life is always changing and it reminds you of that at every turn, sometimes sharply ( Read more... )

i'm having a hard day.

you were such a super guy until the second you got a whiff of me

i've become the wizened older woman who sits on the bed while the teenager grabs her knees and speaks in half sentences - trying to find words to give proper weight to abuse at the hands of someone who should have protected her. i have become the one spewing well worn phrases of how it's ok to feel angry, it's ok to be fucked up, but please don't ( Read more... )

wanna fuck and fight and fuck again.
godbless the pAperchAse.
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFF8A985EBFDCAA2E

i can't get this dream out of my head so i'm just writing here so hopefully it'll leave me alone. if anyone is still reading this blog (which i doubt) this is dumb and sad ( Read more... )

once a year all the security and sanity i have fought for gets blown to smithereens and i'm 12 years old again, destroying my family. another birthday and another year that he has lived. maybe he'll get hit by a truck sometime in the next 365. i can always hope.

step 1 - find ways to be less crazy. 20 years on and i'm still stuck at the beginning.

sometimes i miss our friendship so much that i wish i didn't remember you drugging me and trying to get in my pants.

i'm so tired of being bitter. i'm so tired of being afraid. i'm so tired of feeling like it's all out of my control.