the last remnant of my anorexic days? i love the feeling of my stomach eating itself.

i know it drives you crazy that i left him and married someone else. i know it drives you even more crazy that "you" is more than one person.

"you probably think this is just my big excuse"

i guess it was.

this is so lame i have to put it in the place that no one reads ( Read more... )

in what seems like a lifetime ago, it was joked that everyone that found themselves a member of my fan club would eventually move to the anti-me club. now it's not a joke so much as the crushing reality of my life.

my aunt told me once that i was the one who could stop the cycle of abuse in my family ( Read more... )

days like this i regret that i stopped cutting. nothing bring release like it did.

this isn't a melodramatic cry for help. just. blah.

i built this sphere of isolation, but it doesn't keep me from feeling so fucking alone some days.

i use to play everything close to the chest because it was all a secret and now i keep doing it because it feels sacred.

it wasn't me. i wasn't there. i was stone drunk. it isn't clear. and it doesn't count, cuz i don't care. the years transform my memories.

today i am feeling lonely. sometimes i wish i could trade in my convictions for some simple human contact.

i've been online for 15 years now and my updates still sound the same.