trying to stay busy so i don't eat.

this is an INTENSE picture of me. hahaha. i can't believe how intense i look.
from like, may or june.

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i can't control myself with anything. in my head anyway. physically, i'm not eating, not drinking, no emotional evidence on my face or posture... i seem cold and calm, collected. but in my head... fuck. i feel like screaming as loud as i possibly can in a room with acoustics suitable to achieve a volume i feel is necessary. which is louder than ( Read more... )

i saw zachary today on the freeway. something about him... i don't know. maybe it's just that we were never really together, never had to break up... none of that. yet i still felt too strongly about him. i really liked him. anyway, so michael got to see him. and since that moment, i've been super pissy all evening. not fair to michael. oh well ( Read more... )

so i decided i need to purify my life again. have just one thing to focus all my energy on, keep me out of trouble. i need a reason to smile, feel proud, something to look forward to ( Read more... )

Wow. I'm really listening to jeff buckley's "last goodbye"... This song makes me think of so many people. I'm getting all nostalgic and sad. I miss them. Each of them. All for different reasons. I wish I could just relive the last year over. :/ what can ya do, though...

I am seriously so bored that I'm researching food info. Turns out sunflower seeds are actually really good for people like me. Ya know, the dying type. They're also really good for your skin. So I think water and seeds are going to be good friends of mine soon. Yeah, and I'm watching Robots. Terrible movie. I don't care how many people star in it, ( Read more... )

We've been back together for about two months now, and honestly... This isn't working. When it's good, it's really good! But when it's bad, I feel like running away. He twists thing I say so he can have a reason to be upset with me. It seems like he's been pretty doubtful about the outcome of this from the get. Almost like he just wants to get it ( Read more... )

Maybe it's all this medication I'm on, but lately everything just confuses the fuck out of me. I don't know how I feel or what I want to do with my life... So I just hang pictures and shampoo the carpets. I forget things. Simple things, like which is right and which is left. One thing I know for sure though is direction. I know my never eat soggy ( Read more... )

I am happy. Really, really happy. I love that I can just grab his face and kiss him whenever I want and he loves it. I love that we can do anything together and we enjoy it. Maybe I reaLly was the problem all along. Maybe all I needed were some zoloft and buspar and a nice ice cream sundae. Some great sex. Someone to wake up next to and hear ( Read more... )

so for the last couple weeks, i've done nothing but work my fucking ASS off to be just "okay ( Read more... )