Pitiful, morose entry: proceed with caution...
Well, I think it's time to make a change. I'm lonely, but I don't go out/make an effort to meet people. I'm bored, but I don't make an effort to do anything. I think I am out of shape, yet I rarely work-out...etc, etc
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I have always felt the same way and basically expressed it with the same words , though with a touch of depression tossed in (maybe just cuz I'm older and have had to deal with it longer...lol).
What I want to know is, will you make a change? Cuz I always say that I need to, but the change never takes place, at least not beyond the short term, so I would be curious to find out...
Intellectually I know what neeeds to be done, and I can force my behavior for a while, but I can't take it to the next level of having it become second nature. So it becomes a constant chore, a neverending list of tasks to be completed to achieve some level of perfectionism in managing my, um, perfectionism, in order to reach some level of "my potential." It's a process, and I have such a hard time dealing with the ongoing nature of it. It makes me envy the ignorant...
Anyway, good luck,,, maybe I will check back to see how it goes.... :)
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That just seems so simple...like turning off/on a light switch. I mean what exactly would this change entail??? It seems impossible to just say, "Today I'm gonna stop being self-destructive."
I really doubt that it's just one thing to be changed. But there really isn't any other way to put it...Will I make a change? Maybe will I change is a better question???
I hope so...that's the best answer I can give. =-\
(I was surprised that you related to this, whoever you are...I wasn't really expecting any response to it, just journaling for my own sake. If you figure out why you're all fucked up in the head, let me in on the secret =-) )
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I posted to your previous journal entry too, if you did not notice that.
I think it comes down to coping skills, some people seem to learn good ones along the way and others don't. The ones that do learn the good skills, do it in a manner in which they don't even know what they are learning so in that sense they are oblivious/ignorant to what they have, and what others do not. To make those changes in this stage in life really requires active change, almost to the point where it doesn't seem like change - it just seems like you are forcing yourself to do something, or behave in a certain way - which never becomes second nature.
I don't know.. I don't think I am fucked up, but just too self-aware for my own good.
BTW, on an unrelated note, you totally look this guy I saw in a porn flick.... lol
im guessing it wasn't you....
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