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Saying goodbye
Hyung said goodbye today. Like she always said "everyone leaves". It was my fault for not being around when she first needed me and now that she wants to leave what right do I have to stop her? None... I failed her so many times in the past I have no right to stop her. I failed you, Mao. I'm sorry... The family fell apart... No head budding or ( Read more... ) -
Loneliness
My mom and grandma are now on the plane to china and I'm sitting here on the couch of my house listening to the silence filling the house. I forgot how quickly and simply one can become lonely. It's an unexplainable phenomenon. Sure. My brother and sister are here but it's different. We're at the age where communication is hard and we don't really ( Read more... ) -
Night without kitty
Today's the first night I'm sleeping without kitty voluntary. It's five am and I still can't sleep. When was the last time I left kitty alone? My mom told me not to bring him today because if I continue to lug him around, it'll be harder on me letting him go. I know she was talking about Mao too. But sadly. It's not easy letting go. It's not easy ( Read more... ) -
2014
The day after New Years I went shopping with my mom. We were hit by a big snow storm as we were in Connecticut by my aunt's. On our way back home, it was dark out already and people haven't shoveled the snow yet. We ended up skidding at a turn and our car made a full circle almost hitting right into the railing of the highway.
When that all ( Read more... ) -
End of 2013
2013 is finally coming to an end. Sadly, my 2013 isn't ending very pleasantly. It's really my fault though. I've been so worried about myself I left out people I care about. I lost another friend today. I should buy a book and start tallying up how many times I fuck up and lose a friend. I bet I'll get to the end of the book before I can say my ( Read more... ) -
Happy Anniversary
It's another year, and this year, I've been a bad one this year, Disappoint a lot of people and hurt a lot of people. Becoming a person that only knows how to hurt others and worry others... I told hyung I'll change, care more and be there more... But I guess, at the end of the day, she's right, people like me will only hurt others. I'm sorry Mao ( Read more... ) -
Drunk for real for the first time
I always kept my promise to aniki and didn't touch alcohol unless I had to or when someone spiked my drink... Today though, I turned to alcohol. It's nice. The burn. It reminds me that I'm human. Reminds me that I'm alive.
I feel guilty, useless... I can't keep simple promises to anyone. Hyung's right. People like me... That's all we know how to do ( Read more... ) -
Depression Again
So ( Read more... ) -
Tired...
I've been having a really hard time lately. My dad is having problems with his legs and he seems to not be able to walk. I told him he might have diabetes and stuff but he doesn't listen. He lets his doctor do what she wants to him.
My drink from bartending class when we went to visit the bar was spiked and I still feel guilty that I did. I failed ( Read more... ) -
I miss you
No one can replace you. And I'm not going to try to find someone. People are trying to set me up. And everyone around is talking about their other halfs. When they ask me I just point at the sky and smile. It's over a year and five months. I'm not letting go... I can't let it go... You're going to continue being the boyfriend I'm always going to ( Read more... )