if it were to all end right now id be happy. im sick of feeling like this, im sick of being fucked over. were not even together anymore but you still want to jerk me around like a dog on a short chain. build me up to knock me down. i guess its my own fault for letting you do this to me, but its cause im normal, and still care about you to an extent ( Read more... )

you better keep your bitch on a leash.

what do you say you and all your friends meet me and all my friends in the alley later tonight?
see who wins the fight.

you really pushed me way too far this time and i swear one more word and ill snap.

after all. it took me a long time and a lot of failed realtionships along with fake friendships to realize that i'm better than that. it's time to start over and stop putting everyone else first. especially the ones who don't care. so i guess this is just me putting it down in print to myself that i'm makeing a new life for myself and trying to be ( Read more... )

im sick of this shit. im supposed to get a tatt and colins friend bails. really annoying. really really pissing me off. and what the fuck i lost $400 somehow? thats cool. i could go somewhere else and get the tatt if ESL didnt lose my damn cash.

i couldnt stop myself theres too much in my head to keep it all in. sometimes i wonder if i even know who i am anymore, ive played so many different roles for so long, it gets hard to distinguish yourself from your character in times like these. i dont know what possesed me to finally stand up for myself. not that i did a terribly good job at it, ( Read more... )

this is me bitching at you.

HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

just got back from ryans wake. it was really strange, it didnt even look like him, it was wrong. his hair wasnt in his face, you couldnt see his perfect bone strutcture under the puffy sagging skin. you could clearly see how much conealer they had to apply to make him look warm, but he was radiating cold. his eyes were closed so tight, they werent ( Read more... )

literally.

my friend of 5 years...my ryan, he died dec 5th at 11:30pm. i guess thats what i was digging for huh? kindof creepy my sudden infatuation with the past then this happening. i guess a womans intuition truly is amazing. not that this sittuation is okay by any means. this is NOT okay. at all. i mean, i dont know how to act. i dont know what ( Read more... )

so baisicly, i suck. i re-read a lot of my old entries and i say the same shit all over again, the same shit that im saying now i said years ago! and now looking back i read it and think "how could you say that!", "i was so skinny how did i think i was fat!", "i was so cool why did i think i was a loser!". and even then i still looked deep into my ( Read more... )

that we were never meant to be left alone.

heres me continuing to torture myself. any time my mind wanders from something hurtful i throw it right back on track. its sick and its sad and its fucked up frankly. my best friend thinks i need to see a therapist. i keep telling myself that this will be my therapy, self - therapy. i dont need someone else ( Read more... )