I've never felt so lost in my life. All I want to do is scream and cry and plead for things to go my way. I've never dreaded a weekend like I have this one, I just hope that things work. I'm so mad at myself, so embarrassed, ashamed and confused. I never thought things would get this low and I am so scared that they have. I'm so sorry for hurting ( Read more... )

this year seems to be coming to a quiet close. lets see what 2014 holds. i may have come up short on a few things but i won't stand in my way again. respect to my crew and my boys. all the love in the world to my awesome girlfriend. and absolute admiration and thanks for my mom who has put up with my bullshit. some things may just be getting ( Read more... )

this celly cell song has me on some serious vibes. things are kind of down i guess. work sucks, painting is getting a little stagnant but i am contributing significantly to this city and a force to fuck with. started boxing again last week, the new gym is weird to adjust to. i worry that some of things he's teaching me could develop into bad habits ( Read more... )

a few months early however i feel it is necessary. charlotte has been good, i miss jonesy, i work at target for the time being, i'm painting consistently. now, my relationship has changed dramatically in the past 2 days. i mean yeah cool mal decided that AA was full of shit but tonight she is drinking for the first time in a year and a half. i feel ( Read more... )

2012 ( Read more... )

life is crazy. turns out yours truly can go from 11 years with no issues from that chronic illness to a week in the hospital. that's what happens when you think you know what's up and decide not taking your medicine for a year is a good idea. my colon was inflamed enough to be considered a partial blockage, which i told the GI that i chose here i ( Read more... )

i wonder if people read this still? i've been going to the gym steady (sans this past week and a half) and am definitely glad i decided to make the move. i run every day, i fight every day. i've learned a lot about myself and am gaining confidence in myself. i guess it comes with the territory. i've been going out of town a lot to see mallory which ( Read more... )

haha i'm using this! it's safer than tumblr it seems. new years came and went. i had a fun time in the compound with mallory and everyone. definitely comfortable in my "stand alone" complex that i've grown accustomed to. mal's been here for a week and a half and i've had an amazing time with her. she's done so much for me and helped me work on my ( Read more... )

that feeling when you don't like where you're at and know where you want to be

two years later. it's crazy how much has changed and how much i've changed and grown up. a lot has happened. arrest records, losing my best friend in the world, bodysuit styling. this year i've met more girls than i have in my whole life and that alone has confused me. some weren't good for me, some meant well and others were just there. i met the ( Read more... )