static against these stars
static against these stars; suho x lu han/hinted past!lu han x someone else
pg, 602 words.
warnings: hinted character death
could be a sequel to falling (highlight for spoilers to "falling"! in which kris dies but lu han does not)
title/last line of fic taken from this song
for xoxocamp: prompt 25. write for a friend
wiritten for chansikgong
Joonmyun stands with his back against the window and all Lu Han can see is the stars behind him, outlining his shape and hiding the smile Lu Han knows he has plastered on his face right now. The shadow of the man in front of Lu Han flickers every few moments, but he knows it’s Joonmyun there - Joonmyun, holding his hand out, Joonmyun, with his gentle voice, Joonmyun, asking, “What are you thinking about right now?”
Lu Han blinks and the image of Joonmyun flickers before his eyes. Seems to disappear, reappear, disappear, have something else take its place, have someone else take its place, have someone, someone, someone else, standing there. However, Joonmyun always reappears, Joonmyun is always there, pressing, asking, “What are you thinking about right now?”
Joonmyun takes Lu Han’s hand in his and Lu Han’s breath hitches - pauses for a moment but begins once more, like the feeling of Joonmyun’s fingers, as if Joonmyun can read his thoughts like braille on his palm, as if Lu Han holds his thoughts out and waits for someone to catch them.
“I suppose I’m thinking of nothing,” Lu Han says, voice as soft as Joonmyun’s touch. “There’s nothing to think about.”
“How are you feeling?” Like a therapist, Joonmyun asks this question often, always following it up with ‘just making sure you’re okay’ if questioned with a question.
“A little sad,” Lu Han responds, and another man seems to take Joonmyun’s place once more, a painting in a window frame, a familiar face, a taller body, distinct features that used to once exist but are now ethereal. “Just a little.”
Lu Han musters up the best smile he can as he feels tears begin to pool in his eyes, trying to will them away as he wraps his fingers around Joonmyun’s, as he twines their fingers together. The feeling isn’t the same as it once had been, but Lu Han is aware that it will never be the same.
“It’s okay,” Joonmyun tries to comfort the man before him with a smile, but Lu Han can barely see it, the shadow of the light behind Joonmyun not bright enough to make out any trace of expression on his face. “It’s okay.”
Maybe these are the words that break Lu Han down because he knows it will never be okay. It will never be the way it had been before, he will never get to rest his head on the same broad chest it had once been, he will never get to press his palm to the same larger one had once held, never, ever, ever. But here he stands, hands in Joonmyun’s and with his head buried into a thinner chest as Joonmyun reminds him, “It’s okay, don’t cry, don’t worry, it’s okay, it’ll be okay.”
“Why’d he have to go?” Lu Han tries, words muffled by Joonmyun’s dress shirt. “He didn’t have to go, it wasn’t his turn to go, he wasn’t supposed to go, I didn’t want him to go.”
“Sometimes people just..go,” Lu Han raises his head up as Joonmyun speaks. Cradling Lu Han’s face in his hands, Joonmyun reminds him, “He loved you. He really did, and the best you could do for him now is to be happy, even if he isn’t around anymore.”
Lu Han imagines the words, “he loved you” as present-tense and he regrets doing it, because here it goes again, here is another man, taller, quieter, more timid that Joonmyun flashing before his eyes. Here is Joonmyun in his place. Here is Joonmyun, turning into static against these stars.
pg, 602 words.
warnings: hinted character death
could be a sequel to falling (highlight for spoilers to "falling"! in which kris dies but lu han does not)
title/last line of fic taken from this song
for xoxocamp: prompt 25. write for a friend
wiritten for chansikgong
Joonmyun stands with his back against the window and all Lu Han can see is the stars behind him, outlining his shape and hiding the smile Lu Han knows he has plastered on his face right now. The shadow of the man in front of Lu Han flickers every few moments, but he knows it’s Joonmyun there - Joonmyun, holding his hand out, Joonmyun, with his gentle voice, Joonmyun, asking, “What are you thinking about right now?”
Lu Han blinks and the image of Joonmyun flickers before his eyes. Seems to disappear, reappear, disappear, have something else take its place, have someone else take its place, have someone, someone, someone else, standing there. However, Joonmyun always reappears, Joonmyun is always there, pressing, asking, “What are you thinking about right now?”
Joonmyun takes Lu Han’s hand in his and Lu Han’s breath hitches - pauses for a moment but begins once more, like the feeling of Joonmyun’s fingers, as if Joonmyun can read his thoughts like braille on his palm, as if Lu Han holds his thoughts out and waits for someone to catch them.
“I suppose I’m thinking of nothing,” Lu Han says, voice as soft as Joonmyun’s touch. “There’s nothing to think about.”
“How are you feeling?” Like a therapist, Joonmyun asks this question often, always following it up with ‘just making sure you’re okay’ if questioned with a question.
“A little sad,” Lu Han responds, and another man seems to take Joonmyun’s place once more, a painting in a window frame, a familiar face, a taller body, distinct features that used to once exist but are now ethereal. “Just a little.”
Lu Han musters up the best smile he can as he feels tears begin to pool in his eyes, trying to will them away as he wraps his fingers around Joonmyun’s, as he twines their fingers together. The feeling isn’t the same as it once had been, but Lu Han is aware that it will never be the same.
“It’s okay,” Joonmyun tries to comfort the man before him with a smile, but Lu Han can barely see it, the shadow of the light behind Joonmyun not bright enough to make out any trace of expression on his face. “It’s okay.”
Maybe these are the words that break Lu Han down because he knows it will never be okay. It will never be the way it had been before, he will never get to rest his head on the same broad chest it had once been, he will never get to press his palm to the same larger one had once held, never, ever, ever. But here he stands, hands in Joonmyun’s and with his head buried into a thinner chest as Joonmyun reminds him, “It’s okay, don’t cry, don’t worry, it’s okay, it’ll be okay.”
“Why’d he have to go?” Lu Han tries, words muffled by Joonmyun’s dress shirt. “He didn’t have to go, it wasn’t his turn to go, he wasn’t supposed to go, I didn’t want him to go.”
“Sometimes people just..go,” Lu Han raises his head up as Joonmyun speaks. Cradling Lu Han’s face in his hands, Joonmyun reminds him, “He loved you. He really did, and the best you could do for him now is to be happy, even if he isn’t around anymore.”
Lu Han imagines the words, “he loved you” as present-tense and he regrets doing it, because here it goes again, here is another man, taller, quieter, more timid that Joonmyun flashing before his eyes. Here is Joonmyun in his place. Here is Joonmyun, turning into static against these stars.