hate myself

[uglyfatty1]

I don't have much to say. I haven't writen a lot lately cause I am really depressed. I purged 3 times today, and one time was in a public bathroom with stalls... no one was in there, but I can't believe I took that chance. whatever I don't have much to say, I've been depressed. apparantly after 7 years of secrecy I have finally officially bee

Comments

[duckie82]

this entry really hit me hard...i'm going through some crap and even though i've gotten my ed under better control these days, little things like not feeling good enough set it off. i can't understand exactly what you are going through, but i do know what it's like to feel helpless. you can talk to me anytime.

[uglyfatty1]

thanks, I feel a bit better this morning. Like you said little things like not feeling good enough. That is what is happening right now. I just started grad school a few weeks ago and its at a prestigious school in a prestigious program, and all I can think of is that I don't belong here. That somehow it was a mistake that I got in, and that everyone is gonna find me out soon. Or maybe I was their last choice and so they took me cause someone else declined... I feel isolated and like everyone is waiting for me to fuck up. Then everyone will know I am stupid... thanks for reaching out.

[use_less_]

*hugs*
hun you are awesome. it's ok for people to know about your eating disorder and it's ok for you to be scared about them knowing. its only up to you if you actually want to do something about it. no one can force you to eat.

happy bday on sunday!! i won't be around for the weekend but stay strong.
~thinking about you <3

[uglyfatty1]

I know no one can make me eat, its more just about feeling judged about it, as well as other things in my life like school, grades, skills, social interactions. I feel like I'm constantly failing. constantly under scrutiny, constantly not good enough. thanks for thinking of me. I'm trying to be more positive today.

[uglyfatty1]

thanks for saying that. doesn't it scare you to meet someone from online. I went out and got drunk and then told my boyfriend and roommate I wished I were dead. It was not pleasant after that. But I am starting to feel better tonight.

[anonymous]

lol, I'm glad I don't give that vibe. where around do you live again?

[janezan]

Hi - just wanted to send some encouragement. I hope you're feeling better! I know I just started reading you, but I can relate to a lot of those feelings - even though I'm by most measures successful, I feel like a big loser. hope today is brighter

[uglyfatty1]

I makes me feel good when people right in my journal, if no one writes its like your screaming and no one hears you. I welcome readers and people who feel they can relate. Its nice to hear how other people cope, and mainly that I'm not alone.

howdy

[rumbushle]

i have been reading some in this journal, and in other....
i really identify with your train of thought, and feel i could use some of yoru support.......

Re: howdy

[uglyfatty1]

sure anytime, sorry I didn't reply sooner I've been really down (as you can see) and haven't been signing on much this week. sure I'll add ya. Thanks for reading.

Re: howdy

[thinspirited]

school's been so crazy lately i just started writing on lj again, but i want to let you know that you are not alone in your thoughts and fears. i know there are so many people in your life that love and support you, and i think its absolutely great what you are doing with your life, that you have that drive to become a professional and help other. we all go thru hard times and i think it's great that we can come to others in an outlet like this to talk about them without fear. i'm here anytime you need to talk =)

<3 D

Re: howdy

[uglyfatty1]

thanks hun, same over this way