ax is this weekend i have no one to go with so i am missing the one thing i look foreward to every year. being alone is really sucking.  i miss some people who are no longer a part of my life. i wish i could press the magical rewind button  and fix it all. i still love you all.   

seriously why does everything suck so much right now ( Read more... )

i am coming home in a week. one week from today. i am so torn up about the whole leaving and returning to my so called home. i really feel as if i should never go back to california again. i mean everything i thought i had there now means nothing. and i would be upset about leaving all my friends forever but it seems like everyone for got me after ( Read more... )

sundialatnight: well i would like to hear about people thinking i am amazing but it never happens ( Read more... )

so today i was looking to see if i had any good pictures of my on my computer. of course i didnt. but i did find these two videos of me and dru from when i first got my camera. they are really stupid videos of him being a dork. but that is dru. that is the dru i miss. there he is. right there for me to see and here. so i know he existed. but he is ( Read more... )

honestly some one needs to shoot me. i am getting worse and worse at making my decisions. queen of fucking shit up. wow. yeah so i am on the prowl for a boy to spend time with. but i am picky. he has to be into cars. well read. understanding of my anime obsession. some one who is not to serious but not a complete ass. yeah he doesnt exist but ( Read more... )

so yeah. i am scared to risk it all. but if i dont i will be left in the same position i was. if i do. i could lose so much. but i could also gain so much more. i dont know if it is worth it but i have to try. i am so confused but i cant just get by anymore. i need to know for sure i need to take risks. i have sat on the middle ground my whole life ( Read more... )

so yeah i leave asap for israel family shit is going down. so if anyone wants to hang out with me before i leave give me a call. i am bored now. bah this sucks i had so much planned for myself this summer. and i feel really lonely and being so far away from everyone who means anything to me doesnt really help. i just wish that i had more control ( Read more... )

kinda lonely but having a nice time with it. i miss having some one who gives a fuck with a penis. i want a boy to stand outside my window with a boombox. i need a hug.

last night i wrote you saying everything i wanted to say. how much i love you. and how sorry i am for all this. but i didnt send it. if i hit send it would ruin everything. if i cant have you as the love of my life then i will settle for you as my friend. as hard as that will be. i miss you. i missed you soo much these past few days. i think it is ( Read more... )