the fluffkin vs knight automaton

[uglychunk]

something i typed out on facebook unexpectedly. i'm going to edit for better grammar, though. a bit long.

Comments

[kittenofwrath]

Psst...did you mean to leave this post completely public? Just thought I'd let you know in case you didn't.

[uglychunk]

yes. embarrassing though it may be, some part of it resonated very strongly with me, so i sent ace an email asking if he would read it and sent him a link.

i feel it's pretty imperative in general that my reaction to his decision not affect any further decisions on his part. meaning, you know, he needs to look out for his well-being and happiness, and i wouldn't want him to restart a relationship with me just because he felt obligated or was concerned about a reaction of mine. that would be emotional blackmail. however, it has been very difficult for me not to contact him. everything i do now is counter-intuitive and feels wrong. i won't get into it here

[uglychunk]

there are a few more entries that i left public on purpose. i can't say if ace read this one or any of them. but, for whatever reason, the ones i left public resonated so strongly with me i decided they had some sort of merit or something to them, some kernel of knowledge or insight that warranted sharing.

i don't know if ace would care or learn from any of them (i really, really doubt it), or how that would help me. but (again, for whatever reason), it made me feel better to share them.

it's definitely like me trying to help or heal a dead thing but i can't help myself. this is very, very hard. can't get into it more here.