After much gnashing of teeth.

[unfocus]

John left Army of Me. I am kind of heartbroken. Admittedly, AOM have fallen off my radar a bit the last year... But that's hardly surprising when you've been a fan of a band for almost five years and they still have yet to play anywhere remotely near you or the Rockies. John was the only one I talked to! Now if/when AOM finally come here, who am I

Comments

[darianess]

Aw, Army of Me! I remember you gushing about them a couple of years ago. You gushed about them so much that I had went to their web site and downloaded one of the songs they had available. It was called "Be By". I think it was a b-side or something? I can't remember. Anyway, it's in my iTunes and the other day I was going through my mp3s, just looking at what I had, and I saw that song. I totally started thinking about how you never talk about them anymore. So it was weird to log onto eljay and hear you gushing about them again. It look me back to 2002 or something

[unfocus]

Daria. How is it that you always hit the nail on the head? You are dead right, it is (mostly) something else. Those feelings always persist, but it feels like they're constant constant constant in the forefront now. I don't really want to talk about why because I still get all hung up about it and very, very emotional. Like I have never had such an effective device to get me crying. If I start thinking about it more than just a little, the tears just swell up. Not just that, but I also find it petty and stupid and am conflicted over that as well. AHH I SUCK.

Anyway, you are so great and so smart. I think it is truly horrible that you can relate so well to my crappy feelings because you deserve so much better. Thank you. <3 That did help. But, unfortunately, the root of it may only be improved with time. Literal physical time. The waiting and the hoping is probably part of what kills me.

[stumpfairy]

oh, my julia! it's so good that you can analyse yourself, but don't think it's the only thing you can do. of course you're not going to feel like this forever; i think you're bipolar like me! Even though it sounds ridiculous, i've been getting advice recently from very good resources (an indian and an isrealite) about simply thinking positive, and it really works. "Think positive and positive things will happen." At the very least, you're left with significantly less nagging thoughts. I think being in that depressive state is kind of like a drug. It's like another world and another view where everything looks different, and maybe more clear. And I know I liked to think that i was beyond helping myself. But it ended up that i was mostly beyond the help of others, and i had nothing left to do but help myself. in the end, all you really have is your perspective--no truth, and you can fuck with it any way you like, and the point is that you have total control over it.

[unfocus]

I miss you. I saw your techie at Slim's last week. I was going to mention it when I call you, but I don't know if I can talk to you and not be all 'wah wah wah'... so I've been holding out. I miss you loads though!!!