I still can't get it right. Just...shoot me?
Heh; at least there would be no more worries. I thought it would be different this time as well. I thought, I'll try harder, and everything will be great - I was wrong.

Tuesday was a wonderful day - I asked Ella out. In a douchy way, apparently. ^_^;; That doesn't matter, though, because we are happy together. On Tuesday...lying in her arms was amazing. I was so calm and relaxed; I could have stayed there forever.

Right now, I couldn't be happier. I am trying, and I can tell that she is happy. I love seeing that ( Read more... )

Ella broke up with Stephanie; I broke up with Taylor.

I don't think she will be asking me out online. I've been waiting for it all day, but I don't know why. She's not like that. She may be coming over tomorrow. I think I should ask her out then. She would love that. But that is fucking scary as hell. I'll probably be chicken shit and wuss out. >_ ( Read more... )

I really want to be with Ella right now. I think the reason I haven't been able to love her is because I haven't tried. This time (if there is a this time), I am going to try. Maybe there is a reason I keep thinking about her in that special way, even after we've broken up and we're both with someone else. Maybe there is love, screaming to be ( Read more... )

I know, okay? I know you love me. I may not understand as much as I should, but I know. You need to understand that I care about you a great deal, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I know I hurt you all the time but, trust me, it is unintentional. If I could take away every ounce of pain you have ever felt, I would in a heartbeat. Also ( Read more... )

I get it.
I don't deserve to breathe.
I would stop it if I weren't so afraid.

I'm afraid it is going to end the same way.
I am afraid I'm going to lose you anyway, so why try?
I know I'm not worth it; I'm afraid you'll realize that someday.

I am afraid of being alone;
but I am afraid of opening up, and letting people in.
I am ashamed of what's inside of ( Read more... )

Wouldn't it be cool if there were such thing as a giant miniature golf course? A golf course in which you had to run from the giant balls coming after you to stay alive, by jumping into a hole. The world is bigger than...well, anything. It is huge. And I am still sitting in a corner, talking to no one, blending in, not being noticed. I am invisible ( Read more... )

I'm feeling better today. My heart is still broken, and it probably always will be a little, but I'm going to try to get over it, try to forget it; or at least allow the things that once made me happy to make me happy again. I realize there are still people that care about me, and I need to let that alone satisfy me. I realize there is nothing I ( Read more... )

When I am happy, I hurt people. When I am upset, I hurt people. When I am angry, I hurt people.
I wish I could just be. No feelings, no pain, nothing.

I should just give up.
I've never felt more alone than I do right now.