Defense against harassment?

[gracewanderer]

I have a friend who is being harassed* by an ex boyfriend. She's a Soldier, currently OCONUS, he's a Sailor, currently CONUS. She has told him repeatedly not to contact her, blocked his phone number, removed him from her Facebook etc. accounts, and even had their mutual friends talk to him about not contacting her. But he's still emailing her,

Comments

[alphasunrise]

Primarily, this is a civil matter, not a military one

[gracewanderer]

For how long should she delete his emails unread before further action would be appropriate? She's been doing exactly that for about a month now. Before she blocked his number, he called several times a day, starting at 5 am. She didn't answer his calls either, but that didn't stop him from calling.

[gracewanderer]

Edit for clarity - called several times a day nearly every day, usually starting at 5 am.

[alphasunrise]

I never said that further action was not inappropriate. But there's little that can be done on the military side.

There is jack all this guy's chain of command can do except tell him to stop just like their friends have, unless, as I have noted, he's using military email. If there's a criminal complaint to be made, she'd need to file it. But even that's not going to do much.

She may wish to consult with the legal folks with her own command as they would be able to advise her how best to proceed if this activity does violate the UCMJ. Just the fact that both persons are serving doesn't automatically make it an issue for the military to deal with.

In the mean time, while she figures out what to do, help her set up her email to automatically delete his.

[mrvetinari]

Since they are both Servicemembers, and as long as she has explicitly requested NO further contact and there is nothing else we need to be aware of (Debts, Baby mammy drama, etc...) then this is a military matter.

If you go "Chain of Command" try and contact the leader at the lowest level possible. That person will have the best knowledge of the individual AND be quicker to respond. These are different branches so it may be challenging to get in touch with the right person.

I hope all turns out well for everyone involved.

[plungerdna]

Yeah, this is something that the military can get involved with. The policies vary by branch, but "no contact orders" or the equivlant can be filed and these often prohibit members from emailing, calling, txting, etc. If in violation once the order is filed, its a UCMJ violation.

However, there are large scale implications of getting the COC involved. If more drama comes out of this then it won't look that great for either service member at least at the time, but if he's stalking her and she has a good reputation and a supportive chain going to them could be helpful. At the same time, she really needs to be the one to do this and, she probably has had multiple training sessions on how to do this appropriately.

[gracewanderer]

It's hard to stalk from the other side of the ocean =)

She has a solid reputation, and is a good soldier. I don't agree with some relationship choices she's made, but by and large - as far as I can tell from hearing both sides and trying to be objective - this is a simple case of a guy being unable or unwilling to move on, and needing more than the usual "Please stop talking to me" to get the message.

Obviously the most gentle option (that will work) is the best. We started simple - with a request not to talk to her - and as he has ignored everything that's happened so far, we unfortunately need to take it to the next level.

[porterkid]

Talk to chain of command or maybe talk to the EO rep. They can at least give advice on what to do.

[spartonian]

Tell her to try "knock it off, or I'm going to contact your CoC!" before someone else does it on her behalf.

[gracewanderer]

This has been said already. He said "Okay, I'll leave her alone."

And then called the next day. That was what led to the blocking of his number.