here i am once again, writing nothing. i had an awful dream that i really don't want to relive for you, but it definitely made me feel icky this morning, afternoon i should say. i think i'm getting sick too. i woke up with practically no voice, but maybe that's just stress...or i'm dying. you never really know when death will sneak up on you and ( Read more... )

is it the fact that i'm awake or is it the void...i don't seem to care that i have another final tomorrow. have i studied enough or am i just tired of this place, this situation? i sold my soul for the taste of freedom. every time i let my mind wander i salivate at the thought of a month long binge of relaxation. i tempted myself. and now i must ( Read more... )

this is me half awake. sipping the coffee with milk. i can't bear pure blackness anymore. i guess i go through phases. i'm in the midst of finals and i should definitely be studying right now, especially since it's 1:45pm. i'm still jet-lagged or something. why should i even adjust when i'll be back so soon ( Read more... )

i get crazy when i get too much sleep. i cut class again this morning. and it's not that i care about missing class...it's just that i feel so useless today. it's like i'm not here, in the body that's supposed to be mine. i'm contributing absolutely nothing. but is that how everyday is? i don't even know anymore. at least hell is over for the year ( Read more... )

i just cried my eyes out for fifteen minutes. i don't know why. i called to ask my dad for money. maybe i feel like a failure. maybe i feel like i used him without the small talk. maybe i miss him. maybe montreal is getting to me as it usually does. i can't blame this emotional outburst on anything...matt's coming on saturday. why am i so ( Read more... )

you know when the bad decisions you've made in the past come back to haunt you? i just had the most uncomfortable dream. no worries though...work hard today. hang out tonight. karen went out drinking last night. after last weekend (when i woke up on my floor next to puke), when she blacked out before me and shattered her mirror and her hand. i mean ( Read more... )

i wish you could step out of life for a couple days and then just resume later. i just didn't feel like dealing today. there were things whizzing by my head uncontrollably. i hate being unsuccessful. i hate being disappointed by my faults. i hate making bad decisions that could have been avoided. i hate unnecessary situations. this was today. and ( Read more... )

each piece body hurts. wherever there is a connection of flesh, muscle, bone: inside and out. it aches with that dull pain that can't be relieved. where's the pain medication when you need it? the bleakness outside isn't helping much either. it's one of those sad gray days. the ones where you curl up and sip hot chocolate...passing the time indoors ( Read more... )

slow sunday. this is when the procrastination really sets in, the late afternoon on a sunday. i should really try and get some last studying in before its a completely lost cause...but i think i might be there already. sometimes when i do nothing i think too much. i think about things that manifest. manifest into pointless worries. i should let ( Read more... )

it started in joe's house with ashley and her bf. i guess the three of us were secretly staying there, without the current owner's knowledge. cheech randomly shows up and then the maid bitches at us because ashley's bf puked all over the bathroom floor ( Read more... )