1.  Be the spark.   Actively try to be the one who makes conversations as fun or serious or deep as I want them ( Read more... )

I know that I'm always writing in this journal apologizing for not writing more often.  In fact, I think I've writen about that pattern before!

Here's what's new: I maintained my weight through the holiday season, which was a major goal of mine.  I'm happy that I was able to do it.  My weight is still lingering around 180, which is still way too ( Read more... )

What I want to remember right now is that it's not worth it - ever - to try to change yourself to purchase someone else's respect.  If it's about survival, marketing, playing the game - that I can accept.  But really, would I want the respect of someone who didn't want to respect me like this?

A more overwrought post on this topic, coming soon.

I am  so not into you calling me and talking at me forever.  I'm bored.  I want to study.  wah. 

1.  Do I have a temper problem, or are other people just insane? 
2.  Do I have a trust problem, or have I actually just been betrayed enough? 
3.  Is this much fear of change normal? 
4.  Am I actually fickle, or am I being boxed in? 
5.  Do I actually like my job?  Am I really happy?  Or do I feel these things because I want to so badly?   

places I want to run away to, in no particular order: 
1. Ithaca, NY
2. Zimbabwe
3. Palo Alto, CA
4. New York City, NY
5. India

I'm tired of everyone around me's life sucking and I wonder why that is and if that means my life will soon start to suck and I wonder what there is to do about it if that is the case ( Read more... )

what I want to be writing right now:

a story about love and reinvention, set to "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" and "Love me like the world is ending."

I'm caught in love with the feeling of water in my eyebrows and on my eyelashes; beautiful like the tears I can't cry and just as transitory.  My tangled eyelashes seem to straighten and as I close my eyes the water pools, coursing down my cheeks.  And for just that moment, alone in a steamy bathroom, I am beautiful.  

Though telling myself that someone is reacting to my behavior in a certain way because of what they're going through and not because of what I did is occasionally helpful, situations such as these confirm something else I've always feared.  That I'm too weak; too fragile; too stupid and insecure and thin-skinned and untalented to make it in this ( Read more... )