In preparation for my 30th birthday I have been in HYPER EXTREME EMO MODE. Much like what 99% of this journal entails. Woe is me! And an even bigger woe to the fact that I'm over twice as old as I was when I started writing in this thing ( Read more... )

Today, I went to my grandparent's house with my parents and John. The last time I was there was the night before my grandfather passed away, which was back in October. It felt surreal being over there, especially knowing that it might be the last time I ever go in to that house. A lot of things were out of the house, but the overall look and most ( Read more... )

Life has been good. A can't complain sort of situation. Josh is currently in town on leave from AIT for the holidays. While it's been nice for Joshua to see him, and to get a break from full time mommy-hood, it's thrown off my routine a lot (that an the fact that it's winter break) and has made me appreciate routine, something I've never wanted to ( Read more... )

you can't love someone if you don't even love yourself. now i know why. all you do is sit and wonder...why me? like seriously, why do you love me? because to me all i see in myself is a useless, no good, damaged, baggage ridden girl. i know beating up on myself won't help, but i guess it makes me feel like i'm at least being real with myself. have ( Read more... )

either he doesn't care or he doesn't understand.

...both are bad.

...fuck.

This thing is so incredibly old it feels almost weird to write in it. But let's get started on the update. Joshua is 10 months as of the 8th. Awesome. He has 3 teeth. He crawls like a pro. He's starting to stand on his own and has taken steps but falls immediately after ( Read more... )

AHH BABYGAGA IS DOWN! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW ( Read more... )

i'm sitting here watching csi and holding my son while on my new laptop and i realized that i really need to start documenting my life like i used to. soo ( Read more... )

i never realized how much i missed music until now. because now all i do is sit at home all day and take care of the baby. which is my job and i love it...but there's something about when i get a moment to myself and i put some music on i feel amazing! it makes me want to do all sorts of things. it's aw inspiring. so i've decided on what i want to ( Read more... )

so d-day AKA "the big push" is rapidly approaching. and i'm suprised at the LACK of things completed. such as the crib bedding that josh's mom is making for us from scratch (which i love her to death for) but it seems to be taking longer than planned which just makes me a bit nervous and anxious, because it's kind of what i'm waiting to have done ( Read more... )