Fuck that guy. If he really loved you he would have stuck around. Distance and fond memories of days gone by is easy. Being there and slugging out the details and compromise and sacrifice is the hardest fucking thing in the world. And by walking away from it four years ago he was too much of a coward to face the details and compromise and sacrifice.
It's really fucking scary. He is no longer opposed to getting married or having kids. I think he's lonely and lost and I am a beacon of hope for a domestic life.
I asked him last night if he expected me to welcome him home with open arms and let him live in my big, beautiful house and he said, "yeah, kindof." And it just wasn't enough. I laughed and said, "you're such a moocher." I was very bold about it.
And his biggest issue NOW is that I am in a relationship? What, like I was supposed to wait around for the rest of my life, waiting for that call? I have a feeling he'll use this excuse of, "well, you're already in a relationship and I don't want to interfere" as means of saying he won't commit yet again.
-Still in love with me/has feelings for me -Relationships have not worked out with other girls -That we had it good in our day, I connect with him better than anyone else he's met -He is not opposed to getting married or having kids anymore -Wants to leave his job immediately and move back to Sacramento
I am feeling:
-Tim is just mooching off me
He is also feeling:
-It's too soon to decide about marriage/babies, he feels pressured.
I am also feeling:
-My boyfriend is supposed to move in in April. I'm the one pressured to make two big decisions. -That I'm lying to myself sticking it out with Ben -That if Tim still loves me and I still love him - why not try and make it work?
I'm so mad that we didn't talk sooner about everything. I could have avoided a lot of wrong assumptions. He was in shock when I told him about the suicide attempts. I'm also mad that he's interfering after I've made so much progress.
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I asked him last night if he expected me to welcome him home with open arms and let him live in my big, beautiful house and he said, "yeah, kindof." And it just wasn't enough. I laughed and said, "you're such a moocher." I was very bold about it.
And his biggest issue NOW is that I am in a relationship? What, like I was supposed to wait around for the rest of my life, waiting for that call? I have a feeling he'll use this excuse of, "well, you're already in a relationship and I don't want to interfere" as means of saying he won't commit yet again.
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He is feeling:
-Still in love with me/has feelings for me
-Relationships have not worked out with other girls
-That we had it good in our day, I connect with him better than anyone else he's met
-He is not opposed to getting married or having kids anymore
-Wants to leave his job immediately and move back to Sacramento
I am feeling:
-Tim is just mooching off me
He is also feeling:
-It's too soon to decide about marriage/babies, he feels pressured.
I am also feeling:
-My boyfriend is supposed to move in in April. I'm the one pressured to make two big decisions.
-That I'm lying to myself sticking it out with Ben
-That if Tim still loves me and I still love him - why not try and make it work?
I'm so mad that we didn't talk sooner about everything. I could have avoided a lot of wrong assumptions. He was in shock when I told him about the suicide attempts. I'm also mad that he's interfering after I've made so much progress.
But I hate compromising.
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