woofrickinhoo

[untamedtigress]

I finished all of my Christmas shopping today. I feel rather good about myself, even though I spent far more money than I should have. But my friends are all worth every penny. My little tree is overflowing with presents. And I have most of them wrapped already. Damn I'm so good, I could steal Mrs. Clause's role. Hey Santa baby, got room on that

Comments

[bjserven]

If you do not like what you are doing, and believe that it is a mistake, then why do you do what you know you should not be doing? Ultimately it is YOU who is making these choices.

Why do you hate yourself?

It is NOT that you can't love, it is that you are refusing to let yourself love.

[untamedtigress]

The funny thing here is that you're really going to wish you hadn't argued so adrently for me to do what I feel I should. Because, sweetie, the thing I feel I shouldn't be doing is you. I enter into it knowing its a mistake, not even really wanting it, but feeling...obligated somehow. I feel this compulsive need to keep you close, to keep you wanting me, even though I know it will only give you false hope and hurt you more. But I need you to need me, and honestly sex is the only way I know how of making someone want or need me in anyway. But sex is definitely not the reason I want you in my life, I just use it to keep you there because it seems to be what you want. But it only complicates things and makes them worse

[bjserven]

See, but I do want YOU.. I have been feverishly trying to understand YOU. I do not expect you to be perfect because that is unreasonable and not possible, just as I know that I am not perfect. I do have a high tolerance for bullshit because I know that I put out a lot of shit, and also because I was always taught to treat others how you would want to be treated, because I was always taught to have faith in (and believe in) people. I do like who you are, but I am *very* disappointed in those chat logs I was emailed by different people telling me "there are things you should know", because I thought that the one expectation you WOULD live up to was that of fidelity, especially since you argued so strong about it, which caused further disappointment because it felt hypocritical since I *NEVER* did that to you. Even when I was extremely pissed off at you and confused, you were still my one and ONLY. Underneath all this bullshit, I *KNOW* there is a good woman

[untamedtigress]

emailed by different people Right, we all know there was only one person so don't try to make it bigger than it is. If you think you can trap me somehow than you're wrong. I knew immediately of what you were speaking because there had only been one instance. I was wrong, I admit it. But maybe John can bother to send you the chat log where I actually explained it all. He was a safe outlet cuz I knew he wouldn't give in. Though I guess I somehow needed to find out if I was actually worthy of being wanted so much that someone would be willing to give in just to be with me. No big surprise, I wasn't. But plenty of other opportunities arose, and I didn't do anything about them. Then there was also the fact that I felt an urge to avoid sex with you, but I'm a very sexual person and it was bound to find an outlet. One where I didn't have to care if I felt absolutely nothing for. I am not justifying my actions, there is no real way to justify it, just explaining my motivation. I'm sorry that you were hurt by it

[briannabanks]

i am uber jealous of you completing all of your xmas shopping. i haven't even started!! although, i do have ideas for most people, and that is an accomplishment for me!

[untamedtigress]

I'm totally obsessive about these things. I freak out if everything isn't done way ahead of time. Its funny I procrastinate the really important things but heaven forbid if my christmas shopping isn't done on time! I have serious issues I guess *shrugs*