1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Anal. Just kidding. Or am I?

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I was too busy getting drunk to make any resolutions I knew I’d be too drunk to keep. Next year, I won’t make resolutions; I’ll either make changes or I won’t.

3. Did anyone close ( Read more... )

   Sometimes nothing calms my nerves like self-injury. It's been ten days, which seems like a big deal, considering how razor-happy I've been all semester (and I'm not talking about shaving my legs; I'm as lazy as any other Bard chick when it comes to that). Tonight I used a lighter. Yes, sometimes hot metal searing my flesh appeals more than hugs ( Read more... )

A - Accent: I don't have an accent. So I'll probably just make fun of yours.
B - Breakfast item: Pills
C - Chore you hate: Reasoning with my brother, the paragon of irrationality. Scooping kitty litter is nothing compared to that.
D - Dad's name: Sidney.
E - Essential make-up item: Mascara. I am from Jersey, after all.
F - Favorite perfume/cologne: ( Read more... )

   "You're a mess," someone said to me yesterday.
   A comment like this normally wouldn't upset me. It's less offensive than it is self-evident. I know I've hit a rough patch I'm not going to surmount by resorting to the shitty coping strategies I've come to favor. Of course I'm a mess. Were I not aware of this, I'd be retarded as well. Friends ( Read more... )

Mom: I'd wash those sheets in hot water if I were you.

Me: Are you calling me a whore?

Mom: Yes. (with blatant facetiousness)

Me: So I guess now is a good time to tell you that I'm bisexual. You've got something in common with Mari (Mom's shrink friend with a beautiful, brilliant dykie daughter who calls herself bi)

Mom: Oh?
Me: Well, yeah... but it ( Read more... )

   matthatter8 (8:28:22 PM): Do you ever get your food stuck behind your head while doing yoga ( Read more... )

TheSpilio: but i have a question...
KissMyAsana: Que?
TheSpilio: what if i don;t want to kiss your asana?
KissMyAsana: Then...
KissMyAsana: I would be eternally grateful.
TheSpilio: ouch
TheSpilio: you took my non-pick up line
TheSpilio: tirned it into one
TheSpilio: and then bitch-slapped me
TheSpilio: thanks
KissMyAsana: Anytime.

   Yikes. I sleep for two hours and the world starts ending inside of my head. This dream was full of too much gory, apocalyptic detail for me to remember it all. Most of the funny bits have probably been lost. It took place at a college campus / mall / village-y type place. I was popping muscle relaxants and hanging out with Alissa when the ( Read more... )

Your Daddy Is Darth Vader
( Read more... )

Your Porn Star Name Is...
( Read more... )