right now. i'm satisfied with things.

granted, everyday my mind is filled with the uncertainty of asking for 1) a mac and 2) permission for the road trip.

slowly i'm growing the balls to ask these things.

right now i'm content with working almost 40 hours a week at a job i hate that i've been at for 3 years.

i don't know if this feeling is because i'm ( Read more... )

i don't think he really even wanted me there.
"were you planning on coming on sunday? i think i'd be best if you guys didn't come. my family is bummed about you skipping out on dinner, and i don't want you to have to feel that on sunday."
i told him countless times: saturday, whilst almost breaking up "animal collective does not matter" and then ( Read more... )

voids.

my life is being filled with so many voids.

it seems like everyone is living their lives and i'm just sitting here. observing.

jill is living my dream. she may be moving to seattle in a year.
travis is going to a college miles away from his home. facing the world on his own.
maia is going back to the place she knows is her home.
and my brother is ( Read more... )

so i wish i could explain my mood swings. sure, i can blame it on the period, but i know it's not that.
it's a combination of the following:
- stress build up from massive procrastination.
- stress about my summer's plans.
- increased animosity between my parents.
- constant reminders from parents and friends that my boyfriend is too controlling of me.
- ( Read more... )

GAHHHHH! i'm so far behind in my music searching. 
i mean, for a while, new bands were just falling into my lap.
and now, in the car, i put the ipod on shuffle and skip to a song i know the words of.

i feel like a failure.
i need to get crackin'!

- find a new school to transfer to.
- find new music.
- tell parents about road trip. demand to go.
- ask about ( Read more... )

sitting in my childhood bedroom. i feel like i'm here but not. my eyes keep doing that "glazed over" thing. where i can stare for minutes and not notice it or feel the pain of the dryness.

i just went to see factory girl by myself.
i guess i'm independent in that sense.
i always wish i were a waif when i see those films.
and i keep thinking to myself ( Read more... )

i'm beginning to realize that i'm falling behind in a lot of things.


( Read more... )

i hate being the sick, drunk girl in the corner clutched onto the wastebasket for dear life.

and if i miss him this much (having not seen him since 4 PM yesterday), what the hell am i going to do with myself next year?

jesus.

my roommate is listening to her pow music now. and i feel like making the same yelling noises that the native americans do... just because that's who i am. but i know it will offend her. so i have to hold it back ( Read more... )

( Read more... )