Right now I basically feel like I really just need a chance to let go. I need a chance to vent. And how pathetic is it… I get to vent to a computer.

Sure I have friends, but I feel like most of those “friends” are just acquaintances.

All if high school, these last three years. I was in drumline/ marching band. I grew up a tremendous amount. I ( Read more... )

i feel like complete and utter shit.
this whole week.
i'm trying to keep my spirits up and be happy and what not.
i'm trying to start off everything i do each day with a good mood and hope for the better.
but somehow, someway. it fails.
i'm really just hoping that stops soon.
i dont know what to do to help it.
i just want to feel like i matter.

ahhhhh, my life is like a fucking roller coaster right now...
too many things happening at once, i hate it.
too many twisted emotions and confused ideas.
and still, there isn't anything i can really hold on to.
nothing's constant.
and no one...

TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!
OHHHH MYY GODDDDDD i am SOOO fucking happy.
no more stressing over school like crazy.

and even though the very beginning of my summer started out like shit.
i'm over it already.
and i dont care, it was stupid to get involved in and i knew i would get hurt.
so i did. and nowww its finally all behind me so i dont have ( Read more... )

i dont understand how my life can go from being incredibly good ( Read more... )

well FUCK.
I dont know why the hell im soo fucking angry.
I just need to get away.
I want to go someplace where no one knows me.
I want to go someplace where i dont know anyone else.
I want to get away from all those stupid people who think they're better then the rest of the world.
I need to relax.
I need to let out my feelings.
I just fucking need to ( Read more... )

I hate this feeling of being completely worthless.
No one really cares that I exist.
I hate constantly being pushed away.
I'm only trying to help.

i cant remember the last time i've felt this depressed.
i dont think i ever have been this depressed for this long.
i need something to hold on.
all of my friends are extremely happy and i just feel like a burden.
i feel pathetic and desperate.
i want to stop pretending everythings ok.
i want to be who i was.
i need someone.
i need something.

rejection ~> The theme of my life.

true happiness ~> non existent

heart
jackhammering
in my chest,
pumping fever,
toenails to follicles,
blistering
veins and
brain cells.

My face flushed
tears poked my eyes,
scar tissue twisted my heart,
wrapped itself around arteries,
closed tight around my jugular.
I coughed pain.

...the
                                                heart
more pink than violet,
 the pain more a soft
( Read more... )