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[under_your_brow]

thank you for whoever read my last entry. i am feeling a lot better today. i went to a job interview. it didn't go great but regardless i still have a sense of accomplishment. i am going to the parade on Sunday and it will be the first time in my life i go. I'm not sure if i am going to drink or not i don't know if i should. technically i will me

Comments

[hazygray]

I'm not trying to be a bitch, but obviously you aren't ready for that sort of responsibility yet if you can seriously write in the same sentance "i don't know if i will get drunk and want a bag" and then also say you aren't sure if you should do the action that probably will not but may potentially lead up to that. Its not like you can just go through what you went through and then all the sudden you're just fine. I'm in no way tryign to claim I know what you're going through but I do know that every single day you have to wake up and make a choice not to become the person you once were, and if you have even the slightest, slightest, slightest fear that something you do will cause you to go back to that, then you need to avoid it at all costs. I know you're sad that you can't do the things everyone else your age is doing, and that really fucking sucks, I get it. I know everyone one your age drinks and its not fair, but everyone else didn't go through what you are going through, doesn't have the cutest baby in the world who's entire

[under_your_brow]

no I don't think this sounds bitchy at all it is sweet. I appreciate it. Rehab just drilled/scared me into thinking that those types of thoughts have the potential to arise and will arise though they appear on a daily basis anyways without the help of alcohol. Everyday is a struggle, a fight to rebuke my thoughts. I am in a constant state of prayer, asking God to give me courage and strength and help rebuke those negative thoughts and behaviors/ I have drank once since I've gotten out with my mom in the safety and security of my own home. We had a nice time ya know having a drink safely and not just drinking to get hammered. In my opinion alcohol is meant to be enjoy in moderation. I am excited for the actual parade ya know? I have never been and I have never even so much as seen a parade in person. Writing is a coping skill that I have recently become reacquainted with so at the time I wrote this entry I was in addict thinking, expressing my thoughts in a constructive, healthy manner but I think this is an opportunity for me to show