanted in a friend. We spent so much time together and it just…I dunno, it meant everything to me to have her in my life, you know?" She sighed and continued. "So then I didn't get the Chief of Surgery position, and she got Chief Resident and decided to try to have a baby with her husband, and I just felt like there was nothing for me. Like there were all these great things happening to the people around me and I was just standing still watching life move on around me. So yea, I packed up and moved here for bigger and better things. I didn't even know at the time that I had feelings for her; I just kind of attributed my being upset about her relationship as jealousy because I didn't have the same thing. But when I got here, I was so alone and all that really made me feel good at the end of the day was hearing her voice. She was all I could think about. She is all I can think about."
Addison felt a stray tear glide over her cheekbone. "It didn't hit me until a few weeks ago. I knew I might be developing some kind of crush and I mean, who doesn't every not and then? But every time I'd talk to her I'd have this feeling, like everything was going to be okay. I felt so rotten because she was in pain over her husband's infidelity and all I wanted to do was hold her and kiss away her pain. It's all I think about, Naomi. I have no idea if she feels the same way; I mean, what are the chances? I never thought I'd fall for one of my best friends. I never thought I'd want to be with a woman.
"God, it's just a mess! Not only am I in love with my best friend who probably thinks of me as a sister, but she's a woman! It's so fucking complicated. I feel so wrong for wanting her the way that I do but I don't feel ashamed or guilty about it. I love her so much, Naomi. Going a day without hearing her voice tears me up and I just feel like I'm never going to be able to tell her…like she's gonna move on and I'm gonna be here pining away for her."
Addison was crying now, tears falling steadily. "Fuck! I don't know what to do, Naomi. I hate that I'm here and she's there. I'd consider giving everything up here just to go back to Seattle to be with her. Even if I couldn't get my job back and I had to work in a yarn shop or something, I wouldn't care because I'd be with her. I've never felt like this before. It was different with Derek…but Callie. She's such an amazing, wonderful woman. She gets me. You of all people know how hard it is to get me and she does. We're just…perfect together. I feel it. When we talk I feel this sense of calm like the pieces of my life just fit together and I'm whole. Fuck, Naomi! I want her so badly…I love her so much that it hurts. Not being with her and not being able to tell her kills me."
Without a word Naomi stood, pulled Addison into a sitting position, and hugged her. They sat like this for what seemed like forever, Addison sobbing into her friend's shoulder, her chest burning, her makeup smudging, her tears collecting in the cotton of Naomi's shirt. Naomi soothed her hair, rocking her slightly. After several great, heaving breaths, Addison pulled away, falling against the couch with an exhausted sigh. "What am I gonna do, Naomi?"
"I think you need to tell her how you feel."
"Are you kidding? That advice is crap."
"I'm serious, Addison," said Naomi, curling her feet under her as she settled against the arm of the couch. "I've never seen you like this. It's killing you to keep it from her-- why not just tell her?"
Addison glared through wet lashes.
"Okay, now you're just being stubborn. Hear me out. You two are best friends, right? She obviously cares a great deal about you and I think that if she doesn't feel the some way, you still mean enough to her to prevent it from getting in the way of your friendship. But here's the thing Addie, she might actually feel the same way."
Addison raised an eyebrow, sinking lower into the couch. "You don't know that."
"No one knows that, except Callie and that owl from the Tootsie Pop commercials. But from the sound of it, I think this may be more than just a one-sided thing. She calls you almost every day, you talk for hours…Okay, well, that doesn't sound like a very strong case, but I just have a feeling about this. You'll always wonder if you don't tell her. She may be sitting back in Seattle waiting for you to tell her because she's too scared to say it herself. She may give up hope and just move on. And all because you won't open your big mouth and just tell her how you feel."
Addison groaned, grabbing a throw pillow and hugging it to her chest. "I've been so obvious though."
"Are you, Addie? Are you really? Have you been saying 'Oh Callie, my feelings for you are more than just platonic and I'm in love with you'?"
"Well, no."
"Then you're not obvious. You have to assume that Callie could be completely oblivious and just be open with her. You can't be all ambiguous; you'll screw up the woman's head and your own at the same time."
"I just feel like….ugh. Geeze." Addison turned to face Naomi, leaning back against the arm of the couch. "I feel like the girl in the horror movies who walks into the scary house, past all of the 'Danger Will Robinson' signs and whatever…and like I go upstairs despite the fact that the stairs creek and there's a bloody trail and whatnot…and like I'm just getting deeper and deeper in and then I get eaten by the monster."
"So basically you're equating loving Callie with being eaten by a monster?" Naomi raised an eyebrow. "That's a little neurotic, even for you."
Addison slapped her forehead. "Okay, no, that's not what I meant. It's more like…I am falling more and more in love with her. Like, right now, I'm falling in love with her just talking about how wonderful she is. But I feel like I'm just letting it happen and not doing anything to stop it when she might not feel the same way. It could be a disaster."
"But it might not be, Addison. If there's one thing I know about you it's that you are a rational woman. You think about things, even if you sometimes don't always show it. You could stop yourself from loving her if you really wanted to."
Addison shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. And even if I could change how I feel about her, I don't think I'd want to. She makes me feel more like me than I've felt in a long time. She makes me so happy that she should be patented as an antidepressant."
Naomi grinned. "You always fall for me feeding you some bullshit line about your disposition, and I always get you to say exactly how you feel."
"Ugh. I hate you."
"We both know that you are in love with her. It's not some passing thing. And she makes you happy, and she deserves to know that she's the reason you are so happy. You deserve the chance to be happy with her, Addison."
"I wouldn't even know how to tell her. Like oh, 'Hey Cal. How's Seattle? Oh by the way, I love you, just thought you should know!"
"Well it shouldn't be so sudden and idiotic. Don't rush into it…Give it time to develop. Ease your way in. I'm not saying you should to it tonight!"
Addison bit her lip, looking at Naomi. "So you really think I should tell her?"
"I didn't make that clear?"
"Yes, yes, you did." She sighed. "Okay, so what are your thoughts on the rest of it? You know, deeper than the being in love part?"
"You mean about the fact that Callie is a woman?"
Addison nodded, looking away.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with you being in love with a woman. Love is love, Addison. All that matters is that you're happy."
Tears welled within her eyes again and she shifted, leaning her head in Naomi's lap. "It means so much to hear you say that."
"You don't need my approval, Addie. You'll always have my support."
At that moment "I Got You Babe" began to play. The two women locked eyes and began to laugh.
--
(Part Two)
((Part Three))
((Part Four))
((Part Five))