Comments | varshax: Question

varshax

Question

Jan 13, 2006 10:37

V and I spend as much time as we can talking about this and that over the phone. During last night's conversation, the topic of gender roles in society and what it means to have grown up as a female in Indian society came up. I feel that even though I am among the lucky ones who had a functioning, loving family around me, I still grew up being told ( Read more... )

thoughts, women

Comments 21

radhika74 January 14 2006, 02:40:05 UTC

oh definitely! even if your immediate family does not subscribe to this line of thought, there is no escaping this truth of our society.

putu99 January 14 2006, 03:43:13 UTC

I'd say this is a world-wide phenomenon...even if people don't come out and explicitly say that the wife is subordinate to the husband, society the world over does implicitly subscribe to this ( ... )

shortindiangirl January 15 2006, 02:10:48 UTC

Yes, there's definitely background noise. Given my personality, nothing sits too long on the backburner, so this was something I had thought about explicitly. I'm an only child and had loving parents, both of whom believed in my power to impact the world regardless of my gender, nevertheless the background noise was there. The very fact that my mother was a stay at home mom while my dad worked. But I don't this is unique due to our culture. I think Americans have the same, just varying degree of implicit assumptions ( ... )

varshax January 15 2006, 09:36:03 UTC

I am trying to come up with examples for V. Thanking for your thoughts. I never really had a need to articulate these feelings before. I am shocked by how unaware boys who grew up with us are about the society we grew up in. The background noise didnt affect them so they are deaf to it.

shortindiangirl January 15 2006, 09:45:30 UTC

In sociology and psychology this is apparently a defined term called "the ignorance of privilege".

On a very related note, see the conversation on latelyontime's journal here

Thread 10

radhika74 January 15 2006, 03:23:58 UTC

Reading the other comments, I'm tempted to add my extra two paise..I think it's more to do with WHAT roles the sexes perform. Staying at home and looking after the children is a very important role...the only thing that rankles is that it is not recognised as such and deemed secondary. I don't agree with the argument ''why can't men take over this role ,while women rub shoulders with the corporate world'', because in such an argument, the basic premise agrees with the notion that looking after home and hearth is in some way inferior to working a 9 to 5 job. ''Why can't men do this inferior job'' is the reasoning.

What i object to is the feeling society gives you about YOU being inferior , as a woman. Even today, when families meet up for a meal, the men are served first, while women eat last. A girl's birth is still not occasion for great joy...my mother was always asked why she stopped having children after we two sisters were born. There are many more subtle undercurrents that exist, which one can't escape because of one's gender.

varshax January 15 2006, 09:31:11 UTC

I agree that being a mom and a homemaker is an important role. We should have no need to defend it. The fact that we do says a lot.

I dont think the homemaker-mother's role is demeaned when one says men should be able to take on that role. IMO ideally, men and women should have the choice to take on the role that they want. Today a man who takes a years sabbatical so that his wife can get back to the corporate world is looked on with awe and admiration. I wish this could be considered a normal thing.

Even today, when families meet up for a meal, the men are served first, while women eat last
This boggles my mind. It does not matter how educated the women are, or how old they are, or whether they take care of the house or pursue careers. We still gang up in the kitchen, serve the men first and then eat. Given that I am among the youngest wifes and do not wish to rebel and cause tension, I am also going to have to follow this trend.

shortindiangirl January 15 2006, 09:49:17 UTC

It's in the matter of interpretion - but interpretation on the part of each person concerned.

Women may, as a gender and as a sex (because they are two separate things), be the ones to more able to place themselves in another person's shoes. And thus they may, as a result of their gender ability to do so, be more sensitive to the needs of another human being. (Biologically, this argument may even be supported by the nurturing quality of a mother). Thus (as a stretch), women may the more hospitable gender, putting others ahead of themselves more often than man can. This is, of course, ably sustained and supported by the patriarchal social roles, and thus results in men being served by women before the women eat.

My point is that where the social occurance may in part reflect the unappealing opressions of patriarchy, it may also reflect some natural biological inclination ?

varshax January 15 2006, 10:52:14 UTC

ably sustained and supported by the patriarchal social roles

And now we have reached a point where men no longer need to demand this behaviour from us. We give it willingly !! Women pressure each other so much that men do not have to worry about themselves at all. A mother/wife will gladly step on other women for her son/husband.

Thread 8

what an exchange... deponti January 27 2006, 04:45:00 UTC

followed the whole exchange and enjoyed it. I myself chose my role as a "homemaker" and I am very happy that my husband always thought that the choice was mine to make. But there was a time when he relocated to Chennai and I had 25 music students; I refused to relocate and would come to Blr on Mondays, take my classes, and go back on Fridays. The amount of opposition I experienced, from my own friends, was an eye-opener to me. I don't know if it was because I was a woman, or because my music classes did not pay as much as my husband's career...but in stated and unstated ways my own friends opposed my sticking to the classes. I finally gave them up after a year because the travelling was getting to me...but I don't think anyone appreciated either the commitment I had to what I was doing, or the sacrifice of having to give it up. Amazingly, my spouse recently said that he thought I was wasting myself by not starting music classes again...I had to remind him that thrice I had had to stop them to be with him, and that it was very ( ... )

enigmaticash March 9 2006, 17:14:27 UTC

i read through the conversations and would like to add few cents. These days women are expected to work and take care of the house too!! They are expected cook clean, look after kids go to office and earn money, and hand over the money to husband !!!!! isn't it slavery. Even educated families these days follow this custom. if she stays back at home and looks after the house atleast one head ache is less. But if She has to balance work and home thats exploiting. I have seen many cases like this. Many women are quiet becoz they don't want to rock the boat,the quietly accept all the tortures and exploitation and think that they are "happy". they are more worried about what society would say if she leaves the husband or rebels against him. i guess its we the women have made men that way than men being that way. I have heard and seen where heating water to take bath is also considered as not a job for man!!! Even though wife is in High post in office she is expected to do those chores.I seriously don't understand in what way we are ( ... )