I'm worthless. I can't quit. All of my bills are over a month past due, and with the remaining $60 in my checking account, all I can think about is my drug. I tried to replace it with oxy last week, and ended up skipping school the entire week. Without coke, I am nothing. I have nothing. I am nobody. I need it. It's costing me $300/week to do. I ( Read more... )

I'm a disappointment. A fucking failure. The last 10 days have made me lower than depressed. I tried smoking weed... it made me worse. I literally shut down. I would space out for several minutes straight multiple times a day. Everyone has noticed. I've also started eating again, and so far, I've gained 3 pounds. I feel worse than I ever have. So I ( Read more... )

Living in Santa Barbara isn't all it's cracked up to be ( Read more... )

I somehow manage to fuck up everything. I get a kick out of it, I think. Things have been perfect with derek. But I still have to fight a constant urge to sleep with other people. And being only 4/5 months in, that's not a good sign. It puts me in a really bizarre, distant mood... Then he is constantly asking if something's wrong. I wanna say "yes ( Read more... )

Where are the guys without wives/girlfriends/children? Do they exist? I almost got jumped a few nights ago, when some girl, claiming I ruined her marriage, told me she would kill me if she could. Pretty extreme. Especially considering I have never knowingly dated a married man. Then I did my homework. And discovered that I did, in fact, sleep with ( Read more... )

I have no idea what's going on. Moved in with daniel, it's going okay. Abbie hates it. Adrian fucking SUCKS. I got in a huge fight with him last night, and now I'm pretty sure I can never order a drink from sandrinis again (he might spit in it... And yeah, he's that immature). I don't know why he was so pushy with me. I didn't want to date him at ( Read more... )

Fucking... Men ( Read more... )

Well, honestly, I don't wanna talk about it.

Stupid fucking therapists. We had a "group therapy" session, where michael and my mom were asked to join. Of course, they complied. They think my counselor is fantastic. They would. Anyway, she seems to think we're making some kind of progress, but it's only because I know she doesn't understand anything going on in my head, so I just tell her what ( Read more... )

First of all, she says 'I understand' about everything I say... CLEARLY she does NOT, or she wouldn't be such a fatass. She doesn't listen very well... She thinks my eating habits stem from control issues (hm, did she come up with that all on her own?!) They do NOT. I hate being in control of anything! Ever! And when I told her that, her reply was ( Read more... )