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New Year, New Me
It's been over a year since I've posted anything on here. Interesting how things can change in such a short amount of time. Coming out as a grad student, I now work for a cancer center doing office work and I've been steadily dating a guy for over a month. Before November though, my life was a mess. After graduation, finding a job was hard, ( Read more... ) -
Happy Birthday... Wherever you are
Grad school is tiring, work is tiring. I am out from 8 am everyday and get back home around 12am after work. Lately, I feel like I'm purposely staying off facebook because facebook has that new feature that shows you things that happened on certain days, and for some reason, it always likes to show things with Mao and it just hurts too much for me ( Read more... ) -
Whereabouts
It has been awhile since I've last post. I've finally graduated college, honors in my department. I defended my thesis and the whole department loved it. I got into an Ivy league college, Columbia University, for my graduate degree, but because of money issue and the program they're offering, I'm not sure it's something I want to pursue. It was ( Read more... ) -
Tumor
Two weeks ago I got into a minor car accident and because of that my doctors wanted me to check my whole body. Basically I had a full body check up. It turns out I have quite a bit of health problems. The main one being a benign tumor in my right kidney. The doctor said it's nothing to worry about but I can't help thinking about it. I know I always ( Read more... ) -
Thoughts
Recently I began questioning myself. Asking myself what is it that I really want. Turns out I can't answer that question. I tell myself as long as I make it through today, there will be tomorrow and so on and so forth. But once in awhile I ask myself if today is worth making through. I'm tired of fighting society and tired of trying to be good ( Read more... ) -
At that point
Every once in awhile, everyone falls into a stage of "I'm not good enough" and falls under depression. Where nothing around them seems to be okay, where everything seems to be going wrong. Some recover... Some never do. I've had depression since I was 13 years old, since my parents divorced. I've seen two psychologists through these nine years of ( Read more... ) -
Scared...
Lately, a lot of stuff has been happening. Yesterday I felt a lump on my breast and my family is known to have cancer. Truthfully, I'm not scared of cancer, not scared of dying. I'm just scared of regretting. A lot of stuff has been going wrong.
My financial aid is on hold because I'm undergoing a verification process. It's like nothing is going ( Read more... ) -
Sleepy
4:45am as I type this. I fell asleep around 2:30-3am but here I am. Awake. This has been happening a lately. I try to go to sleep. Roll in bed for around an hour or so and maybe finally fall asleep. But then in the middle of the night, I wake up. It's just been getting worst. At first I woke up every six hours. Then five hours. Four. Three. Which ( Read more... ) -
Lost
I always thought of myself as an optimistic person. An understanding person. Seems like it's not true. Not true at all.
I used to believe in the motto "give someone fifteen minutes of your time everyday and you may even save their life". I believed that. Still do. And yet. No matter now many fifteen minutes I get. I'm falling apart.
I'm saving ( Read more... ) -
Love Again, Hurt Again, Cry Again
Someone recently asked me out. He lives in another state and we have a weird history. When I first roleplayed again after Mao died, I was a Victoria and married to this Yunho that was abusive, in all sense. Then this guy, I'm going to call him A, and I became really close friends. And it was nice talking to him. He confessed he liked me and wanted ( Read more... )